View Full Version : I'll be honest here, I'm afraid of intimacy and being in a relationship.


Lloyd_
06-09-16, 04:09 PM
It's already difficult enough for me to relate to the average person, let alone the idea of dating again after 10 years is scary. :eek:

I'm actually a pretty funny and not bad looking but it seems women are always looking the other way. They rather be with somebody who will treat them like garbage or womanize them for a one night stand than to be with a nice guy.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be in a long term relationship or find a woman who'd want to be with me and even if they showed some interest I think I'm too far gone to feel comfortable or initiate any sort of affection.

It's pretty bad, I'm totally dead inside.

Nice guys never finish at all I suppose.

Fuzzy12
06-09-16, 04:13 PM
It's a popular misconception but, no, they wouldn't want to be with someone who treats them like garbage or womanize them for a one night stand.

Women do like nice guys but how do they know that you are a nice guy? What are you doing to meet women?

midnightstar
06-09-16, 04:23 PM
Women don't want to be with someone who treats them like rubbish, however they won't know that you're a nice guy unless you show them that you're nice.

Clilback
06-09-16, 08:32 PM
My one night stand turned into a 24 and counting year relationship because I knew he was a nice guy and I wanted him..

Tetrahedra
06-09-16, 09:49 PM
Your post sounds like something straight up from one of those fedora "nice guy" memes. Many women don't like the "nice guys finish last" attitude, so if someone verbalizes that mindset, the women will move away from them, making the guy feel like he was right all along. It's a perpetuating cycle of cynicism and annoyance.

Some women end up with womanizing or mean men. For one reason or another, they choose to look past those traits because they find something else more valuable. However, most women want someone who will respect them, and they ARE looking for nice men.

I highly suggest that you discuss your situation with a therapist. You shouldn't need to feel "too far gone" to be in a loving and committed relationship. You might be out of practice, but that doesn't mean that all hope is lost. Women are out there who would be more than happy to be with you, but the hard part is finding them.

But as a tip, don't advertise yourself as a "Nice Guy". Unless you're doing online dating, you really don't need to advertise yourself with labels at all. Just be you, and people will appreciate that.

peripatetic
06-09-16, 10:15 PM
They rather be with somebody who will treat them like garbage or womanize them for a one night stand than to be with a nice guy.


FYI: this kind of characterization of women (or any group of people), which is a reductionist, dismissive and inaccurate claim, is the opposite of nice/being nice to women.

BellaVita
06-09-16, 10:42 PM
It's already difficult enough for me to relate to the average person, let alone the idea of dating again after 10 years is scary. :eek:

I'm actually a pretty funny and not bad looking but it seems women are always looking the other way. They rather be with somebody who will treat them like garbage or womanize them for a one night stand than to be with a nice guy.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be in a long term relationship or find a woman who'd want to be with me and even if they showed some interest I think I'm too far gone to feel comfortable or initiate any sort of affection.

It's pretty bad, I'm totally dead inside.

Nice guys never finish at all I suppose.

I have no clue about what other women think but I will write my post based on my point of view.

I go after the heart. What's in the heart, is the main thing that attracts me. I don't even notice if someone is attractive or not usually. I mean, I have learned what is considered conventually attractive, but I don't notice it if you know what I mean.

Having a beautiful heart = the most beautiful thing in the world to me

If my fiancé treated me like garbage I would end things pretty quickly. I've been treated poorly by guys in the past (one relationship especially) and thing is I didn't know that there was such thing as nice guys because of the example I had of my father.

But holy crap once I met one....I've held onto him tightly and won't ever let go.

Also, not sure where this one-night stand womanizing stuff is coming from. I for one never took any interest in that and would not have ever wanted that.

Funny and not bad looking are not enough I don't think to win someone's heart. Maybe on a surface level, you could attract someone. But people do look at the heart, emotions, desires, and values of another.

I think you need to shift your focus away from looks and being funny, and focus more on the deep stuff.

Analyze - figure out who you are as a person.

Discover if there are any hard changes you need to make.

Also you said you are too far gone to feel comfortable or initiate affection. Well then - accept that you don't feel comfortable is one thing. You just have to feel your discomfort and be okay with that. Maybe acknowledging it will help you to move past it. Don't push it from your thoughts.

