View Full Version : Need guidance-adderall abuse

04-05-16, 12:24 PM
Hello all,

I'll try to be brief as possible. January 2015 my mid 40s wife and I realized our marriage was on the rocks and started marriage counseling. It didn't work (not the best counselor in in my opinion).

I recently discovered that beginning of March of 2015 (as we were doing therapy) my wife started filling my sons 15mg XR Adderall prescription (which he did not take for his ADHD condition) and began taking them herself.

A number of things started in March 2015 for our marriage:

1) Sex went from healthy amount to none

2) Wife felt not able to stay at home at nights, began housesitting for friends and then sharing an apartment with a friend. She has slept at home maybe 30 out of the past 365 nights.

3) She dropped 8 dress sizes-which I know is a plus to her as physical looks are a point of focus in her family (and her and siblings have had weight issues)

When I made the discovery of the Adderall use (Early February 2016) she was doing 30mg/40mg doses daily, is currently about 130lb in weight.

We had a chat about the drug use, and I confiscated most of the drugs, leaving her a sufficient supply and asked her to wean off if she could.

Within in a few days after I had confiscated the drugs I verified she had obtained a 5mg prescription. When confronted she acknowledged getting them and saying 5mg wasn't enough, and that she was concerned about weight gain and withdrawal. She is involved in school administration, and realizing how tough this time of year is I relented and returned the meds to her.

Currently she is wanting to move forward with a divorce. Granted we do have some other minor issues regarding our marriage, but I ask her if she is not being irrational about pursuing the divorce due to the Adderall use-and she denies it, vehemently.

Now my great fear is she is about to make some irretrievable mistakes and seriously damage not only her life, but also mine, and our two kids aged 10 and 14. We have some major financial entanglements, and if she proceeds at full steam for the divorce we both may be in a really bad situation.

Two questions:

1) I don't want to blame the divorce proceedings on the Adderall, but could its use provide a state of mind that might lead one to pursue such things when it is not wise to do so?

2) She has absolutely no respect for me right now, and any time the Adderall use is brought up by me she dismisses it. I've considered giving all the above information to her folks (who help us tremendously in many regards) in hopes that she might listen to them. What are your thoughts on this approach?

Just don't want to send up in a really, really sorry state of affairs due to the drug use by my wife and lack of realization what she is doing.

I feel she has been in an amphetamine fog since March of 2015.

Thanks for your help....

04-05-16, 07:21 PM
If any drug is abused then it can to lead to problems.

ADHD meds are meant taken therapeutically in small doses so they can give the desired affect.

Amphetamines are especially touch and go since they can potentially be addictive.

Your wife has a drug habit and should seek help for the sake of your marriage and family.

Hope you can work things out.

04-05-16, 08:49 PM
See if she has symptoms of hypomania. Get to the bottom of her side effects. I'm sorry this is happening to you all.

04-05-16, 10:18 PM
**I'm not. Lawyer this,is,just my opinion. this is not to be considered legal advice either.

My advice get a lawyer ASAP document everything. Contact the pharmacies and get a,print out of the medications perscribed. Lao contact your son's doctor to get the perscribed monthly medication and history reports... Count pills also!

From there, I would tell her either she gets help now to detox safely, which you will help her do or you will call the police and report her for illegal theft of medications. also, you should tell the doctor of this as well. It will stop her from obtaining additional meds.

You could easily tell the doctor that you suspect someone taking your son's meds and your son has tics ext and that the perscriptiojs aren't needed right now. Something if actually contacting the police isn't comfortable for you. The doctor will stop writing them and flag them.

It's harsh yes, but the disease has a hold of your wife, and unless she gets stopped she won't stop till she hits bottom. She wants to file for divorce, it could get nasty but the fact she is illegally using drugs does help you out especially child support, alimony ext. protect you and the kids first. They need someone to have them in their corner

04-06-16, 03:24 PM
Thank you are for your help.

Yes-I'm pill counting. She is doing about 25mg a day. She has an appointment to be screened for ADHD (which she feels she has and has used it to justify her abuse) at the beginning of May, but her supply will dry up at her current rate before then.

She will not be allowed to take my son to the psychiatrist again. And as the pills were purchased on my insurance I have full records of all refills.

