View Full Version : My daughter won't zip up her jacket.


Scottish Victor
05-09-16, 10:14 PM
Hi, I am Victoria and am new to this forum.

I have a 7yr old daughter Kara who has ADHD.

She will quite happily wear her jacket but she will not zip it up when its horrible weather, I have to zip it for her and explain why I'm zipping it but she takes a tantrum.

aeon
05-09-16, 10:26 PM
Consider that it may not be opposition, or forgetfulness, but because on a sensory level it feels very unpleasant to her.

I say this because as a child I hated any garment with any degree of “bind,” whether it be a sweater or closed jacket.


Cheers,
Ian

Scottish Victor
05-09-16, 10:30 PM
So what is the alternative because I need her protected from the poor weather.

Simargl
05-09-16, 11:09 PM
Yeah, it could be the process as well. She has to stop, stand there and be zipped up. It might seem like a small thing but in that moment, it's overwhelming.

I am by no means a child expert. I'm just trying to put myself in that situation and recall how I might've reacted.

stef
05-10-16, 02:08 AM
Is her coat a little tiight? Or close fitting? Does the zipper touch her neck directly?
I agree shes probably not just being stubborn she may absolutely hatethe feeling of the zipped coat...
I hate these things myself i need just a certain type of jacket. It cant be fitted or trench coat style.

If shes ok with shopping why not make a kind of fun outing and help her choose a new one? Or something with both snaps or velcro , and a zipper. And a soft lining.

Little Nut
05-10-16, 08:31 AM
Any chance Kara just wants to be contrary? "Ma and other adults always have her zip-up her jacket outside." Nothing bad, just a little bit of the forbidden fruit for a 7 year old.

TygerSan
05-10-16, 10:07 AM
So what is the alternative because I need her protected from the poor weather.




A couple more layers without a zipper? Maybe a warmer base layer and a jumper or hoodie? Have you asked her why she doesn't like to zip up her coat?

Scottish Victor
05-10-16, 07:15 PM
Ok guys and girls a little bit more information for you.

First of all, in response to your post TygerSan, she won't wear layers, I've already tried that but she just takes tantrums because she doesn't want jumpers on plus loves her jacket so wants to wear that every time.

Anyway, it was a lovely sunny and really hot day today so I asked her, when its raining or horrible weather, why don't you like your jacket zipped and her reply was "all my friends don't zip theirs" so its a peer pressure thing but I still need her protected from the poor weather so, what now :-(?

Little Missy
05-10-16, 09:02 PM
Let it be. :)

Lunacie
05-10-16, 09:50 PM
Consider that it may not be opposition, or forgetfulness, but because on a sensory level it feels very unpleasant to her.

I say this because as a child I hated any garment with any degree of “bind,” whether it be a sweater or closed jacket.


Cheers,
Ian

That's a good point. Sensory disorder is very common with ADHD (and autism).

The difference between a tantrum and a sensory meltdown is that with a tantrum the child can be comforted or distracted.

With a sensory meltdown it has to run it course, no distraction or comfort will help.

When you insist on zipping the coat does she accept that after a brief upset, or does she stay upset for more than 30 minutes without being able to hear what you say to her?

Scottish Victor
05-10-16, 10:08 PM
That's a good point. Sensory disorder is very common with ADHD (and autism).

The difference between a tantrum and a sensory meltdown is that with a tantrum the child can be comforted or distracted.

With a sensory meltdown it has to run it course, no distraction or comfort will help.

When you insist on zipping the coat does she accept that after a brief upset, or does she stay upset for more than 30 minutes without being able to hear what you say to her?

She accepts it after a brief upset.

stef
05-11-16, 03:44 AM
Ah sorry, I was really in the idea that it was the jacket itself!

