View Full Version : I think my LDR relationship boyfriend has adult ADHD


Becky123
03-04-16, 01:50 PM
Hi,
Can ADHD people go for days without talking to others and not feel a thing about it? My boyfriend hasn't contacted me for 10 days.I don't know what exactly is his problem....anyways I don't think he's cheating on me or anything... I feel confused thougj
it's a 6 months relationship...everything was perfect during the first two months...in fact I would say that he was more into it than me...he used to say that he cannot go to work without talking to me and that he cannot fall asleep without my goodnight message and so on...but slowly things changed...he started texting really late,calling every 2-3 days,and so on...since recently he had been sending me only one word replies and I was so upset...but when I told this to his friends they said he does the same with them...when I confronted him why he does that he told me it's coz he feels chatting is a waste of time...things got really worse in February...we had a fight and he even blocked me on Instagram...then again I got back and things were alright...all of a sudden he blocked me on Instagram again and didnt talk to me for 2 days...when my friend asked him about this he said that he still loves me and his feelings haven't changed...even though he still didn't text me properly after that I felt better coz of what he said coz I really thought he wanted to ditch me...but then again he stopped talking to me and I don't know why...it's been 10 days now...I feell like messaging him but I don't want to be the one to always go after him like this...before the Instagram incident he used to make at least a bit of effort...but now he completely ignores me...whenever there is a fight I go after him...the worst part is this time we didn't even have an argument...why is he doing this to me? I keep crying everyday but ai am sure he doesn't gkve a damn...is it ADHD or has he fallen out of love...please. tell me...I am confused and depressed...is there anyway that I get back my loving boyfriend who was there 4-6 months back?

dvdnvwls
03-04-16, 03:39 PM
Hi,
Can ADHD people go for days without talking to others and not feel a thing about it?
Sometimes it seems that way. (I have ADHD.) I do sometimes go for days without talking to someone. I might feel a lot of strong feelings about it, and about the person, but that doesn't mean I'm going to call.

My boyfriend hasn't contacted me for 10 days.I don't know what exactly is his problem....anyways I don't think he's cheating on me or anything... I feel confused thougj
it's a 6 months relationship...everything was perfect during the first two months...in fact I would say that he was more into it than me...he used to say that he cannot go to work without talking to me and that he cannot fall asleep without my goodnight message and so on...but slowly things changed...he started texting really late,calling every 2-3 days,and so on...since recently he had been sending me only one word replies and I was so upset...but when I told this to his friends they said he does the same with them...when I confronted him why he does that he told me it's coz he feels chatting is a waste of time...things got really worse in February...we had a fight and he even blocked me on Instagram...then again I got back and things were alright...all of a sudden he blocked me on Instagram again and didnt talk to me for 2 days...when my friend asked him about this he said that he still loves me and his feelings haven't changed...even though he still didn't text me properly after that I felt better coz of what he said coz I really thought he wanted to ditch me...but then again he stopped talking to me and I don't know why...it's been 10 days now...I feell like messaging him but I don't want to be the one to always go after him like this...before the Instagram incident he used to make at least a bit of effort...but now he completely ignores me...whenever there is a fight I go after him...the worst part is this time we didn't even have an argument...why is he doing this to me? I keep crying everyday but ai am sure he doesn't gkve a damn...is it ADHD or has he fallen out of love...please. tell me...I am confused and depressed...is there anyway that I get back my loving boyfriend who was there 4-6 months back?
Contact is not love. A boyfriend who is contacting you less is not necessarily a less loving one. Do you really think he's less loving - or is it just an idea you have?

Becky123
03-04-16, 08:46 PM
I am not really sure of anything coz this is my first love so I am totally inexperienced in this whole relationship thing...why I feel like he is less loving sometimes is coz we used to talk so much those days...he used to call me up during every single break I had at office but now it's been 10 days since he messaged me and 21 days since we spoke over the phone...I remember on Valentine's day I told him that I wanted to speak to him over the phone and he replied back saying that he gotta go to work (he was doing night shift at that time and this happened in the morning--so obviously he was free at that time)...I was so hurt by his response and when I asked him why he won't spare 10-15 minutes for me he only replied with a 'Sorry'...did he do this because he hates me now or could it be simply his ADHD behavior?
btw do ADHD people get super angry,do or say rude stuff, and then won't even apologize?
And if all this is due to ADHD and his feelings haven't changed what do you think is the best thing that I should do...allow him space and let him come back on his own (no matter how long-I mean even if it goes for a month or two) or should I try contacting him...I mean will it be like bothering him if I do that? confused!! please help

Greyhound1
03-04-16, 11:44 PM
I am sorry to say Becky but I think he may have or has lost interest in a relationship. I think the majority of the problems you mention have nothing to do with ADHD.

