View Full Version : Lost my dream job, feeling hopeless...


stephmonster
02-21-16, 05:00 AM
I apologize if this turns into an extremely long post. I think I just need to vent and maybe get some advice on how to cope with the problems that I've caused myself. I really feel like my poor decision making is going to ruin my life, and I don't know if it stems from my ADHD or if something else in my personality is flawed.

A little background... I am almost finished with nursing school- I graduate in June. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 21 (I'm now 27), and after a couple of years I finally found medicine (Straterra) that helped me excel in school. I have been working as a Nursing Assistant for 3 years. I started out in a Skilled Nursing Facility (the most awful job I've ever had) and with that experience under my belt, about 7 months ago I was finally able to land a job at my dream hospital- the place where I was born. I was hired into the "float pool," where I got to be on a different unit of the hospital every day. It was the perfect fit for my personality- I get easily bored, and I need constant stimulation to keep me interested. Being in a different place everyday was a challenge, but it kept me on my toes and made me excellent at my job. I could not wait to get up for work in the morning, and I just seriously. loved. my. job.

The trouble started a couple of months ago, when I began to hang out with a guy that I liked at work. He gave me the code to the storage room that he and his co-workers took naps in, and I started going in there to hang out with him before my shifts started (he was working days, I was working evenings). One day before my shift, we went to our hang out spot only to find someone sleeping in there, so we went around the corner to an unused unit of the hospital that had working televisions in the patient rooms. We were watching television when security came in and escorted us out. I didn't even think or realize that I was doing something wrong at the time, until security showed up. I was so embarrassed to get into trouble, but about a week later I went back up there to use the storage room to study for an hour before my shift. Security caught me up there studying, and this time my manager (who had been too busy to meet with me after the first incident) contacted me saying that we needed to talk. She was really angry with me, not being able to understand why I would go out of my way to go to places that I wasn't shown during orientation. I tried to explain that, being a float, I went around the whole hospital and was comfortable with all of the areas, but she told me not to go off the beaten path, and to "associate with better people," referring to the guy that I liked who showed me the storage room in the first place and who got caught with me in the empty patient room.

Well... I never went up to that area of the hospital again, but I kept coming to work on my days off and meeting up with this guy, whom I was now dating,so that we could eat lunch together. One time, I went to visit him when he was getting off work so we could go out to eat dinner after he got off. When I showed up, he had me come into his department, because he had a box of cookies that he made in their department office, and he wanted me to try one. I didn't think anything of it, and followed him back there, and ate some cookies. He reached to hug and kiss me, and I reciprocated. I wasn't making out with him, but I did kiss him on the lips. His co-worker walked in mid-embrace and just kind of looked at us. Then he ate a cookie, and left the office. My boyfriend and I left because he was off work now, and I promptly forgot about the cookies and the kiss and everything.

3 weeks later (a few days ago), my manager called me into her office again. I couldn't imagine what it could be about, but I thought maybe it was a follow-up about my getting in trouble with security. She was furious with me this time, and started out with "I got a report that someone who was possibly my employee had been hanging out in the radiology department with the same gentlemen that you were caught watching tv with by security." I was baffled when she said this, because I have an awful memory, so I was like "are you sure that was me?" and she said "Are you telling me it wasn't you?" and then she proceeded to was read a long email from my boyfriend's manager about what his co-worker had walked in on ("Sharing an embrace..." It was really detailed, and so embarassing to hear her read it) At this point, I was like oh yeah I remember that. My manager then said "You were lying to me at first and denying that it was you, but I brought in a photo and the co-worker identified you! So why are you telling me it wasn't you?" Then she said I was in trouble for being in their department, and for hugging and kissing him. She told me that she had explained extensively that I was not to go off the beaten path, and that I could no longer work there because it was a trust issue- I'm assuming because she thought I was trying to lie to her by denying it at first. She said that I am naive and do not know how to act professionally.

I'm completely devastated. I don't know how my judgement could be so bad. It is difficult to get a job right out of nursing school, and my only hope was that I already had my foot in the door at this hospital. I was counting on entering the RN Residency program at this hospital. Now I will graduate in June, and I have no idea what I am going to do. I feel like I have completely ruined my future-and for what???

