View Full Version : Can you get very suspicious


Gilthranon
05-05-16, 12:16 PM
Of abuse and become vigilant ? Nice host, very nice, very generous, but got very personal at one point and said he could only see one symptom in me. I asked which but he refused to clarify. I noticed we got stuck in both being stubborn and when I said I got uncomfortable and asked to stop the conversation after 5 minutes he called me controlling and I considered it near abusive. Especially as eventually he said he felt uncomfortable and needed some chill minutes. At the end of the end we ended on good terms, but considering how smart he is, wander how much this will influence his future perspective on the relation with me.

If I hadn't said we both said some wrong things let's move on, I wander if his ego would've let him say such a thing. I apologized later on again for the sake of him being my host, but over the years I don't think I grow controlling, but difficult standing my ground when I become more and more vigilant because I remember people unable to see they are just as bad as me, but only see my side.


PS - one thing that stayed with me was when I said 'let's both let go and move on' "ok, can you (let go) ?" Had he not been this nice so far and therefor a good host for the next days, this evening would've been beyond the end of our relation. He acted like my therapist.

Fuzzy12
05-05-16, 12:48 PM
I'm not sure that you are just being suspicious but unless I'm missing something it sounds like he crossed quite a few lines. It sounds like quite an intense and unpleasant conversation and maybe there was a context for that but if I was you I'd be quite suspicious too let alone super annoyed.

Gilthranon
05-05-16, 01:03 PM
Yes there was a context but need a day off because there was another situation where he shows enjoying to 'test' or whatever he calls it.

Again, very empathetic type, maybe borderline ? Using hosts to satisfy emotional needs ? I know I can't be straight up about it, I tried but he deflected. I'm emotionally deconnecting. Wander if his extreme generosity (free tickets, can use everything, invited me to Thailand) is to keep people around. Also wander why everyone exclusively left such good reviews. I can't be the first one.

sarahsweets
05-05-16, 01:19 PM
but got very personal at one point and said he could only see one symptom in me. I asked which but he refused to clarify. I noticed we got stuck in both being stubborn
One symptom of what? ADHD?

and when I said I got uncomfortable and asked to stop the conversation after 5 minutes he called me controlling and I considered it near abusive.
Well its not controlling to ask to stop a conversation in the sense of being controlling towards him..but you are controlling yourself, which is a good thing. You should have just walked away then and not engaged him.
Was he physically aggressive towards you? Because what he said doesnt strike me as abusive.

especially as eventually he said he felt uncomfortable and needed some chill minutes.
Wow so you are controlling if you want to stop the conversation but he isnt for wanting to chill? Makes no sense to me.

At the end of the end we ended on good terms, but considering how smart he is, wander how much this will influence his future perspective on the relation with me.

F**k him. What other people think of you is not your business, especially since you cant control what they think anyway.

If I hadn't said we both said some wrong things let's move on, I wander if his ego would've let him say such a thing.
What did he say when you said you both said some wrong things?

I apologized later on again for the sake of him being my host,
Do not apologize if you arent wrong.

I remember people unable to see they are just as bad as me, but only see my side.
Why do you think you are bad?

Fuzzy12
05-05-16, 01:20 PM
Yes there was a context but need a day off because there was another situation where he shows enjoying to 'test' or whatever he calls it.

Again, very empathetic type, maybe borderline ? Using hosts to satisfy emotional needs ? I know I can't be straight up about it, I tried but he deflected. I'm emotionally deconnecting. Wander if his extreme generosity (free tickets, can use everything, invited me to Thailand) is to keep people around. Also wander why everyone exclusively left such good reviews. I can't be the first one.

Hm, I've had some very bad experiences with BnBs that have exclusively brilliant reviews. I later realised that all these reviews kept harping on about how friendly the hosts are and how they treat you like family. I don't want to be treated like family when I'm staying in a BnB. I want polite and efficient service and more than anything I want space and distance. The BnB hosts that expected me to treat them like home and family always made me uncomfortable.

Gilthranon
05-05-16, 01:25 PM
Was he physically aggressive towards you? Because what he said doesnt strike me as abusive.
I meant emotionally, considering what happened, still not relaxed

Wow so you are controlling if you want to stop the conversation but he isnt for wanting to chill? Makes no sense to me.
My issue exactly

F**k him. What other people think of you is not your business, especially since you cant control what they think anyway.
No I meant, I want to remain neutral, easy, relaxed without stress.

What did he say when you said you both said some wrong things?
'Yeah ok'

Do not apologize if you arent wrong.
For the sake of him being my host and a particularly generous one I prefer surrendering my pride. I'm only lying to him, perfectly honest to myself. I know I'm wearing a mask at that point.

Why do you think you are bad?
Don't think I am, just meant to not put anyone above me.

Lunacie
05-05-16, 02:36 PM
Of abuse and become vigilant ? Nice host, very nice, very generous, but got very personal at one point and said he could only see one symptom in me. I asked which but he refused to clarify. I noticed we got stuck in both being stubborn and when I said I got uncomfortable and asked to stop the conversation after 5 minutes he called me controlling and I considered it near abusive. Especially as eventually he said he felt uncomfortable and needed some chill minutes. At the end of the end we ended on good terms, but considering how smart he is, wander how much this will influence his future perspective on the relation with me.

If I hadn't said we both said some wrong things let's move on, I wander if his ego would've let him say such a thing. I apologized later on again for the sake of him being my host, but over the years I don't think I grow controlling, but difficult standing my ground when I become more and more vigilant because I remember people unable to see they are just as bad as me, but only see my side.


PS - one thing that stayed with me was when I said 'let's both let go and move on' "ok, can you (let go) ?" Had he not been this nice so far and therefor a good host for the next days, this evening would've been beyond the end of our relation. He acted like my therapist.

If he is not your therapist (or perhaps a therapist at all) what business does he have deciding whether you have any symptoms of ADHD or none at all?

Gilthranon
05-05-16, 03:03 PM
In all fairness, that was his argument of not telling the symptom, which was btw the inability to let go. Yeah he was out of line. Straight out of it. But I should open up less because it gives people like him opportunities they don't deserve. Good night sleep might give me some perspective. Maybe he is a bit like that. We may not become friends but can still have fun before I find a new host as long as we keep it relaxed now. If it was an isolated event, it was unfortunate but maybe not recurring and I'll make sure it won't repeat itself.

But he better not hope to regain my trust after this. No one should. He's damn right I cant let go. Not as long as I control my damn life you sucker !

aeon
05-05-16, 03:17 PM
I don't want to be treated like family when I'm staying in a BnB. I want polite and efficient service and more than anything I want space and distance. The BnB hosts that expected me to treat them like home and family always made me uncomfortable.

Too right, Fuzzy.

I want a BnB to be a holiday, not a recreation of a vignette of polite distress. :doh:


Cheers,
Ian

Gilthranon
05-06-16, 02:39 AM
It feels good to have this support place around for a moment like this one.

However, the best suggestion came from one of my best friends :

A generous host and we get along even gave me a free leather jacket. If I can see through some inappropriate behavior I can just put up with it for some days before I move on. He's just another guy after all. Enjoy the good stuff then forget about it.