View Full Version : Being treated for ADD, but have made no progress..


Darthyvette
02-28-16, 07:06 PM
Typical of many of you, we first got a struck with the idea of ADD in elementary. As cliché as this anecdote may be, my first grade teacher warned my mother about my possibility of having ADD (you know the spiel... Can't focus at all and will follow the fly around the room without focusing on what is important). My mother didn't believe it because I was a smart little kid, in the GATE program, and I worked hard at home to always do my homework.

Fast forward to high school.. I swept by with relative ease. Took AP classes, ALWAYS procrastinated, didn't turn in many assignments, never studied because I couldn't focus on material well enough, but I somehow did well enough to still remain in AP classes with good grades. Even though I had difficulty studying and completing tasks, and even though I procrastinated like the devil, I never saw anything abnormal; I'd jokingly say I was ADD.

Now comes university. Due to my grades and an essay I wrote about the Lord of the Rings, I was accepted into the honors college and even got a tiny lil scholarship to help with th costs. I immediately did terribly. Couldn't focus on my assignments, hardly did the readings I needed to, and because university material isn't easy enough to just roll through, I got two Cs and 3 Bs and almost lost my scholarship. That has been characteristic of my last three years at the university. It's brought me into a deeper depression. I can't fulfill my goals of being who I want to be because I can't read for long enough, turn in assignments, or work on them on time for them to become a work I'm proud of. My mind is constantly moving thinking of a million things at once, and I can't focus on one item long enough to complete it... It got so bad that I became anxious about going to class. I didn't want to show up, be asked a question about something I didn't know since I didn't read the material the night before. If I missed an assignment I would become fearful and anxious of being called out or looked at differently by my professor...

So I withdrew from life.. I stopped hanging out with friends throughout the semesters because I needed to give myself at least 2 or 3 hours to do each 30 minute assignment.. In order to do things that I needed to do at the pace it took me, I had to stop spending time with people. Any free time I had, I needed it to unwind and relax in bed...

Well, not giving enough time to people caused me to neglect them and their needs in order to try and crawl through school... My best friend had been suffering from major depression, and I wasn't there for him when he needed me. When he asked to hang out, I refused because I needed all the time possible to try and focus on my homework.
He committed suicide in November.
I feel so much guilt for his death for various reasons I am not disclosing here, but his death made me see I need to get my life together. I must have ADD, because I read those adult add lists or women with add lists and they all jump out and scream my name. I realized I wanted to treat this because I want to live my life. I don't want to stress about every factor, and neglect important things and important people just because I have to sit on my desk all week long to complete one necessary task.

In December, I went to a psychiatrist to get tested. I took some computer program and focused really hard to touch the right shapes. The test showed that I do have ADD, but it showed that I'm more highly impulsive than inattentive. Although I believe my Inattentive behavior is my largest issue. I wanted to know if those tests are truly reliable when you have no idea what to do and you try your hardest to focus on the right shapes...

Whatever.

I was put on strattera: 40 mg for the first week, 80mg for the next month. NOTHING HAPPENED. Same old me. I felt a decrease in appetite and a lot of nausea But that's it. I still can't focus. I still have a million zooming thoughts and all of my money is gone from impulsive shopping to fill this empty void I feel every my friend's passing.

Now I've been on Vyvanse 20 mg for a few weeks. Still nothing. I hear it's highly addictive, but I'm not addicted to taking it. I forget to take it quit often... Regardless I feel no symptoms and no results.. Still the same me. More depressed about where I am. I've done absolutely nothing with myself.

What do I do now? How are these medicines supposed to make me feel or treat me? Everyone says "wow I can focus! I can concentrate!" Why can't I?....

I want to feel normal and lead a normal life. I want to be able to read books. I don't want to stop at every sentence and think about the shapes on the granite countertops, I want to complete tasks and progress.
I'm losing hope on treatment. No medication has helped, granted I've only tried two. I don't think my doctors want to put me on adderall, and i definitely don't want to ask for it. I don't want my doctors to assume that I'm another college kid trying to get on a drug to pass finals or something, which is why I just say yes to whatever they suggest.

I would really like some advice about how to approach them about what's going on in my head and how to find treatment.. I would also like to know about cognitive behavioral therapy and about its effectiveness. I'm willing to do whatever to just be the person I want to be. I don't want to be late to work each day, skip class, skip important assignments, lose concentration over every task and conversation. I want to be able to stay on task with my reading and writing. How will I ever get to grad school if I can't fulfill the simple tasks I should be doing?

renjas
02-29-16, 12:12 AM
this is ganna sound like common sense but is there a support group in your area. i attend a support group and it has really helped me embrace adhd and all that I am. I no longer feel shame for not being good at some things and i look for things to do in areas where i Know i will excel. our support group has slogans that has really helped me with boring tasks...Like First things first . and THINK. Ok. its not adhd specific support group but it is the group that God led me to. I hope u can find the help you need.

and as for compulsive spending check out Daveramesy.com. he has a envelope system that really helped. But keep it simple, stupid...one for gas, one for food, and one for everything else. leave what u need in your account to pay ur bills like rent, ect. and leave the debit card at home. And for Gods sake...if you have credit cards cut them up or freeze them in a ziploc gallon size bag so they are hard to get to.

