View Full Version : How can I help my ADHD-friend


YelenaV
03-23-16, 12:40 PM
Hi, there! I'm sorry, if this question already was discussed somewhere, I'm newby ;). I'm even not sure, if I'm on the right thread - maybe I had to post by ADHDers self? (I hope it's not insulting name? do you have maybe some nice nickname?) .
Well, I never had problem with attention or concentration ( except that getting older I get less and less tolerant for long ********* speaches :D ). But my very good friend has ADHD. I never had problem with him, I know , who/what he is and simply accept him, as he is . I learned don't get mad , when he forget to congratulate me with my birthday, even though I delicate remind him 2 weeks before :). Ok, I almost didn't. I just learned my lesson and said :"so what? Next year, if I want him to post on my Facebook - I'll send him reminder day before :D
So, if I need help - it's not about how make it easier for me, but how could I make it easier for my friend.
I think, he learned to manage his life pretty good and had things under controle when he is not under the stress. He left 9to5 job and his hobby his profession, being his own boss and managing pretty free his time and occupancy. But about 3 years ago thigs began to go south. It became really mess, in his private life, business, finance, helth .... No, he tried to get back on the road and honestly,I would jump out of my skin, if it only could help him.
Now he is planning long solo kayaking trip! It's all of nothing situation - if he succeed, it would repare his selfesteem and his reputation , if he fail...it would be very bad for him.
Your've heard it, kayaking. Probably very less kind of sport for someone with ADHD. He sais already, that he hate it, it would be too slow for him... But that's part of the challenge for my friend. I'm not happy with his choice, but I always respect his choices and I will always support him in everything what he does.
Has anybody here experience about kayaking? ( or another long, monotone activity?). I already promise, to find addresses of all chocolate&candy shops along his route ( he is incredible sweet thooth :p. Such a pleasure, to see how simple chocolate bar can get him from funk to happy! Little boy of 38 :).
Any suggestions, tips&tricks are more than welcom!
Thank you all

TheGreatKing
03-23-16, 03:23 PM
if i get bored in a activity i just find myself one day not doing it anymore. I get mental blocks its what it feels like.
I don't know what to do tell you ha ha, i would never do long boring activities i know i would just have a mental block and even if i tried pushing my mind already made up what it doesn't want to do lol. no control here :D
some days i have this unmotivated thing that looms over me and i just feel like sitting around relaxing. I am lucky that i have a flexible. :)
Try and go on this site
http://www.additudemag.com/
hopefully that helps :D

YelenaV
03-23-16, 04:13 PM
if i get bored in a activity i just find myself one day not doing it anymore. I get mental blocks its what it feels like.
:D
That's exactly , what I'mscared about. I mean , i tried to tell him, it's not necessere to be a great hero, do something easier to bein. But he wants to prove himself, he finds that he didn't achieve something really big in his life ( I'm disagree, but that's about how he feels, isn't?)
I would run at the side of his river, pulling crazy faces, but there is a little technical problem - he will kayak Mississippi, and I live in Belgium :(
I don't know , any tricks? should counting duckes swimming/flying by , help? Or listening to audiobooks?
He plans to kayak 6 hours/day. 6!!! and it would take weeks if not months!! I think, I can cal him few times (damn time difference too!) But I'm a little bit desperate , how could I keep him motivated all this time.
Any way, thank you for link, I'll try to find something there

YelenaV
03-30-16, 05:08 AM
Hi, everyone! Hope, you all have had a nice Eastern break, less or more. Last week, after I've read some here on the forum, I'm feeling like " how, for God's sake, you manage to live among the ""normal"" people and don't get a wish to kill someone one day. There must be something pretty though on ADD brain, some advantage? Something that you can better than NTs? Maybe you have a gen making you more resistant to the brain cancer or for scamming, for example? It's just didn't proved scientifically yet :-) (kind of trying to cheer you up, guys )
Anyway, I'm desperately try to learn, how can I make life of my friend little bit easier, at least that part when he's crossing with me.
I know about myself, I'm horribly talkative. I like to play with words, and the fact that I speak daily 4 different languages, better or worse, makes it sometimes funny, but sometimes harder to understand for others. And then, of course, The Great Phone Spelling Controller with his own idea " what should I want to say"!!
I realize, that I have a habit to change the pass, to spring from one subject to another, during talk. Of course, its mostly "light" talks. I have an NT advantage to keep all the tails of different conversations in my mind, but my friend doesn't.
So, my question is - for ADHDer , does it make conversation more difficult? I mean how does it feel to you, not how productive it is? I'm speaking about just funny chats, not solving of serious problems. It doesn't matter, if you get lost conversation line, but how does it feel? Even more confusing? Or relieving, to switch subjects after a while? When your conversation partner switches the subject, not your own brain? Just want to learn some tricks :-)
Generally, I would huge appreciate any thoughts and advices, about which kind of conversation/behaviour in common, could make you feel easier? Me and my friend, we live at the different continents, so I can't do much to help.him in a daily life, but we see each other once in a time, so any ideas about personal contact are welcome too.
P.S. Perhaps, you already got it - English isn't my mother tong . Sometimes I get my black out moments , when I stick at phonetic writing or use Dutch words, that exists in English too but may have very different meaning. + simple typos and famous autocorrect :-) I'm sorry, if you have hard time reading my posts, but it's all meant good :-)