View Full Version : Wedding Vows


BellaVita
05-13-16, 03:20 AM
I'm thinking about wedding vows - how special they are and what they mean.

They mark the promise of a lifetime.

Binding two people together...till' death do us part.

Two souls being joined into one.

I am unsure whether I should go with traditional wedding vows, write my own, or something else.

I want it to be perfect and for the words to truly mean something.

I do know it can be incredibly difficult to write one's own vows - is it worth it?

If you did write your own vows, did you and your fiancÚ or fianceÚ write them separately or did you work on them together and had just one set of vows? What was the process like? Did you show them to each other before the wedding?

Was it important for you to write them yourself, or did the traditional vows mean more?

Curious to know what others did.

bluejay14
05-13-16, 03:37 AM
We used the traditional ones. I'm a big picture person rather than details... so the actual words didn't matter to me so much to me, it was more about what the day represented. Also I hate speaking in front of a big group of people, so reading something I'd actually written, baring my soul like that to an audience would not be for me.
But I've been to weddings where people did write their own vows and it was beautiful.
Does your partner have strong feelings about it? Obviously it's something you'd need to decide together. I think if you both want to do it, then it would be a wonderful thing to do. The process of writing them would help you focus on each other and why you want to be together.
You can always try and see what happens? If you don't end up managing to write something you're happy with you can always use the trad vows instead and keep the words you wrote to share with each other in private.

stef
05-13-16, 03:58 AM
I think I would just prefer the traditional vows
you could find something really beautiful
it would just be too much pressure to write vows
but that's just my opinion

Little Missy
05-13-16, 06:32 AM
Definitely the traditional vows. They cover it all.

Unmanagable
05-13-16, 08:04 AM
We each wrote our own. Using traditional ones just didn't feel right to me, but then again, nothing traditional ever has. I wanted to share my own expressiveness when I accepted this union for life, not the scripted words of another.

It took me about a week or so to hammer it out. The hubster took a little longer because he struggles with putting feelings into words. Which made it even more special when he shared them. I like to write, so it didn't seem all that difficult to me.

We shared with each other prior to the ceremony. The words were straight from the heart and, to me, simply represents an elevator pitch, of sorts, as to why we are choosing to spend the rest of our lives together, so sharing it prior to the ceremony felt natural.

I used to think I'd have them all memorized and could recite them for years to come, but that never happened. My brain can create the flow, but can't store it and recite it back very well, especially with any accuracy.

TygerSan
05-13-16, 08:16 AM
Do you have a pastor or are you doing a civil ceremony?

We chose ours, but did not write them. Our Minister helped us out tremendously.

He had a long list of readings and vows from many, many different sources that we could pick from, seeing as neither one of us felt up to writing our own vows.

I guess I should preface that our particular religion is one in which people draw from a diverse set of traditions and values, so having a menu of sorts to help people choose what speaks to them was pretty par for the course given that wedding ceremonies tend to vary wildly from couple to couple.

I believe my sister and brother-in-law wrote theirs (my husband officiated).

kilted_scotsman
05-13-16, 08:43 AM
Relationship counselling is lucrative career because people make assumptions about what the mrriage vows mean to them and their partner.... and avoid talking about them till the stresses of real commitments like kids, caring or careers appear and professional mediation is required.....

Unfortunately the traditional vows mean what people want them to mean..... rolling your own means you have to talk to your potential spouse about what marriage means to you.... and discover what it means to them..... what commitments, what compromises are you willing to make..... do they match what they are willing to make??

Discussing things like living apart, incapacity, infidelity, sexual boredom, childcare, elder care, financial inter/independance, personal growth and exploration, relationship sabbaticals etc before they become live issues helps work out a shared sense of what marriage means for you as a couple.

Even if you end up using the traditional ones you'll both have explored each others assumptions about what they mean.

Because we lived apart for many years before getting married my partner and I rolled our own. It was still hard to create a ceremony and words that encapsulated our feelings, however the process of talking about what the vows meant was very important to being finally able to set up home together.

One other thing is to release the idea of things being perfect.... just relax and accept that it will be perfect even if it doesn't go the way you planned.....the dress falls apart at the seams, the venue goes bust and the wedding driver gets lost in the haze of a joint the size of a Camberwell carrot.....

These things are irrelevant and a potential source of joy for all concerned, both on the day and thereafter.

Kilted

Lunacie
05-13-16, 11:16 AM
We did the traditional vows at my wedding so many, many years ago.

Didn't seem to matter to my hubby in the end and I finally kicked him to the curb.

I have ministerial credentials now to do weddings. I myself follow a spiritual path much like TigerSan's, but have done weddings for a variety of faiths.

One time the bride was Christian and the groom was Jewish so they went with neither one for a minister ... me. ;) They wrote their own vows.

I generally visit with the couple to see what they would like, go online to find several examples, sometimes do some rewriting, and let the couple choose.

