View Full Version : Need tips on how to deal with good change


BellaVita
02-10-16, 11:46 PM
I wasn't sure where to put this, but since it is a combination of my disorders and the main thing is anxiety/trouble dealing with change I thought I'd put it here in the anxiety section.

I have many good things in my life nowadays, and good changes that are occurring.

I have multiple good things coming up, and another new change coming up, and even though I know they are good I'm feeling anxious + excitement + adrenaline etc. (My heart is beating fast right now, my foot can't stop moving, I can't stop wiggling around, my breathing is faster.)

Like, I become so comfortable with how things are, even if things are getting better and happier for me, I have trouble dealing.

I think I'm also nervous about the downsides, because often, every good change has one tiny negative thing to go with it - something that I logically know is insignificant and pretty much meaningless/not something to fret about in the long run.

Just the schedule change itself/things to prepare for is enough to send me into lots of anxiety.

But yet this is GOOD these things are good and I'm so happy!

It's like ahh, so many positive emotions and yet so much nervousness. And a mixture of relief and joy and over-the-top excitement and then planning and then everything!

Any tips on how to deal? Also would like some support, really I think that's a big thing I need, verbal support. :) Thank you. :)

Fortune
02-10-16, 11:58 PM
I understand how you feel - any change is terrible for me, and even changes I look forward to can be incredibly stressful. I wish I had a good coping mechanism no I have terrible anxiety coping mechanisms and some of them stopped working.

Much sympathy for you though.

BellaVita
02-11-16, 12:01 AM
I understand how you feel - any change is terrible for me, and even changes I look forward to can be incredibly stressful. I wish I had a good coping mechanism no I have terrible anxiety coping mechanisms and some of them stopped working.

Much sympathy for you though.

Thank you - I appreciate your words. Sorry you have to deal with this type of anxiety too.

stef
02-11-16, 07:02 AM
Oh, I totally get this!
Whenever there have been huge changes like this (that I had been hoping would work out), there is this immense relief and ecstasy but then the anxiety of the newness of everything.

Goodness a very long time ago I had a part time job and my husband was in his last month of unemployment benefits. WELL we both found out within 10 days, that we each got the full time jobs we had been so desparetely hoping for. IN DIFFERENT CITIES. so he was commuting and just home on weekends and I became suddenly during the week, like a single mom with a full time job.

I have no advice except just try to keep the happy part of this going and "harvest"the energy from it, for the planning parts. Easier said than done, though!

BellaVita
02-11-16, 08:18 AM
Oh, I totally get this!
Whenever there have been huge changes like this (that I had been hoping would work out), there is this immense relief and ecstasy but then the anxiety of the newness of everything.

Goodness a very long time ago I had a part time job and my husband was in his last month of unemployment benefits. WELL we both found out within 10 days, that we each got the full time jobs we had been so desparetely hoping for. IN DIFFERENT CITIES. so he was commuting and just home on weekends and I became suddenly during the week, like a single mom with a full time job.

I have no advice except just try to keep the happy part of this going and "harvest"the energy from it, for the planning parts. Easier said than done, though!

Oh my! That is quite the change.

Thanks, I like that idea of "harvesting" the energy from it, at least I will try to do that.

Unmanagable
02-11-16, 08:39 AM
It's tricky for me, too. I feel I've been successful in learning to better recognize and acknowledge when my body is reacting to the good stress vs. when it's a differently rooted issue, but that doesn't help much in lessening my default physical cellular responses.

Instead of retreating and hiding from ALL stress like I used to, I learned to expand and embrace, then try to channel it into whatever healing tool best fits my need in the moment, if that makes sense. That helps me show up to more opportunities more often than I used to, but doesn't always help me process the emotions.

I think stef nailed it with the harvesting of the energy suggestion. Everything is energy and if we can learn to recognize it, acknowledge it, learn where the roots are, nurture it as necessary, and allow the emotions, some pretty magical stuff has the potential to take place within, from what I've experienced so far. Breathe deeply, often, and on purpose. That keeps me grounded better than anything else I've ever tried.

Little Missy
02-11-16, 08:43 AM
I have the same problem. Good change elicits the same terror as bad changes can to me also. Any kinds of changes can provoke feelings of instability. What do I do? Cry a lot, dig my heels in, isolate...eventually I just figure it all just is and I slowly am able to adapt myself. On my terms.

It always turns out fine in the end. :)

stef
02-11-16, 08:55 AM
The problem too is that there are still all the physical effects of the anxiety that you had just been in, it doesnt just vanish magically.
I mean if you had not been sleeping well, wondering about a job or being accepted to a college or whatever, you are still going to have that fatigue somewhere.
(I just thought of this now!)

KarmanMonkey
03-23-16, 11:51 AM
I totally get where you're coming from... I've had so much new in my life the last few years, and I'm still feeling like I'm standing on shifting sand... My life is great, but nothing has "settled". My life has very little resemblence to the one I had before.

New city
New marriage
New job
New house (first time home owner)
New to being a dad (14months and counting)
New role as chair for a big event where I work
Ever changing job description
New manager last year, new program director this year

I'd say all have proven to be positive changes, but MAN! What I wouldn't give to be able to put life on pause for a little while so I can just find my bearings again!

I've talked to people who have learned to like the uncomfortable feeling of new experiences. Personally I don't get it.

All I can say is that now I KNOW that positive change is stressful for me, and I prepare for it and do my best to have a lot of self care and support for those times.

TheGreatKing
03-23-16, 02:01 PM
I get anxiety overthinking change but my impulsive nature keeps me going.
stressful i tell you

BellaVita
03-26-16, 03:55 PM
So one of the very good things that I was talking about in my post happened....

And it was one of the best experiences of my life!

And I talked about it with people lots after it happened....

But now, I can't think about it without shutting down. The emotions are TOO good and so they overwhelm my body and brain.

I want to think about it, but just thinking about thinking about it causes me anxiety.

At least I succeeded in the event, and good things happened, and I know those memories are in my brain and hopefully won't fall out.

KarmanMonkey
04-01-16, 03:34 PM
Let me guess; you're not just thinking about the outcome, but also about the implications of the outcome.

For example, say I'd do well at task x. Rather than just thinking "Hey! That went well" I'd be filled with a miriad of other thoughts like:

"Now that I've done X people will always expect me to be able to do X"
"Now that I've done X the next step is to do Y" (Y being something that's still intimidating)
"What if I try X tomorrow and it doesn't work out"
"Now that I've done X, what does that MEAN? What's my next step?"
"This is new. And weird. And therefore uncomfortable."
"Oh no! People now know I can do X!"

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. For me, it becomes overwhelming because there are so many competing thoughts and feelings. It's okay to set it aside, and think about it in small doses.

The good news is that since it is such an intensely good experience, there's a good chance some of that positivity will remain a good while later, and still bring a smile to your face when you think about it.

As far as remembering it, maybe keep a folded card in your wallet with dates and a word or two for each "yay!" moment. When you're feeling blah, the card might bring a smile or two :-)