View Full Version : Don't know if this should bother me or not.


Jocoky
05-18-16, 10:26 PM
Hi my name is Barb and I live in Canada and I am defiantly new to this forum. I have a 15 year old son with ADHD and Learning Disabilities in three areas. I don't know if this should be bothering me as much as it is but yesterday we had a team meeting at his school and you could see how frustrated his Learning Resource Teacher is with him. She hasn't used the word "lazy" yet with him instead she uses the more polite words with similar meaning such as "unmotivated" etc. Yesterday she told him that yes he has disabilities but that he isn't using his "ABILITIES" and instead is using his "DIS" and dissing everything. I know that he is going to hear this type of stuff many times in his lifetime but I didn't think it was appropriate that he hears it from the ones who are supposed to be encouraging him and helping him. Am I just being an overly sensitive mom?

Socaljaxs
05-19-16, 12:12 AM
Sadly,he will hear this from people. However,this person should have the education,of,how,a person suffers,with these conditions. Maybe point out articles and positive information to help her stop the negative mindset ]. Reality,is,a,learning aid should be better educated to know the difference,from lazy vs unable to.

It is harder for us to utilize your capabilities kinda the big part of the problem. So yes I would be upset by this coming from someone that's purpose is to help

Fuzzy12
05-19-16, 03:07 AM
Unmotivated is as bad as lazy unless maybe they offer up a plan of how to motivate him. I've heard that word all my life along with careless, doesn't apply herself, doesn't live up to her potential, etc. Well there were quite a few lazy's thrown in as well but I dislike all of them.

I don't think the resource teacher understands adhd and that is a bit worrying.

Lunacie
05-19-16, 09:05 AM
I agree with Fuzzy. It sounds like the teacher is focusing on the learning disabilities and doesn't understand the ADHD.

ADHD can certainly interfere with using our abilities because of a problem with the executive function of self-control.

The well-respected researcher Dr. Russell Barkley explains it like this:

In general, they know what they should do, but lack the self control to do what they know is right.

Caco3girl
05-19-16, 09:30 AM
Where is the line between crutch and disability. Just because my kid is ADHD doesn't mean he doesn't have to FIND A WAY to write down his homework, FIND A WAY to study, FIND A WAY to be a functioning member of society. It may not be in the way that everyone else does things, but the kid needs to find a way to do things for himself.

At 15 he's in what 9th, 10th grade? Yes, you have identified the problems, the difficulties and the disabilities, but that doesn't mean the kid doesn't have to adapt and use his ABILITIES. He doesn't get a free pass because he has been diagnosed. If he doesn't start figuring out things that will work for him then how will he be when he gets to the real world?

This whole mentality bugs me. I am dyslexic, does that mean I was suppose to get a free pass on homework and work at McDonalds? My mom made it pretty clear that while I have special problems I needed to figure out how to get around them, not wallow in them. I am now a very successful person in my field and valued because I don't think like other people. Yes, my son is in an ADHD fog but it doesn't mean he gets a free pass. We have identified the problem, but he needs to adapt. If we don't make our children adapt then how can they possibly succeed? Is it ever okay for a mom to go into work and explain well he didn't get that report done because he is ADHD and he forgot, so you can't fire him......um...no....that's not going to fly.

Fuzzy12
05-19-16, 09:45 AM
Where is the line between crutch and disability. Just because my kid is ADHD doesn't mean he doesn't have to FIND A WAY to write down his homework, FIND A WAY to study, FIND A WAY to be a functioning member of society. It may not be in the way that everyone else does things, but the kid needs to find a way to do things for himself.

At 15 he's in what 9th, 10th grade? Yes, you have identified the problems, the difficulties and the disabilities, but that doesn't mean the kid doesn't have to adapt and use his ABILITIES. He doesn't get a free pass because he has been diagnosed. If he doesn't start figuring out things that will work for him then how will he be when he gets to the real world?

