View Full Version : Do you explain yourself ?


Gilthranon
04-10-16, 12:40 AM
Okay I just realized if I say 'I'm tired explaining myself' is the wrong wording. Saying 'it's my choice' is more considerate but when for example we were drinking yesterday, and I only still drink reasonable they were asking why in a very surprised way also insisting to know why I don't smoke because it's uncommon. I played open 'because it's unhealthy'. And they judge ME ? I should judge you for ruining your body.

Why don't I ? Not your problem man. When someone insists I don't have the responsibility to justify. Don't like it ? Deal with it.

sarahsweets
04-10-16, 05:21 AM
Okay I just realized if I say 'I'm tired explaining myself' is the wrong wording. Saying 'it's my choice' is more considerate but when for example we were drinking yesterday, and I only still drink reasonable they were asking why in a very surprised way
When it comes to situations like this one you do not owe anyone any explanation. Its not like you everytime you drink you get smashed and you need to explain why thats not happening this time right?


also insisting to know why I don't smoke because it's uncommon. I played open 'because it's unhealthy'. And they judge ME ? I should judge you for ruining your body.

Why don't I ? Not your problem man. When someone insists I don't have the responsibility to justify. Don't like it ? Deal with it.
I notice that issues with caring about or wondering and thinking about what other people think of you is an issue that comes up frequently for you.
Always remember two things:
What other people think of you is none of your business
'NO" is a complete sentence.

Pilgrim
04-10-16, 05:37 AM
This in my opinion is a bit of a loaded question. Sometimes you have to explain you're sometimes no.
The question to really ask yourself is should I or is this a way that someone might want to gain an extra file on why I think the way I do.
Explain yourself to your boss and those intimate with you the rest don't matter.
Depending on what's being discussed explaining yourself is just a loosing hand.

Gilthranon
04-10-16, 07:12 AM
When it comes to situations like this one you do not owe anyone any explanation. Its not like you everytime you drink you get smashed and you need to explain why thats not happening this time right?



I notice that issues with caring about or wondering and thinking about what other people think of you is an issue that comes up frequently for you.
Always remember two things:
What other people think of you is none of your business
'NO" is a complete sentence.
I know. On my 12th I managed to reverse my attitude simply by thinking 'change of school, not here any longer to amuse people' and people noticed I stopped caring. But you know what ? I am beyond above average caring, so how could I not ? I love people, so I care for them. I should make this an art. Caring, not entertaining.

Noted though - NO. I'm not your entertainer. Did you know they tried pushing me FIVE times consecutively into smoking anyway ? Testing. My. Patience. And unpolite as hell. I said no.

Fuzzy12
04-10-16, 07:25 AM
I remember I used to have friends like this. When I didn't want to drink they tried to insist I did and when I did they tried to insist I don't. Idiots. Good on you for not giving in!!!

I remember having this conversation with my brother when I was about 15 or 16 where he told me that I don't owe anyone an explanation. I'd never thought about this before but what he said really made sense to me.

To this date I've been trying to implement this with varying success (some people just don't accept it..then what do you do???). Friends and acquaintances are easier to to accept this than family...who think that everything I do concerns them.

As a generalised rule, I think that if something only concerns you and your lofe then you really don't owe anyone an explanation. If your actions of decisions affect others directly then you probably do owe them an explanation.

(Also, anyone who tries to.convince you to start smoking: not a friend!!).

DJ Bill
04-10-16, 10:09 AM
Sorry, but I am allergic to the tobacco. (or alcohol, or pizza, or whatever it is you don't want) Doctor's orders, you know.

Greyhound1
04-10-16, 11:18 AM
I know. On my 12th I managed to reverse my attitude simply by thinking 'change of school, not here any longer to amuse people' and people noticed I stopped caring. But you know what ? I am beyond above average caring, so how could I not ? I love people, so I care for them. I should make this an art. Caring, not entertaining.

