I am sorry if the things i put in here have already been discussed, but this forum is sooooo big, so many topics, and i really cant read it all....

Anyway, i got on this forum because i recognized lots of ADD symptoms in me after doing some online research, and my doctor agreed with me, but i dont know if i really have it, no official diagnosis.

I am 36 and so far i have only succeeded in making a complete mess of everything in my life. I mean everything. I used to be one of the brightest kids in school. I was daydreaming all day long, didnt have a clue what the teacher or the other pupils said, draw loads of odd cartoon characters in all my books but i still managed to get really good grades.

But after getting my diploma i didnt do anything. I tried going to higher education (whatever you call that in your country, college? university??) but i always dropped out. I tried several things. I never hold a job for long, except my latest, i've had that for three years now.
My house is a MESS, i cant find anything.
I always get into big financial problems, not because i spend to much, but because i forget to collect money that i should get, or i dont pay bills until they have doubled/tripled or otherwise multiplied.
I am almost always late for everything.

I generally feel like i am trying to dig my way through a huge mountain of "stuff" and i dont know where i am going, what i should do, how to do it.
I cant understand how other people just manage their lives! :confused:

Now i plummeted into a major depression (-for the third time -shouldnt have stopped my medication i guess). I had to stop work, but am supposed to go back next week :(
In the weeks i was home my mother and cousin helped me to make my house liveable again, and I handed my financial administration to some official person (an administrator?) who is supposed to sort it all out.

I manage to keep things a bit in order now, but still my mother comes by now and then to help me reorganize again.

I feel like such a utter loser. I am 36, only have one (lovely) child and a tiny parttime job and still i cant manage on my own. Its so embarrassing to still need my mother to help me when i am at an age that i should be helping her!!

I really hate myself.

So i kind of hope i can be diagnosed as having ADD, because it would be a reason for my being such a failure. But on the other hand, it may make things worse.. because if i would know that i would also know that i am a failure because i am indeed "not normal" so i cant do much about it.

How do others feel about that?
Does a diagnosis make thing worse or better?
Do you feel abnormal and inferior to others?
And how do you manage your life if you have ADD????
How can i feel good about yourself if i cant do anything right?

And, if i dont have ADD, then why am i such an ultimate looooooooser?

Sorry, i cant even write a good topic... :rolleyes:

Lack of organization, doesn't mean ADHD. It's learning how to de-clutter, to organize, and work on getting your bills paid on time. That doesn't mean necessarily, that you should be diagnosed as ADHD.

That's good, that you can count on your mom when you need her.

Do you think maybe, you should continue your medication for depression. It might help.
It sounds a lot like serious depression. Good luck, and I hope things get better for you, and you are able to feel better about yourself.

Rakshi,even if you do have ADD,ADD is not equal to failiure.
And you are not a failiure regardless,I would personally regard the word failiure as final,or permenant,people can have problems,some more than others but it does not mean they have failed at life.


Have you always had the ADD related symptoms?

Are you going to make a pysch. appointment,or are you not going to bother?

I think it would be worth it to see a pysch. because a diagnosis really does help,
it gives allowances for support that wasn't available to self before,it will make people think again before being nasty towards self because of something that wasn't intentional.
It might even help the depression symptoms to some extent-as it would help the person to understand past life.

Rakshi,

First of all welcome to the forums! Take your time and read through as you can. I know there is a lot of information here.

I hear the pain you are in and would like to encourage you to look for some of the positive things about yourself. Even if they are small, you have to hang on to them! I can say that you certainly write well! The frustration and confusion is clear to see and tha,t in Englsih, which I assume is not your mother tongue.

I also hope you continue in your search for answers in regards to ADHD. It does help to take the "failure" stigma away to know that you have been battling something that sheer will-power can't fix. It also enables you to find specific answers to specific issues.

Hope this helps and that you find a lot of tips here that you can use!

Kim

Rakshi fell free to post in the dutch section or start a thread in the international forum so, you can ,maybe get your message across more clearly. I speak dutch and so on so feel free to write in dutch. Does you schooling system work like Germanys or differently. Begin enkel een thread het is dat gemakkelijk en ik zal antwoorden. :) :) :) :)

How do others feel about that?
Does a diagnosis make thing worse or better?
Do you feel abnormal and inferior to others?
And how do you manage your life if you have ADD????
How can i feel good about yourself if i cant do anything right?