She has a very visible position at her workplace, a private school, so I am going to lay low and carefully monitor things...and at the same time examine the wisdom of dissolving our marriage-which I foresee to be truly catastrophic for our kids.

If the time comes I will confiscate the apartment keys, and the drugs and prescription records and give them to her pop, whom she will give respect.

Hopefully if this happens it will be at the end of the school year-then perhaps she can get some help...

04-06-16, 05:46 PM
Talk to a lawyer, the trying to lay low and monitor may backfire on you. I would contact a lawyer asap and have them tell you what is best. You trying to help her by laying low is not truly helping her. It's enabling her illegal activity. Which it is illegal behavior and a crime

04-06-16, 10:46 PM
I don't think you can blame the Adderall for any of the things you're trying to blame it for.

I agree with everyone that it's wrong for her to take the Adderall illegally, and it's potentially unhealthy for her to take it without a doctor's guidance. However, your marriage was already failing before she started taking it, she says she thinks she has ADHD, and she's taking a therapeutic-level dose of an ADHD medication at least partially in extended-release capsules.

Obviously I've never met your wife, but unless she's grinding it up and snorting it or something, it's really unlikely that such a small amount of Adderall would cause any serious cognitive or emotional ill effects, even if she's wrong about having ADHD. Being "in a fog" and having a sudden inability to make decisions as an adult aren't even typical side effects from Adderall. If Adderall has actually caused the divorce proceedings, it's more likely because it allowed her to get her ADHD-like symptoms under control well enough that she was capable of proceeding.

It makes sense that the whole situation with your marriage is emotionally difficult for you and you want to attribute it to something that can just be removed from the situation, but it just does not look like that's the case. I think she stopped having sex with you because she doesn't want to have sex with you, she moved out because she doesn't want to live with you, and she's planning a divorce because she doesn't want to be married to you. If you want to try to talk her into remaining married or at least delaying the divorce until you can resolve some of your financial entanglements, you should show her enough respect to take her concerns seriously instead of dismissing her feelings as drug-induced insanity.

It's quite possible that if she were doing everything correctly, she'd still be taking the exact same drugs, except doing so legally.

If you want to disclose her illegal activity to her parents or the court, that's understandable, but I can't think of a reason you'd be justified in confiscating her apartment keys. Or do you mean your own apartment keys?

04-07-16, 02:12 AM
I'm gonna be a little harsh, no offense meant.
She needs help. It doesnt matter if she thinks she needs it or not, she needs the help to stop the med abuse. What you need is an honest partner. Its a FELONY. She is putting herself, her family and the prescribing doctor's license at risk. There is no other way to look at it. Would you allow a friend to be around your kids if you knew they were illegally taking a controlled substance? What would you feel like if your son was older and told you he was doing something similar?

It doesnt matter if the divorce is a result of the medication or not. Right now, on the track she's on, it needs to happen. It needs to happen because shes not being honest and doesnt seem to see how wrong the situation is. What if her son sees this doctor and the doctor talks to him about how he feels on the medication? Your son will either not know what to say, or lie to protect his mom. Do not put him in that position.
If you are living with children and a parent who knowingly and illegally using any kind of drugs, then you are just as culpable as she is when it comes to the safety of your kids. A judge or social worker will want to know why you allowed it to happen.

How to protect yourself?
Document everything. Once you have whatever records about her history taking the meds etc, tell the pharmacies about her. Tell the doctor whats going on. If that doesnt work, call the cops. You dont want the mother of your kids in jail, but you cant put up with this sort of nonesense.
I know this is hard to swallow but she clearly isnt thinking about the long term effects of anything. You cant allow your kids to be with her unsupervised
and you need to protect their interests.
look, my opinion is the adderall just moved up the divorce from a maybe to a definitely. I feel like it would have happened anyway, adderall is just the excuse. You have to protect your own interests, financially and otherwise.

04-11-16, 01:59 PM
Guys once again-I thank you for all the input.

I beg to differ Cyllya-we went from a couple actively going through therapy her staying at home, and trying to work things out-to things as I described it. It was night and day, and while I agree it is possible the pills did not cause things, I think it has to be entertained that they contributed.