There is a huge variety to be found online that can spark your imagination, but a heck of a lot of people just go with the traditional vows as they are familiar.

Aaaannndd ... congratulations!

Socaljaxs
05-13-16, 12:45 PM
I personally think there is something very sweet about saying your own vows! even verbage from another source ( like poems quotes books movies ect.) I think is more special and than tradional till death do us part.. Plus as a person whom had attended many weddings over the years( always a bridesmaid never the bride) I personally rather hear people's own words than repeat after me!

Sadly I don't think people take vows as seriously as they should. I am a big believer in honor into your words said, so telling the other how you feel and what you vow for the marriage in my opinion is very special.

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:18 AM
We used the traditional ones. I'm a big picture person rather than details... so the actual words didn't matter to me so much to me, it was more about what the day represented. Also I hate speaking in front of a big group of people, so reading something I'd actually written, baring my soul like that to an audience would not be for me.
But I've been to weddings where people did write their own vows and it was beautiful.
Does your partner have strong feelings about it? Obviously it's something you'd need to decide together. I think if you both want to do it, then it would be a wonderful thing to do. The process of writing them would help you focus on each other and why you want to be together.
You can always try and see what happens? If you don't end up managing to write something you're happy with you can always use the trad vows instead and keep the words you wrote to share with each other in private.

Thank you for taking the time to write that. :)

We're talking about it.

Not really sure what we're going to do. Just brainstorming. We have decided though that we would like to show each other the vows before the wedding, if we write them separately.

That last thought you wrote is true, although I'm not one to do well with changes in plan. :)

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:19 AM
I think I would just prefer the traditional vows
you could find something really beautiful
it would just be too much pressure to write vows
but that's just my opinion

I definitely want something beautiful.

Thanks stef

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:22 AM
We each wrote our own. Using traditional ones just didn't feel right to me, but then again, nothing traditional ever has. I wanted to share my own expressiveness when I accepted this union for life, not the scripted words of another.

It took me about a week or so to hammer it out. The hubster took a little longer because he struggles with putting feelings into words. Which made it even more special when he shared them. I like to write, so it didn't seem all that difficult to me.

I can imagine it was truly special. :)

We shared with each other prior to the ceremony. The words were straight from the heart and, to me, simply represents an elevator pitch, of sorts, as to why we are choosing to spend the rest of our lives together, so sharing it prior to the ceremony felt natural.

I used to think I'd have them all memorized and could recite them for years to come, but that never happened. My brain can create the flow, but can't store it and recite it back very well, especially with any accuracy.

Straight from the heart is perfect.

Thanks for this heartfelt response. :)

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:25 AM
Do you have a pastor or are you doing a civil ceremony?

We chose ours, but did not write them. Our Minister helped us out tremendously.

He had a long list of readings and vows from many, many different sources that we could pick from, seeing as neither one of us felt up to writing our own vows.

I guess I should preface that our particular religion is one in which people draw from a diverse set of traditions and values, so having a menu of sorts to help people choose what speaks to them was pretty par for the course given that wedding ceremonies tend to vary wildly from couple to couple.

I believe my sister and brother-in-law wrote theirs (my husband officiated).

That's definitely something we're talking about - looking at many vows.

Yeah, I agree that it is a good idea to have a sort of menu to pick from. We come from different religious backgrounds so it will be interesting to see what we come up with.

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:40 AM
Relationship counselling is lucrative career because people make assumptions about what the mrriage vows mean to them and their partner.... and avoid talking about them till the stresses of real commitments like kids, caring or careers appear and professional mediation is required.....

Fortunately we're the type of people who discuss all of these things in detail before those types of stresses appear. :) That's one reason we get along so well. Perhaps one reason we're marrying each other. ;)

Unfortunately the traditional vows mean what people want them to mean..... rolling your own means you have to talk to your potential spouse about what marriage means to you.... and discover what it means to them..... what commitments, what compromises are you willing to make..... do they match what they are willing to make??

Discussing things like living apart, incapacity, infidelity, sexual boredom, childcare, elder care, financial inter/independance, personal growth and exploration, relationship sabbaticals etc before they become live issues helps work out a shared sense of what marriage means for you as a couple.

Even if you end up using the traditional ones you'll both have explored each others assumptions about what they mean.

Because we lived apart for many years before getting married my partner and rolled our own. It was still hard to create a ceremony and words that encapsulated our feelings, however the process of talking about what the vows meant was very important to being finally able to set up home together.

One other thing is to release the idea of things being perfect.... just relax and accept that it will be perfect even if it doesn't go the way you planned.....the dress falls apart at the seams, the venue goes bust and the wedding driver gets lost in the haze of a joint the size of a Camberwell carrot.....

These things are irrelevant and a potential source of joy for all concerned, both on the day and thereafter.