I have never lost a job before, and I feel that ADHD somehow played a major role in my poor judgement, because I still do not really understand why I was let go. I know that it was annoying to find me in places that I apparently wasn't supposed to be, but I was never on the clock during those times, and I was very good at my job- my manager even told me that I was an excellent Tech and she was unhappy to have to let me go. How can I have great clinical reasoning, but such poor judgement in my personal life...

How could I have been so stupid to make these mistakes without realizing what I was doing at the time???!!!! When I was committing these acts, it never once occurred to me that I could lose my job. and then when she was trying to explain to me why I was in her office, I got confused and denied that it was me at first. I think I am missing something in my brain, and I fear that if I don't remedy it, I might do something similar at my next job.

Please help me cope with this mess if you can.... :(

Little Missy
02-21-16, 09:01 AM
Now you have experienced and hopefully learned what type of behavior is not acceptable in a professional hospital setting. :)

sarahsweets
02-21-16, 09:43 AM
So many things I want to comment on. If anything seems harsh just hear me out.


The trouble started a couple of months ago, when I began to hang out with a guy that I liked at work. He gave me the code to the storage room that he and his co-workers took naps in, and I started going in there to hang out with him before my shifts started (he was working days, I was working evenings).
Problem #1: anytime there is a code for anything and you dont have it means, you dont go there, no matter if you are with someone who does it or not.

One day before my shift, we went to our hang out spot only to find someone sleeping in there, so we went around the corner to an unused unit of the hospital that had working televisions in the patient rooms. We were watching television when security came in and escorted us out. I didn't even think or realize that I was doing something wrong at the time, until security showed up.
This i find a little overzealous considering it wasnt a storage or private room, just a room open to the public but at least you were told.
I was so embarrassed to get into trouble, but about a week later I went back up there to use the storage room to study for an hour before my shift. Security caught me up there studying, and this time my manager (who had been too busy to meet with me after the first incident) contacted me saying that we needed to talk. She was really angry with me, not being able to understand why I would go out of my way to go to places that I wasn't shown during orientation. I tried to explain that, being a float, I went around the whole hospital and was comfortable with all of the areas, but she told me not to go off the beaten path, and to "associate with better people," referring to the guy that I liked who showed me the storage room in the first place and who got caught with me in the empty patient room.

Okey dokey. Firstly, you were told by security, so no exceptions. Even when she was angry with you, you tried to make an excuse, however valid but when you have done wrong, no matter how ridculous..admit it. As far as her comment about the guy, you should have heeded it as a warning to not fraternize at work. Period.

Well... I never went up to that area of the hospital again, but I kept coming to work on my days off and meeting up with this guy, whom I was now dating,so that we could eat lunch together.
Does it say in any of your paperwork or handbook about dating and relationships with coworkers. It would be good to look. But you should have protected yourself and stayed away from him during any an all work hours-your or his.

One time, I went to visit him when he was getting off work so we could go out to eat dinner after he got off. When I showed up, he had me come into his department, because he had a box of cookies that he made in their department office, and he wanted me to try one. I didn't think anything of it, and followed him back there, and ate some cookies. He reached to hug and kiss me, and I reciprocated. I wasn't making out with him, but I did kiss him on the lips. His co-worker walked in mid-embrace and just kind of looked at us. Then he ate a cookie, and left the office. My boyfriend and I left because he was off work now, and I promptly forgot about the cookies and the kiss and everything.
HUMONGOUS no. No way is it ever good to display any sort of affection or make any relationship known at work. Its inappropriate and it can make patients and other staff suspicious and uncomfortable. I know you were off work and just popped in there, but you needed to just stay away from him at work. And frankly he should have been just as careful for both of your sakes. I hope he was reprimanded as well. The coworker sounds like a tattle tale but who knows what goes on between the two of them.

