View Full Version : i think im in love with my shrink

06-06-16, 07:18 AM
i think im in love with my shrink.
i have ADD and some severe anxiety issues so im going to a shrink since the past few weeks.
shes most likely a new intern lol( maybe 5-6 years older than me) but **** shes beautiful.
i feel like shes the only one who truly understands me and talks to me in such a lovely manner.
shes like a close friend i never had with whom i can open up to and connect with, share my personal feelings which i usually keep guarded within myself.
im usually not that sort of touchy-feely person but
I dont know if this is love or just infatuation, i just keep thinking about her all the time.
as im fkin socially awkward asf and shes my fkin shrink, i dont know how to go about it and ask her out. Should i ask her out? would it be weird?
What should i do?

Little Missy
06-06-16, 07:27 AM
It would be unethical for her to see you in any capacity other than if you went to another doctor. And don't do anything unless you want to ruin your doctor/patient relationship.

06-06-16, 07:37 AM
Although I'm not a professional psychologist/psychiatrist and can't tell much on the basis of what you are telling, what might be happening is what is called transference. It is not uncommon for patients to fall in love with their therapist.

As long as she is still your therapist the relation between the two of you would make it inappropriate for her to go out with you and could possibly bring her career in danger. However, even if you would end the therapist-client relationship under a lot of jurisdictions her dating you could still be considered off limits. So as hard as it may seem at the moment it sounds like asking her out to me seems not to be a good idea.

What I would advice you is to discuss these feelings with her. Most likely it wouldn't be a big shock to her, since she might have experienced this more often. A good therapist will understand this as part of the process and will be able to help you deal with these feelings. Also keep in mind that you only know her in her professional role. The side of her you see is totally different from who she is as a person.

I wish you the very best of luck! :)

06-06-16, 08:47 AM
Remember, shrinks get paid quite well to care. Their compassion and concern aren't coming from a personal space, strictly professional.

It's easy to blur boundaries when you're not used to feeling heard or understood, then finally, someone seems to "get" you.

But if you hadn't paid them and made an appointment, that interaction would have never happened.

Best of luck in getting your head out of your heart to sort it all out.

06-06-16, 08:48 AM
Absolutely agree with all that Hermus said above.

I can so easily see how easy it could become to fall in love with a therapist.

I don't think you should ask her on a date though.
Also as Hermus stated only know her as a therapist. I hate to sound harsh here...but she gets paid to be nice to you. To listen to you without judging attempt to give you support in a professional be on yourside. It's her job...that's what she does.
I'm not saying it's not genuine...but do realize she's a professional who's been trained to do this and to be this way with you.

And more than anything else...I especially agree with Hermus when he suggests bringing these feelings up with your therapist. I know that's going to be incredibly difficult to do...but I think it's something she'll likely be able to work through with you, and might actually better your (professional) relationship and make your future sessions with her better. Like it might strengthen the trust you have in her or something.

06-06-16, 09:01 AM
She could get in serious trouble if she dated you.

Reading articles, they all say you should disclose your feelings to your psychiatrist though it'd probably get super awkward for you afterward. I'd personally switch to a new dr. As I couldn't handle the awkwardness though good ones are hard to find.

06-06-16, 09:40 AM
When it comes to therapists, I'm a strong believer and supporter of honesty.
Opening up...especially about things that are difficult to open up to...have led to the best sessions I've had.
I don't know a thing about your therapist...but I'd be surprised if she's not at least in some way prepared for this situation. Not just with you specifically...but just in general. A client becoming attracted to her and falling in love with her. I'd think there's some sort of something set in place for such situations and might be something you can work through.
And through being open and honest with her about it...and working through it...I just think it would in the end strengthen the trust with her.

I might well be too naive here.
I do think you should be honest with her though. I'm not sure how much help she can be to you if you're not. Your attraction to her will very likely hold you back from working with her at a professional level.

06-06-16, 10:45 AM
IMO dating her, even if you switch doctors should be out of the question. She has gotten to know you clinically, I cant see how a romance could work out when it started under those pretenses. Plus, you went for therapy, you need help. This wont help you no matter what you think of her or how you feel about her. You need to do you right now.

06-06-16, 11:44 AM
Definitely don't ask her out. Even If you did and she said yes she'D be acting seriously unprofessionally and wouldn't be a very good shrink. You'll have to let this one be I'm afraid.

It sounds like you have a good relationship so if you are obsessing about it it might be better to confide in her about your feelings. She'll probably know or learn how to deal with it as I can imagine that this is a fairly common situation.

Basically what everyone else said.

06-06-16, 11:48 AM
hmmm. yeah right lol i guess it wouldnt work out.
gotta stop overthinking about her.

Little Nut
06-06-16, 03:56 PM
LN coming from left-field once again. I would hope that if I was in your situation that I would have the guts to try this, but I'm not sure.

Let your Doc know that at the end of your next appt you would like to set aside 10 min talk about an issue, but it is not necessary to do today.

When the time arrives, gird your loins a bit to be rational and somewhat detached and bring up your feelings for her. Tell her your goal is to get past them and not interfere with your treatment. You are bringing this up to be forthright in your Dr./Patient relationship and that you are concerned if you keep silent it may cause issues in your treatment. (Also it will probably feel good to get it off your chest.) Then get your Doc's thoughts on this as well.

06-06-16, 03:58 PM
Shrinks don't show clients what they are like outside of their "doctor/patient" relationship because as far as I know they're not allowed to.

06-06-16, 04:20 PM
Shrinks don't show clients what they are like outside of their "doctor/patient" relationship because as far as I know they're not allowed to.

Not always true, they can get personal, but most don't. I know some that use it as a tool to build trust with clients.

06-06-16, 04:22 PM
Not always true, they can get personal, but most don't. I know some that use it as a tool to build trust with clients.

I read somewhere they weren't allowed to? Not sure what rulebook there is to say they can't though :scratch:

06-06-16, 06:04 PM
It may be a Reignal thing.. I know last I checked therapist are never allowed to date patient, recently it's changed to current only are no no's but former patients after a proper period of time is ok. But it is subjective to power/vulnerability of person which kinda makes them targets I romance turn sour.:eek:

06-06-16, 06:07 PM
Not always true, they can get personal, but most don't. I know some that use it as a tool to build trust with clients.

I swear my previous therapist talked more about her life and family...than I did! :doh:

06-07-16, 02:20 PM
In the UK NO psychotherapy/counselling accrediting body allows personal relationships with clients. To have such a "dual" relationship is regarded as completely unethical... full stop ... end of story. The same rules apply to western style counselling accrediting bodies internationally.

The feelings you are having are significant and can be used by your therapist as a powerful tool to help you examine your "way of being" in the world. For this reason I would advise you to be open about how you feel.... in the hands of a good therapist it's a gold plated opportunity to turbo-charge your therapy

If the therapist is any good they will welcome this openness and be able to handle it professionally and tactfully... supporting your honesty while making it perfectly clear that anything beyond a professional relationship is completely out of bounds.

This kind of stuff is called "transference" and is the real meat of several types of therapy... particularly psychodynamic.... what the therapist feels in response to your "transference" is called "counter-transference"...... and it's the therapists job to use their counter-transference to access your transference.... which is the psychodynamic route to doing the "work".

Therefore if you come clean about your feelings you short-circuit the process of the therapist trying to use their "counter-transference" to get a handle on your "transference" making things run faster and enabling deeper work than would be otherwise the case. This doesn't mean it will all be plain sailing.....


enjoy the roller-coaster.