Second - I'm not sure why affection needs to be a top priority. It doesn't. Building a strong friendship in my opinion is more important. Get to know the person. Don't rush right into affection. In fact, if you don't feel like the affectionate type - there are others out there who are like that.

You say you're totally dead inside. I think this shows right there a huge issue. You need to find something to awaken your soul, something that fulfills YOU. Find yourself. Work on yourself. Build yourself. And once you have a solid sense of self, perhaps you will attract others to you.

Little Nut
06-10-16, 12:42 AM
---SNIPPAGE---

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be in a long term relationship or find a woman who'd want to be with me and even if they showed some interest I think I'm too far gone to feel comfortable or initiate any sort of affection.

It's pretty bad, I'm totally dead inside.

Hey Lloyd *waves*

Personally I think if you were "totally dead inside" you wouldn't care if you were with someone else or not, let alone bother getting out of bed to post this.

The excuses I used to avoid taking the first step were that I am no spring chicken and I was married for so long that I just don't know how to do this well. At some point I realized that when I was a spring chicken I used the same damn excuse of, I don't know how to do this well, to avoid taking the first step.

I think most guys (including me) struggle with initiating contact and have trouble picking up subtle cues. Thank god for most women because they know this and are willing to put in alot of work to get the attention of us dim guys. So if I, with my keen wit and discerning eye takes notice of a woman, I first hope she hasn't spent too much time to get me to focus, then I will usually smile and if interested I'll go over and say hi and introduce myself. The one thing to get from this is if you don't go over and say hi, it will be interpreted as YOU NOT BEING INTERESTED even if you are interested.

My $0.02, practice saying hi. GL, -LN

sarahsweets
06-10-16, 06:01 AM
They rather be with somebody who will treat them like garbage or womanize them for a one night stand than to be with a nice guy.


If this is your attitude then I can see why you are afraid.

Shamindo
06-11-16, 12:20 AM
In regards to women liking being treated by garbage. This is a very VERY common complaint I have heard from many brilliant men, and they have given solid ground and examples for it. If that has been your experience then well...that's your experience.
But I will say, that often "nice guys" that aren't attracting women are often "needy guys" and needy guys come off as being ever self sacrificing and accepting. At first this sounds noble. Except that they usually start self sacrificing very early on in the relationship..and that tells a woman one thing: My life is not important or worthy. If nice guy had self respect and boundaries, expectations and goals for his life he would not be so quick to sacrifice time, space, energy, and emotion to someone he barely knows. He would be treating his life like a temple in which only the most honoured could gain entry. This is what both sexes admire in a potential mate. When we fall in love with a person it is because they are making us feel and behave in a way we really like. We want to feel special, different, lucky..magic. We do not feel that way when we are with a person who does not even respect his own life.
There are nice guys out there, and they truly are gems...but I'm sad to say, that many that appear to be nice are desperately needy. I 'm not saying you're one or the other. But whether you are or not, it could be possible you are giving off cues or vibes that you are...

Fortune
06-11-16, 01:16 AM
Another thing is that often "nice guys" will act as if being nice to a woman means she's entitled to dispense sex, and makes me very skeptical of everyone who says anything like "Women date bad boys who abuse them but won't date nice guys" because my experience* says that "nice guys" are needy, somewhat passive-aggressive, and seem to think they're actually making a transaction that they're not being open and honest about.

* That is, the "nice guys" I've met and interacted with. In my own experience. Others may differ, although I've heard similar from a lot of women.

aeon
06-11-16, 02:29 AM
I thought this when I was young and I thought I knew it all, and now that I am older and I have had enough life experience to know I am ignorant and that hubris is a losing game, I am sure of it:

The idea/concept of the bad boy and good girl and bad girl and good guy is complete and utter BS.

People are people. People have needs. People do the best they can to meet those needs, with the skills they have, within the limits of their situation.

Even if I knew all those needs, and skills, and those situations, I still wouldn’t judge other people as good or bad, regardless.

And treating a sex, or gender, as some monolithic entity is a recipe for misunderstanding and invalidation and cognitive distortion.

Knowing everything about women (as if you could) won’t help you know one woman.

Knowing everything about men (as if you could) won’t help you know one man.

And should you come to know that woman, or man, you have learned nothing about women or men.

And I don’t think or feel anyone owes anyone anything, and I don’t think or feel anyone deserves anything.

If you want something, be forthright and ask for it. If you feel something, be authentic and express it. Be yourself.

