View Full Version : Hurtful Words because of Impulsive Mouth

05-12-16, 10:34 PM
I'm having issues in my marriage with impulse control. My wife and I will get in a fight and I will say damaging things. Not bad words but things like: I think I want a devoice, I'm not sure we were meant to be together. After we cool down, I apologize and I think that's the end of it. IT'S NOT. My wife loves me but she says I can't say things like that because the works stick. It makes it hard for her to forget what I said and it impacts other things.

Does anyone have any of these same issues? I guess I'm asking if anyone has any coping skills so I don't get to the point that I'm so angry that I say these things. I know I should walk away. That's hard to remember when you are angry or upset. Any answers anyone?? Thanks

05-13-16, 10:30 AM
I feel you. I am the same as you, but I have learned you gotta just walk away and calm down before you have a discussion. Make sure your wife knows this because if she pursues you even though you are trying to walk away this won't help obviously. You can't say that stuff to women as it damages them big time. I did the same to my first wife and here I am 12 years later back in Family Court...she is still hurt and trying to get even with me for the things I said and did.

It is not easy to walk away you are right, but you gotta man up and take responsibility for your mouth and what you say...just cause you mad is not an excuse. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but you gotta learn to do it.

05-13-16, 12:49 PM

05-13-16, 12:50 PM
I'm verbally impulsive as well, but somehow I have the exact opposite problems when it comes to verbal threats and Attacks, I completely shut down instead of saying how I feel or even attacking someone I love with words...I'm wondering if hearing it from your wife during the heat of the moment would help you to stop.. Or have your wife help and when you get dangerously close to the threat line either have her walk away or have her say something to remind you. Idk

By the way you can't say it to men as well as women because it is damaging to both genders when being told this

05-13-16, 12:53 PM
By the way you can't say it to men as well as women because it is damaging to both genders when being told this

Point taken.

I was just looking at it from my side of the coin and how I act. For me personally I place more emphasis on actions rather than words. I may be different in that though. Interesting to learn others opinions, thanks.

05-13-16, 02:05 PM
I understand it. I do the same, but she's right. You can't. A situation isn't comparable to question your marriage. Your love is vital and you marriage is beautiful. Never question the officialisation of your bound. You love her, she loves you; period.

So what you can say is be specific about whatever she says that offends you, say it. Depending on her reaction, empathy I mean, openness and appreciation of your honesty and respect for presenting yourself as being vulnerable should give you an indication to the quality of the relation (whether indeed or not your suspicion is justified) and should make things easier to give you valuable perspective on how to treat things next.

What do your subconscious feelings tell you about the trust you have ?

05-20-16, 04:36 AM
Imagine saying an equal amount of loving, sweet things as you do with the damaging ones.
Which makes more sense?
Which is easier to do?

Little Missy
05-20-16, 09:26 AM
I don't know. I have an impulsive mouth but never, ever have I spoken to anyone that I love that way.

I believe that if people say it to your face that they must mean it. No matter what state of mind that they are in, or else it would not have been said.

05-20-16, 10:19 AM
Picture your brain as a holding tank. Usually it's filled with a mixture of emotion and intellect. If emotions swell, our intellectual reserves usually dip. If we aren't emotional enough, we can be detached and can overrationalize everything, not to mention that without emotions we'd allow ourselves to get walked on.

The trick is to try and learn the signs that the emotions have run too high for you to be effective, and to distance yourself or change the subject until the emotions are reduced enough to talk, but not so far gone that you fail to deal with the situation.

06-24-16, 11:08 PM
If you say such things to her there has to be a part of you that means it, like it or not.
Might be worth going to couples therapy if you think the marriage is worth saving

06-28-16, 01:10 PM
This is kind of where my head gets extremely confused, i don't understand the truth hurting? i impulsively speak my mind but also i don't know why if its a statement based on fact and not personal bias is this a problem? i mean i understand the fact of theres a time and place implementing it is not easy for me but i do the same thing because logically why should i not say my boyfriend needs a shower because he hasn't in two days and that's not ok, i mean im not saying oh you stink go wash the stank of boy, more like i thought you may enjoy a shower to wind down after the day its then a criticism. maybe im wrong don't know but i do feel your struggle