ADHD doesn't make a person say mean and super rude things just to answer your question. Having ADHD doesn't change one's personality. He had ADHD when things were going great.

Perhaps it's time to move on or play hard to get. Ignore him until he acknowledges you have and he wants a relationship or let him fade just away and find a better man.

The other option is just ask him. Tell him everything you have told us and say what's up with you?

Good luck with it

daveddd
03-05-16, 01:29 AM
possible , adhd is an emotional regulation disorder that causes impairment in every area in life, including relationships

some of us quick to anger or get frustrated

some of us can go into approach avoidance cycles


that said , if its because of his ADHD will that make it tolerable?

in a relationship there isn't him and his ADHD, there is just him

dvdnvwls
03-05-16, 01:40 AM
in a relationship there isn't him and his ADHD, there is just him
:goodpost:

Becky123
03-05-16, 02:19 AM
in a relationship there isn't him and his ADHD, there is just him[/QUOTE]

you mean to say that I should hold onto it if I love him? I don't really get what you are saying...all that I know is that I love him unconditionally and can't even think of a breakup...I just hope he at least misses me and comes back soon...it seems like he is angry with me coz he's active on Facebook yet ignores all my posts...not that I am asking for his likes but the person I knew used to like any **** that I posted those days...but now he's constantly avoiding any contact with me...

Greyhound1
03-05-16, 02:23 AM
Becky,
What makes you believe he has ADHD? Have there been a lot of other indicators?

From your post, I only see fairly common relationship issues. Perhaps it's the LDR but I just don't see how it relates to him possibly having ADHD.

I think it's time to have a serious conversation with him and find out how he feels.

Becky123
03-05-16, 03:33 AM
I dunno...there's no solid proof that he has ADHD...it's just an excuse I am giving myself for his indifferent behavior...I just want to at least see this whole thing as a disorder rather than accepting that he has lost interest in me maybe :(
last week when he stopped messaging me I started researching about disorders and relationships...that's when I came across adult ADHD and I thought maybe he has that...especially this article

www.chadd.org/Membership/Attention-Magazine/Attention-Magazine-Article.aspx?id=118

Like they say in that I used to be his center of attention at the beginning but gradually things changed and now I constantly feel ignored and unloved.When I tell this to him he says there's nothing like that and I am overthinking...but that was earlier now he doesn't even bother replying to my complaints so I also don't tell him anything...even getting an "I love you too" outta him these days js very difficult...most of the times when I tell "Goodnight I love you," he replies back with only goodnight and ignores the rest of the message...when I ask him why he says "just" or "forgot" but I just don't see how a person can ignore a love you statement constantly and especially when ai make it an issue...I also see him liking sad love posts on Facebook ad Instagram and I had a serious conversation with him about that end of January...that was when I asked gim to block his ex gf on Instagram coz I see her liking all his pists and it annoys me...this was there even before but I didn't mind back then coz at that time he used to give me all the attention in the world...but now thaat he ignores me I didn't that happening...but instead of blocking her he blocked me...NOW I KNOW THIS ALL SOUNDS LIKE HE IS INTO HER AND THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO IS TO MOVE ON...but I also know it's not like that...his gf is married and that's over like he says...anyways when I asked him why he did that he said it's not a big thing at all and the problem with me is I don't trust him and so on...he was even like "she's married and it's over.do you think by liking each other's pics we are going to get back together?don't be stupid" ...So I thought maybe I was just being clingy and ignored even what he did and was acting normal...at yhat time he himself followed me again on Instagram but then 2 weeks back he had blocked me again...when my friend asked about this he again said it's not a big thing and the reason why he did that was coz I feel like he's thinking of his ex evrytime he posts love quotes,which is not the truth according to him...so just to avoid misunderstandings he blocked me he has told my friend...I once again ignored that and didn't want any logical reasoning out of it coz I really love him and I didn't want to see the relationship ending simply coz of stupid social media...I am 20 and he is 21 so I thought maybe this was all us acting childishly...
I feel like texting him now and having ba serious conversation but the problem is he won't even answer me properly...he would again reply with one word replies and once again it would look like only I am need of this relationship...what I don't understand is how can a person who loved me once hate me now? according to him it's not even hating me...his feelings haven't changed he says yet he could go for 10 days without talking to me...Ii am super confused...it's like I am suffocating...so many things to tell yet there's no way of doing it :(

Becky123
03-05-16, 04:06 AM
I posted a big reply and it is missing!

