View Full Version : Apologies and stuff going on with me...

06-08-16, 05:07 AM
I stuck this here because its about my relationship with people here and I guess in life too.

It has been mentioned to me recently that I can be intimidating to others sometimes. ( no psycho this is not about what you had said so dont worry)
That I can be too direct or blunt, or maybe unyielding? Beating a dead horse and all that.
Recently I snapped on someone and let loose- not exactly the way to win a popularity contest eh?
I am glad that these things are brought up though.
So guys, Im sorry to anyone who may have been on the receiving end. Im sorry if anyone here thinks I do not like them, or are afraid of me.

I have always been considered blunt, abrupt (sometimes) uncouth, direct, sarcastic. Im lucky because for the most part, people know when there is joking going on. I enjoy wit. My issues are a lot of the time, I dont realize that can make people who arent like me to feel ostracized or afraid. It can make people afraid of being honest with me, or afraid to be friends with me. It can make people afraid to bring things that they feel up to me, out of fear that I will be snarky, or invalidate what they want to talk about.
I am not a bad person and way more approachable then maybe I seem.

In particular lately, I can tell that i am emotionally reacting to things in a way that arent productive or sometimes nice and some of this has a physical perspective at play.

Whats going on with me....
I have two tumors. One on my thyroid and one on my adrenal gland. The thyroid one is small and does not need to be biopsied now. The one on my adrenal gland is "functioning" which basically means that its secreting all of its own hormones and sort of operating on its own, and not staying in line with my body''s other functions. Its pressing on my kidney and hurts sometimes. it causes so many issues related to hormones that I swore I was in super early menopause or something.
I have had so much radiology and blood work done.
Its such a tricky surgery that we arent even sure if the adrenal gland can be separated from the kidney now, or that it isnt cancer, or that it is cancer, or if its something I just have to deal with.
Ive been dealing with doctors and specialists in Philly now since January.
I am trying not to get depressed and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I get these 'attacks' where my heart races and and I faint, and become covered with sweat...its debilitating. I also feel like i am getting the run around from some of these big doctors ( no offense but the male ones have been a trip), and that the end result will be that the conclusion is : "deal with it. we dont know what else to do with you"
I have fluid in my abdomen and they cant figure out why.

Theres a ton more I could get specific with but i dont want to put anyone to sleep.
I also have a 12 year old thats falling apart with depression and self esteem, and a 20 year old with an identity crisis, and a 16 year old with her first boyfriend. And money troubles. And all the other bipolar sh*t.( my 16 year old told me last week " you dont know what love is" which after 21 years of marriage, I think do...but held in the laughter anyhow)

Anyway, I just want people to know that in addition to all my normal personality flaws, I am physically a bit off the more so, my responses have sounded sh*tty. More sh*tty than normal I guess.

Seriously, i am really, really sorry. If anyone wants to contact me because they need to resolve something, do not be afraid. I am capable of change, and empathy, compassion, sympathy- even when it doesnt seem that way.
I may not always agree with you but I can try to work with you.
I am a nice person- i think.
I dont want anyone to think that I am so direct and blunt that I am not worth bothering with to begin with.

I dont want to end up overlooked or ignored because I have made people afraid to engage me..

Thanks for letting me share.

06-08-16, 05:11 AM
Sarah! I'm so sorry you're going through all of that. :grouphug:

I would be a wreck if I were in your shoes. You are definitely being strong. I'm surprised you are able to post here at all, with all of that emotional and physical stress.

Do know that we all care about you deeply. I truly hope you can find some medical answers and that the doctors don't just leave you with "nothing."

I'm thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Much love. <3 :grouphug:

06-08-16, 05:12 AM
that took a lot of self reflection and courage to write sarah. :)

i'm sorry to hear about all of the additional stuff that you're grappling with. i've been offline for a couple of months unexpectedly, but i'm always glad to return and find you here. xx

06-08-16, 05:36 AM
Sarah. You've always been more than lovely to me so you've got nothing to apologise for with me but I hope that it will reach whoever it's meant for and that they too will get a chance to see what an amazing person you are.

I'm sorry you have to deal with so much. That sounds really overwhelming and more than scary. I hope your problems will be resolved soon. Keep sharing. If nothing else at least we can listen. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

06-08-16, 05:40 AM
oh wow, that is so much to be dealing with :( I'm sorry to hear you have all that going on in your life. I hope you get some better answers about your health issues soon.

06-08-16, 08:46 AM
May you be sent some professionals with common sense and compassion to go along with their learned wisdom. We love you, sarah. We might be the blind leading the blind, at times, but we care. (((((Hugs)))))

Little Nut
06-08-16, 11:14 AM
Sara, No issues w/ me. I'm sorry you're going through this and glad you are working the issue.

Pls feel free to tee-off on me with or without cause. Would not be first nor the last time for someone to tell me to Shut Up and FO. Pls bear in mind I fully retain the right to respond w/ something along the the lines of ESAD.

Best wishes and tyvm for the heads-up. Pls let me know if there is anything I can do or stop-doing to help. Regards, -Tom :)

06-08-16, 02:11 PM
Sounds like you're dealing with a lot, Sara. I've been browsing here for years and I rarely post, but I've always thought your responses were honest and helpful. I'm certainly not afraid of you, and you've shown yourself to be a really genuine person. Tell the medical issues to shove it.

06-08-16, 03:31 PM

I am sorry that you are going through all this stuff. I think your posts are helpful and I haven't felt that they were out of line or anything like that. I'm going to PM you about medical stuff.

06-08-16, 03:32 PM
You are so strong sarah, I really admire your strength :grouphug:

If I could take away all your health conditions I would do so in a heartbeat :grouphug:

PM me if there's anything I can do to help :grouphug:

06-08-16, 03:53 PM
I have always been considered blunt, abrupt (sometimes) uncouth, direct, sarcastic. Im lucky because for the most part, people know when there is joking going on. I enjoy wit.

I do too. That’s why I got mad luv for ya’.

As for all the rest, I wish you the best.

We’ll talk soon I hope! :grouphug: