View Full Version : Need Help

04-16-16, 04:44 AM
hellohere is my story in brief...
I met her before 7 years in a music class. She is a singer and i am a poet & guitarist. Grammy award was her goal of life. In first month i found she was suffering from many troubles. She was crying-weeping whole the day, impulsive, moody, lazy, day-dreaming, doing nothing, earning nothing etc and she confessed that she was trapped in a love with a married man 10 years older than her. I found her in depression so i took her to psychiatric and there she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder.

Later I came to know that she has a traumatized childhood, many abuses, failed early teenage relationships, early age abortions, rape, one night stands, drug & porn addiction, too many males in life, uncontrolled sexuality etc. It is very rare in the country i live. And no body in her family or friend circle knew all these. so she was suffering of hyper mood swings, guilt, emotional turmoil etc. Somehow i fell in love with her at this stage. This was my first experience with love, i was 33 at that time. And i started taking care of her day & night nourishing her to vanish out her past and stabilizing her in normal life & towards her singing career.

All these took tremendous efforts from my side. Physical-mental-emotional- economical dedication to nourish her wounds. A sort of devotion. And months by months she started to improve. She didnt like me that way, I mean she said our body-chemistry doesn't match, i don't like your type of man. Though it didnt matter for me, so i continued to take care of her and try my best to bring back her to normal life. Then she was diagnosed with ADHD - Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder. For all 7 years i took her to doctor, took care that she take medicines properly and get the proper therapy. Her family was unknown of this, as she couldnt tell her past to her parents.

Later before 3 years, she fell in love with me. She wrote me love letter and then we united as a couple and had physical relations. During whole period, she asked many favors from me, to do her personal works, to do her social works, to do her career related works, to help his father in his business, to help her mother and brothers...etc. I did it all. Somehow her family was quite reluctant to me. They never gave me any respect or credit for the hard work i did for them. Anyway i didnt care as far as she loves me and i was doing all for her happiness.

After taking medicines, proper therapy and full support from me, later she started to improve. Then before one and half year, she participated in a national level reality show at a city - 500 km from our city. She was selected and later she got some offers of shows across country and some recordings at Movies. So she started to live there. We were in touch daily through phone-email etc and talked much everyday. She cam to my city every month. Then she got some fame, some money etc. And just after six months she got attracted towards a handsome boy of 24. Her age is 32 and mine is 40 at present. This was romantic-passionate love as she declared a month before. He was like her dream man etc. She hide all these from me. She went to live-in his new boyfriend's house. While taking all emotional-financial-career support from me, she was having her romantic-physical needs fulfilled by that boy. She consummated two man for one year telling lie to both.

Just in last month, there was a marriage of her brother. And she came there with her new boyfriend. It was a three days ceremony. They both were roaming together for whole time. She didnt even attended me, of talked with me for 10 minutes. I was totally devastated and in shock. After the marriage she declared "I don't love you anymore. Your love was like nourishing - altruistic and this one is romantic. And I prefer romance and passion more. I am living-in with my new boyfriend since an year. But I wish you still be my friend and support me for my career growth!!! " There was no guilt/shame/sorry on her face at all. Its horrified shocking situation for me. Though somehow I controlled myself, and talked calmly with her to know her mental situation.

And as I knew about her disorders well, we went to meet the doctor next day. The doctor said that her analytical portion of brain is stopped due to manic episode. She cant take anything rationally. And its like alcoholism where she lost consciousness of reality-time-date-space etc. Doctor said her that "you have to chose between this love or your life. This love will be end in a failure after few years." And she chose this new love over life.
Then she returned back to her work city. And she suddenly stopped all the communication saying that "now on i dont need any help or assistance or guidance from anyone. I am a grown up person of 32 and i can think about my own good and bad. You are a needy person. You are lacking many things in your life. You are not lovable. And i dont even prefer to communicate with you because you dont even deserve communication etc..."

So this was the final talk. We are not in communication since 1 month. Its totally unexpected & just unbelievable for me. Any way i am trying my best to come out from the suffering. And the trouble is, still i love her and want her back.

(she is not taking medicines since she moved to other city, i.e. 2 years)
It becomes bit long.
Please advice me.
Thanks for reading.

04-17-16, 09:42 AM
Welcome to the forum. I am sorry you were betrayed and devastated. It sounds like she was just using you. My advice is to run.

I hope you can let her go and find a real partner that loves you for being you. You deserve a relationship based on love instead of dependence. I wish you the best!

04-18-16, 12:02 PM
I love reading about people like you who re altruistic and caring.

In my humble opinion, and anyone correct me. We call it impulsiveness and try not to take it personally. You sound like a good man who was trying to be fair and give love a chance.
Don't change.

I'm sorry to say that a woman like this is just trouble wrapped up in a perfect pretty box.
She doesn't consciously set out to hurt people but this is the way her mind works.

No guy can really be with them and ultimately they end up lonely ,broken and unhappy. The nature of the beast. I've seen it many times with the women in my family, and one time where I was really hurt by a woman she was similar to this.
A question you should ask yourself is why did you find her attractive.?

Goodluck ,