Kilted

I've read a bit of your story before from some of your older posts, it's truly a great one. Thanks for sharing a bit more. :)

Yes! That is so true. It will be perfect, because I'm marrying the love of my life. That's what matters.

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:45 AM
We did the traditional vows at my wedding so many, many years ago.

Didn't seem to matter to my hubby in the end and I finally kicked him to the curb.

:grouphug::(

I have ministerial credentials now to do weddings. I myself follow a spiritual path much like TigerSan's, but have done weddings for a variety of faiths.

One time the bride was Christian and the groom was Jewish so they went with neither one for a minister ... me. ;) They wrote their own vows.

Hahaha how awesome! Having Lunacie take the job is probably pretty amazing. :)

I generally visit with the couple to see what they would like, go online to find several examples, sometimes do some rewriting, and let the couple choose.

There is a huge variety to be found online that can spark your imagination, but a heck of a lot of people just go with the traditional vows as they are familiar.

Aaaannndd ... congratulations!

That's a good technique. I will definitely be using the internet as a resource. We'll see what we come up with! :) Lots of exploring to do.

And, thanks. :)

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:45 AM
Definitely the traditional vows. They cover it all.

They really do have the big important stuff in there.

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:48 AM
I personally think there is something very sweet about saying your own vows! even verbage from another source ( like poems quotes books movies ect.) I think is more special and than tradional till death do us part.. Plus as a person whom had attended many weddings over the years( always a bridesmaid never the bride) I personally rather hear people's own words than repeat after me!

Sadly I don't think people take vows as seriously as they should. I am a big believer in honor into your words said, so telling the other how you feel and what you vow for the marriage in my opinion is very special.

Awwww, that's so cool that you've been able to attend so many weddings. :)

I must agree, and I think they are probably some of the most important words.

BellaVita
05-14-16, 06:59 AM
Ahhh I'm just so excited. :D

Little Missy
05-14-16, 09:14 AM
Ahhh I'm just so excited. :D

When do I need to send a proper gift?

Lunacie
05-14-16, 09:56 AM
The last wedding I did the couple wanted it short and sweet and I think what we came up was both of those.

They wanted me to read the vows and ask them if they so promised.

John, do you take Jane to be your lawful wedded wife?
Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, and be faithful to her?
Do you promise to take out the trash and pick up your clothes off the floor?
And you do promise to love her even when she is cranky?

:D

sarahsweets
05-20-16, 04:35 AM
We had the standard ones and I required that the word OBEY be removed. I also added "in sickness health and laughter" or something like that but this was 21 years ago and I had little to do with my own wedding planning.
We are going to renew our vows in a sort of -remarriage type of party in about 3 years and here is what I came up with. If you like it, feel free to swipe it if you want to.
Its a compilation of different things Ive heard, read and feel.

Loving you is breathtaking.
We two, have become one.

So Brown Eyes I'll hold you near
Cause' you're the only song I want to hear,
a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride.
When you need directions then I'll be your guide.
For all time.
For all time.

BellaVita
05-20-16, 04:49 AM
We had the standard ones and I required that the word OBEY be removed. I also added "in sickness health and laughter" or something like that but this was 21 years ago and I had little to do with my own wedding planning.
We are going to renew our vows in a sort of -remarriage type of party in about 3 years and here is what I came up with. If you like it, feel free to swipe it if you want to.
Its a compilation of different things Ive heard, read and feel.

Loving you is breathtaking.
We two, have become one.

So Brown Eyes I'll hold you near
Cause' you're the only song I want to hear,
a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride.
When you need directions then I'll be your guide.
For all time.
For all time.

Sarah that is so beautiful. :):)

It's so nice that you two will get to have that in 3 years - I bet that will be truly special.

I will pass along this text to my fiancÚ so we can read it together.

Man, so many ideas....so much to choose from.

BellaVita
05-20-16, 04:51 AM
When do I need to send a proper gift?

Awww you're so sweet. The best gift is having you as a forum friend to be here to celebrate with.

BellaVita
05-20-16, 04:52 AM
The last wedding I did the couple wanted it short and sweet and I think what we came up was both of those.

They wanted me to read the vows and ask them if they so promised.

John, do you take Jane to be your lawful wedded wife?
Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, and be faithful to her?
Do you promise to take out the trash and pick up your clothes off the floor?
And you do promise to love her even when she is cranky?

:D

I do know, that in my vows I will not be making a promise to take out the trash or pick up clothes, because that is difficult to keep. :D

But those are cute vows.

MaryRogers
06-10-16, 09:05 AM
Me and my fiance both wrote separate vows for our wedding last year at wedding venues south Florida (http://theaddisonofbocaraton.com/weddings-overview/). We basically wrote what we liked about each other and the promises that we made to each other, and nothing else. You can keep it really simple and write what you actually feel without going for the traditional vows.