This whole mentality bugs me. I am dyslexic, does that mean I was suppose to get a free pass on homework and work at McDonalds? My mom made it pretty clear that while I have special problems I needed to figure out how to get around them, not wallow in them. I am now a very successful person in my field and valued because I don't think like other people. Yes, my son is in an ADHD fog but it doesn't mean he gets a free pass. We have identified the problem, but he needs to adapt. If we don't make our children adapt then how can they possibly succeed? Is it ever okay for a mom to go into work and explain well he didn't get that report done because he is ADHD and he forgot, so you can't fire him......um...no....that's not going to fly.

I can't see anything in the OP where they are asking for a free pass. :scratch:

I agree that all of us, kids included, still need to find a way to function but just telling someone that they are unmotivated, or lazy, isn't going to help that, isn't it? On the contrary. It's just a lazy excuse to not have to figure out what might actually help the boy. I've never heard of a resource teacher, so I could be wrong, but I assumed that their job is to find resources to help a child do better in school.

Socaljaxs
05-19-16, 10:14 AM
Where is the line between crutch and disability. Just because my kid is ADHD doesn't mean he doesn't have to FIND A WAY to write down his homework, FIND A WAY to study, FIND A WAY to be a functioning member of society. It may not be in the way that everyone else does things, but the kid needs to find a way to do things for himself.

At 15 he's in what 9th, 10th grade? Yes, you have identified the problems, the difficulties and the disabilities, but that doesn't mean the kid doesn't have to adapt and use his ABILITIES. He doesn't get a free pass because he has been diagnosed. If he doesn't start figuring out things that will work for him then how will he be when he gets to the real world?

This whole mentality bugs me. I am dyslexic, does that mean I was suppose to get a free pass on homework and work at McDonalds? My mom made it pretty clear that while I have special problems I needed to figure out how to get around them, not wallow in them. I am now a very successful person in my field and valued because I don't think like other people. Yes, my son is in an ADHD fog but it doesn't mean he gets a free pass. We have identified the problem, but he needs to adapt. If we don't make our children adapt then how can they possibly succeed? Is it ever okay for a mom to go into work and explain well he didn't get that report done because he is ADHD and he forgot, so you can't fire him......um...no....that's not going to fly.

No one,is saying he should get a free pass. Nor is that what this thread is even about..... An aid is supposed to be a resource to help him figure things out and "help" keyword "help" not be frustrated by the child. 15 is a child I remember quite well how I was at 15 and yes I was the definition of a child... Op is unhappy with the frustration and the way the aid spoke about her child. Not that she feels her child should get a free pass...However a learning aid should know the difference and not utilize negative words

I can't see anything in the OP where they are asking for a free pass. :scratch:

I agree that all of us, kids included, still need to find a way to function but just telling someone that they are unmotivated, or lazy, isn't going to help that, isn't it? On the contrary. It's just a lazy excuse to not have to figure out what might actually help the boy. I've never heard of a resource teacher, so I could be wrong, but I assumed that their job is to find resources to help a child do better in school.

Caco3girl
05-19-16, 10:26 AM
yesterday we had a team meeting at his school and you could see how frustrated his Learning Resource Teacher is with him. She hasn't used the word "lazy" yet with him instead she uses the more polite words with similar meaning such as "unmotivated" etc. Yesterday she told him that yes he has disabilities but that he isn't using his "ABILITIES" and instead is using his "DIS" and dissing everything. I know that he is going to hear this type of stuff many times in his lifetime but I didn't think it was appropriate that he hears it from the ones who are supposed to be encouraging him and helping him. Am I just being an overly sensitive mom?
The learning resource teacher's job is to help the student find ways to adapt. What she is saying is that he isn't trying to adapt, he isn't using his abilities, he is using his DIS ability to diss everything.

She flat out said the kid is unmotivated, how can that not be taken to mean the teacher thinks the kid isn't trying and using his disability to get a free pass? If a kid is unmotivated and not trying how is the teacher suppose to say that?

Fuzzy12
05-19-16, 12:10 PM
The learning resource teacher's job is to help the student find ways to adapt. What she is saying is that he isn't trying to adapt, he isn't using his abilities, he is using his DIS ability to diss everything.

She flat out said the kid is unmotivated, how can that not be taken to mean the teacher thinks the kid isn't trying and using his disability to get a free pass? If a kid is unmotivated and not trying how is the teacher suppose to say that?

