View Full Version : My adhd Boyfriend broke up with me.


kylezz
03-19-16, 11:24 PM
I guess I should start out by saying I'm 23 years old and my boyfriend... or EX boyfriend is 26. He has adhd and I am Bipoler. (what a great mix) We have been together for almost 2 years, Everything was great until my bipoler medication stopped working, I became a bit of a pain and completly changed.

I still feel like I'm me somewhere deep down but i know im not the person he fell in love with anymore but he still loved me and we even moved in together (his idea) he told me that he wasnt going to leave me over something like this because it can be fixed and he knew it was not the real me. ( i should also mention I have a 4 year old) well he started having family trouble, he went from a job traveling on the road to a desk job, it had alot of affect on his mood and motivation. I seen that he was slowly becoming depressed.

He use to model and loved working out and he stopped all these things. we dont fight much and usually its because of my mood swings, but i didnt think our problems were severe, until a few nights ago... it was a normal day, we were being all flirty on facebook while he was at work... we had just went to the zoo the day before with my son, everything was great and then by lunchtime we had a tiny argument and he broke up with me, it was nothing huge.

He came home from work early and said he didnt think we needed to be together and that he just feels we are going in different directions in life and that he has been thinking about this for sometime, and that he has lost some feelings for me, he told me that he loves my son and i more than anything but this is just something he has to do, he was crying his eyes out the entire time he was breaking up with me, he jumped back and forth a few times and would seem like he was going to change his mind and let me stay but then he would go back to saying this is what he needs right now and that he doesnt want to be together... he gave me several reasons and none of them made any sense.

I'm broken and shocked, so is his friends, my friends and family. I begged him not to do this and told him i think this is his medication, but he denied it. I had to move 2 hours back to my parents house, I feel so broken. he is such an amazing man and none of this sounds like him. in the 2 years we have been together we have never had major problems, in fact I use to live in Georgia and he lived in Alabama, for 9 months he drove 4 hours to see me everyweekend and he really is the closest thing to perfect.

He wanted to adopt my son one day when we got married, He told me a few days before he broke up with me that he wasnt going anywhere and that he also wanted to get family pictures made together... he even was planning vacation for the summer and telling me how proud he was of me for trying to get my medication right and getting a new job, i had just got my son in preschool and then he ruins it all!

This is not the man i fell in love with, I started doing reserch and found this website, long story short apparently this sort of thing happens alot with people who have adhd. so i found a few links and sent it to our mutual friend who sent it to my (ex) boyfriend.... his mother messaged me and told me that he read the links and sent them to her and she agreed he needed to go see his doctor. I just don't know if he is going to take this seriously, I just hope the damage isnt permanent.

I love him and you dont go from saying all these things and him telling me how happy he is to have me to breaking up your family in one night. I guess im just trying to figure out if I should move on or give him space and see if he wants us back. Either way I want him to be happy even if its not with us but at the same time I'm scared, I don't want this to me the end, when nothing is really wrong accept he needs a change in his medication.

He even told me several times as he was breaking up with me that he feels like he is making the biggest mistake of his life.ni havent talked to him in 3 days and he hasnt made contact, I want to give him space but i dont know if i should message him and be friendly, so he doesnt just walk away and forget about me or if i shoudl just leave him alone. i need help and im a complete mess.

Socaljaxs
03-20-16, 12:28 AM
:grouphug::grouphug:big hugs girl. It's tough especially when it comes out of no where. I'm also proud of you for taking the time to learn about ADHD and forwarding it to offer help. Yes for some of us ADHD'er do have impulse control and will make choices before we truly weigh put the pro's/cons.

My best advice as for what to do right now... is to make your priority about you and your child.. Bipolar especially in a state of loss can be extremely dangerous. your mental and emotional and overall health for both you and your child sakes would fight tooth and nail to find something that will work... Your child will need the best and strongest version of you. I would look into any and all advice in terms of options other people have had, in terms of bipolar treatment and medications.

As for the guy, I can't say if he will or won't come back, I really don't know. There seems to be missing peaces as to the "why".. which, I'm sure makes your head spin more about the "what did I do"or "should have done instead." Sometimes people break up and the reason as to why has nothing to directly do with you.. Other times they also think they are doing right by you by ending things. But I would give space now and take you and your child as priority. Maybe in a few weeks if no contact reach out to him if needed. But right now you need to be about you. Be selfish about your and your child's needs:grouphug::grouphug:

sarahsweets
03-20-16, 10:09 AM
It hurts. It burns. It feels like the rug has been ripped out from under you. The thing is, the 'whys' of it dont matter because he made his own decision whether or not it feels right. He may have no idea what hes doing and he may be right, it could be his biggest mistake but for whatever reason, his path has veered off course. My advice would be to wait it out. He is the one who chose this and he has to be the one to change his mind. Nothing you can say or do will make any sense to him, its like 'noise' to him. Backround stuff that he is vaguely hearing while the feelings in his heart crowd out his mind, or even his true feelings. I am not trying to sound harsh, You have every right to feel the way you do. Its just that you didnt do anything. Not your bipolar, not your love for him, not his love for your son. He had to do this and one day, if you guys get back together and you're old and gray you may look back and laugh. Maybe your path is meant to go elsewhere and you will see that in the future.
Wait it out. White knuckle through the pain. If he comes back to you, you will know he did so of his own accord, and wont be making any decisions because of what you said or did. It will be his own choice and he will love you more for it, if its meant to be.

ginniebean
03-20-16, 01:32 PM
Agree with the other posters. Take care of yourself and wait it out. Make sure you can manage to get to work and take care of your child. Those are your priorities. Sorry this is happening.

