View Full Version : Worried father looking for some advice!


Lozronz
04-27-16, 02:01 PM
Hi,
I have some concerns about my 6 year old and I thought I might try this as a resource, I feel like this message might be a long one so thank you in advance to anyone who trawls through it with me!

I will just jump right in!

I have a 6 year old son, his mother and I separated when he was 2 but he has lived with me every weekend since and a week of every holiday and we are very close.

He appears very bright, he communicates well, he has lots of interests, particularly nature and art. The questions that he asks and the things he ponders show good cognition and thought processes. I know every parent believes that of their child but I have worked with children and used to be a Psychotherapist, I am trying to think impatially (I would love him whatever/however he was).

A year ago, his mother, the school and I, started noticing a disparity between his literary abilities and how he verbally presents, having loved school initially he began to dislike it more and more. I am very dyslexic and was statemented as such at a young age. I remember hating primary school and failing at everything until I learned gradually ways around it at a later age, so I figured- He's left-handed, short concentration span, loves drawing, hates reading & writing, D & B's interchangeable, phonetical writing, it's in his genetics... Classic dyslexia...I thought... I discussed it with the school, they and the SENCO agreed, we stuck in extra help, changed our approach a bit, I tried to help hm with techniques that I had found helpful etc but nothing really helped too much and his behaviour started to change.

My son has never sat though a whole film (something I thought was great... too many interests to sit down that long!) and cannot really manage even a whole episode of anything without doing a dozen other things, he can't sit still, he can't walk next to me without running around in circles, jumping, getting distracted by litter, bugs, plants, and if not that there are thousands of questions all the time.

He is desperate to be funny but is still getting to grips with the mechanics of a joke, my favourite so far went like this-

'Dad, I want to tell you a joke but it swears, may I swear? No! Ok! I'll tell it without swearing! ...I went to a zoo the other day, it only had one dog in it... It was a rubbish zoo!'

All these traits are great for a 6 year old on the weekend, however, despite hundreds of gentle pep talks, they are not great for school and they are really struggling with him, the SENCO and his teacher and his mother are certain he has ADHD, i initially didn't see it, he is my first child and I just figured like me, he is dyslexic with a short attention span but the more I see him around other kids, the more I am starting to buy into the theory, the school and his mum have requested a test from the GP and he is on a waiting list.

Over the last 6 months or so, he has been getting in loads of trouble at school, can't sit still, distracts everyone, writing and reading is falling further behind, lots of answering back, nothing seems to change it- positive reenforcement, gentle chats, punitive measures, quiet time, rewards, dietary changes. The only breakthough that I made was that I can get him to do his reading homework by getting him to exercise before, then run around the garden between each page and get him to pat his head and rub his stomach while reading, it (based loosely on a left/right hemisphere brain action theory I once read).

Whats killing me, is that when he comes over for the weekends, he has gone from being a really happy little boy, to often being sad, and over-emotional.

I think that falling behind, being told off, struggling to sit with the other kids is taking its toll on him emotionally and its really hard to see that in my son, I feel so helpless, when we try to talk about it he closes down and gives me stock responses that feel like they are to get me to stop talking about it.

He has these teenager-like meltdowns where he sits down and won't speak or be reasoned with and sometimes cries and its about stuff like- he can't find a frog in the garden or the wind is too strong to fly a paper plane he has made... stuff that I can't help with!! He hates school and it is making him sad and I don't know how to support him in a way that actually helps.

Phew!! Sorry! I did say that it was going to be long! I'm not sure what I am hoping to achieve by writing this, I think I was hoping that it would fire up the old synapsys to think around it the issue.

I am aware that my son hasn't actually been diagnosed officially with anything and that many people on here are dealing with far greater difficulties, but I wondered whether this story rang true with anyone, anyone had any advice or thoughts about my gibberings!!

Any advice gratefully received :)

sarahsweets
04-27-16, 03:42 PM
Whats killing me, is that when he comes over for the weekends, he has gone from being a really happy little boy, to often being sad, and over-emotional.

I think that falling behind, being told off, struggling to sit with the other kids is taking its toll on him emotionally and its really hard to see that in my son, I feel so helpless, when we try to talk about it he closes down and gives me stock responses that feel like they are to get me to stop talking about it.

He has these teenager-like meltdowns where he sits down and won't speak or be reasoned with and sometimes cries and its about stuff like- he can't find a frog in the garden or the wind is too strong to fly a paper plane he has made... stuff that I can't help with!! He hates school and it is making him sad and I don't know how to support him in a way that actually helps.

This could be adhd, but no matter what it sounds like he needs some help. How long is the waiting list? I know in the UK sometimes going private is better, is that an option?
And alot of what you said sounds familiar. If you want to read my story its a sticky in the children's diagnostic section.

Phew!! Sorry! I did say that it was going to be long! I'm not sure what I am hoping to achieve by writing this, I think I was hoping that it would fire up the old synapsys to think around it the issue.

I am aware that my son hasn't actually been diagnosed officially with anything and that many people on here are dealing with far greater difficulties, but I wondered whether this story rang true with anyone, anyone had any advice or thoughts about my gibberings!!

Any advice gratefully received :)
Dont minimize your issues. Yours are just as important as the next person here and you deserve a place to get help too.

Bouncingoffwall
04-27-16, 05:21 PM
It's hard to differentiate between developmentally-appropriate behaviors and ADHD, especially with boys.

Nonetheless, it sounds like you are appropriately concerned and willing to take action.

I related to some of your son's behaviors. I demonstrated similar behaviors as a child.

Caco3girl
04-28-16, 02:20 PM
I am dyslexic, my 13 year old step son has been diagnosed with ADHD (likely from his dad), and I have a 6 year old daughter (same ADHD dad) who can't tell B's from D's, can't sit still, and has melt downs.

Right now I am taking my time. She could be dyslexic, she could be ADHD, she could be both, she could be neither. So far the school has put her into a special reading group once a day and they focus on smaller words than the rest of her class is reading and this has helped. Her teacher also went from a 25 words a week list to a 15 words a week modified list with a firm time of 10 minutes ONLY to be spent on it per night. Previously as soon as I pulled out the list my daughter burst into tears and it might have taken her 20+ minutes to read the 25 words.

In my case getting the workload modified for the level SHE is at has helped greatly and my 6 year old doesn't cry when it is homework time anymore. Has anyone tried that with your son, or are they demanding he be exactly like everyone else?