Ah..maybe you are right. I guess it depends on what she meant by abilities. If the teacher has attempted to teach him strategies and coping mechanisms then maybe they've got a point, but to me it sounded as if they are saying that he should use his inherent abilities to self motivate in spite of his ADHD (when the ability to self motivate is impaired in ADHD).

I've been told all my life that I just lack motivation, which isn't exactly true. I can be highly motivated in a theoretical sense but it's extremely hard for me to be motivated enough to actually accomplish something. It wasn't a lack of trying but a lack of knowing what to try. It's taken me a lot of time and effort (+medication) to learn how to motivate myself and it still only works very intermittently.

Socaljaxs
05-19-16, 12:53 PM
For myself people assume that it's not Important to me or I'm not trying or that I don't take it seriously, or that I don't care.. Neither of the above are true. It's just hard for me. Being consistent is something I majorly struggle with, which I'm sure is common amongst us, so to flat out say I don't use my potential or don't try, apply or utilize myself is flat out not true. Plus when someone assumes I don't care because of an impairment it hurts me to have people feel I don't care when it's usually the opposite I care to much try harder and then frustrate when I mess up.

Perfect example outside of school.. I'm doing private training with my Muay Thai coach. I'm paying good money to do this to...not only am I'm trying to get better but most Importantly my goal is to fix my mistakes to prevent injuries. I struggle with pain and injury myself often, the incentive if to keep what I love and am passionate about and do so with minimal damage to my joints...problem for me is, I'm not consistent.. I don't know if I truly ever will be, no matter how much I fight to be better.... I try and get frustrated my coach gets frustrated too... when I can't get it together or can't truly understand how my body does something. Like snap a jab, I can't totally understand how to physically do it, so when I do it, I'm not always doing it, and when I'm tired I resort to fallback behaviors.. It has nothing to do with me using my ADHD or my EDS as as victim card, or that I don't want to get consistent or get better and fight again one day, or try my hardest to do so, but it doesn't happen.

So if I'm told I'm just lazy or unmotivated or utilizing the dis, it's wrong I'm trying and the only dis I have is the disconnect my brain and body have that I'm trying to remove to fix it.

Caco3girl
05-19-16, 02:24 PM
For myself people assume that it's not Important to me or I'm not trying or that I don't take it seriously, or that I don't care.. Neither of the above are true. It's just hard for me. Being consistent is something I majorly struggle with, which I'm sure is common amongst us, so to flat out say I don't use my potential or don't try, apply or utilize myself is flat out not true. Plus when someone assumes I don't care because of an impairment it hurts me to have people feel I don't care when it's usually the opposite I care to much try harder and then frustrate when I mess up.

Perfect example outside of school.. I'm doing private training with my Muay Thai coach. I'm paying good money to do this to...not only am I'm trying to get better but most Importantly my goal is to fix my mistakes to prevent injuries. I struggle with pain and injury myself often, the incentive if to keep what I love and am passionate about and do so with minimal damage to my joints...problem for me is, I'm not consistent.. I don't know if I truly ever will be, no matter how much I fight to be better.... I try and get frustrated my coach gets frustrated too... when I can't get it together or can't truly understand how my body does something. Like snap a jab, I can't totally understand how to physically do it, so when I do it, I'm not always doing it, and when I'm tired I resort to fallback behaviors.. It has nothing to do with me using my ADHD or my EDS as as victim card, or that I don't want to get consistent or get better and fight again one day, or try my hardest to do so, but it doesn't happen.

So if I'm told I'm just lazy or unmotivated or utilizing the dis, it's wrong I'm trying and the only dis I have is the disconnect my brain and body have that I'm trying to remove to fix it.

I get that it is 100 times harder for ADHD and LD kids to function, but it is possible. They aren't going to be perfect at it, they may only write down homework 4 days a week instead of 5, but they should have a backup in place to catch themselves, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's going to every teacher during homeroom to make sure he didn't forget to write something down, there are ways to adapt.

I see it with my son all the time, I know what his challenges are and so does he. SOME parents and aids and helpers just do it for the kid, why, because it's easier. I could email my sons teachers every day but instead I leave it to him to figure it out. When he asks me for help, I give it without complaint. When I get a notice of a failing grade I talk to him about it. He is only grounded when his 5 core classes don't average out to a 80%. He may have a 65% in science, his worst subject, but as long as his other 4 grades can pull his average up to an 80% he can go out.

