View Full Version : Vent!! Daughter's first haircut didn't go as planned...


Lee1975
03-25-16, 10:48 AM
Hi all I'm new here so bear with me while I learn the ropes:) my daughter just turned four and has Never had her hair cut and I was looking forward to taking her for her first trim on her birthday. It is beautiful tight bouncy ringlets halfway down her back. My MIL decided to cut it herself and now it hangs just below her ears!! I'm so upset!! Besides not sharing her first cut, it looks terrible and while she's still gorgeous i just hate it. Every time I look at it I get upset all over again. I know it's only hair but i just can't seem to let it go. Am I being unreasonable. Is it ok to still be upset? Is my ADHD making me obsess over it? Gaaahh!!! :confused:

TheGreatKing
03-25-16, 01:04 PM
Welcome to the forums :)
I think that is ok to be upset about it but hair grows back and its better just to let it go.
just explain to her that your sad because you looking forward to taking to her first trim but don't dwell on it. not worth the stress. As for the ADHD making you obsess over this situation, i am not sure about that.
Hope that helps :)

Lee1975
03-26-16, 05:06 AM
Thank you :) Re-reading my post I realise I left out a few key point lol.

My daughter doesn't know there was any issue, luckily. When I said I get upset again (inside not visibly) and wondering if I'm being unreasonable, besides the disappointment, is because I feel that it's wrong for anyone to do things like drastic haircuts without running it by the Parent first. Well, at least it wasn't pierced ears!!! :)

Cyllya
03-26-16, 06:02 PM
It's understandable. It was definitely inappropriate of your MIL to cut your kid's hair without your permission. If she's the sort of person who pulls crap like this often, no doubt that's adding to why you're upset.

Socaljaxs
03-26-16, 06:20 PM
Yes you have the right to be upset! Is this your only daughter or first child? Any and all first should be experienced as much as possible so I understand.

You need to set boundaries with your MIL while yes hair grows back, and no permanent damage was done. This is a boundary violation and its best to address it or have her father talk to her instead. She's your child and any and all decisions go thru you first. Plus children(myself included found haircuts traumatic as a child)

Little Missy
03-26-16, 09:24 PM
Thank you :) Re-reading my post I realise I left out a few key point lol.

My daughter doesn't know there was any issue, luckily. When I said I get upset again (inside not visibly) and wondering if I'm being unreasonable, besides the disappointment, is because I feel that it's wrong for anyone to do things like drastic haircuts without running it by the Parent first. Well, at least it wasn't pierced ears!!! :)

Yeah, well don't laugh too hard. My daughter went to visit her cousins when she was 3 and came back with her ears pierced. :eyebrow:

peripatetic
03-26-16, 09:40 PM
I would be furious. Not necessarily about the hair itself so much as the gross overstepping of boundaries.

If this is one of many such boundary stomps by your mother in law, it needs addressed or it'll not stop. If this is the only time she's done something that wasn't discussed and agreed upon first, then nip it in the bud. Your partner should be ready to rein in his mum, too.

I don't think it's necessarily ADHD related to be upset about this either.

Stevuke79
03-26-16, 10:12 PM
It's messed up that your MIL did that and you definitely need to lay down the law.

Obsessing and having it stuck in your mind might be exacerbated by the adhd

Lee1975
03-26-16, 10:47 PM
[QUOTE=Little Missy;1798189]Yeah, well don't laugh too hard. My daughter went to visit her cousins when she was 3 and came back with her ears pierced. :eyebrow:[/QUOTE

Oh no! Sorry to hear that, I couldn't imagine even thinking about doing that to someone else's child :(

Lee1975
03-26-16, 10:55 PM
It's understandable. It was definitely inappropriate of your MIL to cut your kid's hair without your permission. If she's the sort of person who pulls crap like this often, no doubt that's adding to why you're upset.

She hasn't done anything like this before thank goodness! :)

Lee1975
03-26-16, 11:06 PM
[QUOTE=Socaljaxs;1798161]Yes you have the right to be upset! Is this your only daughter or first child? Any and all first should be experienced as much as possible so I understand.