Free to Fly
03-21-16, 12:48 PM
What Sarah said. Really.

kylezz
03-21-16, 03:30 PM
Thank you all, As of right now, last i heard from his mother, that the day the links were sent he called his doctor but he was not at the office, so today he should be making an appointment. I obviously love him and no matter what happens i want him to get help and be happy. I;m trying my best to focus on my son and not the bad right now. Its just hard when my son asks about him and i cant explain anything to him, he seen my (ex) boyfriends parents as his grandparents since my sons real father and family has nothing to do with him. Just makes me feel worse.

sarahsweets
03-22-16, 04:39 AM
Thank you all, As of right now, last i heard from his mother, that the day the links were sent he called his doctor but he was not at the office, so today he should be making an appointment. I obviously love him and no matter what happens i want him to get help and be happy. I;m trying my best to focus on my son and not the bad right now. Its just hard when my son asks about him and i cant explain anything to him, he seen my (ex) boyfriends parents as his grandparents since my sons real father and family has nothing to do with him. Just makes me feel worse.

Be careful talking to his family about him no matter how much they like you. There is a reason why they say blood is thicker than water. He may resent you for it.

TheGreatKing
03-22-16, 03:29 PM
hopefully everything works out for you :(
hold on in there
brighter days ahead :)

Little Missy
03-22-16, 03:42 PM
Be careful talking to his family about him no matter how much they like you. There is a reason why they say blood is thicker than water. He may resent you for it.

And they may also. Not good.

kylezz
03-23-16, 11:25 AM
His Parents are pretty much my family. I think his mother cried more than i did when we broke up, like i said my son calls them nana and papa, They love my kid like there own. She has been the one keeping in contact with me asking how we are and talking, so i know they don't resent me. Also He finally messaged me and we have been talking a bit, he still feels this is what he needs and that he needs to get some help to get his life figured out but he also said that time will tell if we are meant to be. Right now we have agreed to be friends.

TheGreatKing
03-23-16, 02:17 PM
His Parents are pretty much my family. I think his mother cried more than i did when we broke up, like i said my son calls them nana and papa, They love my kid like there own. She has been the one keeping in contact with me asking how we are and talking, so i know they don't resent me. Also He finally messaged me and we have been talking a bit, he still feels this is what he needs and that he needs to get some help to get his life figured out but he also said that time will tell if we are meant to be. Right now we have agreed to be friends.

hmm..
I have ADHD and i ve done this on impulse quite alot to my wife over the years we ve been together, lashing out not thinking. but i always came back because i love her and she is supportive as hell :) but the big thing is i believe that love is hard work and you should always be fighting for it :)
so hang in there :yes:
(((((HUGS)))))

kylezz
03-30-16, 12:07 PM
Thank you all for the support. Like i said we have talked a little but it went back to talking about the relationship, I guess i cant be JUST friends for now. That's to painful and the fact that he kinda ****** me off saying that he can't handle a family right now (could have told me this before 2 years went by) because he is wanting to completly quit his job and go to college for sales and marketing..... he has already went to school and has a really good job that he constantly was talking about and proud of. He is changing everything in his life, He broke up with me randomly and can't seem to give me a solid reason without it changing, he changed his hair style and now wants to change his career?? I guess im like this, if he wants to go back to college i would support anything he wants and if you love someone you make it work. This doesn't seem like a reason to just break up with someone whom you say you love. It also upsets me and seems like a selfish reason because not only did he uproot my life he has hurt my son as well. He asks for him everyday and he makes me feel terrible. Long story short I told him that if this is his excuse then i want nothing to do with him and i haven't talked to him sense. I love him, i really do but I'm just going to live my life. I know this isn't him... but I'm not going to wait around. When we were talking, he would be super sweet and tell me how much this hurts him and how much he misses me but then the next he would act like this is the right thing to do and that he was completly fine. He even went as far as telling me that " since you guys left, ive been alot less stressed" which felt like i was punched in the stomache. It's like he changed from night to day. Not the guy I loved for 2 years.

cleo2211
03-17-17, 01:44 PM
I know it's been a year since you posted this so you may not reply to me but I figured I'd give it a shot anyways. Your story is very very similar to mine- my ex broke up with me bc he couldn't handle a relationship right now but he used to always say he would never give up on me even when I was moody because he knew that wasn't me. It's so unlike him to leave like that. I'm still so distraught over this. Did you and your ex ever get back together??

dvdnvwls
03-17-17, 02:48 PM
cleo2211: Welcome to the forum!

Could you say a little bit about what's changed recently for you and him? He has ADHD, but that's not going to make him do anything random - I'm sure there's a reason he left.

sarahsweets
03-18-17, 10:26 AM
I know it's been a year since you posted this so you may not reply to me but I figured I'd give it a shot anyways. Your story is very very similar to mine- my ex broke up with me bc he couldn't handle a relationship right now but he used to always say he would never give up on me even when I was moody because he knew that wasn't me. It's so unlike him to leave like that. I'm still so distraught over this. Did you and your ex ever get back together??
If he broke up with you there has to be a reason in addition to the adhd. ANd you being moody doesnt mean that you are 'break up' material.