View Full Version : Getting my husband on board


Worried36
02-24-16, 12:20 PM
My sweet, intelligent and energetic 5.5 YO sont presents classic ADHD symptoms: Impulsive, having trouble maintaining his attention when not interested, struggles with emotional regulation, at times has difficulties understanding social situations and presents defiant and aggressive behavior ect ect ect….

Although he is a handful, we have been working and supporting him, and see enormous amount of progress. I have no doubt in my mind that he will grow and become an extraordinary man.


But here is my issue - Next year my son will start first grad. I have concerns and fear that he will struggle in a school environment.

His father, which is the spitting image of my son at that age, does not what to have him diagnosed and is really against medication. He is a doctor, and it's hard to beat that debate… He believes that he will be just fine, and diagnosing him will just get in my sons way. I believe that my husband won't let me diagnose him until he sees my son struggle. I do not want to get to that point.

Can any of you relate? What was your experience? 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dvdnvwls
02-24-16, 05:52 PM
Welcome to the forum!

Unless your husband is a doctor who specializes in pediatric ADHD, it is not "hard to beat that debate" at all. One thing you can do is to get your husband educated about ADHD, perhaps through the books and/or Youtube videos by Dr. Russell Barkley - a doctor who actually knows what he's talking about regarding ADHD.

Worried36
02-25-16, 04:58 AM
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> Thank you so much for the worm welcome.


I hope I did not offend anyone. I myself have ADD and use medication. It did wonders for me as an adult. I can't but wonder what could have happened, if I started using it earlier.


As for my son, I'm not sure medication is my first choice, but I would like to get him diagnosed and start with behavioral and emotional support. If he still struggles, I would consider medication.



However, my husband opposes to the diagnosis, since he sees himself in my son. He love and adores him, and is very active in guiding him to better choices. Nevertheless, he thinks we shouldn't label him in advance. He thinks my son will mature and find his way in the system – as he did as a child. This might be the case, but I hope that his first school experience will be a positive one, and want to do all that I can in advance.


I get that these two points of view are legitimate, but would like to hear from your experience. Should we start the diagnosis process early on, or give him a chance to try and work things out?


Did any of you have difference of opinion with your spouse?
I would love to hear about your experience and insights.
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sarahsweets
02-25-16, 06:04 AM
His father, which is the spitting image of my son at that age, does not what to have him diagnosed and is really against medication.
Have you asked him why specifically he is against medication? Like what is it about medication that he thinks is so horrible?

He is a doctor, and it's hard to beat that debate… He believes that he will be just fine, and diagnosing him will just get in my sons way. I believe that my husband won't let me diagnose him until he sees my son struggle. I do not want to get to that point.

They always say that doctors make the worst patients and I think they can also be micromanagers of health in their own households. Have you asked him what kind of medication he prescribes his patients and why?
Has he ever prescribed pain medicine or sedatives? Why would those be ok, but stimulants for your son would not?

Can any of you relate? What was your experience? Do you have any advice? http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739
I urge you to read this one. It could really help.

Pilgrim
02-25-16, 08:24 AM
I have a friend who is a practicing doctor and we have had the old ADD debate a number of times. I think certain principles do treating ADD do have there hurdles, but I'm glad I got there because I would have never really explored my potential. My mate is not a fan, I think this is because the concept of ADD is not understood by most dr's. I truely believe you've got to go through or watch someone close to you go through it.

Unmanagable
02-25-16, 08:50 AM
He's going to have to be willing to unlearn what he thinks he already knows to clear out some mind space, and heart space, for the actual meaningful and helpful information.

Have him read some of the heart wrenching experiences that have been shared here by adults who were allowed to, or made to, slip through the cracks.

Then direct him to this space to learn some incredibly helpful info regarding children and adhd:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60130

Then share this:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739

Wishing you much support in your pursuit of well-being for your son.

Caco3girl
02-25-16, 09:19 AM
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> My 13.o. son was just diagnosed as ADHD....I have to say that I am new at this and other people on this board have been dealing with ADHD for much longer than me...BUT....I agree with your husband.

