View Full Version : It is a bad idea to mention ADD in my dating profile?


crosen95
05-30-16, 09:35 PM
I was in a long term relationship that recently ended. During that time is when I first realized that I had ADD.

Now I am starting to date new women for the first time. Is it a bad idea to put that I have ADD in my dating (for marriage) profile as long as I spin it in a funny way? And mention things like I will be both the funniest and nicest person that you ever dated.

Socaljaxs
05-30-16, 11:10 PM
I wouldn't personally. Not in a dating profile. If I was to get serious with a person then I would tell them my health conditions but on a dating profile no reason to over share

Greyhound1
05-30-16, 11:20 PM
I agree with Socal. To me your dating profile is like a resume and I wouldn't want to highlight a health condition on that either.

There are so many other positive things about yourself you can put in your profile I am sure.

Little Nut
05-31-16, 11:25 AM
If along the way it doesn't come up as a natural topic of conversation, save it for after you have both decided that it is a good potential for a longer term relationship. This may help, the expectations of the other person is that you are trying to show yourself in the best possible light in the early stages while getting to know the other person.

Heybunny
05-31-16, 11:31 AM
Obviously it's your choice and we're all different, but I agree with the posters above and don't think mentioning it is the best idea. You could open yourself up to stigma/people after any meds you might be on/put people off who don't understand/etc.

acdc01
05-31-16, 01:04 PM
I wouldn't do it. It doesn't even tell them who you really are. They'll look up adhd on the internet, see several frightening symptoms, be scared from them and not even realize you don't have all those symptoms or how exactly those symptoms affect you.

I personally am a believer of how you want to let a person know of your weaknesses early so you don't get too attached before finding you are incompatible. But I'd start with just talking about your symptoms like say you're a procrastinator or something instead of saying adhd right away. I'd mention adhd before it gets too serious though cause otherwise they'd feel like you were hiding something from them which you weren't since you did tell them all your symptoms.

anonymouslyadd
05-31-16, 02:22 PM
Don't do it!!

midnightstar
05-31-16, 05:46 PM
I agree with everyone else, don't say in your dating profile about it because like a CV/resume/whatever you're trying to sell yourself, putting any health conditions inyour dating profile will just drive people away :grouphug:

Drogheda2
05-31-16, 06:33 PM
no.

part of dating is to get to know the other person and work with them, it's through mutual work that real relationships connect.

most people have no clue what ADHD is, and that's not being calace to them, there is very little real knowledge.

just like everyone you get to know them and about the first month or two is when you decide if it's going to have a chance of being a long term thing or not. starting it off with "I have ADHD" could poison the thought of who you are based on any previous negative/incorrect knowledge.

Hermus
05-31-16, 06:48 PM
As the others before me have said, I wouldn't do it. My diagnosis (not ADD) has sometimes already come up casually during conversation on the first date. Other times it has come up later. My experience is that if it comes up naturally, when someone already knows a bit about who you are, in general it is not a big deal. However, by mentioning it in your dating profile you define yourself by it. You are not your diagnosis, therefore it is not really necessary to mention.

Gilthranon
06-01-16, 06:13 AM
Nah I always keep seeing a label when someone tells me about their label and I fear, if anyone's like me and I can't see them, some might have the same perspective. Like a constant observation

This one dude on youtube once mentioned it during a tirade and I suggested to only write your medical privacies in the context of positivism. Like a trophy in a motivational speech. People will associate the medical name with the context its mentioned in. So let's keep the context victorious

Unmanagable
06-01-16, 08:47 AM
Only mention adhd if you plan to put every other thing you've ever been diagnosed with, too.

Which is absolutely no ones business, unless you meet someone you wish to get to know on a much deeper level.

I'm married and have been with the hubster for 14 years, but can imagine what my full disclosure profile may have looked like with all the things I'd been diagnosed with in the last 5 or 6 years:

"Hi there. Middle aged chickadee here who loves nature, gardening, music, and just be-ing.

I come with a side of adhd, IBS, fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, a nervous stomach, extreme anxiety, severe depression, and a few other random and sporadic symptoms not yet specifically classified by the professionals I've sought out, thus far.

Let's meet and get to know each other."

I vote for keeping that information out of your profiles and reserved for those who may end up connecting on a much deeper heart level.

aeon
06-01-16, 12:42 PM
Dating profiles are like ad copy for used cars.

You mention low miles, runs clean, but not that the tires have less than 50% tread,
or that the oxygen sensor always acts up when the weather gets cold.

My profile doesnít say a word about it, but the astute among might guess I am not
neurotypical, regardless.

---

Iíve seen a gal named Jane a few times now. I told her about my medical stuff
on our first date, and it was appropriate because she is a nurse and we are both
nerds, and it was relevant.

