View Full Version : Is it okay to rant? I hope it's okay to rant. :l


Simargl
03-23-16, 10:44 PM
It's interesting how a day can start out well but end miserably.

I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I think a lot of it has been caused by the frustration associated with my ADD.

My anxiety has been constant. It's been a long time since I've dealt with chronic depression although the depression fluctuates. I've found several ways to cope that seem to work for me. I over rationalize everything. I overthink everything.

A few months ago I noticed that I was returning to a pretty dark place. That sluggish depression that won't allow my eternal, some-what annoying optimism to shine through. I wanted to take hold of it as quickly as I could. I didn't want to relive my incredibly destructive past.

I started seeing a therapist and that's been helpful. I started seeing a psychiatrist and I feel like I'm back at square one. I started taking medication and while the Concerta was the most helpful, I couldn't find a dose that consistently worked for me. So, then came Adderall which does not agree with me at all.

I was supposed to start Ritalin two days ago but the pharmacy at my local HMO office is out of the strength that I need and they can't give me a higher strength to cut. They say they should have it ready for me tomorrow; no promises.

I thought I'd try 36mg of Concerta yesterday and that was actually pretty helpful but I crashed once I got home from work. My mood dropped dramatically. I know it's all chemically related but that doesn't help my motivation.

I read up (again) on how Concerta works and realized that one pill nearly equals my upcoming Ritalin dosage. So, Ritalin 5mg as needed instead of 4mg being released when the pill decides to release it over a period of time. I understand that that information was from one site and that doesn't mean it's correct but the explanation made sense to me.

Today I took 18mg of Concerta around 6:30am and took another 18mg around noon. It didn't help at all and now for a lack of better words... I'm ******* depressed. Chemically depressed. I get that- but I'm just so frustrated right now.

I didn't get anything done at work. I saw my therapist and I was completely all over the place which is good and bad. I feel like all of my annoying ADD behaviors are currently amplified.

I'm starting to regret ever trying ADD medication. I know it helps many people. I keep telling myself to be patient and there's a chance it might help me too. I just feel like I was so close to possibly getting there on my own and this whole situation has set me so far back.

My curiosity won't let me end this medication experiment until I know for certain it isn't the right path for me which is equally as frustrating.

aeon
03-23-16, 11:03 PM
I used to crash pretty hard from Ritalin/Concerta as well.

Have you yet tried 36mg Concerta at day start then another 36mg Concerta at mid-day?

Of course, there are Focalin and Dexedrine to try.

I’m sorry to hear the process of titration is not going well for you so far.


Well-Wishes,
Ian

Simargl
03-23-16, 11:30 PM
Thank you, Aeon.

I've suggested other meds to my provider but I'm getting push back.

I tried 36mg twice a day for a couple of days and it seemed like too much for me.

Tomorrow, if the Ritalin isn't ready, I'm going to try 36mg in the morning and 18mg around noon.

I think I knew the process wasn't going to be easy when I started all of this but at the same time I don't think I understood what I was really getting into.

aeon
03-23-16, 11:47 PM
I think I knew the process wasn't going to be easy when I started all of this but at the same time I don't think I understood what I was really getting into.

[Dr., to Simargl]: “How would you like to try playing as a lab rat?” :faint:


:grouphug:,
Ian

Simargl
03-24-16, 02:24 PM
[Dr., to Simargl]: “How would you like to try playing as a lab rat?” :faint:


:grouphug:,
Ian


Hahaha... Yes. That's how I feel right about now.

Little Missy
03-24-16, 03:42 PM
Boy, oh boy, you've really had a lot thrown at you in a short period of time. I wish I could be more helpful but I'm from the old 'just prescribe it' days and never had to do any of this new try it all stuff.

Simargl
03-24-16, 05:22 PM
Boy, oh boy, you've really had a lot thrown at you in a short period of time. I wish I could be more helpful but I'm from the old 'just prescribe it' days and never had to do any of this new try it all stuff.

Hey, thank you. I think I hit my limit yesterday and I needed to get all of that out of me.

My mood is better right now but I'm all over the place as far as work and focusing.

Fortune
03-24-16, 06:54 PM
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. Anyone would be stressed by that much crap.

Also, it is very okay to rant. :) That's one of the things we're here for.

Little Missy
03-24-16, 07:00 PM
Hey, thank you. I think I hit my limit yesterday and I needed to get all of that out of me.

My mood is better right now but I'm all over the place as far as work and focusing.

Oh yeah, we all have those days. Hey, it isn't like I'm all that focused all the time. I get about three hours at a time three times a day and not even for any time at all at times. It is a ride. Just don't start bucking and squealing and it should be okay.

Simargl
03-24-16, 10:33 PM
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot. Anyone would be stressed by that much crap.

Also, it is very okay to rant. :) That's one of the things we're here for.

Thank you. (:

Oh yeah, we all have those days. Hey, it isn't like I'm all that focused all the time. I get about three hours at a time three times a day and not even for any time at all at times. It is a ride. Just don't start bucking and squealing and it should be okay.

XD Sound Advice! I'll do my best to heed it. (:

weaselish
05-20-16, 10:00 PM
I don't really know how people med-hop so casually. I have to be not in school and not working for a few weeks to start taking a new med. It is just too unpredictable for those first days. Usually initial side effects have a timeframe where they'll say "take until day x, and if on day x you are still having side effects then this one is not going to work." But of course if they are so bad as yours sounded and you have experience with feeling that depressed in the past, best to follow your instinct. I hope by now you are either on something that is not giving you this junk or off things and getting over the side effects. This whole month has been similar to your story for me, and now that I had to come off meds for side effects, I am incredibly neurotransmitter-messed-up. It sucks to feel like you can be a spectator to your thoughts for so long and then start feeling helpless. I really hope this month has been better for you.