View Full Version : Help with whining and uncooperative behaviour

03-23-16, 01:10 AM
Hi, my 7 year old son was recently diagnosed with ADHD. He was in a local and very traditional indian school that just couldn't cope with him so I had to take him out and start homeschooling him. I know it was the right decision as he's doing much better with his work but I'm finding it a real struggle having him around the house so much. My maid takes him out to various classes three times a week but it's only for a couple of hours each time. Can anyone give me any tips as to how to deal with the whining, complaining and uncooperative behaviour?


03-23-16, 04:30 AM
The first thing to understand is that maybe it cant be chalked up to being whiny and uncooperative. Maybe its just him struggling without finding the words to explain it.

03-23-16, 10:25 AM
Like Sarah above said!

My advice is Read up on ADHD with children and for children. We have many great threads in this section here also, that specifically addresses parenting an ADHD child. You May also want seek out an online support groups that are aimed specifically at parents with children whom have ADHD. Since you don't have many real life everyday support. 9nline may be best option now.

Honestly,your child will be helped best by having your mindset changed. The words you are using to describe him such as "Uncooperative" needs to be replaced. The additive you use with him will be essential in either a positive or negative way. If you call him those thing or make him feel bad for feeling or doing certain things. You may be adding damage emotionally to him.

03-23-16, 01:24 PM
Make a strict schedule, write it down, and stick to it. I have told my son that homework is to be done between 4-5pm. There is no whining when he has to do homework because it is ALWAYS done between 4-5, period, end of discussion, this is how it is EVERY Monday-Friday.

Other than that, the child is probably bored. Any child, whether they have ADHD or not, will whine and complain when bored. You should have activities for him, and one activity might be play at park from 12-1:30. Or swim at YMCA from 1-2:30. Kids need to let loose sometimes, to just have free thinking time where the time and place may be structured but the activity is not.

Maybe you should look up Montessori lessons and activities.

03-23-16, 01:57 PM
The first thing to understand is that maybe it cant be chalked up to being whiny and uncooperative. Maybe its just him struggling without finding the words to explain it.

pretty much what i was think:yes:

03-25-16, 06:19 AM
Thanks guys.

Yes, you're exactly right, i need to change both my thinking and the way I deal with him. When you say look for online support are you suggesting that this forum is not the right place? I've been searching online and can't find that many forums that seem appropriate. If you think there are other forums I should be looking at I'd be grateful for suggestions!

From what I can see the whining is mostly because he can't help but express verbally how he's feeling and until the feeling goes away he keeps expressing it. But when I try to help him by talking to him it doesn't seem to help him to resolve the feelings. I don't really know how to help him and because he's around so much and I'm pretty much permanently exhausted I'm really struggling to deal with it. I just feel like it drills into my brain until I can't think any more and then I just snap.

The uncooperative behaviour is 90% due to hunger or tiredness but still I'm struggling to deal with it. I guess again mostly because I'm exhausted myself.

The homeschool times are strictly adhered to and he knows that at these times he must do his work. Still it doesn't stop him whining about it. And it doesn't stop there. This child whines about everything. I think it is possible he might be bored sometimes, but he already has several scheduled activities each week (gym, lego club, two trips to the park, a social visit to our friend's house, and fortnightly craft class, all of which he loves). There are also various birthday parties and playgroups at friends houses every few weeks. I think he probably needs a lot more exercise and outdoor play time, but I can't manage this at the moment due to our housing situation (something I am doing my best to remedy at the earliest opportunity). I'm not sure we should add more activities though, I'm worried about overscheduling him. Particularly as he is a very slow eater due to being constantly distracted. Most of the behavioural issues appear to be due to hunger/tiredness so ensuring that he has plenty of time to eat is essential.

Are there any particular threads you think I should read here, or just start at the beginning and work my way through?

04-08-16, 04:44 AM
I think anything in dizfriz's corner is like gold to read. Also if you want to read about how my son started on meds at age 4, (hes 20 now) and the success story that he turned out to be, I have a thread thats a sticky in childrens diagnosis that might interest you.

04-08-16, 05:05 AM
In my experience, kids don't whine and be uncooperative for no reason. There is something driving that behavior, maybe he is experiencing something very unpleasant.

Have a talk with him, try to dig deep and figure out the root cause.

It could be a number of things causing it too, keep that in mind. Eliminate things that bother him/upset him, and work on the issues as you find them, and use a gentle and understanding approach.

04-08-16, 01:24 PM
If you reward a behaviour with attention it will persist. If he is mostly whining due to tiredness and hunger. Have snacks available and consider quiet time in his room where he can read or nap for 1.5 hrs in the afternoon. Often kids with adhd don't sleep well at night and he could be legitimately over tired.

For the rest, you need to not react, otherwise you could be unintentionally encouraging this behaviour.