View Full Version : Do you question whether its real or not?


jjhh92
05-02-16, 02:58 AM
Hi guys,

I'm relatively new to this forum. I've been scanning this thread for a few weeks now just to get a feel of what its like to have ADD. I was diagnosed with ADD-Intentive type over a year ago but I didn't take it too seriously. But now I notice its taking over my life thats why I started to see psychotherapist and I'm trying to find a psychiatrist to prescribe me medication. But I guess I'm still somewhat confused with myself.

I'm not confused with the symptoms of ADD, but more like I'm lost in the sense that I know all of the symptoms and I have all of it and was diagnosed with it, but I still feel like I'm making up an excuse for myself when I shared this with anyone.

So in a way, I don't like that I have to use ADD as a crutch to blame on when I messed things up or procrastinate. But I also like it because I can blame on it now and I don't have to blame on myself anymore. Because I'm always frustrated with myself when I don't get things done because of procrastination. Like I know I'm capable of doing it but most of the times I'm just too tired to get it done or don't care enough to get it done. But the frustrated part is that I WANT to care but for some reason I just can't.

But the thing is, when I saw the psychiatrist to get myself tested, all they asked is a bunch of questions. I guess I feel like its a bit too easy to get diagnosed with this. Since I could also diagnosed myself with it because the questions are all over the internet. I guess I'm conflicted with myself because I hate that I'm using this as an excuse but also find it somewhat less burden to use this as an excuse?

I also notice that when I meet with psychiatrist or any other therapist, my "feeling" is telling me that they don't really believe it themselves even though they act like they trust what I have to say. I can already "read" from their body language and eyes that "this is another lazy person coming here for med". Do you guys feel like that?

I guess I'm having an "existential" crisis with being ADD. If that make sense at all. Like I know the symptoms is real for me but because its somewhat normal since everyone have it once in awhile. But because its so hard to define whats normal and not normal with ADD, I feel like I don't know myself and even if I'm trying to find myself.....it's hard to know. LOL

I think the best way I could describe being ADD is like.....I'm a paradoxical person. My world is all paradox. I can focus but not focus. I'm smart inside but can be stupid outside or appear to be stupid compare to everyone. I'm indecisive but also decisive. I'm look lost but not lost in my world. I'm daydreaming but I'm also very logical and realistic. I'm forgetful all the time but also very exceptionally good with remember certain things. I'm creative but also "stuck" all the time. It's really a gift and a curse.

Sigh, I'm so glad I found this forum because it made me feel like I'm not alone in this world. I feel like everyone judges me so much but also felt like they are "right" in a sense that I can't complete anything right.

Sorry for the rants. I'm just having another existential crisis moment. :(

aeon
05-02-16, 03:16 AM
Nope, I don’t. It’s real, so very real.

The only thing I question is how all the doctors
and therapists missed it until I was 41 years old.

Maybe I just do that good of a dog and pony show.


Cheers,
Ian

Fuzzy12
05-02-16, 04:07 AM
I can relate big time. I top keep questioning my diagnosis and I too wonder it I'm just making excuses for being lazy, crazy and stupid. All my life though I've felt off and I've always womdered why I am so different. Adhd would explain a lot. I'm fact so far it's the only thing that might explain why I am the way I am. It would also expkain all those paradoxes you mentioned.

Nothing else seems to make so much sense. My second strongest theory is that ny brain just got fried by years of depression. That doesn't explain though the issues I've had pre-depression.

Anyway, the diagnosis and treatment have improved my life more than anything else. Ever. I think I'm going to keep looking for answers and I'll probably never fully be convinced but till I find something that fits better I'm going with the adhd label...and its treatment

sarahsweets
05-02-16, 04:12 AM
So in a way, I don't like that I have to use ADD as a crutch to blame on when I messed things up or procrastinate. But I also like it because I can blame on it now and I don't have to blame on myself anymore. Because I'm always frustrated with myself when I don't get things done because of procrastination. Like I know I'm capable of doing it but most of the times I'm just too tired to get it done or don't care enough to get it done. But the frustrated part is that I WANT to care but for some reason I just can't.