And, if i dont have ADD, then why am i such an ultimate looooooooser?
Welcome to the forums. This is an excellent site for information and support. I completely understood your post (language barrier thing). Get the books Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction by Ned Hallowell. This will help you understand. See if you can also find Women with ADD by Sari Solden. This is also another great book from a female perspective.

Some of the things you mentioned in your post are true examples or feelings of someone with AD/HD.

The only thing a diagnosis will give you is the ability to get medication, if you choose to go that route. The biggest and most life altering step you have already taken. Recognizing your symptoms and wanting to make changes in yourself. This is where a psychiatrist and medication can help.

As far as managing your life, this will be a challange. Here is my theory:

If you were independent, as a child with AD/HD, you may have adapted and built processes to survive. This was "trial and error" with a lot of failures. As an adult this person might be considered a perfectionist and exhibit and/or be diagnosed with OCD. This is me by the way.

If you relied on your caregiver, as a child with AD/HD, you may be experiencing a lot of organizational and scheduling issues as a adult. You may feel like others are controling your life, because you are relying on them to still take care of you. You are not a bad person. It's just how you were programmed, in a sense.

The tough part is to re-program yourself. This will take time, patience, and a lot of effort on your part. You need to get your self-esteem up. I know this sounds easier than said, but this is where medication and therapy can assist.

Please keep us updated and post often. Good luck:)

I dont think she can get hold of that where she is.

How do others feel about that?
Does a diagnosis make thing worse or better?
Do you feel abnormal and inferior to others?
And how do you manage your life if you have ADD????
How can i feel good about yourself if i cant do anything right?

And, if i dont have ADD, then why am i such an ultimate looooooooser?

Sorry, i cant even write a good topic... :rolleyes:It is very likely that you are ADD. It takes on many shapes and forms depending on how we learn to use our unique brains. It also happens to be around 5 percent of the world population (this is controversial... but I have seen it in Japan, Thailand and Germany)...regardless of gender or ethnicity.

First of all, if you are ADD... you need to stop comparing yourself to every one else. You are not a failure... you are just not meant to be the way our cultures tell us we should be. We are supposed to be different, and that is OK.

There is usually clinical depression that comes with ADD. I would try to find a counselor that specializes in ADD or is ADD themselves (even better... but somewhat rare)

The best treatment is staying on here and talking with people like you. I think in quick time you will at least see that you are not alone.

Welcome to the forums!

I dont think she can get hold of that where she is.Here are a couple links to Amazon:

Delivered from Distration
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/034544230X/qid=1115819485/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-6383370-8476627?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Driven to Distraction
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684801280/qid=1115819485/sr=8-2/ref=pd_csp_2/103-6383370-8476627?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

Women with ADD
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1887424059/qid=1115819250/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/103-6383370-8476627?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

She should be able to get them shipped to Europe.

I was about your age and with the alot of the same issues when I decided to find out what the heck was my problem. ADD was it !

Took meds for many years, learned to organize better, not prefect just better. I learned I had to do things my way even if my prefectly organize Mom and friends thought it was a wacky way to do things.... ;)

I know it's easier said than done but take one step at a time. Worry about one thing at a time.

Rakshi, the feelings and experiences that you seem to describe appear to be those of overwhelm. And to be overwhelmed can sap your energy. It can distort your perspective as well as take away the ability to think clearly. You are being pulled in so many different ways.

So to start, let youself know that you are experienceing normal feelings due to your stress. Next, if you can, proceed very slowly and gently through your day by cleaning up one metaphorical corner at a time. Know that you are okay even though you do not feel that way at this moment.


For me dx gave me the understanding that I was not flawed, but rather I felt that way. So the goal for me was to understand my issues, take meds, become less of a self critic and find a compassionate therapist who always is able to lead me back to my center (especailly when I was becoming scattered and splayed across the room as I have been for these past couple of weeks :confused: )

Treat yourself to kindness and respect (even when you find it terribly hard) and when you can't, always seek out someone who can remind you of your special qualities.

good luck

Deeperblue, beautifully said.........

words from my off-center center *eek*

Well, thanks for so many replies. Tim, I have seen those three books you mentioned on internet, but indeed you cant buy them here. I dont have a credit card (simply because i do have some common sense left.. i am not the kind of person who should have a credit card!!) so ordering online is hard. But the local bookshop has ordered a book from abroad for me before, perhaps i'll ask them to do it again.
Except that i cant spend any money until the administrator has sorted out my mess.