Noted though - NO. I'm not your entertainer. Did you know they tried pushing me FIVE times consecutively into smoking anyway ? Testing. My. Patience. And unpolite as hell. I said no.
Good for you for not giving in to peer pressure! You obviously have enough confidence and self esteem to say no.

Just remember these people are not your real friends. Real friends would respect your choices particularly regarding your own health. They may be friends of convenience but that's it. Misery loves company. Your lack of participation probably makes them feel guilty.

I commend you for not giving in and hope you can find better friends.

Best of wishes

Unmanagable
04-10-16, 11:59 AM
Once I learned how many folks have already decided to be disagreeable, no matter how well or in depth I attempt to explain anything, I stopped.

However, I didn't gain that clarity until I was able to clear the massive inner fog that had long been hiding self. That also led to choosing better company and more user-friendly places to hang, especially alone with my own emotional responses, etc.

I tend to only make time to explain something now if someone asks the right questions, or, if I feel it's a good time to be planting a seed of knowledge/experience. The energetic responses/displays of others speak volumes to me, before they ever say a word.

JohnSB05
05-05-16, 12:24 PM
<style type="text/css"><!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--></style>I totally agree with saying “its my choice” because there is not right or wrong. I used to explain myself but I recently understood that I can’t serve everyone and I should stand my ground or I will lose.

Shamindo
06-05-16, 10:46 PM
I think saying things like "It's my choice" are things I would say to people who are respectful, reciprocal, and honest. It sounds like these people aren't and so for them, a simple "It's my choice" might be too much for them to handle. You're breaking out of their social norm and it is making them feel uncomfortable. Is it right they aren't happy with that explanation? No. But it's the way it is. and you can't change how others behave only how you behave. So really, you need to ask yourself.."will it bother me if my response makes them feel uncomfortable?" If you honestly think it won't the next time, then carry on as you are. However, I know for myself, sometimes being honest with idiots is just tiresome and so a little white lying to keep every one comfortable is what I have done in the past. I have a binge eating disorder and my new boss was trying to give me two doughnuts. I told her I would take half of one. She was not happy with me and said things like "Oh come on, you're not going to have two doughnuts tomorrow are you? Treat yourself"....What she doesn't know is, I may bloody well have two more later that afternoon if I have two now! So I just muttered something about sugar sensitivity and it was left at that. She wanted to bond over eating doughnuts, I did not. It would have been insensitive of me I think to look at her and say "it's my choice".

Gilthranon
06-05-16, 11:15 PM
Very wise and entirely agreed. I quite often remain to my opinion without care because I don't but you might be right. It takes a toll, isn't productive and a little white lying can ease up the situation a lot more subtly. Especially if the audience is somewhat bits slower in understanding and just not worth the trouble

Two days ago I meet this lad who sticks 100% to the truth. Which of course isn't actually true ironically because truth is a personal opinion on a situation. However I really appreciated his views and I think I will change my interaction with people to more effective balance between more honesty but in more subtle ways to keep social life simpler. Which, in my truth, is the only way it should be.

wonderboy
06-05-16, 11:17 PM
"Don't waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.”
― Paulo Coelho

Little Nut
06-06-16, 08:35 AM
Some of the factors off the top of my head that I would use in deciding to tell or not;


At the time do I feel like talking about it.
Am I in a group of close friends.
Do I work with any of these people or do any know people that I work with.
Do any of the people asking have a right to know the answer.

Shamindo
06-06-16, 11:26 PM
"Do any of the people asking have the right to know the answer". Love it. So many times people are just asking so they can have a starting place to persuade you otherwise.

Tetrahedra
06-07-16, 12:23 AM
Good job for sticking to your guns. Its admirable.

Boundaries are important things to have, and as I get older, I realize that it's perfectly acceptable not to tell everything to everyone. If you don't believe that someone deserves an in-depth, personal answer, then don't give it to them. Obviously there are situations where an answer is warranted, but this does not sound like one. The answer to "why" is "because." Use it well.