A disability like adhd, is not a crutch. And blaming your adhd is sort of like self hatred. You have a very real disability.

But the thing is, when I saw the psychiatrist to get myself tested, all they asked is a bunch of questions. I guess I feel like its a bit too easy to get diagnosed with this. Since I could also diagnosed myself with it because the questions are all over the internet. I guess I'm conflicted with myself because I hate that I'm using this as an excuse but also find it somewhat less burden to use this as an excuse?

No, you cant diagnose yourself with it just because the questions are on the internet. There is a bit of objectivity needed and the questions are standard but need more than a standard interpretation.

Unmanagable
05-02-16, 08:29 AM
I question every single thing. No exceptions. Being so incredibly sensitive to so many things that typically help kind of forced that to happen in my world.

Even more so now that I've totally flipped the script on what I choose to ingest to sustain and fuel my life with.

So many answers have come from that choice alone, along with many more questions I didn't even know I needed to ask.

So much of what I'd been taught, and taught to obey and believe, has been proven to be simply just opinion, perception, and certainly not the ultimate and only hard-core truth as it's so often presented and marketed.

Strength in words and numbers no longer holds as much weight for me after all I've personally experienced, in any form or fashion.

My intuition continues to hold the highest accuracy rate in finding what has best served me in the most sustainable healing ways, thus far, regardless of the issues I face. Especially now that I know how to better tap into it and listen.

It's a lonely existence, indeed, but it feels like a much healthier one in my immediate world each day. Much of the external world continues to feel more and more scattered, tattered, and disconnected (from self) every day.

It's a strange, totally confusing, yet beautiful, yet infuriating existence, with all emotions arriving in between, often rushing in without a warning, leaving many painful lessons behind, and a need for some serious life-saving CPR on occasion.

jjhh92
05-02-16, 04:12 PM
I can relate big time. I top keep questioning my diagnosis and I too wonder it I'm just making excuses for being lazy, crazy and stupid. All my life though I've felt off and I've always womdered why I am so different. Adhd would explain a lot. I'm fact so far it's the only thing that might explain why I am the way I am. It would also expkain all those paradoxes you mentioned.

Nothing else seems to make so much sense. My second strongest theory is that ny brain just got fried by years of depression. That doesn't explain though the issues I've had pre-depression.

Anyway, the diagnosis and treatment have improved my life more than anything else. Ever. I think I'm going to keep looking for answers and I'll probably never fully be convinced but till I find something that fits better I'm going with the adhd label...and its treatment


Same...I've been having depression for 6 years now. And ADD has gotten worse because of depression. But I do remember back to pre-depression time and realized that ADD affected me even before that.

jjhh92
05-02-16, 04:15 PM
A disability like adhd, is not a crutch. And blaming your adhd is sort of like self hatred. You have a very real disability.

No, you cant diagnose yourself with it just because the questions are on the internet. There is a bit of objectivity needed and the questions are standard but need more than a standard interpretation.


In a way, yes, I guess because of my depression I've been self-loathing for years. It's so hard to get out of the negativities that pop into my head every single day. I've been fighting to say positive affirmations and try to actually believe it when I caught the negative thoughts in my head. It's really a constant battle with myself.

jjhh92
05-02-16, 04:22 PM
I question every single thing. No exceptions. Being so incredibly sensitive to so many things that typically help kind of forced that to happen in my world.

Even more so now that I've totally flipped the script on what I choose to ingest to sustain and fuel my life with.

So many answers have come from that choice alone, along with many more questions I didn't even know I needed to ask.

So much of what I'd been taught, and taught to obey and believe, has been proven to be simply just opinion, perception, and certainly not the ultimate and only hard-core truth as it's so often presented and marketed.

