View Full Version : Dealing With Guilt

03-06-16, 09:22 PM
Hello, so I'm new on here (nice to 'meet' everyone!) and fairly newly diagnosed with ADHD. I've kind of dealt with a lot of guilt my entire life for being the way I am I suppose-- spacey, forgetful, lost in my own head, etc. A lot of people see it as self-absorbed and careless.

Now that I've been diagnosed, it's been a lot easier to recognize and deal with that sense of guilt. I didn't even realize it was such a huge weight on me until after getting diagnosed, and I've been working through it, but every once in a while I still struggle with feeling inadequate and guilty for making people "put up" with my struggles or "deal with my shortcomings" I guess. I see myself as high-maintenance to other people, especially my boyfriend, because of my disorder.

I've always worried about what other people think and I know that's a problem, but it sorta goes deeper than that. I like to think I'm a considerate person and don't want people to think that I'm being difficult or inconsiderate on purpose. I know obviously I'm not perfect, but I want other people to know I have good intentions most of the time. I want to be able to express that in a good, healthy way without having to go between coming off as arrogant and coming off as overly apologetic.

If anyone deals with something similar to that, how do you deal with it?

03-06-16, 11:34 PM
This is something I deal with a lot as well. I do not want to impose my disorder on others and yet against my will, adhd symptoms arise at the damndest times. I want to pay attention but there are times I can't.

That's just one symptom. I am not sure I have any great advice about guilt, i go back and forth over what is mine to own and what is something I just have to chalk up to living with adhd.

It does hurt those we love or care for, and it hurts us too. I am trying very hard to be responsible for the consequences of my adhd. In the end tho, it is impossible to shield others from my adhd. There will be leakage.

Be kind to yourself.

03-09-16, 03:41 PM
Yes. I feel like this quite a bit. The way I deal with it is I try to be as open and honest as possible. With my co-workers, fiance and family, I try to make it as clear as possible what I'm capable of and this might not be very healthy but I make fun of myself. Joke about how forgetful and spacey I am. How disorganized I can be.

But I feel guilty a lot. I feel guilty that I always forget to bring my assigned dish to family gatherings, I feel bad that my car is such a mess I'm embarrassed to have anyone in it, even my fiance, so I make him drive everywhere. I feel guilty that the thought of planning a wedding makes me want to cry because there is no possible way I could stay on top of it all.

It's a daily struggle. I try to remind myself constantly that I try my best but I still feel inadequate. :(

03-11-16, 06:27 AM
The most useless and unnecessary feelings IMO...guilt,shame,regret,jealousy and envy. All of them eat you up inside if you dont deal with them and heal.

03-11-16, 10:42 AM
I have been thinking about this a bit lately and I would like to give you my 2 cents worth.

medication has been a big bonus here, I'm not at the mercy of my mercurial behaviour and not drifting.

A big help here was I had more to offer than what I was taking away.

These are understandable emotions if you feel a burden on others, I had this feeling for many years.

Certain people I found had to understand why I did what I did so I planned and researched this and told them.

Try not to worry what others think of you it's easy to say though. I spent a lot of time on my own thinking about my behaviour. I guess I was full of so much regret. I find exercise a great help here, anything, go for a long walk.
It gave me a better chance to order my thoughts.

Today a will honestly talk to those I care about and trust. Work for example I find its all a bit of an act. But I'm professional.

I think the point of the whole exercise is to get away from that mindset. I try not to apologise for anything, bad habit. I don't know if I come across as arrogant.