First off, the ADHD medical diagnoses requires a behavioral chart in two types of environments, such as home and school...you don't have two environments yet. I have a 6 y.o. daughter, and the behavior I see at home isn't what she displays at school. Many of the symptoms you have described are very typical of 5 year olds...I would wait for someone who has more experience with a broad range of 5 year olds to make the call that his symptoms are abnormal for his age.

Some people on this site had extreme issues with their children that required them to get a diagnoses and treatment ASAP and before first grade...is your child acting extreme? Nothing you said sounds extreme, it sounds indicative of ADHD, but not extreme. Is he hurting himself or others daily? Is his impulsivity leading to dangerous situations like starting the stove or setting fires? Is he banging his head against the wall when he doesn't get his way? Or do you have a kid that is just a bit immature for his age and you are wondering if he has ADHD? Some kids are more difficult than others, some kids have tight attention spans. One of the biggest problems in ADHD land is that every child at some point displays some aspect of ADHD so reading off a list of symptoms can be problematic because they fit most kids at some time or another, especially younger kids.

I didn't get my son diagnosed until his condition caused a problem...you are trying to prevent a potential problem that may or may not exist, what if it isn't really there? I get as a mom we don't want our kids to fail at anything, but that is how they learn. 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UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Note Heading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text Indent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text Indent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Block Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Hyperlink"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="FollowedHyperlink"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Document Map"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Plain Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="E-mail Signature"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Top of Form"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Normal (Web)"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Acronym"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Address"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Cite"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Code"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML 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SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Outline List 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Simple 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Simple 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Simple 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Colorful 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Colorful 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Colorful 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 5"/> <w:LsdException 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Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Web 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Balloon Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Theme"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/> 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Name="Plain Table 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" 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Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" 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Worried36
02-25-16, 09:42 AM
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> Sarahsweets - thank you so much for sharing your experience – it is truly inspiring.


I don't think it's a doctor thing, as we have a few doctor friends that have children with ADHD, and did go for medication – he didn't really want to listen. A psychiatrist friend who specializes in ADHD/ADD tried to help me reason with him, but that didn't work either.


I think it's a personality issue. I'm pretty sure he is an undiagnosed ADHD, but he oppose to labeling. He thinks that the only thing that will help a strong-willed person as my son is him. He will find strategies on his own that will help him achieve his goals (not society, but his own goals)


I do agree that my son needs his space, but he lacks emotional and social skills. I am a school counselor in training and I try to do my best, but I feel he needs lots of help. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]-->
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mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]-->He is already being labeled as the 'wild aggressive child'. He is so much more than that…

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sarahsweets
02-25-16, 01:47 PM
I think it's a personality issue. I'm pretty sure he is an undiagnosed ADHD, but he oppose to labeling. He thinks that the only thing that will help a strong-willed person as my son is him. He will find strategies on his own that will help him achieve his goals
If your son really has adhd has been diagnosed or evaluated for it then your husband will harm your son with unrealistic goals that he wont be able to live up to. He will set standards he will never meet. He will be the problem child, the one all the teachers dread. If your husband doesnt like labels he better watch out because 'estranged from your father' could be the one he has to worry about.

I do agree that my son needs his space, but he lacks emotional and social skills. I am a school counselor in training and I try to do my best, but I feel he needs lots of help. <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]-->
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mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]-->He is already being labeled as the 'wild aggressive child'. He is so much more than that…
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Caco3girl
02-25-16, 03:25 PM
I guess that is the real question here...not if an ADHD child needs medication, but rather, is THIS child ADHD? The poster said:

"son presents classic ADHD symptoms"
"I have concerns and fear that he will struggle in a school environment."
" I believe that my husband won't let me diagnose him until he sees my son struggle"

I'm not meaning to be rude here, seriously I'm not, I don't live your life and I don't know your kid or his struggles....BUT...you don't actually know anything yet. Why are you against letting your child struggle in school?

You are asking a scientist to get on board with a life altering change to his child and you have offered no evidence that the child will have difficulties in school. What is your best case scenario? Let's say your child is diagnosed with ADHD....then what? There isn't a magical pill, there isn't a reset button. ADHD kids become more manageable on medication but it doesn't "fix" them and some of the side affects can be brutal, especially on small children. The one medicine that seems to work best could stunt his growth, or cause him to never be hungry so he looses weight...or a slew of other possible outcomes that are scary. I'm not a doctor, but I am a scientist, and I would not have allowed my child down the path of medication until it became vital for him to function, by the way here we are 2 months later and we STILL haven't found one that helps, but we did find one that for sure hurt.