For our first date we went to (in addition to other places, lol) a clinic for a health
screening, so mention of my ADHD didnít seem a big deal in and of itself.


Cheers,
Ian

Hermus
06-01-16, 01:04 PM
I’ve seen a gal named Jane a few times now. I told her about my medical stuff
on our first date, and it was appropriate because she is a nurse and we are both
nerds, and it was relevant.


Last successful date I mentioned that I was in the process of diagnosing ADD. She was a criminologist who wanted to specialize in forensic criminology and was very interested in diagnostic labels. Think she already noticed I was bit disordered by the fact that I had decided on a bar and I absolutely was not able to find the way. She wasn't bothered at all.

Roundmouth
06-01-16, 05:25 PM
I think leaving it out would be disasterous. If they have a problem with that, then it will occur sooner or later. This is no small detail... At least not for me. What's your ambition? Being charming for one occasion or two or build up something that may actually last a few years? How many years can you hide it?

On the other hand... There's the pragmatic view to it. Maybe this short adventure is all I can hope to achieve? Should I spoil that chance too, or rather aim at having at least one great day?

BellaVita
06-01-16, 07:52 PM
I feel like one of the few who would put it in my profile, but that's probably only because I got good results finding someone else with ADHD - who accepts me for who I am. (And it wasn't through a dating site :p)

Greyhound1
06-01-16, 07:53 PM
people after any meds you might be on

I think this is a great point by Hb! Seekers will seek you out if you are not very careful.

acdc01
06-01-16, 09:45 PM
I feel like one of the few who would put it in my profile, but that's probably only because I got good results finding someone else with ADHD - who accepts me for who I am. (And it wasn't through a dating site :p)

That's a good point Bellavita. Some of us might want to date someone else with adhd and no easier way to find someone than admitting you have it. Also, maybe people with other mental illnesses might be more honest from the start if we were honest.

I'd be afraid it would make us targets too though. Like someone malevolent might see us as someone who will put up with abuse even though us having adhd doesn't really mean that.

Little Nut
06-01-16, 10:25 PM
If I were to look at a dating profile (dating resume?), I would read it with the full expectation that the writer was showcasing themselves in the best light possible. Doing it this way allows you to "somewhat" compare apples to apples when reviewing different profiles. If one woman overly emphasizes her character flaws and failures in life and the next avoids these areas it is difficult , no impossible, for me to make a rational decision whether to further pursue the first one. (Sorry I have trouble making my point clearly AND succinctly. <-- Good to point out here, but not in a Dating Profile.)

When interviewing I always wore a freshly cleaned suit, pressed shirt and shined shoes. I rarely dressed that way in a work environment. The interviewer knew this as well, just best foot forward expectations. It may have been more honest to show up in casual slacks and a shirt just out of the dryer, and needing a shave, but it would not be expected and would lead to negative false impressions in most cases. Then time would have to be spent trying to put any concerns in the proper perspective.

If I was reading a dating profile that contained declarations of medical disorder(s) like ADHD I would immediately note concerns for future probing in the event of a next step. I would be concerned with why this individual felt it was necessary to use up the limited space in a dating resume to communicate this? Is there nothing of more interest this person could fill this valuable space with? Is the ADHD in his case so debilitating a problem to be noted up front? Are there other mental disorders that are not severe enough to include in the dating resume? I am not saying these type of questions aren't easily answered IF you GET the opportunity to answer them. I am saying that to raise these concerns needlessly takes away from actually getting to know each other. In no way do I think you should withhold this information, but it is somewhat private and intimate in nature and should be shared with someone you have that type of relationship with, not normally someone you are on a first date with. In any event, do what your heart tells you to do Crosen and have fun meeting new people. HTH, -LN

I promise to stop flogging the dead equine.

BellaVita
06-01-16, 10:32 PM
That's a good point Bellavita. Some of us might want to date someone else with adhd and no easier way to find someone than admitting you have it. Also, maybe people with other mental illnesses might be more honest from the start if we were honest.

I'd be afraid it would make us targets too though. Like someone malevolent might see us as someone who will put up with abuse even though us having adhd doesn't really mean that.

Well, I wasn't exactly looking for someone with ADHD. I wasn't looking for anyone at all, actually. :)

But destiny has a way with things.

Cyllya
06-02-16, 12:42 AM
I think leaving it out would be disasterous. If they have a problem with that, then it will occur sooner or later. This is no small detail... At least not for me. What's your ambition? Being charming for one occasion or two or build up something that may actually last a few years? How many years can you hide it?

On the other hand... There's the pragmatic view to it. Maybe this short adventure is all I can hope to achieve? Should I spoil that chance too, or rather aim at having at least one great day?