You need to set boundaries with your MIL while yes hair grows back, and no permanent damage was done. This is a boundary violation and its best to address it or have her father talk to her instead. She's your child and any and all decisions go thru you first. Plus children(myself included found haircuts traumatic as a child)[/QUOTE

Yes her dad talked to her. If she had just said something all 3 of us could've gone to the hairdressers together!

Lee1975
03-26-16, 11:14 PM
I would be furious. Not necessarily about the hair itself so much as the gross overstepping of boundaries.

If this is one of many such boundary stomps by your mother in law, it needs addressed or it'll not stop. If this is the only time she's done something that wasn't discussed and agreed upon first, then nip it in the bud. Your partner should be ready to rein in his mum, too.

I don't think it's necessarily ADHD related to be upset about this either.

It was the first thing that has really upset me, and yes her dad talked to her. I'm furious at not being asked but I need to stop obsessing over her hair being gone asap!

Lee1975
03-26-16, 11:23 PM
It's messed up that your MILANO did that and you definitely need to lay down the law.

Obsessing and having it stuck in your mind might be exacerbated by the adhd

It sure was a shock! Yes I think I did obsess about a little more than I should. Well time to get over it I think! :)

Little Missy
03-27-16, 06:46 AM
[QUOTE=Little Missy;1798189]Yeah, well don't laugh too hard. My daughter went to visit her cousins when she was 3 and came back with her ears pierced. :eyebrow:[/QUOTE

Oh no! Sorry to hear that, I couldn't imagine even thinking about doing that to someone else's child :(

I was shocked and appalled! I never said a thing though. I'm sure the look on my face spoke volumes. Ah well, ancient history now.

Unmanagable
03-27-16, 08:41 AM
My husband's former MIL was intrusive and aggressive as all get out when it came to issues with the the kids when we first met.

I had to set really clear and firm boundaries to get it to cease once we decided to marry and live in the same home, because it was clear the hubster was quite comfortable remaining quiet as opposed to addressing the obvious boundary issues.

But, homey don't play that way, nor do I allow myself to foster that behavior in others, so I spoke up.

I did it in writing since I knew how emotionally charged things would likely get.

Once I did that, the issue resolved itself.

May she respect your wishes and the boundary that has now been defined.

Flipping the script in your own brain to switch gears in how you think about it: for me - usually when I try to make a situation purposely entertaining to my brain vs. allowing it to anger and enrage my brain, it helps a lot.

Some days, it's easier to tap into that humorous space than others. Try to make an inside joke of it that you can sincerely chuckle at each time you look at your beautiful daughter and your MIL.

Twiggy
03-27-16, 10:36 AM
Beauty on the outside doesn't really matter.
A 4 year old doesn't have the concept of how he/she looks to society.
Hair doesn't define a person.

Remember, there are children that have cancer and are bald.

Lee1975
03-27-16, 11:06 AM
My husband's former MIL was intrusive and aggressive as all get out when it came to issues with the the kids when we first met.

I had to set really clear and firm boundaries to get it to cease once we decided to marry and live in the same home, because it was clear the hubster was quite comfortable remaining quiet as opposed to addressing the obvious boundary issues.

But, homey don't play that way, nor do I allow myself to foster that behavior in others, so I spoke up.

I did it in writing since I knew how emotionally charged things would likely get.

Once I did that, the issue resolved itself.

May she respect your wishes and the boundary that has now been defined.

Flipping the script in your own brain to switch gears in how you think about it: for me - usually when I try to make a situation purposely entertaining to my brain vs. allowing it to anger and enrage my brain, it helps a lot.

Some days, it's easier to tap into that humorous space than others. Try to make an inside joke of it that you can sincerely chuckle at each time you look at your beautiful daughter and your MIL.

Good for you!! Luckily this has been a once off. I'm sure it will become one of our jokes.....soon....lol :)