Can you really blame your husband for wanting proof before being willing to go for a diagnoses and or medicate?

Worried36
02-25-16, 05:52 PM
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> Hi Caco3girl,


Well thanks for taking the time and addressing my issues. You did get me thinking and I thank you for that.


However, you had some questions about our situation, so here it goes:


My son does exhibits symptoms in more than two environments – home, kindergarten, playground, friends, family… basically everywhere he goes.


In kindergarten get calls very often with concerns about our son behavior: aggressive behavior, not being able to sit in mat time, disrupting the class ect. In Our last meeting with his teacher she said he was the biggest issue in her class, and requires one on one supervision, which she cannot provide. The kindergarten psychologist did some observations and recommended we get him diagnosed.


He was expelled from an after school program, and almost got expelled from another one.


I cannot leave him with babysitters as he is handful and not everyone cup of tea. I have to always be around and make sure he doesn't run into the road, push a kid off the slide because he was taking too long, and he couldn't wait. Crying hysterically because he didn't get his way, hitting his older brother or younger sister. I have to constantly be there and mediate social interaction, and prevent meltdowns. Help him calm down, and make better choices.


He can't explain why he acts like that. He says that he couldn't control his body, and that he understand that he hurt others. He has a heart of gold, and a natural born leader, and that is the reason most kids love him, but we are seeing situations where he is being signaled out. I don't blame them, but it hurts my little guys feelings (and breaks my heart).


We did implement a behavior modification plan in the kindergarten, at home and the after school program, and we have seen great improvement. We have very clear boundaries, with consequences for bad choices, we teach our kids to be considerate and respectful and we really try to focus on his strengths (and there are a lot).


Now some of the issues are him being immature, I predict that he will improve with time, but with other issues I think he needs more support. I wanted to get therapy and parenting guidance for us, but my husband doesn't want to even hear about it.


I know my son. I know his strengths and weaknesses. I know how hard it is for him to adjust to new situations. I know how hard it is for him to be in a strict environment. He will get there eventually, but I predict it will be a struggle. I'm not sure I can prevent it, but what to get him there as ready as can possibly be.
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sarahsweets
02-26-16, 05:51 AM
Why are you against letting your child struggle in school?
As his mother Im guessing she is well aware of his struggles. You never need to let your child struggle in school to test out any theory or possibilities. My son was diagnosed with adhd when he was 3.5 and it was crystal clear something wasnt right. The good thing is, he qualified for their early intervention and was able to attend prechool locally and meet with the receive services through the county which made going to public school so much less difficult.

You are asking a scientist to get on board with a life altering change to his child and you have offered no evidence that the child will have difficulties in school.
I am not even sure thats the issue. Did you read how her husband thinks about these types of things and what his solutions are? I get it if he worries about meds, thats common, but his ideas of how he can help his son will not benefit the child in the long term. I dont care if he is scientist, that doesnt make him extra special...with our kids, we are blind sometimes. He has an issue with labels which is ridiculous considering the line of work he is in.

What is your best case scenario? Let's say your child is diagnosed with ADHD....then what?
There isn't a magical pill, there isn't a reset button. ADHD kids become more manageable on medication but it doesn't "fix" them and some of the side affects can be brutal, especially on small children.
He can be treated for adhd without it being just meds. And where are you getting your information that meds can be brutal on young children? Where is the science and proven stats on that statement?

The one medicine that seems to work best could stunt his growth, or cause him to never be hungry so he looses weight...or a slew of other possible outcomes that are scary.

Scary, yes but impossible to navigate, no. Those concerns do not apply to all meds.

I'm not a doctor, but I am a scientist, and I would not have allowed my child down the path of medication until it became vital for him to function,
So you are a scientist, which means you do not specialize in childhood adhd. What you say is vital to function might be ok for you, but the OP needs support not a lecture on the dangers of early diagnosis or meds.

by the way here we are 2 months later and we STILL haven't found one that helps, but we did find one that for sure hurt.

Can you really blame your husband for wanting proof before being willing to go for a diagnoses and or medicate?
Well you said yourself that there is no magic pill so keep trying.

