View Full Version : How does ADHD affect you socially with relationships, friends etc.?


italianstallion
06-20-16, 11:48 AM
I was wondering the other ways ADHD affects everyone socially etc. I know there is a large spectrum and it doesn't affect everyone the same wa. I know I am non attentive type, low energy seemingly fatigued all the time and would sit around doing nothing productive for long periods of time if I don't have a set schedule like work class etc, and even then it is difficult to be productive without medication. I would come off as lazy to those who don't understand ADHD like my bosses, family etc. Last summer at my job I had first been put on vyvanse by my doctor and was more productive than ever, I received compliments by my boss multiple times and it was clear he could see I was significantly better at my job and more outgoing than ever before. This summer I have a different job and have not been taking my meds as recommended by my doctor so that the effects would be better when I go back to school in the Fall. So far I am doing fine, but I obviously can see/feel a drop in productivity but I am doing my best and so far so good.

Anyways, What are some of the ways ADHD affects your day to day lives, with relationships and things like that? I know I come off as shy around people I don't know and as a result lack confidence. I feel like when I'm taking vyvanse it may help me socially, I don't know the extent, but I do feel more confident/ outgoing for whatever reason whether it makes my inner thoughts more concise and focused instead of my usual constant random inner chatter, or that it makes me more energetic or perhaps both. I was just wondering what are some other people's stories and some tricks you may have whether it be from medication or other things you can do to help you to function and be more outgoing or feel good about yourself.

I know I'm rambling on but one last thing I thought of was that I feel that I miss out on a lot of possible friendships/relationships because I am unwilling/unable to make the first move, so I miss a lot of conversations. I can usually hold a conversation but the trouble for me is starting one. So again if anyone can relate or has any advice from their experience it would be appreciated!

Socaljaxs
06-20-16, 12:32 PM
I know I'm rambling on but one last thing I thought of was that I feel that I miss out on a lot of possible friendships/relationships because I am unwilling/unable to make the first move, so I miss a lot of conversations. I can usually hold a conversation but the trouble for me is starting one. So again if anyone can relate or has any advice from their experience it would be appreciated!

:goodpost::thankyou: I'm stuck right here myself... For me, I appear to others and come off as if I'm someone that is assertive super self confident and goes after what she wants and outgoing and a no nonsense kinda girl..


But I'm not and especially when it comes to dating and relationships I'm a scared child. I'm ridiculously shy even though I'm outgoing.im also awkward when I have a crush on someone.. My friends think it's cute cause it's so different than how I normally am.. I'm already clumsy but when I'm in front of someone I'm interested in, I get worse with clumsiness and I say and do such out of character things... It's like whoa I'm on the hot mess express when it comes to men I'm interested in... I'm not self confident nor assertive or someone that will go after what she wants full force..

I'm currently trying to work on this, as I have been single for most of my adult life, and would like to put myself out there and meet new people and date.have fun with it and not be so serious about the idea nor make excuses as to why I'm single.. When asked now I'm very honest and instead of saying something witty and I want to be single or I'm working on me first I tell the truth. It's Been helpful and my friends have been trying to give me ideas that helped thEm.... I have no clue though how to do this , but I'm sure baby steps may work until it's comfortable idk..

I also lack the ability to truly be vulnerable around others.. It's gotten easier as I have lost my control over my stoic emotions.. This year I've lost someone that I needed in my life more than Anyone else, and I now am more exposed and open to being visually vulnerable around others. I can't control it...

For me I've been researching online ways to get yourself more confident and go after what you want.. Podcast and motivational quotes and I always dress and look well so I don't worry about that as much.. But also seek advice from others

italianstallion
06-21-16, 11:14 AM
I can relate. Being around someone you like definitely makes it way harder, but even in general I don't know what to say with new people. It's like my brain just shuts down there is nothing going on up there so I have to just smile and laugh and can't really think of anything to say until a later time. It's like I know what I want, but in the moment I can never get it out or I'll think of something I would've rather said/did at a later time when the moment has passed. It's as if I know what I want and how I want to handle situations, but in the moment my brain just goes doiiii and it's the same thing every time. I will definitely take your advice though.

I also feel for your loss, I lost my mother 2 years ago. It's hard for me to tell how exactly it's affecting me now, I'm not sure if it has made me more emotional or numb/cold but I never was one to really open up to anyone. Whether I don't know how to or just don't want to, it very rarely will come out I guess I would rather just keep the focus off of myself when with people and pay more attention to them.

Once I get to know people or I'm with people I'm comfortable with or we just click right off the bat if you've ever had that feeling (it's very rare for me) I feel like I can be myself and be funny/ a good time. I just wish I could be like that with everyone, I guess it comes down to confidence and practice. I will definitely take your advice, thanks!

Roundmouth
06-21-16, 07:07 PM
It really affects all those things in every possible way. To make it simple: I don't have any grown-up social contacts at all outside work and outside internet. It really feels completely impossible.