Pilgrim
02-29-16, 04:55 AM
I think ADD is the thing that has to be worked at conscientiously. Medication should be explored fully.
I am 40 years old , I take meds, but life is far from perfect. I had to work through issues and I still do.
Life for me is not spinning my wheels. Bit by bit I get there.

Goodluck

sarahsweets
02-29-16, 05:13 AM
Now I've been on Vyvanse 20 mg for a few weeks. Still nothing. I hear it's highly addictive, but I'm not addicted to taking it. I forget to take it quit often... Regardless I feel no symptoms and no results.. Still the same me. More depressed about where I am. I've done absolutely nothing with myself.

Vyvanse is the least addictive of all the stimulants. Have you tried anything else?

Darthyvette
02-29-16, 10:01 AM
I think ADD is the thing that has to be worked at conscientiously. Medication should be explored fully.
I am 40 years old , I take meds, but life is far from perfect. I had to work through issues and I still do.
Life for me is not spinning my wheels. Bit by bit I get there.

Goodluck

How did you work on solving these issues, if I may ask? I'm still at a loss on how to correct my behavior... Thank you.

Darthyvette
02-29-16, 10:04 AM
Vyvanse is the least addictive of all the stimulants. Have you tried anything else?

Yes, I was on strattera for about a month and a half, but it didn't help me at all. Only effect it had was nausea and loss of appetite. My Vyvanse doesn't get me through the day. I work during the day, so homework has to get done at night. By then, I definitely don't notice a thing.

Pilgrim
03-01-16, 06:51 AM
How did you work on solving these issues, if I may ask? I'm still at a loss on how to correct my behavior... Thank you.

This is just my take on your situation. I have read and retread your post so this is what I think.

I don't know the your treatment plan but on your next visit to your specialist, start going into detail about everything. This is hard but in the long run worth it.

Secondly, the pills won't necessarily fix a lot. They are just a catalyst for change.

In my experience the medicine helped me focus on what was important and what I had to let go. That being said I had a team of health professionals and people that were concerned for my well being.

I worked hard to change certain areas of my life because my direction was not a good place.

I would also like to add, the meds work best when it is quite subliminal. I found the first period of dealing with ADD very taxing.

Hope this helps.

sarahsweets
03-02-16, 05:14 AM
Yes, I was on strattera for about a month and a half, but it didn't help me at all. Only effect it had was nausea and loss of appetite. My Vyvanse doesn't get me through the day. I work during the day, so homework has to get done at night. By then, I definitely don't notice a thing.

Have you considered another type? Like dexedrine or adderall?

sarahsweets
03-02-16, 05:21 AM
Well, not giving enough time to people caused me to neglect them and their needs in order to try and crawl through school... My best friend had been suffering from major depression, and I wasn't there for him when he needed me. When he asked to hang out, I refused because I needed all the time possible to try and focus on my homework.
He committed suicide in November.

I meant to address this already but you are not the reason your friend committed suicide and I dont want you to think that you were. As much as we would like to think we can help our friends in this situation, when someone is thinking about suicide, they are not going to not do it based on one person. Its a variety of things that makes someone want to commit suicide. Your friend might have done it regardless of whether or not you were more involved and then you would still probably wonder what more you could have done.
My last suicide situation, my last daughter was a few months old. I didnt want to leave her or my kids but the thought of ending all the pain seemed greater than wanting to stick around. Had I not had a stay in the hospital and gotten meds straight, I might not be here. Dont blame yourself. Thats a big burden to carry around with you.

Darthyvette
03-02-16, 04:42 PM
I meant to address this already but you are not the reason your friend committed suicide and I dont want you to think that you were. As much as we would like to think we can help our friends in this situation, when someone is thinking about suicide, they are not going to not do it based on one person. Its a variety of things that makes someone want to commit suicide. Your friend might have done it regardless of whether or not you were more involved and then you would still probably wonder what more you could have done.
My last suicide situation, my last daughter was a few months old. I didnt want to leave her or my kids but the thought of ending all the pain seemed greater than wanting to stick around. Had I not had a stay in the hospital and gotten meds straight, I might not be here. Dont blame yourself. Thats a big burden to carry around with you.

Thank you so much... I know it's not right to think this way, and that every individual is responsible for how they react to the world around them. Outside forces can't always take them out... Sometimes it's difficult to not feel guilty when you loved the person and new them more deeply than others did. I don't ever try to make it about myself! I do miss him every day damn day though. And it's not easy to move forward..

Darthyvette
03-02-16, 09:55 PM
Have you considered another type? Like dexedrine or adderall?

I haven't tried any others.. I'm not opposed to trying those. I'm afraid of requesting them though, because of non-ADHDers who abuse of adderall or stimulants for studying in school and etc.

I have an appointment in two weeks again. I will finally gain the courage to ask. I'm so close to having to withdraw from the university. I can't even keep my regular life on task, so how will I get through the semester...