View Full Version : not wanting relationship


thad
05-11-05, 11:07 PM
hi, im 16 years old, with ADD. and i dont take medicine,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,whenever me and a girl, feel the same way about each other,, i will never ask her out , not because im scared, but because for some reason i just dont want to be in a relationship,,,,,,does neone else with ADD have this problem,,,,,,,,please this problem is very frusterating,,,,,and i dont know if medicine will help...

Ian
05-12-05, 12:55 AM
Welcome to the forums thad.

ADD comes bundled with a lot of problems for me. Less now than when I was sixteen though which is cool by me! :D

I don't know how much this has to do with ADD or whether it's just life lessons, but taking some time to begin slowly to enter into contact with girls I liked, led me to better places. I found I didn't need to be in a relationship with someone necessarily, to have some of the benefits of their friendship.
Does this help? Maybe you could flush this out a bit more? Was the teen section any use?

Whatever the case, let us know how we might help.
Cheers!

Ichpuchtli
05-12-05, 03:26 AM
Acctullly I did have that problem when I was in school but I got over it but I do remember the reason. It was because I thought it was to much work and to much effort to keep the relationship going. Hope that helps.

Toby
05-12-05, 05:34 PM
Human cognitive reasoning revolves entirely around interpretation, and nowhere is this more obvious than when it comes to relationships. We love to lust after something we can never attain, it's what makes us stare in shop windows, try on Armani suits and test drive Porches. We interpret the objects of our affection in a way that engenders them with iconic status, worshiped for their enigmatism

Sometimes one of the motivators to start a relationship is probe that enigmatic shroud and see what makes them tick. Once that's done, the enigmatism is gone and the grass suddenly looks greener back over the other side again.

My experience seems to be the polar opposite to yours, but I hope it can help anyway.

There was a time when i was completely obsessed with my best friend, I so badly wanted it to go further, but I was scared of loosing her by going for it. I was lonely at the time, but it's nothing in comparism to what came next. In the end I lost her anyway, and found out at that time that she did felt the same about me =/. In hindsight she had a lot of ADD tendencies, maybe that's why we connected so well.

Now I find myself in a different position, desperate for any kind of relationship, although i think i'd probably still be tentative if put in that position again. Ultimately what you decide is never going to be wrong, it's your own choice what you do with your life.

Ultimately, it's perfectly normal not to want to be in a relationship, if it's what you really want then don't try and fight it. Don't feel like you have to be in one.

addhil
05-24-05, 02:38 PM
Hey Thad, well it's only been 5 years since I was 16, and I think a lot of the guys your age felt the same way about relationships. When people hooked up, it never lasted very long, and it seemed to be more of an experiment for them, especially the guys. It tends to be the girls who actually want to be in a relationship, though this isn't always the case (girls are socialised at an early age to aspire to relationships more than guys are, but that doesn't mean that they are actually any more ready for them than guys are)...and a lot of guys will date girls just because they find them attractive and everyone else seems to be doing it. But none of those relationships last long, and a lot of people around your age end up having hurt feelings.

Go with your gut feeling, if you don't want a relationship, my advice is to not bother trying one. It might seem like dating will lead to all the great things everything says it will, but unless you both have enough respect for yourselves to go with your gut feelings, it will be a disappointment.

In a couple more years you probably will be dying to have a relationship, and you might go crazy for someone, but please don't jump to the conclusion that those feelings are love, you can't truly love a person unless you love everything about them, inside and out. And you don't learn about those things until months and months down the road.

I remember how it seemed like I was going to be single forever, I didn't have a real boyfriend till I was 17, but I rushed into it and I didn't know how a relationship should be. My advice is once you feel ready to try a relationship, go for it, but just don't expect too much from it. That way you still gain the important relationship experience without sacrificing too much of yourself.

hun127
06-01-05, 04:16 AM
honestly i need sum advice and fast i do not have add, however i do like a guy who does. i'm 17 yrs old and i have liked him for 2 yrs. unfortunately he doesnt feel the same way i do, im assuming this though, and im left without him. he tries to impress his friends all the time and he uses add as an excuse to be bad. i've seen a sensitive side to him and i know deep down theres sumthing more, but i dont want him to feel threatened. he allready gets in his modes and will have days when he is to angry to say hi...n e ways can u plz msg me bak

veryrandom
06-01-05, 11:27 PM
hun127: he tries to impress his friends all the time and he uses add as an excuse to be bad
are you sure hes using add as an excuse to be bad??? even though im a girl lots of times i just get bored in class and its better to be in trouble than to sit in my seat and be bored. also i blurt out stuff that comes to my head without thinking that its bad, like talking back to my teacehrs its already out of my mouth before i realize ive thought it. with him trying to impress his friends he cant help that either, we get extra bored and have to do things to get unbored and the only thing that cures that is doing something dangerous thats exciting. its not nessicarily wanting to be impressive to others, i dont even notice people much, im doing things that are apparently dangerous and i dont realize that everyone is watching me!!! and sorry if im sounding mean im not trying to and im not writing this in a mean tone, just trying to make that clear.i sound angry when i dont mean to :p he might not realize hes showing that hes angry, i show how im feeling more than i mean to. just say his name before talking to him, that helps. and dont be bossy or need him to behanve and be quiet, if you accept him for who his is he'll probably like you back. just be there for him.

crime_scene
06-01-05, 11:42 PM
you don't sound mean, veryrandom, you sound honest. I think your advice is excellent.