I just think generally that kids (even without sensory issues), should not be forced to wear something extremely uncomfortable for them or eat a food that disgusts them. I can't do those things myself, so why should my child?

sarahsweets
05-20-16, 03:06 AM
Maybe Im crazy here but, let her go without zipping it. My kids all hated to wear winter coats because they have small lockers at school and structured locker time. They missed the but because of trying to unjam their sh*tty school lockers to get their coats. Whats the worst case scenario? She is cold on the way to school? In circumstances where here in NJ the cold was dangerous, I drove them anyway.
When one of my daughter was little she gave me issues getting dressed for nursery school. 2 days of sending her in her jammies solved that issue.

bluejay14
05-20-16, 09:28 AM
By the time she gets to secondary school she'll probably refuse to wear a coat at all if my kids are anything to go by ;)
My advice - don't sweat the small stuff. You can turn it into a battle every day, or you can let her wear the coat with it unzipped. It's her body. If she gets really cold, she might choose to do it up herself eventually.
Some battles aren't worth fighting in my opinion!

ladybugnw99
07-07-16, 11:11 PM
Im new to the forum but also have a 12 yr old daughter with ADHD (Inattentive). She stopped wearing her coat this year too. Combo of reasons you listed as well as others. Our remedy: compromise. First of all, I had to let it go. The cute jacket we bought she hated buttoning it up and the zippers were too confusing. I took her to the store and told her to pick something she would wear. She did.

She has to take her jacket in her backpack (it is all crumpled at the bottom). It isn't the warmest jacket, a lined shell columbia jacket, but enough to give her what she needed in the time she's outside at school.

It was just a fight I couldn't win and I was tired of fighting. Hope things get better for you.

elzara
08-25-16, 11:11 PM
I think you should just let her be.:)

ADHDWife&Mom
08-28-16, 05:36 PM
natural consequences. Dont ask her to zip it in the first place. Let her be cold or wet and she will get the message that maybe she should zip her coat to be more comfortable. Its not really going to hurt her to not zip her coat. She wont be comfortable and she will learn to zip it herself. The more you suggest she does it the more she will rebel. Ive learned to just let my child figure it out himself because if i make the suggestion he will wait longer than he would naturally wait because he doesnt want to admit that I was right. If I say nothing, he will notice that he is cold on his own and zip his own coat without issue. If he chooses to not zip that is his option. Also sometimes kids are outside running around playing and they get warm because of all the movement, they dont need to have zipped coats or they overheat. Parents stand around or sit still and they get cold and they just think the kids must be cold too when in fact they are quite warm.
If its truly peer pressure, I would not force the issue either. ADHD kids are often socially awkward to begin with. Being a forceful parent in front of peers and it resulting in a tantrum will only make her less accepted by peers.

mildadhd
09-07-16, 08:53 PM
Does your daughter ever complain that she is cold, when her coat is unzipped?

Does she appear to be cold?

Maybe she feels to hot when it is zipped?

I would let her do what she feels comfortable.


G

Over&Under
09-08-16, 08:46 AM
As ADHDWife&Mom said, natural consequences. It's how I let things roll with my son - 4.5. It avoids the tantrum and totally teaches him about choices. I talk to him about good and bad choices, but for clothes and what not, unless we're following stated rules for a certain place like close toed shoes for pk class or sandals for spray grounds and socks for soft play areas.

maple17
09-22-16, 10:31 AM
Maybe Im crazy here but, let her go without zipping it. My kids all hated to wear winter coats because they have small lockers at school and structured locker time. They missed the but because of trying to unjam their sh*tty school lockers to get their coats. Whats the worst case scenario? She is cold on the way to school? In circumstances where here in NJ the cold was dangerous, I drove them anyway.
When one of my daughter was little she gave me issues getting dressed for nursery school. 2 days of sending her in her jammies solved that issue.

Sounds like us!

Since my daughter was about 7 or 8, we've always had the coat or sweater battles, ie. us telling her she needs it, she arguing for 10 minutes that she doesn't, why she doesn't, how do we know how she feels, la la la. We usually let her go without. I often toss a sneaky one into the trunk of the car.

Often she'll come up to us later and say, "You were right. It is kind of chilly. I wish I had my sweater." Of course, she doesn't learn from this experience and it's a regular occurrence.