View Full Version : ADD PI and dating/relationships

03-08-16, 08:24 PM
I think a general characteristic of the unmedicated ADD PI individual is a lack of self awareness. That being said, I have a hard time understanding what would make for a good match in a partner.
Based on any past or current relationships, does anyone have any good suggestions for someone who would be a good compliment to someone with our condition? As well as any relationship tips that you've found helpful. I dated someone all throughout college, but that was because she chose me. Since then, I haven't really been in any meaningful relationship, and that's been about 7 years now :/

03-08-16, 10:10 PM
Everyone with ADHD-PI is different, and needs different things in a partner, even if they have the same condition.

Do you have friends you are or have been very close to, people who you think really get you? What traits do they share in common that you enjoy? I know a relationship is different from friendship but, longterm relationships also include friendship.

There's a really great post on the waitbutwhy blog ... it's called "how to pick your life partner" which sounds ridiculous but actually it's a great post. Lots of research in there and great explanations. Definitely give it a look, especially part 2 :) I think it will help answer this question.

03-08-16, 11:06 PM
During my first relationship, I came to believe that my ex's efforts to fix me were a big favour being done for me, by someone who knew better than I did.

Was I ever wrong about that.

Anyone who has a plan to fix you, run. Even if you agree with them that you need fixing - still, just run.

03-09-16, 12:19 AM
Similarities and personality types is a big one I think.

And also dating someone who is 100% accepting of ADHD and is happy with you as you are. Watch out for signs of "you could do better" "I think you have potential" and "let's talk about goals."

Lots of these, for me anyway, are warning signs.

Being in a relationship with someone who is so similar to me(in personality, values) has really been the best thing that I can think of.

03-23-16, 02:40 AM
I would suggest that you find opportunities to meet the friends of a prospective love-interest soon after meeting him or her, and find out from them if s/he has shown traits of generosity and loyalty (by generosity, I don't mean the financial kind). Is s/he someone who gives of himself/herself by demonstrating care for how others are doing without having to be prompted? Has s/he shown a natural willingness to follow-up by spending time with others who are trying to get through personal difficulties?

My wife and I (I'm the one with ADD-PI) have been married for 23 years, and we were both lucky to have an opportunity to help one another out in different ways soon after we met. In our case, we didn't have to rely on our respective friends to give us insights about one another, we found out directly for ourselves. The relationship began developing afterward. Speaking for myself, I'm aware I can be frustrating to live with, but apparently there are more pluses than minuses in doing so. I keep in mind that my life, as rough as it has often been due to my screwed-up brain, is not just about me.


03-23-16, 01:33 PM
I've got something a bit different when it comes down to dating and relationships.

I seem to have a problem finding someone who is interesting enough without getting bored or "under-stimulated". I've dated so many girls but recently when I got my adhd I realized its all because of the disorder.

03-23-16, 02:11 PM
I would say try to find someone who is supportive, patience as well is a big one but fun as well. who likes you the way you are. finding is the hard part :D
all the best to you friend :)