Strength in words and numbers no longer holds as much weight for me after all I've personally experienced, in any form or fashion.

My intuition continues to hold the highest accuracy rate in finding what has best served me in the most sustainable healing ways, thus far, regardless of the issues I face. Especially now that I know how to better tap into it and listen.

It's a lonely existence, indeed, but it feels like a much healthier one in my immediate world each day. Much of the external world continues to feel more and more scattered, tattered, and disconnected (from self) every day.

It's a strange, totally confusing, yet beautiful, yet infuriating existence, with all emotions arriving in between, often rushing in without a warning, leaving many painful lessons behind, and a need for some serious life-saving CPR on occasion.


You put it so beautifully exactly how I felt with the world. Especially the part about "it's being a lonely existence and confusing yet beautiful, yet infuriating".

It's been an incredibly lonely journey because no one could understand yet at the same time my sensitivity with everything around me could set me up to an emotional roller coaster ride.

willow129
05-02-16, 10:36 PM
Can really really relate to your paradox paragraph. I love that.

I told a friend about my ADHD a bit ago and he said something like, "I think you accept too much." and I was like, "huh?" and he said "You know, like with the ADHD. You can do things. You can do what you want to do, if you want to" basically like not to sell myself short I guess

And that could be a nice thing to say but instead it made me really sad. I tried to explain to him why it was important that I know about the ADHD, but I find it overwhelming to try to describe - for all those paradoxical reasons!!

Also I think many MANY of us can relate to the self loathing. It's frustrating.

My advice is to read posts on here and just read about ADHD in general, there are some good books, learning more about the disorder might explain a lot of things for you, maybe help you frame things in your mind better...and you might also get some coping strategies as well.

Good luck!

TheGreatKing
05-03-16, 12:08 AM
each time i tell myself i don't have adhd i do something that tells me otherwise lol
I still have my doubts but its kind ve diminishing as i go along my journey.

jjhh92
05-04-16, 01:43 AM
Can really really relate to your paradox paragraph. I love that.

I told a friend about my ADHD a bit ago and he said something like, "I think you accept too much." and I was like, "huh?" and he said "You know, like with the ADHD. You can do things. You can do what you want to do, if you want to" basically like not to sell myself short I guess

And that could be a nice thing to say but instead it made me really sad. I tried to explain to him why it was important that I know about the ADHD, but I find it overwhelming to try to describe - for all those paradoxical reasons!!

Also I think many MANY of us can relate to the self loathing. It's frustrating.

My advice is to read posts on here and just read about ADHD in general, there are some good books, learning more about the disorder might explain a lot of things for you, maybe help you frame things in your mind better...and you might also get some coping strategies as well.

Good luck!

I told my friend about it. He said "you're just making excuses for yourself. You're just lazy". In a way, I'm hurt by his words. If I have a choice, I don't want to be like this. But at the same time, I'm questioning myself whether I'm really making my laziness as an excuse or not.

Fuzzy12
05-04-16, 02:28 AM
I told my friend about it. He said "you're just making excuses for yourself. You're just lazy". In a way, I'm hurt by his words. If I have a choice, I don't want to be like this. But at the same time, I'm questioning myself whether I'm really making my laziness as an excuse or not.

Your friend doesn't know you better than you know yourself and they know less than a psychiatrist. Most people don't understand adhd. Don't listen to your friends. Listen to yourself and the opinions of experts.

Lloyd_
05-11-16, 12:00 AM
Being what you'd consider inattentive ADD I'm starting to conclude that it's merely a cluster of symptoms that can result from several different sources anywhere from sleep apnea to thyroid or allergens.

I got my first intramuscular shot of B vitamins yesterday and going back for my 2nd next week and the 3rd the following month, hopefully that helps improve my general symptoms and makes me feel less tired or fatigued.

Gypsy Willow
05-20-16, 12:16 PM
I believe it's real. Now others in my life do not. (see my thread on "Do People Believe you?"

