View Full Version : A romantic relationship between two ADDheads - can it work?

03-02-16, 05:19 PM
Hello everyone! This forum is a bit dead, so I really hope someone is going to read and reply.

I've met a girl who says she has undiagnosed ADD and she definetely has in my opinion. Now in my first relationship ever, which is the last I've ever had, a lot of problems spawned from my ADD and various other conditions as she didn't bother to do research and was basically too dumb to follow my very clear calls to do so and it broke for that and a lot of other reasons. Why is this relevant? Well, now I'm wondering if a rrelationship where both of us have ADD can work or if there are things I have to look out for. Because the logic "she has it too so she understands, so no problems" probably doesn't neccessarily apply. We are not yet entirely involved in a romantic context yet, but I can see the groundwork is already done and unless I prevent it, it will develop further. Because of that I'm now basically evaluating the situation looking for possible errors. So far I can see nothing that could go wrong related to ADD or my other quirks, as some of them are even appretiated by her. The rest is simply respected with empathy because she can relate to it. So basically the big question is: Can being able to relate to the struggle truly erradicate all risks of that kind of conflict?

03-02-16, 07:04 PM
Many people have successful relationships with another person who has adhd.

It can be good. It depends tho, having someone who has similar problems can be irritating.

03-03-16, 05:25 AM
I have been married to my husband for 20 years. We both have adhd plus he also has narcolepsy and I am bipolar.

03-03-16, 02:48 PM
ADHD means there are more problems to solve than for the average person. Somebody has to solve those problems - they won't go away on their own. Whoever you are with, ADHD or no, it has to be someone who is willing and able to work together with you to solve the extra problems in a way that is respectful, flexible, and kind to both of you.

It's very much a personal thing. There are advantages and disadvantages to both possibilities. It depends more on the individual than it does on their neurological wiring.

My ex (non-ADHD) was not a good person to be married to. I honestly have a difficult time imagining the kind of person who would be able to have a successful relationship with her. My fiancée and I (we both have ADHD) are consistently solving our problems as they arise, and I couldn't be happier. But it isn't always like that; you can't make a statement one way or the other on these categories. Sometimes, in practical terms, a person with ADHD might feel that they really need the help of someone who doesn't have ADHD in order to make things work out.

Conclusion: Don't spend too much time trying to answer this question - find some better questions. :)

06-12-16, 12:31 PM
Don't stress about it
I've also dated someone with ADHD(ADD) at first I assumed that it would be a big deal and would make a huge difference in the relationship but it really doesn't

08-22-16, 03:04 AM
Don't think negatively. I don't think it would be a problem in your relationship especially if someone really loves you truly. Keep the faith and trust that everything will be okay in the long run.

08-22-16, 09:03 AM
I don't see it being a problem at all, if anything it can only make your connection stronger.

08-22-16, 10:41 AM
Can it work? Of course it can, but that is wholly down to the people involved.

ADHD might result in some challenges, but it also might result in some understanding, and for that matter, some laughs.

But I think in the end, it isn’t the most important thing, not at all.

Are you open such that you can love and be loved in return? Do you accept someone as they are, in total, without judgment? Do you accept yourself, without judgment? Do you laugh at yourself when you mis-step? Do you forgive others’ mis-steps? Do you seek to understand and be understood? Absent the full story, do you assume the best? Do you trust and have you shown that you can be trusted?

Do you pay attention to them? Do you look upon them in such totality that the rest of the world falls away? Do you adore them? Do you breathe them in such that you are filled with their being?

That’s what it is about, in my experience. ADHD is important, yes, but not so important if we are talking about what it is to love someone and be loved in return.

Blesséd Be,