I accept his weaknesses but he has to adapt. It sounds like this teacher was taking the time to explain to the mom that the kid needed to try harder, use the strengths/abilities he does have to help him overcome his weaknesses and to adapt....but it sounds like mom (and possibly kid) may be sensitive to that concept.

sarahsweets
05-19-16, 10:47 PM
I guess I have taken a different approach. I make sure to maintain constant contact with all educators involved, monitor grades through a school app and try to catch the problems before they reach the point of no return. This does not raise babies who need moms and dads to do the work for them, it means they have advocates helping them through and extremely biased educational system.

Lunacie
05-19-16, 10:52 PM
I guess I have taken a different approach. I make sure to maintain constant contact with all educators involved, monitor grades through a school app and try to catch the problems before they reach the point of no return. This does not raise babies who need moms and dads to do the work for them, it means they have advocates helping them through and extremely biased educational system.

Can't give you any reputation but :thankyou: Sarah. Well said!

Socaljaxs
05-20-16, 03:05 AM
I get that it is 100 times harder for ADHD and LD kids to function, but it is possible. They aren't going to be perfect at it, they may only write down homework 4 days a week instead of 5, but they should have a backup in place to catch themselves, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's going to every teacher during homeroom to make sure he didn't forget to write something down, there are ways to adapt.

I see it with my son all the time, I know what his challenges are and so does he. SOME parents and aids and helpers just do it for the kid, why, because it's easier. I could email my sons teachers every day but instead I leave it to him to figure it out. When he asks me for help, I give it without complaint. When I get a notice of a failing grade I talk to him about it. He is only grounded when his 5 core classes don't average out to a 80%. He may have a 65% in science, his worst subject, but as long as his other 4 grades can pull his average up to an 80% he can go out.

I accept his weaknesses but he has to adapt. It sounds like this teacher was taking the time to explain to the mom that the kid needed to try harder, use the strengths/abilities he does have to help him overcome his weaknesses and to adapt....but it sounds like mom (and possibly kid) may be sensitive to that concept.


I personally, find that, there is a lack of fully and truly understanding the struggles each of us,face every single day.. There is,a big difference between someone asking for a free pass and using the disability as a crutch,verses struggling to overcome our limitations regardless of the barriers/obstacles we face.. The struggle to overcome our impairments/short comings is very difficult. Not impossible, but to be consistent every day to show true improvement is challenging and very much a struggle.. It's something that we work to overcome daily, hourly, minute , the consistent struggle we have to work against just to overcome the limitations that we ourselves fight against every day seems to not be considered... It's not always a try harder use strengths. It's not a crutch we are looking for or a free pass,it's the compassion we need to help us overcome our impairments.

I fully empathize with the op....I just experienced what the above poster dealt with this very issue this afternoon with my Muay Thai coach. I'm paying him to help me get better, probably ,ore than others have to pay.... he knows I have EDS(Ehler's-danlos) and ADHD... But sadly he's stuck in the same mindset as op Desling with.. The mindset of just not applying myself,not focusing and not trying hard enough..

Today my coach hurt my feelings really badly. I don't break easily nor do I usually allow others to make me feel belittled... However He's beyond frustrated with me because I'm not consistent. Not because I don't try it's just not happening. He poked at me for an hour while I just keep trying to get it right..I had kicked a shield and he was like "this kick will be perfect, next is gonna suck right before I kicked each time. Told me I can't get my training wheels off since I need the bag near me to do first step right...He said very hurtful things very much like the what the op heard. At the end of class he tells me "this session just like most of them, was frustrating, probably more frustrating for me than for you J" he's told me before I'm hard to train" the reality is until you walk in each person shoes. It very hard to be understanding..

Sadly, we are mislabeled, my coach got upset because he thinks I'm not trying and not progressing as fast as I should. Op aid thinks similar.. Sadly like her child it's not that we don't try it's hard to be consistent to have major positive changes happen quickly...

sarahsweets
05-20-16, 04:42 AM
I trying our best was measurable, then we would all be the alpha's. ADHD is a doing disorder. We know what to do, we just have trouble doing what we know.