Another thing is that often "nice guys" will act as if being nice to a woman means she's entitled to dispense sex, and makes me very skeptical of everyone who says anything like "Women date bad boys who abuse them but won't date nice guys" because my experience* says that "nice guys" are needy, somewhat passive-aggressive, and seem to think they're actually making a transaction that they're not being open and honest about.

* That is, the "nice guys" I've met and interacted with. In my own experience. Others may differ, although I've heard similar from a lot of women.

Brilliant, this. :yes: :goodpost:


Cheers,
Ian

Hermus
06-11-16, 05:33 AM
One very simple advise: stop being nice and be yourself instead. Focus on who you are and what you need, instead of focusing on what 'women' want. Exactly what Ian said.

Not every woman wants to be treated in the way pop culture pictures as nice. How would you feel if someone kisses your *** all day and does everything for you, instead of being herself? I pretty soon would want to puke and certainly wouldnt feel comfortable expressing my own authentic self. Nice guy behaviour in no way is nice.

Lloyd_
06-11-16, 03:11 PM
Another thing is that often "nice guys" will act as if being nice to a woman means she's entitled to dispense sex, and makes me very skeptical of everyone who says anything like "Women date bad boys who abuse them but won't date nice guys" because my experience* says that "nice guys" are needy, somewhat passive-aggressive, and seem to think they're actually making a transaction that they're not being open and honest about.

* That is, the "nice guys" I've met and interacted with. In my own experience. Others may differ, although I've heard similar from a lot of women.

Oh so you're saying a woman would be less skeptical about a guy wanting to get into her pants if he were to slap her around as opposed to treating her with respect? :rolleyes:

Lloyd_
06-11-16, 03:16 PM
In regards to women liking being treated by garbage. This is a very VERY common complaint I have heard from many brilliant men, and they have given solid ground and examples for it. If that has been your experience then well...that's your experience.
But I will say, that often "nice guys" that aren't attracting women are often "needy guys" and needy guys come off as being ever self sacrificing and accepting. At first this sounds noble. Except that they usually start self sacrificing very early on in the relationship..and that tells a woman one thing: My life is not important or worthy. If nice guy had self respect and boundaries, expectations and goals for his life he would not be so quick to sacrifice time, space, energy, and emotion to someone he barely knows. He would be treating his life like a temple in which only the most honoured could gain entry. This is what both sexes admire in a potential mate. When we fall in love with a person it is because they are making us feel and behave in a way we really like. We want to feel special, different, lucky..magic. We do not feel that way when we are with a person who does not even respect his own life.
There are nice guys out there, and they truly are gems...but I'm sad to say, that many that appear to be nice are desperately needy. I 'm not saying you're one or the other. But whether you are or not, it could be possible you are giving off cues or vibes that you are...

Yeah, I eventually learned the less attention you give a woman the more interested they are in you.

midnightstar
06-11-16, 03:31 PM
Oh so you're saying a woman would be less skeptical about a guy wanting to get into her pants if he were to slap her around as opposed to treating her with respect? :rolleyes:

What Fortune means is that in her experience, men only want one thing when they're nice and they're not interested in building a relationship. Once they get that "one thing" the "nice guys" are away onto the next woman.

Fuzzy12
06-11-16, 03:48 PM
Oh so you're saying a woman would be less skeptical about a guy wanting to get into her pants if he were to slap her around as opposed to treating her with respect? :rolleyes:

I don't think that's at all what fortune is saying. On the contrary. I think what she meant was that if you are nice just because you are expecting something in return (as opposed to just being nice in general without any expectations) it doesn't come across as truly nice.

Yeah, I eventually learned the less attention you give a woman the more interested they are in you.

Maybe we've got different definitions of nice. From what you've said so far in this thread you sound bitter, derogatory and very prejudiced against women. Maybe that shines through in your interactions with them and that is what is hindering your chances with them?

anonymouslyadd
06-11-16, 04:32 PM
I think you're brave for talking about this subject. I also think it's easy to make assumptions about people if we've had a difficult time in our relationships with them. I believe you'll benefit greatly by viewing women on an individual basis. Take your time on transitioning to this new phase in your life.

It might be a good idea for you to understand why you're "too far gone" or "totally dead inside." I probably felt this way after my divorce. After you've learned this, which may need to be facilitated through counseling, I think you'll have an easier time with women.

