View Full Version : Not feeling loved or liked


excel
05-11-16, 07:27 PM
Do you feel like or not loved, or liked or both?

Fuzzy12
05-11-16, 07:34 PM
I know I'm loved (sometimes too much) but I do sometimes wonder if I'm liked, eg at work. I've really got no idea.

I think, in general, we might be better liked that we know.

Unmanagable
05-11-16, 07:54 PM
I feel that way a lot, even though I know it isn't true. It just depends on the day.

I feel it mostly comes from having my self-worth/self-esteem squashed through the years and not receiving the nurturing most would consider to be healthy, from self or others.

Pilgrim
05-11-16, 07:55 PM
I get that feeling hardcore sometimes, although I can sort of work out who likes me and doesn't.
I guess I wish I appreciated it more.

Fuzzy12
05-11-16, 08:01 PM
I get that feeling hardcore sometimes, although I can sort of work out who likes me and doesn't.
I guess I wish I appreciated it more.
I can't work out all who likes me and who doesn't. I tend to feel that people either don't like me or just don't care. Low self esteem I guess. I'm always surprised when people are nice to me and tend to think it's just because they are nice people and are nice to everyone.

psychopathetic
05-11-16, 08:07 PM
(((((((Bro Hugs)))))))

I've gone my whole life feeling like this. It sucks feeling so different from everyone...never quite fitting in 'right'.
And that's in the 3d world.

Online I often wonder if I type too much and if I'm annoying people. Like maybe people can only take so much of me before I go from 'cute and silly' to just freaking annoying lol.

Sorry you're not feeling so liked and loved in life right now. :( :( :(

(((Hugs)))

ginniebean
05-12-16, 12:22 AM
I do know I'm loved but like can be iffy for me. I really can't tell!

For what it's worth, I think you're great. You've been a good friend and i like you very much!

aeon
05-12-16, 01:28 AM
Liked? Sure.

Loved? In the “I love what you _____ for me” way, sure, a few years ago.

Loved, as in, for who I am? Yep, I finally figured out how to do that for myself.

But in terms of someone else seeing me well and true and saying “ooh, shiny!,”
no, I don’t think so.

Maybe I have been loved but they expressed it in a way I didn’t understand.
For sure I have been misunderstood in that way. That ******* hurts, bad.

Being Loved, for who I am, as I am?

If that were to happen it would be...well, I don’t know what that would be.
I can’t even imagine it, really. As in, what would that feel like? And would
it be overwhelming? Would I have to be understood first?

But I try not to think about that because it tends to lead to hoping, and
then the weight of unmet need is so great that it feels crushing in such a
way that I feel a kind of panic and I think about throwing myself under a
train just to make the feeling stop.

I’m ashamed of myself for that. But I wanted to post and be honest.


Yeah,
Ian

psychopathetic
05-12-16, 02:58 AM
“I love what you _____ for me”
Ian

WOOOHOOO!!!!

Fill in the blanks! FUN FUN! :yes: :D

“I love what you STEAL for me”

“I love what you COOK for me”

“I love what you GOOGLE for me”

“I love what you SING for me”

“I love what you PUNCH for me”

“I love what you GROW for me”

“I love what you WIN for me”

“I love what you THROW for me”

“I love what you BUY for me”

“I love what you FIX for me”

:p

P.S.

(((((((Aeons)))))))

:(

stef
05-12-16, 03:11 AM
Loved, but not always liked.
I'm sure I seem very aloof, because of being reserved in the first place and then just so preoccupied in my own mind.

And then I so annoy, those who truly love me.

psychopathetic
05-12-16, 05:54 AM
I'm sure I seem very aloof, because of being reserved in the first place and then just so preoccupied in my own mind.

This.

excel
05-12-16, 12:31 PM
You have love and like yourself before others will like or love you

Fuzzy12
05-12-16, 12:34 PM
You have love and like yourself before others will like or love you

Not sure about that one. I'm not crazy about myself but I know that my family loves me unconditionally. Also, other people seem to like me better than I like myself (though I could be wrong about that).

I do think though that love or appreciation from others cannot make up for the lack of love or like that you show yourself.

psychopathetic
05-12-16, 12:41 PM
I'm not crazy about myself but I know that my family loves me unconditionally. Also, other people seem to like me better than I like myself (though I could be wrong about that).

Please kindly get out of my brain and stop making posts for me.

You and me seem to relate so much when it comes to our self-esteems :(.