Caco3girl
05-20-16, 08:50 AM
Yesterday she told him that yes he has disabilities but that he isn't using his "ABILITIES" and instead is using his "DIS" and dissing everything. I know that he is going to hear this type of stuff many times in his lifetime but I didn't think it was appropriate that he hears it from the ones who are supposed to be encouraging him and helping him. Am I just being an overly sensitive mom?

I am still on this sentence in the OP. If you are a teacher, and your job is to help an ADHD/LD kid and he doesn't appear to be trying and is instead making excuses for why he can't try, what are you suppose to say in a group meeting? Are we to expect this teacher will just blow sunshine at this 10th/11th grader and parent and tell them everything is fine when it is not?

Just because a kid has ADHD/LD doesn't mean he's trying his hardest. Sometimes it's just easier for us all to give up but an ADHD kid can't throw up his hands and say it is impossible because I have ADHD. Socaljaxs has been on the same move for a while now, he/she can't get it...but they are still trying, still booking the lessons and if this teacher becomes too frustrated with him/her I bet they will find another teacher and continue because Socaljaxs is trying to overcome, trying to get his/her mind and body to work together. He/she isn't going to be perfect the first time, or the second, but they are still trying and THAT is what an ADHD kid needs to do and it sounds like that is what this teacher is asking him to do.

It shouldn't be assumed that the kid is being lazy, but it also shouldn't be assumed that the teacher is being unfair by calling what she sees. Maybe the OP can shed some light on this...is your 15 year old son really trying, do you see him cracking the books and really putting in the effort and it just isn't working? Maybe your son can't stay on task very long but is he attempting it daily?

sarahsweets
05-20-16, 09:30 AM
I am still on this sentence in the OP. If you are a teacher, and your job is to help an ADHD/LD kid and he doesn't appear to be trying and is instead making excuses for why he can't try, what are you suppose to say in a group meeting? Are we to expect this teacher will just blow sunshine at this 10th/11th grader and parent and tell them everything is fine when it is not?
I cant completely disagree but the excuse word always manages to ruffle me. If we are dealing with an undeveloped brain (adhd or not because its underdeveloped in adolescence) then the kid might not know another way of explaining why something isnt working. Lets say he is supposed to be given the class notes from the teacher everyday rather than relying on copying them himself.. that helps and sounds viable. But if he is constantly losing them then what? He doesnt mean to lose them so if I were the aid or teacher I would acknowledge the current accomodation, and the problem and brain storm a solution. A good idea might be to email the notes to him, this way even if he loses the paper copy he has access to email.
To me this is way more constructive then assuming its just excuses for not trying hard enough.

Just because a kid has ADHD/LD doesn't mean he's trying his hardest.
I beg to differ. We may not see the results we want from the child's effort, or might not want to listen to verbal nonsense about why something isnt done, but I guarantee you trying their hardest is something an adhd person almost always does. No one wants to half as* it and then feel like crap about why they didnt do a good job. However literally trying is something that is a must. As long as you keep trying-and even keep failing- you havent given up.

It shouldn't be assumed that the kid is being lazy, but it also shouldn't be assumed that the teacher is being unfair by calling what she sees. Maybe the OP can shed some light on this...is your 15 year old son really trying, do you see him cracking the books and really putting in the effort and it just isn't working? Maybe your son can't stay on task very long but is he attempting it daily?
I was under the impression it wasnt necessarily the teacher who mentioned these things but the support person or aid? Ill need to reread the OP again. But youre right more details would help.

Socaljaxs
05-20-16, 12:26 PM
I am still on this sentence in the OP. If you are a teacher, and your job is to help an ADHD/LD kid and he doesn't appear to be trying and is instead making excuses for why he can't try, what are you suppose to say in a group meeting?

Socaljaxs has been on the same move for a while now, he/she can't get it...but they are still trying, still booking the lessons and if this teacher becomes too frustrated with him/her I bet they will find another teacher and continue because Socaljaxs is trying to overcome, trying to get his/her mind and body to work together. He/she isn't going to be perfect the first time, or the second, but they are still trying and THAT is what an ADHD kid needs to do and it sounds like that is what this teacher is asking him to do.