And the apartment is where she rooms with a friend of a friend (or another man-for all that I know).

I am receiving constant lies from her about little things-where she is going and what she is doing...

And discovered this weekend she shifted part of our savings and all of our income tax refund into her private account.

I can get the $ back easily-that is not a problem.

I've decided I'm involving her pop-the only person in the world I feel she has any respect for at the moment.

Our anniversary is coming up-and I am going to ask if she would like to renew vows-and give it another go. But I know she will not consider it.

Thanks to all for everything.

I hate waking at 1am in the morning, and thinking about this til its time for school and work...

04-11-16, 02:28 PM
And the apartment is where she rooms with a friend of a friend (or another man-for all that I know).
This not someone who wants to save her marriage.

I am receiving constant lies from her about little things-where she is going and what she is doing...

And discovered this weekend she shifted part of our savings and all of our income tax refund into her private account.

Read over what you just wrote. If you had a female friend or family member who's husband shacked up with someone else and diverted common funds into his account- would you advise her to even consider working on that marriage?

I've decided I'm involving her pop-the only person in the world I feel she has any respect for at the moment.

DO NOT do this. A- its not his business to be enmeshed in your marriage. There is no good reason for you to involve him and if there are any hopes to work on your marriage, this will seal the deal on that front. I would never respect my husband if he went to a parent with all of that stuff. Marriage is between 2 spouses- not 2 spouses and the inlaws.

Our anniversary is coming up-and I am going to ask if she would like to renew vows-and give it another go. But I know she will not consider it.

Thanks to all for everything.

I hate waking at 1am in the morning, and thinking about this til its time for school and work...
Look, this will seem harsh. DO not spend any more time trying to work on the marriage. I say that not because its hopeless but because you are more than meeting her halfway and she is exhibiting signs that the marriage is and was over long before this.

Lies about her location, money, feelings, pills...not something that even a good marriage can bounce back from let alone a troubled one.

04-11-16, 02:41 PM
I really appreciate your responses SS....its a tough time and my head is spinning.

I really care less about my end result-just want things best for my 10 and 14 year old.... :(

04-18-16, 12:16 PM
I'd i could add something that may help. In regards to medication yeah her dose is to high. You're in a tough position trying to deal with this. IMO I would not blame the meds per Se.
A lot of her behaviour can be explained by medication, however what's in your heart doesn't change, I would give her plenty of space.

04-22-16, 02:59 PM
tannat, I really feel for you, it's a crappy situation to be in.

If you live in a place like California, with "no-fault" divorce laws, it's going to be a 50/50 split no matter what.

Think of it as the price you pay for a free and happy future! :mad:

It takes time to heal the wounds of a dysfunctional and abusive relationship. Your W sounds emotionally abusive, to be sure; and a drug addict to boot! Maybe some narcissistic qualities in there... *gasp*

The wreckage is always there and unfortunately, the kids pay the price. Best to split things evenly, remain as civil as possible during legal proceedings and document everything! Keep the kids clear of conflicts with your W. Unfortunately, that won't stop her from manipulating the kids against you, but you don't have to fan the flames on your end.

Drug abuse will be hard to prove on your end, since she is taking a legally-prescribed stimulant.

Cheering you on and wishing you the best...

08-19-16, 02:09 AM
The first thing you need to do is talk to a lawyer. IMMEDIATELY. Your wife is doing all kinds of **** that is both illegal and dangerous to herself, your kid, and you. This marriage is clearly headed for divorce and you need to do everything you can to protect yourself and your kid in the inevitable legal proceedings. That means gathering all of the documentation of her drug issues that you currently have and taking them to a lawyer ASAP. He/she will guide you from there.

08-19-16, 09:48 AM
She takes 25 mg a day? Technically, she is 'abusing' the medication... But at 25 mg a day (and if she's actually being disciplined about taking the same dose), maybe she is self-medicating actual ADHD, and you could encourage her to get a full psychiatric evaluation.

She may be ashamed of ADHD and that's why she's going about this way to seek treatment. It is very dangerous, and has little efficacy in terms of successfully treating ADHD in the long-run. The most successful cases are open, transparent, honest, and supported by everyone.

Of course, heed all the legal advice from above.