View Full Version : Short Story-My Old Park, 1st Version,


jimmmaaa
08-20-03, 03:43 PM
Could you let me know which version you like better? I want to d

My Old Park, 1st Version, Spring of 1990

Mildred told me I shouldn't go, but I'm going anyway. The traffic
rages down the boulevard; exhaust fumes choke me. The blur of cars
rush to their unknown destinations as I make way to Joseph Gomes Park.
Illuminated by the setting sun, the smog-filled horizon catches my
attention as I look past the old A & W restaurant. The relentless line
of cars angrily scream past me while I walk with my hands in my coat
pockets. Building after building juts out from the street as I seek my
haven. I walk the sidewalk, wanting to be free--free from the
buildings that are crowding me. Memories flood my head of past visits
to Joseph Gomes Park.

I see the spacious lawns stretching out to what seems horizon's end.
The walks and the people I walked with were yesterday--at least to me.
Becky Lynn--I see her, my first girl--sitting on the bench, her hand
clasped in mine. Her blond hair flowing out of that yellow bonnet will
never leave me. But she's dead, along with many dreams.

Charlie. How could I forget about Charlie? All the hours we spent
listening to the horse races on his transistor radio--how has time
escaped me? I haven't heard from Charlie--it must be 30 years or more.

I always did enjoy the park most in the Autumn. The colors dazzled me
in so many wonderful shades. Yes, Autumn was good. Once all the
leaves were gone, the park seemed so lonely. I hope there's still some
leaves.
Darn trucks! Always staratling me so! What's this world coming to?
Can't even think in peace anymore.

I must be getting close, I don't remember the park being this far from
Mildred's house, but then again, it's been years since I've been
there. This walk never used to make me so tired--my thouhts are tired.
I better sit and rest a moment.


So much has changed, too much; that Arco station wasn't there before.
This whole area is cramped, groaning for open space--but not as much as
I do. Where's the cherry orchard and the corn field-- an office
complex and video store?

My park should be coming soon, a couple blocks past Campbell Ave.
Campbell Commmunity Center? What happened to Campbell High School?
Progress they say.

What happened to my park? It's ruined! It used to be so huge! Now
it's not even as big as the Arco station down the street. Two benches,
one path, and a few trees--what's wrong with this city? It's so small;
they took my park away and left this little strip of bushes, trees,
and. . . . .and an asphalt path.

I have to sit and rest my old bones --this is to much for me to
handle! My park--the only thing left for me, is dead.

Where did all my years go?

joanrdtobe
08-21-03, 07:52 PM
I like this one better....it's less intense I guess....less sad and dark because your father doesn't die in this one...and I appreciate it more...all of the old memories......and the great descriptions of the old memories....I appreciate the more subtley in this one......I like the other one too....I just like the way this one reads....better.....