It shouldn't be assumed that the kid is being lazy, but it also shouldn't be assumed that the teacher is being unfair by calling what she sees. Maybe the OP can shed some light on this...is your 15 year old son really trying, do you see him cracking the books and really putting in the effort and it just isn't working? Maybe your son can't stay on task very long but is he attempting it daily?

A few words I highlighted as what I'm trying to get across . The big two that I know first hand and overly tried to explain earlier..,it is why the verbage from the learning aid, I have a problem with. Just like many others' that have any type or level of impairments(these,include but not limited to mentally, physically, emotionally, circumstantial, and different levels of severity of impairments ext) of any kind are the mistaken responses, frustration and assumed reasons for our failed efforts...s person may be trying as hard as possible however there is wrong assumptions and even though we are trying it may appear as if we aren't or don't care or aren't utilizing our selves to the best of our abilities.)

People with ADHD get looked at with plenty of inaccurate assumptions and false assumed to "appears" to be.

Caco3girl
05-20-16, 01:30 PM
I will admit that there is a HUGE problem in the schools with teachers not understanding what an ADHD kid goes through. However, I would have more faith that an aid specifically trained to help the students with ADHD would know/understand the specific challenges they have on a day to day basis and be able to judge if it's the disability or the kid.

I hope you two can also admit that there is such a thing as a lazy teenager, ALL teenagers have the potential to be lazy, even if they have ADHD. I wish the OP would come back on here and expand on WHY the aid called the kid unmotivated. If he has one not handed in assignment I would say that's just ADHD, he likely forgot about it. If he has 20+ not handed in assignments...it would sound like he's unmotivated.

Lunacie
05-20-16, 02:48 PM
I will admit that there is a HUGE problem in the schools with teachers not understanding what an ADHD kid goes through. However, I would have more faith that an aid specifically trained to help the students with ADHD would know/understand the specific challenges they have on a day to day basis and be able to judge if it's the disability or the kid.

I hope you two can also admit that there is such a thing as a lazy teenager, ALL teenagers have the potential to be lazy, even if they have ADHD. I wish the OP would come back on here and expand on WHY the aid called the kid unmotivated. If he has one not handed in assignment I would say that's just ADHD, he likely forgot about it. If he has 20+ not handed in assignments...it would sound like he's unmotivated.

In an ideal world someone who is supposedly trained to work with kids who have special needs and an IEP or a 504 would know the difference between what is typical for kids of an age group and what is rightfully attributed to the underlying issue or disorder.

But in my experience that certificate to be a teacher in a resource room (what used to be called special ed) brings all kinds of personal biases to the job.

My autistic granddaughter had a nightmare in school as a first grader. Her home room teacher and her special ed teacher didn't have a clue how to tell what kind of help she needed.

When we asked the principal what other options we had such as homeschooling and online schooling and moving her to the special school for kids with behavior problems, she got on the ball and hired a new teacher and para/aide who totally understood how to help my granddaughter.

Grades 2 and 3, much better, and she was making up lost ground.

Then came grade 4 and she was back with the same resource room teacher as in grade 1, and the nightmare got worse ... and worse ... and worse. At least 3 times a week, no fewer than 3 times a week, we'd get a call midway through the day to come and get my granddaughter.

All that ground she made up? Gone. The anxiety and depression? Magnified. :mad: Of course she refused to even got to school many days. Can't blame her.

And the principal still wouldn't change anything and she was facing yet another year in that resource room with that horrible teacher.

It took a massive effort from the district autism coordinator to get her moved to the school for kids with behavior problems. In my granddaughters case, most the problems were caused by the teacher's misunderstandings and inflexibility.

Again she made up time in the special school, even with the distraction of other kids having meltdowns and acting out. She did so well that the district supervisor said she had to return to a "normal" school. :eek: Well, there was no way we were sending back to the previous principal and school. Just. No. Way.

Bless her heart, the district autism coordinator managed to find another school that was willing to set up a special classroom for kids with autism, and found the greatest teacher I've ever met. So in 7th grade she again made up for lost time and by semester break was able to begin attending some inclusion classes ALL BY HERSELF. She just finished 8th grade and is doing really well, and looks forward to starting high school next year.