Disorganization isnt the only thing i recognized in the ADD descriptions/symptoms. I also daydream excessively, and always have done that. I cant pay attention to lectures and such, which is one of the reasons i quit college. After a while the other students wouldnt let me copy their notes anymore, they got angry with me and told me that instead of just sitting and staring i should listen to the teacher and take my own notes! I tried that, but consciously trying to pay attention made it even worse -i spent most of the class telling myself to listen, but not actually listening.
When i was a child peopel used to say that i was different, but they never told me how i was different.

Its only been a few months since i got help -from the administrator and my mother. I never wanted help before, because i feel i should be able to cope alone.
But apparently i cant. :(
My mother sort of forced herself on me, saying that even if i didnt want it for myself, i had to accept help because i also have this little boy who is dependant on me. I guess she was right, and i am relieved that all the years old clutter is gone now, but i do feel stupid too.

I am seeing a counselor, because of the depression. He did get so far as to notice that i have no self confidence. I knew that, but its pretty hard to have self confidence if everything you do fails. But he also puts most of my problems down to this depression, even though i did tell him that i also have concentration/organization problems when i am not depressed, and that they are actually one of the reasons that i do get depressed.
I do feel like a failure, very much so, and its a kind of hard feeling to shake off. I have pretty much wasted all 36 years of my life.
From the links that Ichpuchtli send me (THANKS! :D ) i found out that there is actually a ADHD specialist working in the same place where go for counselling.. but i suppose it will turn out to be a children's psychiatrist.

I am a sort of shy and embarrased to ask to be tested for ADD. It isnt quite accepted over here, most people, doctors also, say things like 'everybody thinks they have some sort of disorder these days' or 'yeah right, just call it AD(H)D instead of taking your responsiblity' and to be honest, i also think those things.
But i also notice more and more clearly that i do have problems with myself, different, and more long term problems than most other people seem to have. Also, to get an appointment with a psychiatrist i would have to get a referral (is that the right word?) from my doctor, and he isnt very keen on those things, and i am not very assertive.
I most definitely feel overwhelmed. What i wrote in my first message;
"I generally feel like i am trying to dig my way through a huge mountain of "stuff" and i dont know where i am going, what i should do, how to do it."
is actually a recurrent nightmare i had as a child. :p
And i just cant understand that not everybody feels like that.

Sorry for the long rants, i guess i need to get some things off my chest too!
Thanks again for the replies.

Hi, and welcome to the forums, you can find a lot of good info here, but some people who will tell you that you don't have ADD ,even if you're diagnosed with it.

ADMIN NOTE: Edited for inappropriate content

Anyway, you sound an awful lot like a lot of the people on the forums, the disorganization, daydreaming (lack of focus and/or concentration), not able to stay on task, going from one thing to another, forgetfulness. Sorry if I didn't read your post really thoroughly, I have trouble attending to long posts, but the way you put it, it definitely sounds as if these problems are a huge impairment to your daily life, which is key to ADHD.

It's not just a simple matter of snapping out of it, it's not just a matter of taking a day to clean your house, or pay your bills. It's not as easy as just making up your mind to pay attention. Your brain might not function properly, and if that's the case it might mean that you CAN'T do these things. ADD is neurobiological, IF you do have ADD.

The things that others can do, are overwhelming to those of us with ADD. You'll find a lot of analogies about what it's like to function with ADD. One is that it's like driving through mud with windsheild wipers that don't work. I often feel as though, in my brain, when I try to think, it's like I've walked into an enormously cluttered closet, and when I try to think, all the stuff starts flying off the shelves. Thinking is just difficult, prioritizing is difficult, remembering what I was doing from one minute to the next can be non-existant, remembering appts. and meetings is difficult, rushing because of lack of a sense of time is normal for me, etc..... You get the picture. Medication helps a lot. It doesn't solve all of it, but it gets you on track.

You do need to tell your doctor that you need a referral to an ADD specialist. It sounds like your life, from your perspective anyway, is difficult to manage at best, feels like it's falling apart at worst. At the very least write your thoughts and concerns down in a letter to your doctor, with arguments why you should get that referral to a specialist. Why scrape by when there might be medication that can help or answers out there for you.

Good that you are getting people to help you organize and pay bills, over here these are called coaches, and some ADD adults use them. Good luck getting help, and remember it might be easier to get your thoughts together, write them in a letter, and hand them to your doctor.