Fuzzy12
06-11-16, 04:37 PM
Anyway I think if daveddd was here he'd tell us off for getting hung up on some of your statements rather than trying to be supportive.

If we cut the misogynistic crap (because I doubt you'll find much support for that on here) what is it really that you are asking?

You said you are afraid of intimacy and being in a relationship. What are you afraid of? And is it worth not trying?

Ideally what would you like to happen? Are you looking for a relationship but not finding the right woman or are you wondering rather how not to be afraid of being in a relationship or maybe both? Or maybe something completely different?

Fortune
06-11-16, 05:37 PM
Oh so you're saying a woman would be less skeptical about a guy wanting to get into her pants if he were to slap her around as opposed to treating her with respect? :rolleyes:

Fuzzy12 and midnightstar explained what I meant rather clearly.

Socaljaxs
06-11-16, 07:03 PM
It's already difficult enough for me to relate to the average person, let alone the idea of dating again after 10 years is scary. :eek:

I'm actually a pretty funny and not bad looking but it seems women are always looking the other way. They rather be with somebody who will treat them like garbage or womanize them for a one night stand than to be with a nice guy.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever be in a long term relationship or find a woman who'd want to be with me and even if they showed some interest I think I'm too far gone to feel comfortable or initiate any sort of affection.

It's pretty bad, I'm totally dead inside.

Nice guys never finish at all I suppose.

What makes you so sure that you actually give off the "nice guy" vibe? A lot of people, have no idea how they seem to be and the impression they give off to others, and it is possible that maybe you do not give off "nice guy" at all? Just throwing another idea out.

For me it's whom I vibe with. If you give off confidence( not the same thing as bad boy at all) and make me laugh I will give someone a chance, however if someone reaks if disrepespect and stereotypes and horrible insecurities that just won't stop I get turned off.

BellaVita
06-11-16, 08:11 PM
Yeah, I eventually learned the less attention you give a woman the more interested they are in you.

What kind of situations are you talking about?

I wonder if this means perhaps you smother a bit? Perhaps you have a wrong view on what "attention" means?

Because, like, I love when my fiancé gives me attention. :D

BellaVita
06-11-16, 08:15 PM
A thought I heard once....

If a guy were really a nice guy he wouldn't go around saying that about himself. He just....would be nice.

Little Missy
06-11-16, 08:57 PM
A thought I heard once....

If a guy were really a nice guy he wouldn't go around saying that about himself. He just....would be nice.

Oh, for sure. And he wouldn't be a Klingon either.

Lloyd_
06-11-16, 10:00 PM
I think you're brave for talking about this subject. I also think it's easy to make assumptions about people if we've had a difficult time in our relationships with them. I believe you'll benefit greatly by viewing women on an individual basis. Take your time on transitioning to this new phase in your life.

It might be a good idea for you to understand why you're "too far gone" or "totally dead inside." I probably felt this way after my divorce. After you've learned this, which may need to be facilitated through counseling, I think you'll have an easier time with women.

So you think I need counseling? Ugh...with the exception of discussing this on an internet forum, I could never really talk about this with anyone. I would feel like that I'm complaining.

Lloyd_
06-11-16, 10:08 PM
Oh, for sure. And he wouldn't be a Klingon either.

I don't understand why women believe in that notion? I treat people the same way I'd like to be treated and that is with respect. How is that being needy? I understand if I'm treating the woman as if the world revolved around her and her stupid friends or family in many cases but I don't roll like that for starters and secondly I have enough going on with my personal life activity wise where a woman in my life wouldn't necessarily be #1 on my priority list.

Lloyd_
06-11-16, 10:15 PM
What makes you so sure that you actually give off the "nice guy" vibe? A lot of people, have no idea how they seem to be and the impression they give off to others, and it is possible that maybe you do not give off "nice guy" at all? Just throwing another idea out.

For me it's whom I vibe with. If you give off confidence( not the same thing as bad boy at all) and make me laugh I will give someone a chance, however if someone reaks if disrepespect and stereotypes and horrible insecurities that just won't stop I get turned off.

Well maybe women think I'm a psychopath? IDK other than the world is a rotten place with ****ty people in it.

I seriously cannot wait til I leave this mortal coil, I feel like throwing up right now.

Lloyd_
06-11-16, 10:33 PM
Anyway I think if daveddd was here he'd tell us off for getting hung up on some of your statements rather than trying to be supportive.

