View Full Version : ADHD Long Distance Relationship

02-11-16, 05:03 PM
Hi I am new to this blog and I am seeking for some answers, My fiance has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was a kid and has been with meds ever since.
My fiance and I are going to be apart for a year in May, he is working in the States and I live in Central America, (the wedding is scheduled for August) and it has been really hard, we have seen each other two times this year but we Facetime every day, because I call him otherwise he will just "forget".

He has been distant for about two weeks now, we haven't talked so much and I have been really looking forward to our "Valentine's Date". Today he told me he is making a trip to Houston for the weekend "work related" and that he might not be able to Facetime me. Something that I really don't understand, if he is going to be by himself in his Hotel room. When I confronted him (everything by imessage) he told me he was burrying himself with work so that he doesn't get deppressed and all I do is be nagging around. That really hurt me because I really try not to overwhelm him, and I have been trying to understand him, but I just found out that he is using this kik app, where it's supposed to be used to send private pics and other type of texting.

So I am really confused right now, I don't know if he is going over there to spend the weekend with someone and that is why he doesn't want me to call him. I don't know if his lack of interest in me is because he found someone "more interesting" due to his search of "new experiences"

I really love him and I have supported him all the ways I can, I sometimes don't open myself completely to him, because I don't want him to know I am really really sad and I miss him every day because I know it could affect him as well.

If someone has any experience like this that could help me out to calm myself down...I'd really appreciate it.

02-11-16, 07:09 PM
Hello and welcome :)

I am ADHD too, but it does not make me "forget" to phone loved ones. They don't always have to phone/contact me. (Perhaps they contact more.... but it's not exclusively them-contacting-me.)

My advice is this. If he's been distant for past two weeks, well pull back. YOU pull back, I mean.

The easiest way to know if you are important to someone is to drop off their radar. If they make contact and wonder what's going on with you, then they care and they make an effort to show that to you.

If they don't make contact, then wouldn't you like to know that? Wouldn't you like to know that they won't bother unless you do?

It's a risk. It might hurt. But who on earth wants to give that much to someone who is always happy to be on the receiving end?

You've told us what you do and how you love him and make contact with him. You've said nothing about the lovely things coming your way from his side. (Maybe there's lots... but you haven't mentioned....)

In my books, you should never be confused for very long in any relationship!

ADHD does not mean that we do not know how to love, or express that love, or extend ourselves to a loved one. Yes... we have challenges. But kindness is not absent!! Care for the other is not absent!

In your shoes, I would take a big step back and see what happens, and take it from there.

(I also know that when you feel big emotion, as you do for him.... that might be a bit of a challenge for you.)

Big hugs and big love to you. I'm sorry you're going through this on this Valentine's weekend.

02-11-16, 07:55 PM
Wow, that sounds like a tough situation!
I agree with Delphine, I think you should give him some space.

I also am going to tell you this in the nicest way possible: if you're having concerns that he is cheating on you, or going to cheat, then it's probably not a good idea to get married in August. A relationship cannot survive if there is no trust. I find that to be a major red flag when I read your post. You can never be happy and neither can he if you do not trust him/if he doesn't trust you.

Try giving him some space, see if he eventually comes around and tries to talk with you. ADHD can make us distant sometimes, especially when we are overloaded with work.

Try to find activities to do to distract yourself.

Take care of yourself emotionally, love yourself. Know that you matter.


02-15-16, 10:54 AM
Thank you for your great advise to both of you. I survived Valentine's day!! He called at the end of the day.

But I am going to take your advise, I am going to step back and I am starting the gym today to distract myself.
I will keep you posted if it works out.
Have a great week start!