Caco3girl
02-26-16, 03:02 PM
Sarahsweets,

I posted before and asked if he was a danger to himself or others or if he was extreme and I did not receive a response. All children exhibit signs of ADHD. The only signs the poster listed were:

" Impulsive, having trouble maintaining his attention when not interested, struggles with emotional regulation, at times has difficulties understanding social situations and presents defiant and aggressive behavior ect ect ect…. "

She gave zero indication of the seriousness of the situation. In her most recent post she did and now I see that he is a danger to himself and others. It would have given us a clearer picture had she mentioned the Kindergarten reports (for all I knew he wasn't in Kindergarten) or that he was already struggling in school or that he had been kicked out of a kid program. With the limited information I gave the best advice I could because while I KNOW ADHD is real, I also know that SOME parents are hypochondriacs and visit webmd too much.

Now to your question, "where are you getting your information that meds can be brutal on young children? Where is the science and proven stats on that statement?"

I got this information while researching medicines the doctor was thinking about prescribing my son. Here is JUST ONE: http://www.vyvanse.com/side-effects
Vyvanse:
1. Federally controlled substance (CII) because it can be abused or lead to dependence.
2. heart issues, sudden death in people who have heart problems or heart defects, Sudden death, stroke, Increased blood pressure and heart rate.
3. New or worse behavior and thought problems. New psychotic symptoms such as seeing things or hearing voices that are not real. Believing things that are not true. Being suspicious. New manic symptom.
4. Your child should have his or her height and weight checked often while taking Vyvanse for ADHD.

I'm of the opinion that any and all of those symptoms could be brutal on children. I would agree that not all of the medicines are like this but a good portion are. Taking ANY medicine can have a side affect, these medicines have the potential to have very bad side effects so anyone considering medicine should know in advance so they can weight the pro's and cons. For example, if someone has a mild case of ADHD, mostly inattentive, medicine's like this may be too much of a con until the child has grown some

Jockdad
02-26-16, 03:49 PM
Worried36:

I am actually also in the healthcare space. No details, but it is a pretty significant position, so I can relate to this.

We struggled through the decision, just as many others do. I know in more detail than I care about the potential side effects of these drugs (and they are drugs). The decision was driven by whether my son could FUNCTION with or without the meds, and FUNCTION is a term that changes. Perhaps, your son can function before going to school, but once he is in school, he needs to be able to learn, make friends and enjoy.

At one point we realized that, as bad as the side effects could be, the alternative was not sustainable. He could not manage, he needed the help.

Consult a third party doctor. All good doctors know that bias can cloud someone's judgement. By no means I would recommend meds, unless you
reach the decision point I did. One thing you should be very proactive with is
conventional therapy and socialization. We started doing it only too late, and suffered a great deal as a family because of it.

If you do have to jump into meds, do so as a team, and be informed. I imagine no one in this forum wants to give their kids any meds if they don't have to, but thinking from your son's POV can be a good approach to determine if/when you have to.

Hope this helps

JD

Lunacie
02-26-16, 05:48 PM
Sarahsweets,

I posted before and asked if he was a danger to himself or others or if he was extreme and I did not receive a response. All children exhibit signs of ADHD. The only signs the poster listed were:

" Impulsive, having trouble maintaining his attention when not interested, struggles with emotional regulation, at times has difficulties understanding social situations and presents defiant and aggressive behavior ect ect ect…. "

She gave zero indication of the seriousness of the situation. In her most recent post she did and now I see that he is a danger to himself and others. It would have given us a clearer picture had she mentioned the Kindergarten reports (for all I knew he wasn't in Kindergarten) or that he was already struggling in school or that he had been kicked out of a kid program. With the limited information I gave the best advice I could because while I KNOW ADHD is real, I also know that SOME parents are hypochondriacs and visit webmd too much.

Now to your question, "where are you getting your information that meds can be brutal on young children? Where is the science and proven stats on that statement?"