3 weeks later (a few days ago), my manager called me into her office again. I couldn't imagine what it could be about, but I thought maybe it was a follow-up about my getting in trouble with security. She was furious with me this time, and started out with "I got a report that someone who was possibly my employee had been hanging out in the radiology department with the same gentlemen that you were caught watching tv with by security." I was baffled when she said this, because I have an awful memory, so I was like "are you sure that was me?" and she said "Are you telling me it wasn't you?" and then she proceeded to was read a long email from my boyfriend's manager about what his co-worker had walked in on ("Sharing an embrace..." It was really detailed, and so embarassing to hear her read it) At this point, I was like oh yeah I remember that. My manager then said "You were lying to me at first and denying that it was you, but I brought in a photo and the co-worker identified you! So why are you telling me it wasn't you?" Then she said I was in trouble for being in their department, and for hugging and kissing him. She told me that she had explained extensively that I was not to go off the beaten path, and that I could no longer work there because it was a trust issue- I'm assuming because she thought I was trying to lie to her by denying it at first.
Woa, very harsh. Not this is something I would look into. If there is no policy against dating, the only issue you have is if his department was also off limits like a storage room or empty room. And Wtf is with a photo id? Its not like you were accused of a crime like meds theft. Seriously look into this. Call a union or attorney.



quote]I have never lost a job before, and I feel that ADHD somehow played a major role in my poor judgement, because I still do not really understand why I was let go. I know that it was annoying to find me in places that I apparently wasn't supposed to be, but I was never on the clock during those times, and I was very good at my job- my manager even told me that I was an excellent Tech and she was unhappy to have to let me go. How can I have great clinical reasoning, but such poor judgement in my personal life...
thats why you need to look into this.

How could I have been so stupid to make these mistakes without realizing what I was doing at the time???!!!! When I was committing these acts, it never once occurred to me that I could lose my job. and then when she was trying to explain to me why I was in her office, I got confused and denied that it was me at first. I think I am missing something in my brain, and I fear that if I don't remedy it, I might do something similar at my next job.
Yes some of this can be due to poor impulse control due to adhd but you need to seriously take a look at what this guy was worth to lose track of your goal. Is he Mr right? Does he care you were fired? He is obviously not a good influence on you or he wouldnt have invited you to his department.


Dont beat yourself over it too much, try and look into it and maybe see if a formal amends via letter or meeting is possible.
Keep your chin up.

Lloyd_
02-21-16, 06:18 PM
I apologize if this turns into an extremely long post. I think I just need to vent and maybe get some advice on how to cope with the problems that I've caused myself. I really feel like my poor decision making is going to ruin my life, and I don't know if it stems from my ADHD or if something else in my personality is flawed.

A little background... I am almost finished with nursing school- I graduate in June. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 21 (I'm now 27), and after a couple of years I finally found medicine (Straterra) that helped me excel in school. I have been working as a Nursing Assistant for 3 years. I started out in a Skilled Nursing Facility (the most awful job I've ever had) and with that experience under my belt, about 7 months ago I was finally able to land a job at my dream hospital- the place where I was born. I was hired into the "float pool," where I got to be on a different unit of the hospital every day. It was the perfect fit for my personality- I get easily bored, and I need constant stimulation to keep me interested. Being in a different place everyday was a challenge, but it kept me on my toes and made me excellent at my job. I could not wait to get up for work in the morning, and I just seriously. loved. my. job.

The trouble started a couple of months ago, when I began to hang out with a guy that I liked at work. He gave me the code to the storage room that he and his co-workers took naps in, and I started going in there to hang out with him before my shifts started (he was working days, I was working evenings). One day before my shift, we went to our hang out spot only to find someone sleeping in there, so we went around the corner to an unused unit of the hospital that had working televisions in the patient rooms. We were watching television when security came in and escorted us out. I didn't even think or realize that I was doing something wrong at the time, until security showed up. I was so embarrassed to get into trouble, but about a week later I went back up there to use the storage room to study for an hour before my shift. Security caught me up there studying, and this time my manager (who had been too busy to meet with me after the first incident) contacted me saying that we needed to talk. She was really angry with me, not being able to understand why I would go out of my way to go to places that I wasn't shown during orientation. I tried to explain that, being a float, I went around the whole hospital and was comfortable with all of the areas, but she told me not to go off the beaten path, and to "associate with better people," referring to the guy that I liked who showed me the storage room in the first place and who got caught with me in the empty patient room.

