View Full Version : Valid tipping point or being too impulsive?


Chicky75
06-07-16, 08:50 PM
So I've been dreading for awhile my supervisor saying something more directly to me about a work problem that I've been having. It finally happened this morning, and while it wasn't as bad as I thought, it really made me want to ramp up my search for a new job because I can just see my relationship with this supervisor getting worse.

I know I should use this as an opportunity to figure out how to deal with co-workers who are different than me and who have different styles, but I just don't think I have the energy. Plus, this person is incredibly set in her ways and rigid in how she thinks things should be done and her views, so I feel like there just isn't any possibility of a positive outcome.

Is there a way to deal with someone like that?

To give an example, one of the things that came out of the meeting this morning was that she completely dismissed and disregarded the idea that it might be difficult for some people to be able to concentrate on typing up notes of a meeting in the shared office we're in. There are about 9 cubicles in this one room and not only are there always people coming and going, but no one thinks anything of just coming up to start talking to you, even if you have headphones on or your back to the aisle and are obviously in the middle of something. Her boss, who was also in the meeting, agreed that it was something that should be addressed so that we're all more respectful of each other's time, but her response was "It's not a big deal. People should just be able to concentrate." That was it, no further discussion, which is typical of her - she decides and that's it, no one else's experiences matter.

Chicky75
06-07-16, 09:01 PM
Oh, and I was also really angry at how she addressed the problem, too. Yes, it is something that I need to be more on top of, but...

I had my review a month or so ago - she didn't say anything about this then.

We had our monthly one-on-one supervisory meeting last week - she didn't say anything about this then.

And this isn't something that she just realized, so she hadn't been thinking about in past meetings. She had a list to give me where she'd been tracking since about January everything that was missing.

Instead, she sent an email yesterday afternoon, asking me and the director of our program (her direct supervisor) to meet this morning to talk about "a couple of things". No details of what she wanted to talk about, which is very unusual in our agency. When I asked her directly what she wanted to talk about, she was vague and gave me an answer that could have referred to many different parts of our work, instead of just saying "case notes".

She's only been a supervisor for just about a year, but I don't see what the point is of her supervising people if she doesn't feel that she can address problems with them directly, instead of involving her boss. Too bad that her supervisees don't get to give any input into her review.

Corina86
06-08-16, 05:15 PM
I think your point of view was valid and she should've considered it. This isn't a small thing; too much turmoil can distract most people from work, so good employers try to avoid it.

Try not to argue with your superviser though and try not to get fired before you find a new job, but this could be a sign that you should be looking for something else. I doubt it will get better here, at least as long as this lady is in charge.

Little Nut
06-08-16, 09:46 PM
Every boss I ever had had what I called hot buttoned issues. Certain things that they wanted done in a very specific way. For those items, I did it exactly how my boss wanted it done. I always considered it within their prerogative. I also had expectations that I would be given latitude appropriate for my job responsibilities to address non hot button issues and I was given that latitude.

If you had a meeting w/ your supervisor and your supervisor's supervisor and they both agreed there was an issue and how you were to address the issue, I think you have only 2 choices at this point. GL, -LN

KarmanMonkey
06-10-16, 09:01 AM
Oh, and I was also really angry at how she addressed the problem, too. Yes, it is something that I need to be more on top of, but...

I had my review a month or so ago - she didn't say anything about this then.

We had our monthly one-on-one supervisory meeting last week - she didn't say anything about this then.

And this isn't something that she just realized, so she hadn't been thinking about in past meetings. She had a list to give me where she'd been tracking since about January everything that was missing.

Instead, she sent an email yesterday afternoon, asking me and the director of our program (her direct supervisor) to meet this morning to talk about "a couple of things". No details of what she wanted to talk about, which is very unusual in our agency. When I asked her directly what she wanted to talk about, she was vague and gave me an answer that could have referred to many different parts of our work, instead of just saying "case notes".

She's only been a supervisor for just about a year, but I don't see what the point is of her supervising people if she doesn't feel that she can address problems with them directly, instead of involving her boss. Too bad that her supervisees don't get to give any input into her review.

You do get input into her review. It's called bringing the issue you just pointed out (refusing to address a performance issue directly, neglecting to include it in regular performance reviews) to the director. It can work, and if there's general discontent about your supervisor, your actions can give others permission to speak up.

For your own safety, however, perhaps arrange to meet your director away from the office, just to help ensure that your supervisor won't connect the dots between you visiting the director and being asked for a copy of your performance reviews.

Tetrahedra
06-10-16, 08:32 PM
I'm not sure I'm following and understanding your entire situation, so please correct me if I'm wrong. What I gather is that you're having trouble with a supervisor who isn't good at confrontation. She doesn't want to tell people what they're doing wrong, and then when she finally has to, she needs moral support.

Unfortunately you're going to find people you struggle to work with in every job, whether it's your coworkers, your bosses, or your clients. I'm not sure that this would warrant finding a new job unless you're fully prepared to deal with this same sort of thing somewhere else. That said, it's good to keep an open eye out for job listings in your area in case things get worse or in case you find something that really and truly is better than your current situation.

As far as people saying that everyone should be able to concentrate . . . sorry. :( Unfortunately people make vast generalizations about everybody. (Look, see, I did it in that sentence.) I've had my owner coworkers say things like, "It's really not that hard to do XYZ. I do it all the time." And that's not very comforting if it's something you struggle to do.

A good employer will know that anybody--ADHD or not--has strengths and weaknesses. And the employer will make reasonable accommodations as far as the job allows. Maybe this means that you can put a sign outside your cubicle to please not disturb unless it's important, or to get noise-cancelling headphones, or whatever. But the key is that it has to be reasonable given your job. The employer won't rearrange the entire office layout for one person, especially if the open-cubicle atmosphere is critical to the communication of the company. That would be like taking a job at a day care and then saying you don't want to interact with any of the kids.

But if your employer knows that you have weaknesses but you're willing and able to overcome them with minor assistance so that you can focus on your strengths, that's awesome. If you're comfortable addressing this with an appropriate individual in your company, cool. Sometimes when in meetings, people say weird things and then those weird things are never really followed through upon, so that "everyone should be able to concentrate" comment might get forgotten in a few days' time.

Chicky75
06-27-16, 09:34 AM
I haven't been on here much in the last few weeks, but thanks for the replies.

I know some of this problem is just my own reactions to situations like this, which I'm working on. If someone criticizes me in a non-constructive way, I immediately assume that that person thinks everything I do is wrong and I read into anything they say or do. And I know that's something that I need to work on because obviously I know there are going to be people who criticize me in any job, and not all of them will do it well.

I think the tipping point for me is just that this person in general is so inflexible about everything. I was already not happy about the way somethings were run here, and now that she's my supervisor, I think that will just increase.

Thanks KarmanMonkey especially for that point. I hadn't of it like that, but it's true that bringing it up to her supervisor will at least make me feel a little better knowing it's on record.