...
Also, I think it's completely possible to be loved without loving yourself. Whether you accept the outside love is another story.

mchclay
05-12-16, 12:56 PM
I know that I am loved and like or that is what the logical part of my brain tells me, but I am always doubting myself due to the multitudes of mistakes I have made in my life. Always seeming to fall short of my intended goal or what I believe my true potential to be. Well I think I am liked anyway...depends on the person I guess. I scored off the charts in aggression and dominance so if I meet someone who is the same way we tend to butt heads. Plus I get a ton of passive aggressive behavior towards me at times. I am trying to learn to be more understanding, patient and to reign myself in at times, but so far I am not there yet...

mchclay
05-12-16, 12:59 PM
I admire you guys! One day I too will learn to fully accept me for me and not feel like I have to act or behave a certain way to fit in to society.

midnightstar
05-12-16, 04:24 PM
Loved? Only by some of my family (like my mum and brothers and grandma)

Liked? Only by a handful of people at work (I don't really spend much time mixing with the people at work because I get so busy)

Tolerated? (like you'd tolerate something particularly unpleasant because you got no other option) Yes.

(((Excel))) :grouphug:

psychopathetic
05-12-16, 05:59 PM
I like my Midsy!

(((Mid-Mids)))

SJB928
05-12-16, 08:00 PM
Tolerated at best.

psychopathetic
05-12-16, 11:37 PM
:(

(((sjb)))

Lloyd_
06-14-16, 05:30 PM
Tolerated at best.

Couldn't of said it better myself.

The question is why do people put up with me? :confused:

Socaljaxs
06-15-16, 02:51 AM
Liked: yes, I'm a likable to some
Loved: yes love by some

However, I do know that I can be rather annoying and obnoxious. I fail often, but do try to stay mindful respectful of others. and try to be present and aware of my excessive tendencies to be onxocious.. But, to only for a select few, do I truly care what they think of me. Most people however for me fall into this quotes category "What other people think of me is none of my business! Itís their business." I stopped caring and worrying about otHer people's opinion of me. Reality is ,How people perceive you reveals more about them than it does about you. People will perceive you based on their own conditioning and filters.

I've stopped worrying about what others think of me a long time ago. I just can't.

spunky84
06-15-16, 12:52 PM
I don't feel loved or liked. Or if I am, it's very little and the person loves and/or likes everyone else better. Like I'm the last resort.

Even with my family. My mom loves me, but I feel like she loves everyone more. She loves my husband more. My kids more. My brother. Her friends, etc.

With my husband, I don't think he loves me regardless the number of times he tells me he does. I think he settled with me because he didn't think he could do any better when it's very clear that he can.

I've never felt liked. I feel like I've always stuck out like a sore thumb in school. I always felt like people see me as too weird and/or annoying. It's just always felt awkward. I've never fit in anywhere. I feel disliked on the internet - especially when I type based on my feelings. If I'm feeling a strong emotion, I feel like what I write reflects that and it pushes people away. I've actually left message boards and Facebook groups for that reason (I know probably sounds quite immature, but it was easier to do that than to constantly feel self conscious about everything I say and wonder how it's perceived).

I definitely don't feel liked by my in laws (my husband says I'm crazy).

I'm genuinely surprised if someone wants to include me in something (and then wonder if they really want my company or if they were just trying to be polite). I generally don't believe it when anyone compliments me - I think they are just saying (to be nice - or in some cases, actually being mean - but I can usually pick out when that is the case and hasn't been the case since high school).

Embalyn
06-28-16, 01:17 PM
I always misunderstood this concept, took forever to learn and read somewhere, the more you love yourself the more love you will feel from others, and that it would not be a excessive heart pumping feeling it would be nice and content feeling. I am at war inside myself on how i feel about myself so saying i actually used that information is silly but i did absorb and remember and feel better about the concept of love. the next thing i learnt is why is it important? i know sounds insane i used to think to myself of course i have to be loved by atleast one person in this whole big world someone has to love me or is there something wrong with me? at the end of the day no i dont need to be loved, i need function production motivation and a healthy emotional balance, i need to express myself relieve myself and maintain myself. My life should not ever be dictated or directed or lived to suit any one person on this earth it is my life and mine alone unless i choose to share it with others. i dont feel this information helps because my words are out of my head and i can't put them into someone else in comprehensible way but maybe theres something yyou can take from it good luck

TheFitFatty
06-29-16, 01:59 AM
I spend most of my life feeling like a Grade A a$$hol :P. I know some people might love/like me for that. Most others probably not.

sarahsweets
06-29-16, 02:04 AM
I feel loved by my nuclear family. I feel liked by people in my network. Sometimes I feel liked when what I want is to feel loved and vice versa. I learned not to care what other people think of me for the most part. what other people think of me is none of my business. What I think of me is.

excel
09-27-16, 07:24 PM
My forum friends make me feel loved and liked along with some others

wϋnderfemme
10-18-16, 02:03 PM
unfortunately, i started a pattern of trying very hard to be well-liked by all at a very young age. for this reason, i feel like most people do like me very much, but it also completely destroyed my self-esteem.

now i'm trying to learn from my mistakes and be more genuine to my own feelings and preferences. i know it's the healthier option, but it does make me feel crappy when that praise i was used to isn't there to cheer me along.

so yeah, i struggle with feeling unliked or unloved, but i know that if i keep on like this, i'm going to end up with the people who really do like and love me that stick around.

adhdseeker
10-19-16, 02:38 AM
Something I was just thinking about today -- I am thinking about my female ADHDers that I know -- I think they are ALL much more liked than they realize. I think it can be hard to get close to an ADHD person. Someone is attracted to the person but their idiosyncracies can often make a kind of disrupt that then sends a signal to the other person that they are unavailable to get to know. In fact the other person probably feels sad or even hurt about it, but the ADHDer is doing their thing, and doesn't notice or feels unliked also. But it's more a lack of communication or common meeting place that caused this, rather than dislike. The ADHDer will attract a bunch of people but then go home alone, still wanting more, feeling not apart. However they miss the fact that a bunch of people LIKE them and were attracted to them! The other people are sad that the ADHD person is that hard to reach. When I say sad, I mean... it could be fleeting, but it's a message that is communicated nonetheless. I'm trying to say that there are a lot of people standing by that would have been interested but the timing was off. A perpetual timing issue, kind of thing. The ADHD wants in and COULD be in but they miss the door. And the other person doesn't know how to offer them a different door (maybe).
^^ This is kind of like worst case scenario. Isn't always this bad.

The reason I didn't mention male ADHDers is because!!! And this probably sounds hurtful, but I know a bunch of those too and they seem way less saddled by self consciousness and lowered self esteem. I just have to meet some messed up male ADHDers and my opinion on this note will change. Most of them sort of let it all hang loose and seem to get by. I am probably passing over their inner suffering. :/

Enough Rope
12-22-16, 01:27 AM
Hi.

I am very much there right now. Things have been bumpy for my wife and me for most of the past year... We took an online things, or I took an online thing that she was going to listen to the recording of. It has been over for several weeks, and she has made gifts for her coworkers for every day of the last week, and she has watched at least a Christmas movie each day, binge watched a Netflix series or two, listened to Diane Rheem most days, even twice for one episode, but has been "too busy" to listen to the class recordings.

I came across an IM conversation between my 17yo son and 23yo daughter... They both agreed they would probably stay with their mom if we split. My daughter was filling my son in on the blowup I had the previous night, where she explained that my wife would "like a separate checking account, because he (me) is so bad with money (I took over the bills because it stressed her out too much), but probably won't leave him because of God..."

I had to have a long conversation with myself, and typed a brief email explaining why I would like her to listen to the class... To distract myself from taking a handful of pills, to solve her problem in a more permanent way.

I really don't want to try to do some sort of Christmas celebration with these people this year. The two kids I mentioned resent me because they think I favor my old ther son. I do not, but he will actually have a conversation with me from time to time. They think I am easier on him than them... I dont think that is the case.

So I feel very alone right now, a d I can't sleep.

aeon
12-22-16, 02:32 AM
How things change with time...

liked: yes
loved: yes, well and true, for who I am...the real deal...gobsmacked, I am.


Cheers,
Ian

sarahsweets
12-23-16, 10:13 AM
Here is the freeing thing I discovered. What people think of me is none of my business. easier said then done. One day dealing with a "friend" who always handed out advice with words like "You should" "you need to" and "do this" I told her that if she didnt have the ability to listen instead of try and run the show to go f**k herself. It had major shock value and the friendship fell away. But other people I have had to get this harsh with back off and reassess their motives and have even apologized to me! Now there is a time and place- I wouldnt tell a social worker to go f** themselves but not many are immune.
Its the truth. I am who I am and I am a good person trying to do the next right thing. If its not what they think I should be doing well f**K THEM. They are not me.

Also many of the advice givers fail to heed their own advice.