Well... I never went up to that area of the hospital again, but I kept coming to work on my days off and meeting up with this guy, whom I was now dating,so that we could eat lunch together. One time, I went to visit him when he was getting off work so we could go out to eat dinner after he got off. When I showed up, he had me come into his department, because he had a box of cookies that he made in their department office, and he wanted me to try one. I didn't think anything of it, and followed him back there, and ate some cookies. He reached to hug and kiss me, and I reciprocated. I wasn't making out with him, but I did kiss him on the lips. His co-worker walked in mid-embrace and just kind of looked at us. Then he ate a cookie, and left the office. My boyfriend and I left because he was off work now, and I promptly forgot about the cookies and the kiss and everything.

3 weeks later (a few days ago), my manager called me into her office again. I couldn't imagine what it could be about, but I thought maybe it was a follow-up about my getting in trouble with security. She was furious with me this time, and started out with "I got a report that someone who was possibly my employee had been hanging out in the radiology department with the same gentlemen that you were caught watching tv with by security." I was baffled when she said this, because I have an awful memory, so I was like "are you sure that was me?" and she said "Are you telling me it wasn't you?" and then she proceeded to was read a long email from my boyfriend's manager about what his co-worker had walked in on ("Sharing an embrace..." It was really detailed, and so embarassing to hear her read it) At this point, I was like oh yeah I remember that. My manager then said "You were lying to me at first and denying that it was you, but I brought in a photo and the co-worker identified you! So why are you telling me it wasn't you?" Then she said I was in trouble for being in their department, and for hugging and kissing him. She told me that she had explained extensively that I was not to go off the beaten path, and that I could no longer work there because it was a trust issue- I'm assuming because she thought I was trying to lie to her by denying it at first. She said that I am naive and do not know how to act professionally.

I'm completely devastated. I don't know how my judgement could be so bad. It is difficult to get a job right out of nursing school, and my only hope was that I already had my foot in the door at this hospital. I was counting on entering the RN Residency program at this hospital. Now I will graduate in June, and I have no idea what I am going to do. I feel like I have completely ruined my future-and for what???

I have never lost a job before, and I feel that ADHD somehow played a major role in my poor judgement, because I still do not really understand why I was let go. I know that it was annoying to find me in places that I apparently wasn't supposed to be, but I was never on the clock during those times, and I was very good at my job- my manager even told me that I was an excellent Tech and she was unhappy to have to let me go. How can I have great clinical reasoning, but such poor judgement in my personal life...

How could I have been so stupid to make these mistakes without realizing what I was doing at the time???!!!! When I was committing these acts, it never once occurred to me that I could lose my job. and then when she was trying to explain to me why I was in her office, I got confused and denied that it was me at first. I think I am missing something in my brain, and I fear that if I don't remedy it, I might do something similar at my next job.

Please help me cope with this mess if you can.... :(

We all live and learn from our mistakes and also IMO dating other coworkers usually never works out, plus it's unprofessional.

You shouldn't be screwing off while you're on the clock anyways, if you're doing this stuff on break or what have you that's one other thing but on the clock is something else entirely.

Just ask yourself how would YOU want your mother to be treated as a patient where you work at? If you keep asking yourself that question while you're on the job I highly doubt you'll have to worry about doing something questionable so as long as you keep your code of ethics in check.

ginniebean
02-21-16, 07:51 PM
It really does seem very harsh. Contact your union.

stephmonster
02-21-16, 09:29 PM
:thankyou: Thank you for replying and helping me to get a grasp on the situation, especially sarahsweets for really breaking it down for me and showing me the reality of my behavior.

I do want to note, NONE of these behaviors were done on the clock. It was either a couple hours before I started work or on my days off. I respect my patients very much, and I never did any of this anywhere near the vicinity of a patient. This is why the situation has been so hard for me to deal with... I lost my job for really idiotic behavior that I did while off the clock.

I think the problem is that this was my first job in a really professional environment, and I was too immature to handle it... ugh.

stephmonster
02-21-16, 09:32 PM
It really does seem very harsh. Contact your union. Unfortunately, I don't have a union because I am a nursing assistant. :(

stephmonster
02-21-16, 09:35 PM
Yes some of this can be due to poor impulse control due to adhd but you need to seriously take a look at what this guy was worth to lose track of your goal. Is he Mr right? Does he care you were fired? He is obviously not a good influence on you or he wouldnt have invited you to his department.


Dont beat yourself over it too much, try and look into it and maybe see if a formal amends via letter or meeting is possible.
Keep your chin up.

:goodpost: You're so right... I think I lost my head over a guy... I need to recheck my priorities. As for a formal amends, are you referring to making sure that I don't burn my bridges, or do you mean trying to get my job back? I think the job is a lost cause... they forced me to resign, I didn't technically get fired.

KarmanMonkey
02-23-16, 04:22 PM
:goodpost: You're so right... I think I lost my head over a guy... I need to recheck my priorities. As for a formal amends, are you referring to making sure that I don't burn my bridges, or do you mean trying to get my job back? I think the job is a lost cause... they forced me to resign, I didn't technically get fired.

Maybe see if your boss will make some time for you; explain that you've been reflecting on everything that happened, and that you were hoping to talk through things with her, not with the intent to get the job back, but because you want to learn from the experience so you don't repeat it in your next job.

Start with an apology and an acknowledgment that sometimes an employee's behaviour can reflect on the employer. That while this gentleman was the one to invite you in for cookies on your day off, you've realized that you need to maintain firmer boundaries when it comes to work. And while you weren't aware of any policies about fraternization in the workplace, you could've been more discreet and not return the kiss while at work.

As for spending time in the supply room, I'm with Sarah; if you aren't given the code by someone with authority, don't use it. This goes for doors, photocopiers, and pretty much anything else. Some people, like your boyfriend, seem to be able to talk themselves out of situations, or are buddy buddy with their bosses, and so can get away with all sorts of ****. Meanwhile, people like you or I just go with the flow and end up getting dumped on.

You can stress with the boss that you've been studying, and none of the common areas were quiet enough to study effectively while off shift. You realize now that you should've approached them about it rather than listening to the advice of a colleague.

I'd also be interested to know what happened to your boyfriend... If you lost your job over it and he was the one to invite and bring you and the person who initiated the "embrace", he damn well better have faced similar consequences, otherwise I'd be talking to HR about sexism. It was his practices that got you in trouble. You like the guy, so let me stress that this is not about him or his behaviour, but the inequality in how the two of you were treated. You went into an area outside your department, but he brought someone off shift into his department. You may have been kissing someone at work, but he's the one who kissed you. And from my impression, he didn't suffer the same consequences as you did.

finallyfound10
02-26-16, 09:34 PM
Welcome to the world of healthcare. I'm an RN who works in a big Level-1 Trauma Academic/Teaching Research hospital and it's a field that majors in the minors while serious things are blown off. Both managers have far more important things to worry about that have to do with real issues about patient care.

All that being said, I agree your boyfriend should be forced to resign too. It IS sexist and maybe illegal for it to only be you. Were you in an area where patients could see you? I wonder about the co-worker who told too. If it was a non-clinical area (like an office area) and it was a little kiss, I would be really annoyed at the co-worker.

sarahsweets
02-27-16, 07:23 AM
When I say make amends I mean scheduling a meeting and explaining that you are sorry. This should be done with no expectations because you dont want your apology to seem hollow just because you want your job back. And dont bother justifying why you thought it was ok, or when you were or werent off the clock. It doesnt matter and wont make your boss see you any differently. All you can do is own your part in the situation and explain that. Then stand up and say thank you for seeing me an walk out. Your boss will be more impressed that you are not begging or asking for your job, but that you are trying to own up to any mistakes. It may not get you your job back but it will make her less likely to give you a crappy reference that could hurt your job prospects.

In a week I would follow up with a call and ask your boss if there is anything you can do to have your job back, even if you take some kind of cut and stay on probation for 90 days.