View Full Version : Pastor telling me not to be offended at not being invited places


jashley
06-07-16, 07:39 PM
I am so upset, I feel like my friend and pastor dislike me and want me to stay away from them because my friend said she needed space and was yelling at me for feeling excluded bc Im not invited places and thinking Im being rejected when that is supposedly not true.
My pastor messaged me telling me I need to stop being offended when I don't get invited to things after he overheard me asking someone at church about a get together they had. And he said if I wanted to stay part of the group I need to stop asking people questions about their events that Im not invited to because it makes it look like Im upset that I wasn't invited. Ok I understand that but why is he making me out to be this horrible bad person and threatening to kick me out for simply asking what someone did when for clarification when I overhear them talking about a get together.

TygerSan
06-07-16, 08:14 PM
I see that thingw have not improved with the small group at church. :(

I'm sorry. At this point, it's clear that, for whatever reason, the girls in the group don't want to invite you to things, and *the pastor doesn't see a problem with this* Therefore, I have a problem with your church and the pastor.

I get being lonely. I understand feeling at "home" at a church. Feeling comfortable and familiar. But honestly, at this point? Personally, I wouldn't stay. Maybe try a different group or a different activities based on what you're interested in. these people are cruel and toxic and you deserve so much better.

Tetrahedra
06-07-16, 10:50 PM
Your situation is not an easy one. Here's now I'm reading it:

How close of a friend is your friend? If she isn't really a close friend, I can understand that she might not want to listen a whole lot to a situation like that. If it's someone you'd consider a good friend, I don't think it's cool that she doesn't want to lend you an ear. That said, if you're constantly talking about this topic to her, I can see how she'd reasonably become overwhelmed.

As for the pastor, I read it a little differently than TygerSan. From what your words sound like to me--and correct me if I'm wrong here--it seems that the pastor isn't going to kick you out of the group for talking, but giving you a warning that you might get driven out by the group as a whole if you are constantly inquiring them about their personal lives which they clearly don't want you involved in because they didn't invite you in the first place.

But it's hard to tell without both sides, you know? As I said in the first thread, not every person fits every group. Maybe there's another group at the church you would be able to join. If not, you could explore other churches without fully committing yourself to them. It might mean going to two church services a Sunday for a couple of weeks (one at your old one and one at the new one), but you might find something you like.

sarahsweets
06-08-16, 04:18 AM
No offense but I think your pastor sounds a little jerk-ish. Not that hes mean just out of the loop. He can say all he wants, but it doesnt seem like he is validating your feelings. It doesnt seem like he sees things from your perspective.
Personally,I would stop talking to him about all of this stuff and either continue being spirtitually filled here or move on.

Little Nut
06-08-16, 11:37 AM
I could put a different perspective on this to make the pastor rational and likely will. If your heart of hearts is telling you that your pastor is not genuinely concerned about your well being, that is a nice sized problem in and of itself. I assume you have a long standing relationship with this particular congregation and your Reverend. I would pull together a list of actual occurrences where your reverend has acted in a way that makes you question your trust in him. Then I would ask to sit down at his convenience to discuss the matter of trust issues. The desired outcome of the meeting is that you and the Rev understand each other and trust each other to operate in the best interest of each other. If not, you may need to find a Pastor that you could fully trust.

As to the Rev's talk with you, he probably is aware that if people are choosing to exclude you from events whether for valid or invalid reasons, there is nothing you can do to change that. Contacting other parishioners to discuss information related to you being excluded is upsetting to you and the other parishioners when there is nothing of substance to be gained. His hope is that you can move past this and focus on things that you can control. Not sure if accurate, but is plausible based on your description. Regards, -LN

Corina86
06-08-16, 04:44 PM
I will ask you some personal questions and you don't have to answer if you don't want to: why is the church group so important to you? Why is it so important that you get invited somewhere by this girl? Do you have friends outside of this group? Your friend might have all sorts of reasons not to ask you out- you can be excluded for having kids or pets or not having them or for liking the wrong music or some political opinion you shared with the others- in the end it doesn't matter, because there isn't really much you can do about it. Maybe, just maybe, you're being a bit clingy. And, worst of all, you're hanging on to the wrong people. Also, if there is one girl that keeps excluding you, it doesn't mean that the whole group dislikes you. However, since this girl is organizing most of the get-togethers, you're being left out. You might want to try asking other girls/guys at your church to hang out together and do stuff. Don't ever stick to someone who appears not to like or appreciate you! There are plenty of people out there that really really want friends and would be happy to go out with you!