WheresMyMind
07-21-16, 10:56 PM
The best life lesson I ever learned came from reading de bono's thinking course (now available on the web as a free PDF). In a section of the book intended to help you solve problems more creatively, he said "Whenever someone gives you a choice of A or B, always select C."

So, you are asking whether I question whether it's real (A) or not (B). I answer C: It doesn't matter.

What is definitely real to me: I struggle with stuff. Stuff that most people I know don't struggle with. But some other people I know do struggle with, and when I get to know them, we share other struggles - but also other amazing stuff, like we're all pretty freaking brilliant and creative.

So, there's a real set of behaviors/struggles/joys that seem to go together...could be that it's from a specific interpretation of society that only high IQ people can come to, or it could be an at-birth personality trait, or it could be a disorder, or it could be something else, but it does not matter.

Could it be biologically caused? I don't doubt it, but again, I don't care. If the biological cause were removed from my brain, would I be cured? Not on your life, no way, not a chance. Why?

I've had whatever it is since birth (assuming we believe what's written). Therefore, in order to achieve what successes I've had, be able to tolerate the myriad failures and pick myself up after each one and try again, I have developed habits, coping skills, personality characteristics. And if my brain "got fixed", I'd then have to spend decades un-learning all that stuff that's now part of who I am, in order to "become normal"...which is something I really don't want to do.

Many of the ADD books say that you should not really focus on "dealing with ADD"...instead, focus on whatever specific issue you struggle with. In one of the groups I attend, there are 3 people with ADD who do not have a messy problem. The rest of us do. The non-messies should not put effort into being non-messy...they don't need to spend time there. Some of the people struggle with self-doubt, fear and loathing...most of us don't. Only those who haven't grappled with that stuff need pay attention to it.

We're individuals. Respect yourself as an individual.

As a first step, I propose this: You "are" not ADD. It isn't who you are. It's a set of conditions you experience. But they do not define you any more than your height or shoe size defines you. You might feel like you have more control and power if your self-talk doesn't identify yourself as "being ADD".

bryanrc51
08-10-16, 11:12 AM
Hi guys,

I'm relatively new to this forum. I've been scanning this thread for a few weeks now just to get a feel of what its like to have ADD. I was diagnosed with ADD-Intentive type over a year ago but I didn't take it too seriously. But now I notice its taking over my life thats why I started to see psychotherapist and I'm trying to find a psychiatrist to prescribe me medication. But I guess I'm still somewhat confused with myself.

I'm not confused with the symptoms of ADD, but more like I'm lost in the sense that I know all of the symptoms and I have all of it and was diagnosed with it, but I still feel like I'm making up an excuse for myself when I shared this with anyone.

So in a way, I don't like that I have to use ADD as a crutch to blame on when I messed things up or procrastinate. But I also like it because I can blame on it now and I don't have to blame on myself anymore. Because I'm always frustrated with myself when I don't get things done because of procrastination. Like I know I'm capable of doing it but most of the times I'm just too tired to get it done or don't care enough to get it done. But the frustrated part is that I WANT to care but for some reason I just can't.

But the thing is, when I saw the psychiatrist to get myself tested, all they asked is a bunch of questions. I guess I feel like its a bit too easy to get diagnosed with this. Since I could also diagnosed myself with it because the questions are all over the internet. I guess I'm conflicted with myself because I hate that I'm using this as an excuse but also find it somewhat less burden to use this as an excuse?

I also notice that when I meet with psychiatrist or any other therapist, my "feeling" is telling me that they don't really believe it themselves even though they act like they trust what I have to say. I can already "read" from their body language and eyes that "this is another lazy person coming here for med". Do you guys feel like that?