If we cut the misogynistic crap (because I doubt you'll find much support for that on here) what is it really that you are asking?

You said you are afraid of intimacy and being in a relationship. What are you afraid of? And is it worth not trying?

Ideally what would you like to happen? Are you looking for a relationship but not finding the right woman or are you wondering rather how not to be afraid of being in a relationship or maybe both? Or maybe something completely different?


It's just been so long since being in a relationship that I sort of forgot what intimacy feels like and it isn't like I'm still a teenager or a young adult where you could get away with being ignorant about certain things relationship wise. I'm an adult now and no woman is going to want to put up with my nonsense as being a social and emotional cripple and I wouldn't blame them neither.

Plus it's always been difficult for me to relate with anyone in especially with the opposite sex and at this point in my life it just seems easier to be alone.

IDK whenever I try to confront these issue, I feel so overwhelmed and confused. (not sexually confused, believe me I love women! :D) Confused to how If ever I'll conquer this problem and be in a healthy and functional relationship. Believe me, I would give anything to be mentally and emotionally stable enough to be in a healthy and loving relationship right about now. :(

Pilgrim
06-11-16, 11:40 PM
Just my 2 cents. I was and still am going through what you talk about . Intimacy is a very near and dear thing , unless you are a porn star. I think the first thing never/ never talk yourself down. Confidence wins , even if it's just for show and not for go. I don't know about my methods, and yes to be honest, I just flirted constantly. Ito spit at and slapped and told to ****off but I got some success as well. There is no aphrodisiac like loneliness. Be comfortable with yourself , workout if you have to. These are just the ramblings of someone who was lonely and wanted to be held and still do. What else is there.

Socaljaxs
06-12-16, 12:30 AM
Just based on these comments, m two cents is your additude about women may be the problem. It is not a nice guy kinda thing..more like a whoa did you reall just say that? Kinda deal. So just based in these comments, your theory of women wanting to be treated like dirt isn't actually the problem, cause calling women friends stupid and not putting priority of them and thinking women are the problem, most likely based on just this conversation may actually be the problem as to why you are struggling.. Granted in real life you most likely are different however just on these comments I would personall run the other way I don't understand why women believe in that notion? I treat people the same way I'd like to be treated and that is with respect. How is that being needy? I understand if I'm treating the woman as if the world revolved around her and her stupid friends or family in many cases but I don't roll like that for starters and secondly I have enough going on with my personal life activity wise where a woman in my life wouldn't necessarily be #1 on my priority list.


Well maybe women think I'm a psychopath? IDK other than the world is a rotten place with ****ty people in it.

I seriously cannot wait til I leave this mortal coil, I feel like throwing up right now.

It's just been so long since being in a relationship that I sort of forgot what intimacy feels like and it isn't like I'm still a teenager or a young adult where you could get away with being ignorant about certain things relationship wise. I'm an adult now and no woman is going to want to put up with my nonsense as being a social and emotional cripple and I wouldn't blame them neither.

Plus it's always been difficult for me to relate with anyone in especially with the opposite sex and at this point in my life it just seems easier to be alone.

IDK whenever I try to confront these issue, I feel so overwhelmed and confused. (not sexually confused, believe me I love women! :D) Confused to how If ever I'll conquer this problem and be in a healthy and functional relationship. Believe me, I would give anything to be mentally and emotionally stable enough to be in a healthy and loving relationship right about now. :(

Tetrahedra
06-12-16, 03:18 PM
So you think I need counseling? Ugh...with the exception of discussing this on an internet forum, I could never really talk about this with anyone. I would feel like that I'm complaining.

That's exactly how I felt when I first started counseling. Especially since my first session with a counselor ended in a complete bust. The guy made me feel like garbage. But once I found someone who listened to me and validated my experiences, it was wonderful. Note that he doesn't agree with me on everything, but he supports and understands that I feel certain ways and helps guide me in a productive and healthy path.

But posting on an internet forum is a good step in the right direction. You'll just want to continue with a professional because they're trained to help us. They're paid to listen to people complain. And there will be days that you go in and spend your entire time complaining . . . and then after awhile you start building on it. "I'm complaining about X, so what do I do in order to turn this situation around and deal with X so I don't NEED to complain anymore."