I got this information while researching medicines the doctor was thinking about prescribing my son. Here is JUST ONE: http://www.vyvanse.com/side-effects
Vyvanse:
1. Federally controlled substance (CII) because it can be abused or lead to dependence.
2. heart issues, sudden death in people who have heart problems or heart defects, Sudden death, stroke, Increased blood pressure and heart rate.
3. New or worse behavior and thought problems. New psychotic symptoms such as seeing things or hearing voices that are not real. Believing things that are not true. Being suspicious. New manic symptom.
4. Your child should have his or her height and weight checked often while taking Vyvanse for ADHD.

I'm of the opinion that any and all of those symptoms could be brutal on children. I would agree that not all of the medicines are like this but a good portion are. Taking ANY medicine can have a side affect, these medicines have the potential to have very bad side effects so anyone considering medicine should know in advance so they can weight the pro's and cons. For example, if someone has a mild case of ADHD, mostly inattentive, medicine's like this may be too much of a con until the child has grown some

1) All substances can be abused and/or lead to addiction or dependence, including perfectly legal things like alcohol and cigarettes and soda pop.

2. There have been some reports of sudden death caused by cardiac problems associated with stimulant medications. You should talk with your doctor about any heart condition or congenital heart defect. It is not known whether the underlying heart condition caused the sudden death in patients using Vyvanse or if the medication contributed to the cause of death, however, anyone with a serious heart condition should not take Vyvanse.
I am happy to share the link where I found this information via PM but can't post it because there are ads on the page.

3. Some children and adolescents with ADHD show aggressive tendencies and when taking Vyvanse should be monitored to make sure aggression is not intensified or increased. Stimulant medications have not been shown to cause aggression or increase aggressive tendencies, however, care should be taken to monitor possible complications.
Same link as before. When side effects outweigh benefits, you stop the meds. Simple as that.

4. This is one thing to watch for on any stimulant med. Same as above, if this side effect outweights the benefits, stop taking the meds.

If people knew about some of the deadly side effects of plain old aspirin or tylenol they might reconsider giving them to their children.

Yes, educate yourself before taking any medication or giving any to your child.

But there's no need for fear-mongering as stimulant meds have very few really serious side effects.

If someone has a heart condition and is taking a stimulant med, that is recorded as a possible side effect when it's not actually known whether it had any effect at all.

daveddd
02-26-16, 06:13 PM
Sarahsweets,

I posted before and asked if he was a danger to himself or others or if he was extreme and I did not receive a response. All children exhibit signs of ADHD. The only signs the poster listed were:

" Impulsive, having trouble maintaining his attention when not interested, struggles with emotional regulation, at times has difficulties understanding social situations and presents defiant and aggressive behavior ect ect ect…. "

She gave zero indication of the seriousness of the situation. In her most recent post she did and now I see that he is a danger to himself and others. It would have given us a clearer picture had she mentioned the Kindergarten reports (for all I knew he wasn't in Kindergarten) or that he was already struggling in school or that he had been kicked out of a kid program. With the limited information I gave the best advice I could because while I KNOW ADHD is real, I also know that SOME parents are hypochondriacs and visit webmd too much.

Now to your question, "where are you getting your information that meds can be brutal on young children? Where is the science and proven stats on that statement?"

I got this information while researching medicines the doctor was thinking about prescribing my son. Here is JUST ONE: http://www.vyvanse.com/side-effects
Vyvanse:
1. Federally controlled substance (CII) because it can be abused or lead to dependence.
2. heart issues, sudden death in people who have heart problems or heart defects, Sudden death, stroke, Increased blood pressure and heart rate.
3. New or worse behavior and thought problems. New psychotic symptoms such as seeing things or hearing voices that are not real. Believing things that are not true. Being suspicious. New manic symptom.
4. Your child should have his or her height and weight checked often while taking Vyvanse for ADHD.

I'm of the opinion that any and all of those symptoms could be brutal on children. I would agree that not all of the medicines are like this but a good portion are. Taking ANY medicine can have a side affect, these medicines have the potential to have very bad side effects so anyone considering medicine should know in advance so they can weight the pro's and cons. For example, if someone has a mild case of ADHD, mostly inattentive, medicine's like this may be too much of a con until the child has grown some


"I posted before and asked if he was a danger to himself or others"

this is not ADHD specifically , although it can be



" Impulsive, having trouble maintaining his attention when not interested, struggles with emotional regulation, at times has difficulties understanding social situations"

this actually is..

just trying to avoid confusion