Fuzzy12
03-05-16, 04:10 AM
I'd say just ask him. Also as dave said even if he does he have adhd us his behaviour something you can accept? If not it's perfectly fine to call it quits.

daveddd
03-05-16, 10:10 AM
I just meant splitting him into All good him. The bad is disorder. Won't benefit you in the long run

I must have missed it. I thought you knew he had adhd

ginniebean
03-05-16, 10:54 AM
Guys who lose interest act like this. I'd say walk. It's the best you can do for yourself.

Becky123
03-05-16, 11:45 AM
So there's no way he is going to come back then? I love him a lot and miss him so much!! If only he could see the pain he has put me through :(

Greyhound1
03-05-16, 12:28 PM
So there's no way he is going to come back then? I love him a lot and miss him so much!! If only he could see the pain he has put me through :(

I think discussing things in person may help give you the answers you are seeking. He needs to see the pain and distress this has caused you.

You probably need to see his reactions and body language in person to get a better idea of how he truly feels.

It's much easier to ignore or not deal with issues honestly through social media. I think having a heart to heart talk in person would really tell you where he stands in regards to your relationship.

I know you said it's a LDR and that could be difficult.

Becky123
03-05-16, 01:04 PM
meeting is not at all possible...he is in another country and will be coming back home only in September :(
do you think messaging him is a bad idea? will it fix things to some extent or just degrade his opinion of me coz I keep going back no matter what...

Greyhound1
03-05-16, 03:31 PM
meeting is not at all possible...he is in another country and will be coming back home only in September :(
do you think messaging him is a bad idea? will it fix things to some extent or just degrade his opinion of me coz I keep going back no matter what...

I wouldn't keep going back to him or he will know he is in control.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think, I would sit back and wait to see if he contacts you or not. Maybe, he just needs a wake up call that you aren't going to be in a one sided relationship doing all the work.

I hope you can work it out.

Becky123
03-06-16, 01:19 AM
I talked to his best friend about this yesterday...I wanted him to ask my boyfriend his final decision about this...he told me then that he told him he loves me and the reason why he didn't contact me was coz he has some problems and he didn't want me to know them and be upset...and then my boyfriend has followed me on instagram again but didn't message me...last night I dropped him a goodnight message and after that he's been texting me normally...I don't know whether I did the right thing but I just feel better now...I hope things work out well...

dvdnvwls
03-06-16, 02:58 AM
When I have problems, especially with ADHD stuff, it takes a lot of trust for me to be able to tell anyone about them. You may think "I'm his girlfriend, of course he should feel comfortable telling me" - but it isn't always like that. People with ADHD have been targets all our lives for blame and shame over our problems, because those problems make us look lazy and stupid, and for many of us, the worst of all the blame-and-shame crowd have been our family members and loved ones, because they see us in private and we can't always put on our "Oh Yes, I'm Perfectly Normal" act in front of them like we might be able to in public.

I was married for over 20 years to someone who I was never able to trust with my problems because of the amount of blame and shame she dished out. I hid problems from her just like you're describing. This does not mean you're doing it, it just means he's not completely confident that you won't. It can take a long time. It can also take crazy amounts of evidence for a guy like him to believe that you're not going to blame and shame him for ADHD stuff, as well as accepting and dealing with a lot of stuff you thought you might never have to accept or deal with.

Becky123
03-06-16, 03:24 AM
is it a wise move to tell him that I feel like he has ADHD or just leave it like this...I mean will he be mad at me coz I am trying to tag him with a disorder or will it help us better in carrying on this relationship since then he also can learn about ADHD and how to act to avoid problems...anyways he is a very stubborn guy who doesn't listen to anyone and not bothered about anyone's opinion...

dvdnvwls
03-06-16, 04:32 AM
Probably asking him if he has thought about ADHD would be better than telling him you've thought about it. :)

Especially since you say he's a very stubborn guy who doesn't listen to anyone.

Do you know that that will probably not ever change? Do you really want to live with a man who won't listen?

I think I am sometimes less stubborn than I used to be - but only a little bit. And then, sometimes, it can be worse for a while too. :(

But that stubbornness gets built into a lot of people who have ADHD when we are young, and if that happens it is very hard (or maybe impossible) to get it out of us later.