The autism classroom will still be her homeroom, with the wonderful teacher supplying understanding and support. She totally understands which behaviors are typical for girls of that age and which she needs more help with because of autism.

I am so grateful that the advocate worked on our behalf to set up this classroom with a terrific principal and a wonderful teacher. This is how it should be. But we belong to a local facebook page for kids with autism, and it seems what we went through at the local school is much, much more common.


Sorry for writing a whole book on the subject, but in my perception the teachers who don't understand kids with disorders is much more common that the teachers who don't understand and don't even seem to care about trying to understand.

Fuzzy12
05-20-16, 04:08 PM
I will admit that there is a HUGE problem in the schools with teachers not understanding what an ADHD kid goes through. However, I would have more faith that an aid specifically trained to help the students with ADHD would know/understand the specific challenges they have on a day to day basis and be able to judge if it's the disability or the kid.

I hope you two can also admit that there is such a thing as a lazy teenager, ALL teenagers have the potential to be lazy, even if they have ADHD. I wish the OP would come back on here and expand on WHY the aid called the kid unmotivated. If he has one not handed in assignment I would say that's just ADHD, he likely forgot about it. If he has 20+ not handed in assignments...it would sound like he's unmotivated.

I think that maybe if he has not handed in one assignment that's just standard human behaviour. If he hasn't handed in 20 assignments we can safely assume that there is a problem, adhd or not.

I think it's important to get to the bottom of that problem rather than saying that some one isnt motivated and therefore they aren't your problem anymore.

Maybe it boils down to what motivation is. Is a lack if motivation a character flaw? Why do our levels of motivation differ? Why can some people do tasks for which I'd need huge and immediate rewards to be motivated enough to do them. Isn't a problem with motivation a symptom of adhd?

I struggled to put in the effort at school. Sometimes I sat at my desk for hours day dreaming away and sometimes I'd sit for 5 min and then get too restless and just leave for the rest of the day not being able to return. So many times I'd watch TV all sdy long the day before exams all the while fighting with myself to get up and start studying but I just didn't...or couldn't.

To an outsider it definitely didn't look as if I was trying. They couldn't see the internal struggle. The guilt. The rising panic as hour after hour passed and I was still incapable of switching off the TV. I definitely just looked lazy and unmotivated.

If anyone told me to study I'd get annoyed and frustrated because i felt so guilty that i just couldnt . I doubt they thought I'm cooperative or trying to be. I don't blame anyone fur thinking I was lazy. I thought so myself. It's just that I tried really hard not to be and I still couldnt but how would anyone know that?

sarahsweets
05-23-16, 02:31 AM
I hope you two can also admit that there is such a thing as a lazy teenager, ALL teenagers have the potential to be lazy, even if they have ADHD. I wish the OP would come back on here and expand on WHY the aid called the kid unmotivated. If he has one not handed in assignment I would say that's just ADHD, he likely forgot about it. If he has 20+ not handed in assignments...it would sound like he's unmotivated.
Yes teens can be lazy and yes an adhd teen can be lazy. But emotional regulation and communication can be a real impairment for people so a teenager might not be able to communicate what exactly is going on and it may just sound like excuses for being lazy, or blaming adhd for stuff. And I dont know what training guidelines are for aids and Para's are like where you are but here, they are not as specific or stringent as they should be. Personally I have had a run in with a couple because my oldest was diagnosed at age 4 and had been receiving services his entire school career, and all of his accomodations included aids. He had some wonderful life changing beautiful souls help him...and he also had a couple that knew nothing about special needs, were bullys and overstepped their own authority with parents.
So I think a lot of this may have to do with what the aid said and how it was said and what her training and area of expertise is regarding adhd.
Overall, I cringe at the word lazy no matter if its used to describe an person with adhd or not.

stef
05-23-16, 04:05 AM
I've been following this thread and I haven't posted because I just have no experience relating to this; but I agree, a lot may have to do with what the aid said and how it was said and expertise is regarding adhd.

Also I just hugely dislike the saying about using the "diss" and not "the ability". It seems like a "ready-made" expression that can really be used negatively.