View Full Version : Boyfriend with ADHD broke up with me.


gigilee87
03-23-16, 02:21 PM
I have been dating this wonderful man for 9 months now, he's the first person I have ever loved and I was the first person he ever loved as well. We always had a great time together we never even fought. For the past three months, he had been feeling very down, very unhappy with himself and his job. He started spending less time with me saying he was sorry but he was really struggling. I was always there for him, I gave him space when he needed it as well. He also has issues with drinking and had been using medical marijuana to calm his brain because of the adhd. When he broke things up with me he said he was very sorry, that he loves me still but that he can't see a future for himself. He said he feels defeated and hopeless and that he didn't want to drag me down and lead me on. That he needs to find something in himself, to love himself. He said he wants me to be there as a friend, since having a relationship is a special responsibility that he can't handle at the moment. He is not on medication for the adhd and has not been since he was a teenager, he's been relying on the substances to help calm his mind. He wants to get back on the medication and talk to a therapist, and start eating healthier and exercising as well. So it's been four days since we broke up.

So my question for this forum is weather I should be his friend and be there for him while he's struggling. I would like to hear any advice or from anyone who has a partner who has struggled with these issues as well.

Corina86
03-23-16, 04:54 PM
I can't discourage anyone from being someone else's friend- friends are always great. But I don't think you should get your hopes up about getting back with him. Maybe he told you the truth and he's afraid he'll drag you down with him- that can actually happen. And it will only cause him more guilt to have you around. Maybe he can deal with his issues better alone, because he can focus all his energy in one direction. But it could take years before he's prepared for a long term relationship. Or maybe he just gave you an excuse and he's breaking up with you for another reason. ADHD sometimes comes with commitment issues; in that case, you could be the best girlfriend in the world and it still wouldn't make a difference. I think you should do as he says, accept the breakup and maybe stay friends. He knows what's best for him better than you. And you should do whatever is best for you and that is finding someone who actually wants to be with you.

anonymouslyadd
03-23-16, 05:21 PM
I wish Corina was wrong, but she's probably right. I think he's probably telling you the truth about feeling overwhelmed with life. However, life goes on. People learn to cope. I would be careful with your own feelings and thoughts to ensure you protect yourself beyond this time.

I see a lot of me in your description of him. Sometimes, falling on your face is the best thing to seek help and grow personally.

gigilee87
03-23-16, 06:26 PM
Thank you for that reality check. I think I needed someone to be real and tell me that this is over. It's just hard and will take time.