I'm sensitive towards others and towards emotional vibrations, I'm also good at taking contact but I'm totally lost when it comes to understanding those fine letters of human communication. Besides - all these things about maintaining and deepening relations is totally beyond my range. Making an appointment, saying we'll meet there at that time usually requires a week of planning which I can't handle. Then some thing perhaps happens on the way. The other person can't show up and I've cancelled more or less everything - not only that specific day but maybe the whole week to prepare myself.

I clearly can't blame that person. Things do happen. But question is: what's in it for me? How much would I gain from drinking a cup of coffee with that person. Yes I'd be having a good time maybe. If that person would have shown up.

But is it really worth it?? Sacrificing so much, becoming so tired and worn-out. For this possible cup of coffee and some talking. No it's not. I can so easily entertain myself on my own with things so much more interesting. And those things I can't share with others any way.

It's not that I always want to be alone. It's not that I see no point in having a social life. It's just that I really have no idea how to intergrate social contact with the rest of my life.

casper
06-21-16, 10:14 PM
I am a very shy person when you first meet me. I had a hell of a time dating when I was younger, as I didn't want to put myself out there. I am/was very self conscious-maybe due to my add.

sarahsweets
06-21-16, 11:30 PM
Sometimes my impairments are glaring, other times not so much. Im super talkative and have a good sense of humor. I know I can be too loud, interupt people and talk over them. I know that sometimes not everyone likes my sarcastic humor and Im working on learning to grasp those unspoken cues to know better.
I come off extremely confident and bubbly. Even if Im petrified inside, i can seem fine on the outside.
My relationships with doctors can be difficult because before I get in the office Ive already researched the hell out of something and think I have the anwers. Working on that as well.

Tetrahedra
06-23-16, 01:14 AM
Actually most of my social impairment came when I was a kid. Through brutal trial and error, I learned how to catch up with the others. Mostly.

Right now, I'm generally not interested in the same things that my peers are interested in and I act a little less mature (I'll jump onto curbs or skip or climb onto piles of dirt and scream to the heavens, etc). But at the same time, I'm not as swayed by peer pressure as others because I'm too busy doing random crap to give a flying fig about the current trend that's going around.

I'm much better at taking turns in conversations, and walking instead of running, and listening to understand rather than just pretending to listen. But I'm still impulsive and I am not good at holding long-term friendships.

Pilgrim
06-23-16, 01:57 AM
Being around someone you like is a gift, cherish it. I think.

aviyah
06-27-16, 04:47 PM
I have had social problems since always, I also never had any relationship.
But I'm not sure it's the ADD that causes the problems because I was psychologically abused as a child

julialouise
06-29-16, 06:25 PM
i'm ADHD-PI and I've always been sort of awkward around people that I don't know, especially when they're neurotypical (most of my friends have had mental disorders of some sort). I was made fun of a little bit in elementary school, and i isolated myself from most people during middle and high school. when i did have friends, they were usually considered delinquents, or were the friends of them. during the younger years, i would only have one close friend at a time, and only a couple acquaintances. i think social cues were a lot more difficult for me back then. i did make a lot of friends with people within my extracurricular activities in high school, and some of them were fairly close, but none of them have lasted and few of them existed all four years of high school. i also never really talked to my high school friends outside of school, like texting, because i saw them all the time at school and in theatre and i thought that was enough? but apparently some of my friends might not have thought so. i'm working to become more open to meeting people, because i really like having friends and people to talk to or spend time with.

i've been told that i come off as unapproachable and intense, so i work actively against that sometimes. but even with close relationships, i don't know how/i'm scared to take the steps to make them stronger, at least in the beginning. i assume that most people don't like me, so i'm afraid of approaching them out of fear of being annoying and unwelcome. i also worry about those things with new friends, and romantic partners. i'm often afraid of being annoying or clingy, to the point where it actually happens (or close to it). if i think someone looks cool, or if they're smart, i won't approach them unless they show interest. i'm genuinely surprised when people are happy to see me, even though im always excited to see my friends. but i am very sarcastic and distant in that way. i like to call my friends names, and they all know it's out of endearment, but sometimes i'm worried it's too much. i think that i'm pretty good at reading emotions and i can change my attitude with the situation.

Cloudzor
07-10-16, 12:06 PM
Either they do not understand me and hate me. Or it doesnt bother them. But once they get to know me, my personality, my lingo, etc, people come around. Usually they do not know how to take me at first.

I have been told I have a "strong taste." Some people are not ready for what I bring to the table right away.

But just everyone notices a change when my meds wear off. Just about all of my friends know I have ADHD so they have an idea of what to expect.

thisnotme
07-18-16, 02:48 PM
us introverts working together.... Scary, no but i really like being around someone who stays in their boundaries and tries not to make me uncomfortable because they want to be treated the same with little to no pointless conversations. can our type read minds?lol