View Full Version : Can't deal with these people


Gilthranon
03-26-16, 06:31 AM
Need some advice. It's a simple situation but I can't deal with it, it's a recurring thing.

Situation : arrived in a hostel and I close the door that is held open with an object, to prevent from closing. Later I notice someone has put that door in the same position to which I close it again. Security and I like doors closed. Then I meet the woman whom does it. I quickly notice she's a super character (I call people that act with overwhelming personalities, not on purpose, just how 'abundant' they come over to me. Her voice is very loud naturally as a beginning which I can't handle) and I know how I react to that.

So now I need to learn how to deal with situations like these. Either I react like I do and we get my bulldozer subtle rebellion where I just make bluntly clear they're not alone - but this never ends well and is extremely confrontational to my social anxiety.
Or I 'let go'. Don't really let go, more like dwell in inner raging opposition thinking how much I hate them, which is just as unhealthy and wait until either of us leaves the area, in hostels this is easier.
I suspect, like most people like her did, whatever I do she disapproves she will immediately 'react strongly'.

Everything I wrote is entirely open straight up and genuinely my point of view with an honesttogod problem I look to deal with. The issue is communication, the rest is context.

Little Missy
03-26-16, 07:22 AM
I'd say, either go with the flow or don't stay in a hostel. What else can you do?

Unmanagable
03-26-16, 08:05 AM
Why is she propping the door open, and have you asked? The reasoning may be very valid, or may be something sensory she's trying to deal with.

Going into an environment where others are already established (If that's the case here), then trying to do something differently upon your arrival, and expecting everyone to be on board with it, can lead to much awkwardness and tension.

I'd write down my reasoning and how I feel I could best communicate my needs so I could have it a bit more clearly in my mind how I wish to present the information. My brain requires me to write something to better connect my thoughts and have it stick with me longer. I may even present them with a copy so there's little chance of them misinterpreting my intentions.

If I still felt I couldn't communicate successfully, or if my needs aren't given the same respect as all the others AFTER we've had a successful dialogue, then I'd likely have to find another space to be in.

Socaljaxs
03-26-16, 09:21 AM
I quickly notice she's a super character (I call people that act with overwhelming personalities, not on purpose, just how 'abundant' they come over to me. Her voice is very loud naturally as a beginning which I can't handle) and I know how I react to that. I would be what you classify as a super character. However, if you addressed the issue that I'm doing in a positive and respectful tone, I'm actually very sweet and do my best to not be bothersome to others.. Point is don't assume the energy a person gives out is their true self. People come off in ways that do not match their true intent or personality. She may be overly dominant personality. But she may not even realize that she's bugging you or that she's doing something that bothers you, she may be doing it for hundreds of reason that have nothing to do with you..

Have you spoken to her at all about this? And done do in a respectful and polite tone? Many times that can solve the issue right there. If you come to someone politely and not in an accusing tone, you may get better responses.

I suspect, like most people like her did, whatever I do she disapproves she will immediately 'react strongly'. you suspect it based on an idea you created of her in your head. But you honestly, don't know for sure that she will react the way you assume. Honestly, and this is meant in a positive way but most people especially strangers, don't care enough about strangers to approve or disapprove of them as it is. Also, so what if she disapproves what impact will this women have on you in a year from now? She's just someone that you cross paths with not s constant figure.

Why is she propping the door open, and have you asked? The reasoning may be very valid, or may be something sensory she's trying to deal with.

Going into an environment where others are already established (If that's the case here), then trying to do something differently upon your arrival, and expecting everyone to be on board with it, can lead to much awkwardness and tension.

I'd write down my reasoning and how I feel I could best communicate my needs so I could have it a bit more clearly in my mind how I wish to present the information. My brain requires me to write something to better connect my thoughts and have it stick with me longer. I may even present them with a copy so there's little chance of them misinterpreting my intentions.

If I still felt I couldn't communicate successfully, or if my needs aren't given the same respect as all the others AFTER we've had a successful dialogue, then I'd likely have to find another space to be in.
:goodpost::thankyou:this times 100