Fuzzy12
06-12-16, 04:09 PM
It's just been so long since being in a relationship that I sort of forgot what intimacy feels like and it isn't like I'm still a teenager or a young adult where you could get away with being ignorant about certain things relationship wise. I'm an adult now and no woman is going to want to put up with my nonsense as being a social and emotional cripple and I wouldn't blame them neither.

Plus it's always been difficult for me to relate with anyone in especially with the opposite sex and at this point in my life it just seems easier to be alone.

IDK whenever I try to confront these issue, I feel so overwhelmed and confused. (not sexually confused, believe me I love women! :D) Confused to how If ever I'll conquer this problem and be in a healthy and functional relationship. Believe me, I would give anything to be mentally and emotionally stable enough to be in a healthy and loving relationship right about now. :(

I think the best might be to.just give it a shot. Approach women with an open mind, both in terms of how you feel about them and how they might feel about you. Women (well, humans really) can put up with a lot if they want to and maybe the things that you don't like about yourself aren't such a big deal for a potential partner.

As you put yourself out there more and more you will probably get better at the social stuff. A lot of it comes with a practice and I honestly think the most important when it comes to being social is to respect the other person, to keep an open mind and to take things easy. Don't put too many expectations neither on yourselfnor on others and then you should be fine.

Whatever happens it's all.part of the experience I guess. You don't really have anything to lose by putting your feelers out there and giving relationships a shot.

Also, it's Ok to be ignorant about relationship stuff. We all live and learn and having had lots of relationships doesn't necessarily make you a better partner.

You might have to go through a few relationships before you find someone with whom you really gel and some might be fairly dysfunctional or even painful but so what? It's better than never having trieD and just wondering what if.

I've also always struggled to relate to.people. I still can't relate to most people and most people can't relate to me but I'm realising slowly that maybe that is ok. I'm just different. I get alone with people but I don't get close to anyone except to my husband and even he doesn't always understand me. We started off terribly and it took us many many many years to really learn to appreciate each other and how to get the best out of each other but it was definitely worth it.

Lloyd_
06-12-16, 05:05 PM
That's exactly how I felt when I first started counseling. Especially since my first session with a counselor ended in a complete bust. The guy made me feel like garbage. But once I found someone who listened to me and validated my experiences, it was wonderful. Note that he doesn't agree with me on everything, but he supports and understands that I feel certain ways and helps guide me in a productive and healthy path.

But posting on an internet forum is a good step in the right direction. You'll just want to continue with a professional because they're trained to help us. They're paid to listen to people complain. And there will be days that you go in and spend your entire time complaining . . . and then after awhile you start building on it. "I'm complaining about X, so what do I do in order to turn this situation around and deal with X so I don't NEED to complain anymore."

How can a counselor who cannot even relate to my situation could even help? :confused:

midnightstar
06-12-16, 05:19 PM
How can a counselor who cannot even relate to my situation could even help? :confused:

They're paid to help people. You think a counsellor can only help someone with (for example) bipolar disorder if they have bipolar? Or OCD if the counsellor has OCD? See what I'm saying Lloyd?

peripatetic
06-12-16, 08:43 PM
How can a counselor who cannot even relate to my situation could even help? :confused:

so, two things:

1. it's possible the counselor could relate on a personal level.
2. more important than being paid to relate and help someone navigate his/her issues, counselors are *trained* to do exactly that.


personally, if it turned out my psychiatrist (or therapist or case manager or anyone involved in my care) and i share a primary diagnosis...i don't even want to know. i don't need to worry about my psychiatrist cracking, too. or any diagnosis...relating to me is less about personally having the same crap, but helping me figure out and treat/manage my crap. what mental health professionals i interact with do on their own time is not my concern.

it might take more than one appointment to find someone who you feel comfortable with, but if you stick with it, i do agree with people above that it could really help.

Tetrahedra
06-12-16, 10:20 PM
How can a counselor who cannot even relate to my situation could even help? :confused:

That is a really good question. I think the posters before me answered it pretty well, but I'd like to add that your situation is not uncommon, so I'm sure that they've heard similar scenarios before and are well-trained in how to answer. Therapy CAN be hard. You'll sometimes have to talk about difficult things. So you'll want to find a therapist with whom you're comfortable talking, and it might take a few visits with different people before you find someone. I know I've had to outright tell a therapist, "Thanks, but I don't think it's working out."