View Full Version : my add girlfriend lying to me sometimed

mister man
04-08-16, 09:56 PM
Hello every one. I have a girlfriend who has add she is 29 years old and some times she is lying to me for a stupid small things. And i know she is lying but she refuse to admit it. Actually that makes me loose the trust between us and i dont know what to do . Is that a normal thing for people who have add ? Why she is lying to me ??
Hope some one can help me and explane to me. Thanks

04-09-16, 03:14 AM
I dont think this is an adhd thing. In fact I think it may be a fear thing or anxiety thing.
Since you mentioned she lies about little things, a lot of times someone who is afraid of being honest because that means they have to be vunerable. Sometimes the fear of disappointing our loved ones causes them to lie with the intention of sparing the loved one.
Sometimes the anxiety of fearing rejection can make someone lie.
Its different then lying about cheating on someone, stealing and denying it, and deceiving or manipulating others.

mister man
04-09-16, 07:58 AM
Thanks sarah for answering. But she doesnt cheat or do these bad things. For example if i ask her why i didnt hear any thing from you during these 2 houres att work.. she say my mobile was dead .and it was not iam very sure. Why she just can say sorry iam busy with work. ?

04-09-16, 01:35 PM
the only time i lie is to avoid talking to someone

its bit of a closeness insecure thing with me

maybe like sarah said, but i do think my ADHD has played a large role in that

04-09-16, 03:35 PM
Lying isn't a symptom of ADHD, but I have lied many times in my life because of having ADHD, if that makes sense.

In my case, those lies have been to protect myself against the hostility and rejection I expect to face if I tell the truth about what's going on. An example:

Them - "Why aren't you finished that project yet?"

Me lying - "It's finished; I just can't get my printer to work."

Truth - "I'm sure you won't understand, and I'm afraid of losing my job over this, but because of ADHD I haven't even started the project and I need more time, again, just like the last fifty times, I hope you'll soon 'get it' that you're putting impossible demands on me and that's why this keeps happening, and if you're so smart then why can't you figure out that your expectations need to adjust to reality?"

I don't lie to my fiancée because she does get it and I can tell her the truth. I don't lie to my mother because she is understanding and compassionate over whatever happens. But sadly I've lied to others quite a lot over my lifetime.

In my opinion, the questions for you include: Is she lying out of fear, or for some other reason? If it's from fear, what is she really afraid of?

Don't assume that you're not scary to her. You might be; you might just not know why. Sometimes there are legitimate fears. Sometimes there are irrational fears based on the past. Anything is possible.

Please don't get the impression that you're being painted as "the bad guy" here - just keep in mind that there are some possibilities you might not have considered.

And keep in mind that while sometimes a lie is just a plain old lie, sometimes there's more to the situation than meets the eye.

mister man
04-10-16, 04:48 PM
Thank you for all the answers. But people lie for big things .or when they are in danger. The problem that she lies for a small stupid things..for example : i ask her what are you doing and she way making food and waiting to my friend to come soon.. and i know for sure the her friend which is also a girl is in her house since 2 hours... for God sake. Why she lie about her friend.. ?? Do i care if she is with her or didnt come yet ???

04-10-16, 06:46 PM
When people have a condition that affecta them many times a day every day they are taught to 'cover' for that disability. The goal is to appear normal, it is deceptive, that is it's goal. To look like something you're not.

Taking a life time of covering and then trying not to use it in a personal relationship can feel next to impossible.

For instance, many times a day I will miss the first few words of what people say to me. I'm not paying attention tk them and I don't transition well from one thing to another. If I were to be honest and say, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening I'd soon make people very angry by making them feel unimportant. I can't expect the world to change for me, so I don't ask people to make sure they have my attention before they speak. What I end up doing is saying mmm hmm a lot or some other place holder that gets them talking further so I can hopefully figure out what they're talking about. As a last resort, I'll ask them to repeat themselves. This keeps me safe from being penalized over something I can't control. However, in a personal relationship, this comes undone, all the strategies that i need to use to function and succeed i get called out on and having to show your deficiencies so blatantly goes against everything we've done out of necessity.

The partner can feel lied to, deceived, disrespected because of this. I know it may seem like petty things to you but it's only the tip of the iceberg of what she needs to conceal every day just to appear normal.

I hope this makes sense.

04-11-16, 02:21 AM
I like DVD lie to cover for when my ADHD means I've messed up. I also lie to avoid conversations that I might find difficult, or will leave me frazzled because it requires me to remember or give details, which I have trouble with.

That doesn't sound like what your girlfriend is doing though.

04-11-16, 02:22 AM
Exactly as ginnie and dvd said
Its a coping mechanism i do this too sometimes
She might be just so afraid to disappoint let down yet another person

Be kind, be patient.