Yeah, some people have compared dating profiles to job applications/resumes, but I look at it more as a job posting. I figure you might as well include some of the downsides (within reason), because if it scares off unsuitable "applicants" from the beginning, that's a good thing. (Granted, I say this as someone who's cool with being single.)

On the other hand, I can see why it's kind of weird to start mentioning your medical problems in your dating profile. ADHD feels like a different situation than my other medical problems, but I can't pinpoint why. (I guess because most of my other problems are either "doesn't really effect my daily life much" or "causes constant or frequent misery," but ADHD is kind of a window between those two categories.)

sarahsweets
06-02-16, 04:31 AM
I cant see any good from it. Why allow yourself to be judged before anyone gets to know you? And if something goes to the next level is adhd something that will cause the relationship to abruptly halt?
The other thing is, if you were to list these issues in your profile, wouldnt you wonder about who responded? Like if they had a thing for caretaking or were attracted to someone with issues?

badwolf616
06-22-16, 12:07 AM
i say list all your faults. everyone lies on those things might as well try being honest.

KarmanMonkey
06-22-16, 08:42 AM
If you share your diagnosis on a dating profile, there are few positives that could come from it, and some highly significant negatives:

1) You lose control of the message. A person reads ADD, and most people who would ask follow-up questions in real life will simply move on when online. You don't get the chance to elaborate on what it means for you, or for a relationship, and leaves things wide open for all those negative stereotypes to be the first impression the person has of you.

2) You lose privacy. There are a number of times back when I was doing the online dating thing that someone I knew personally or professionally had seen my profile. What if your boss is trolling for dates? A friend/colleague you haven't disclosed to? Not only do they find out in a way you didn't want, but you also might deal with idiots who share that information while keeping their knowledge secret from you! I know someone who decided to talk about his schizophrenia in front of a class of high school students, to break down stigma and raise awareness. The next day he gets called into his boss's office; his son was in the class.

3) You lose a significant potential dating market: People who don't know about ADD, or have misinformation about it, and who would be fantastic supportive partners if it gets brought up at the right time and with the right conversation about it.

Broadcasting ADD is protective in a sense, but it's like not trusting anyone keeps you from being disappointed in people. It throws out a lot of potential for good with the potential for bad.

mctavish23
06-22-16, 11:17 AM
No. And Did I Mention No?

You're assuming the others will somehow understand & be tolerant :faint:

IMHO, most (non-ADHD) people simply don't understand the disorder.

So "ditto" on what the majority of the responses have been, and good luck.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

Corina86
06-22-16, 01:32 PM
I did that a while ago on OKCupid. Do you ever receive random sex-invitations or insults from strangers on these websites? If you do, then you should know they aren't half as annoying as those where guys (or girls) are trying to tell you there's no ADHD and you don't do meds and all sort of other stupid advices on issues they know nothing about. Generally speaking, you're not supposed to write anything negative about yourself, otherwise that flaw will be the one thing people will focus on most. And it doesn't mean you'll draw out ADHD-friendly people. I know I didn't.

Tetrahedra
06-23-16, 01:07 AM
I was in a long term relationship that recently ended. During that time is when I first realized that I had ADD.

Now I am starting to date new women for the first time. Is it a bad idea to put that I have ADD in my dating (for marriage) profile as long as I spin it in a funny way? And mention things like I will be both the funniest and nicest person that you ever dated.

I think everyone pretty much answered whether or not you should include the ADD in your dating profile. But I would like to follow up with a completely non-judgmental question: Why are you interested in including it? Maybe we can help you find a way to ease it into your profile if you find it incredibly important that it needs to be shared up front.

The other thing is that you asked about mention that you're the funniest and nicest person. The important thing is to write what you ARE and let the potential dates determine if you are the "est" in their lives. Focus on the qualities that are less subjective, and let your dates and potential dates determine for themselves if you're funny or nice. Instead of saying "I'm a funny guy" (subjective), write "I enjoy puns" (objective). They can then come to their own conclusion whether or not that's funny because some people don't find puns funny at all and prefer a different type of humor that you don't meet. So even though you're funny, you might not be funny to a specific person because she enjoys dark humor or slapstick or whatever. Does that make sense? I hope that wasn't too convoluted.

sarek
06-23-16, 02:25 AM
I am one of those who would include this info, for the following reasons:

1. I have big difficulty misrepresenting myself. My ADD is such an important part of me, its integral.
2. My personal experience has told me that dating incompatible people will only lead to pain and suffering along the line. Informing them beforehand will rule out the incompatible.
3. People will find out anyway. That's when the organic brown matter hits the ceiling fan. People might even feel that I would have lied to them. ADD is not a small matter, you only want to engage with people who are ready to go for it.
4. If people cant handle me at my worst, do they deserve me at my best?