Crazygirl79
08-14-05, 10:13 PM
I was just like you my friend! I had many crushes on guys/girls as a teen/young adult and while I "hyperfocussed" on that person I never had the guts to ask them out and if I did I always stuffed up majorly and I've always felt restricted even at the thought of being in a relationship, what the confusing part is, is that a part of me wants to be in a relationship and another part of me doesnt:confused: :confused: :confused:



hi, im 16 years old, with ADD. and i dont take medicine,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,whenever me and a girl, feel the same way about each other,, i will never ask her out , not because im scared, but because for some reason i just dont want to be in a relationship,,,,,,does neone else with ADD have this problem,,,,,,,,please this problem is very frusterating,,,,,and i dont know if medicine will help...

Crybaby1898
09-10-05, 04:20 PM
its looks like you have a lot of people advice take what you need and leave the rest maybe you are subcouncisely holding yourself back and you just don't know it. look, i have met plently of guys who wanted to be with me but didn'twant the burden it came with it or just didn't want to be in a relationship boy its okay. you are just a kid you have a lot of time to groww and mature your self into a heathly young man. don't rush it

FightingBoredom
09-10-05, 04:37 PM
Acctullly I did have that problem when I was in school but I got over it but I do remember the reason. It was because I thought it was to much work and to much effort to keep the relationship going. Hope that helps.
Yep, that was me exactly. I thought it was too much work just being around me and meeting my needs. Having girlfriends seemed so complicated that I didn't. I remember having many "girlfiends" like those where a friend says so and so wants to be your girlfriend and we'd hang out with groups of friends. But it still would get complicated in my head and they'd end up sending over some other girlfriend to let me know I'd really blown it. :D

I'd advise you to get into one and leap head first. You might screw it up and be back where you are now. But it will be an experience you'll look back on and feel good that you did rather than look back 30 years later and regret not taking the chance.

Either way you choose to do it is cool. You have SO much time ahead of you that there isn't anything you realy MUST do in regards to relationships until you're like 36 and balding. :faint:

Crybaby1898
09-20-05, 12:49 PM
do what you gottado

lilhurt38
11-30-05, 01:00 AM
I have the same problem. I've been totally into a girl that I was almost best friends with and when I had the option to go out with her I decided that i didn't want to go out with her. It happened twice and it was frustrating because it was like something I couldn't help doing, but then i'd feel terrible afterwards. I've never had a girlfriend and I don't really wish to have any for a while, i guess i have too much fun being single.

dexter05
03-12-06, 08:00 PM
I am 17, and male, junior in high school.

I find that I rather have a really good friendship at this age instead of a "girlfriend" relationship. Granted at times I wish I had this type of relationship with certain poeple. I find that I don't want to be in relationship partly because I don't want to be tied down, I don't want to focus on spending time with one girl always, and neglate other female friendships. I don't want the complications of a relationship, too. I have alot to deal with already, we all do.

At our age it is okay to not be in a relationship, friendships are fine.

But if their is someone you know who you really want to ask, go out and do it, if the friendship is strong it should last, even if one of the two don't feel like they want to be girlfriend and boyfriend.

livinginchaos
03-12-06, 10:31 PM
Great advice, dexter!!

william tell
03-20-06, 05:38 PM
I agree with Fightingbordom, Jump in head first, have fun and take the experiances with you on your journey through life. I have the fondest of memories from that tender age -the song Night Moves comes to mind ...LOL
If you don't want to in one, nothings stopping you from being great friends with everybody, one of my regrets is that I was shy -well - 80% of the time I was shy - the other 20% I had my mojo

lilhurt38
03-28-06, 08:48 PM
I'm 17 and I've had the same problem. I got really interested in a girl that I was really good friends with. I knew that she had feelings for me and we ended up hooking up, but i never went out with her. I guess I just didn't know what to do in that situation. I had the chance to go out with her, but i got a gut telling me that i didn't want a gf. She got sick of waiting for me and ended up going out with one of my good friends. I just think that I didn't want to have a relationship because I didn't think I was mature enough to have one. And I was right, I wasn't mature enough to have a relationship.

lilhurt38
03-28-06, 08:56 PM
also, why would you want to get involved in all that when high school is full of hot girls?

josnic
04-04-06, 07:16 AM
I'm new too :)

I understand how you feel. I'm in my senior year of high school now and for some reason, my interest in girlfriend is dwindling. I still like to talk with girls, but a relationship? It just sounds to be too much of work and time. But since I plan to enter university this year and surrounded by school work, it could be a main factor.

However my first real girlfriend was when I was 15.. but that was purely physical. It didnt end up good btw. Now I'm older (although only a little lol..) I think it's ok if you dont want to get into a relationship. So many happy singles out there, why cant you be one of them? Being in a relationship has its perk, but not in one has its own perks too.

My suggestion is to take your time and let things flow naturally.

And for lilhurt38 : Sometimes you should let your heart guide you. You dont know what the future hold for you... so dont be afraid to take chances. Those failure experiences might serve you well in the future.

For now though, let it go since it's in the past anyway. Just remember to take your chance in the future :)