I guess I'm having an "existential" crisis with being ADD. If that make sense at all. Like I know the symptoms is real for me but because its somewhat normal since everyone have it once in awhile. But because its so hard to define whats normal and not normal with ADD, I feel like I don't know myself and even if I'm trying to find myself.....it's hard to know. LOL

I think the best way I could describe being ADD is like.....I'm a paradoxical person. My world is all paradox. I can focus but not focus. I'm smart inside but can be stupid outside or appear to be stupid compare to everyone. I'm indecisive but also decisive. I'm look lost but not lost in my world. I'm daydreaming but I'm also very logical and realistic. I'm forgetful all the time but also very exceptionally good with remember certain things. I'm creative but also "stuck" all the time. It's really a gift and a curse.

Sigh, I'm so glad I found this forum because it made me feel like I'm not alone in this world. I feel like everyone judges me so much but also felt like they are "right" in a sense that I can't complete anything right.

Sorry for the rants. I'm just having another existential crisis moment. :(

I can relate to this, although it is probably due to the stages of grief. I feel like that I am fine that there is nothing wrong that I am fooling myself for some end I do not know. Although when I look at everything I cannot seem to deny that I have ADD but the voice in the back of my head keeps saying grow up and man up.

It is a sobering thought to know that you need medication just to function close to normal and that is probably why my subconscious fights me on this.

Lunacie
08-10-16, 01:17 PM
Ah, the paradox of inconsistency.

One day you can do a thing without much thought, the next day you struggle to do it, or can't do it at all.

The struggle, and the inconsistency, are real, very real. They are ADHD.


I knew in my soul for years that there was something different about me.

I read about all kinds of things, asked my family if they thought those things were possible. Nope, not that, nope, not that either.

Then I learned about ADHD and it fit. No one could argue with it.

Turns out there is more than just the ADHD, but that's the base diagnosis.

There was bad depression for many years, and always horrible anxiety.

And possibly a borderline diagnosis of autism.


Anyway, yes the symptoms are things that everyone does once in a while.

The diagnosis comes when you do them so often that they interfere with you living a good, successful life.

If someone is having a really stressful day and they put the car keys in the fridge and the milk on the shelf by the door, that's not ADHD.

When you do things that several times a day, every day, whether your day is stressful or not, you have ADHD.

cynthiab
08-10-16, 03:31 PM
Medical conditions are just groups of symptoms to assist specialists in identifying possible solutions. To me, the only really relevant question is (a) am I having problems with something and (b) is there a solution for that problem. The fact that a big part of the solution for me is taking a substance that other people abuse does feel weird at times, but I know that for me there's no abuse motive.

DJ Bill
08-10-16, 06:03 PM
I often feel the same as you, jjhh92. It must be a New York thing.:lol::D

And just like someone already mentioned.....and then I go out and forget my keys or do the same absentminded mistake 5 times in a row.....and I think... Hmmm. Maybe it is real.

All I know is now that I am diagnosed things are starting to make sense, and I'm starting to find out ways to make my life better once I discovered the problems are NOT than I'm lazy, stupid , or crazy...to quote a famous ADHD book title.

ToneTone
08-11-16, 12:37 PM
You're implying that you can be lazy and just take the medication and you're taking the easy way out. Sorry, that's just not the case for most people.


In fact a lot of people with ADHD work extremely hard ... Really I HAVE to work extremely hard ... or else my performance at my job will be below the performance of others ... That's part of the condition ... I have to work harder to get the same result than people without ADHD. Part of my problem is that I work too hard without stopping to think, pause, adjust, learn, strategize and do all the other things that really successful people do. Since getting diagnosed eight years ago, I've been learning how to do some of the things.

So your assumption that hard work can solve your problems ... about 20 percent correct. Hard work has to be coupled with detailed learning and planning and thinking ... all the things that ADHD inhibits. Hard work is not enough--not nearly so ... I get lost in tangents all the time and still I'm working really hard ... Yes, hard work will help .... But only when married with specific skills ... skills that unfortunately ADHD makes it hard to acquire.

Good luck.

Tone