View Full Version : Being married with AD/HD


Tadgesualdo
06-25-16, 03:23 PM
First off, the registration process for this forum is ridiculous considering it an AD/HD forum. I have never had such a lengthy process on any other forum registration anywhere. I almost gave up, well it did for a few hours a couple of times.

Anyway I wanted to talk about AD/HD and marriage. My wife and I have been married for 20yrs. The very reason she married me is because of some of the traits of AD/HD. Evidently when asked a question concerning a problem, in this case it was a life problem concerning financial issue, I responded with several options all of which were considered brilliant by others she subsequently spoke to on the topic. This caused her to desire to get to know be better as on the surface it would not appear I was not all that smart. I am using her words now, as I don't necessarily agree with them, but evidently I was the most brilliant, creative interesting person.

Now fast forward 20yrs and my wife still feels the same she did twenty years ago, I married well, a person that understand me, and appreciate the good but deals with the negative aspects of the AD/HD person.

One thing that I truly, GREATLY, appreciate is how my wife helps me with some of my difficulties like forgetting appointments, and at the same time allowing me to do things that I feel I need, such as hobbies with creative outlets. She helps me with my SHAPE filing system, but also constantly prods me to work on my clutter so it doesn't get too bad. Some areas of house are off limits for me to use for my hobbies, and rightly so, likewise I appreciate that. I have the most incredible wife, and truly hope I never mess up what I have, so far so good.

It is not easy for her, but she feels she equally receives the rewards of my companionship, appreciating my work on various things. I invent things but never follow through on patenting them or marketing them. Often someone eventually will come up with my idea and do what I can not, which I applaud. I have an electric car which made, and I am constantly improving upon it researching new ways of

Anyway I could go on and on but my question is: How many others have a marriage mate similar to mine, that doesn't try to change you but help you?


Terry

Socaljaxs
06-25-16, 04:31 PM
I'm single but I will say that this is a relationship others shoukd and do strive for. It sounds like you have a wonderful teamwork aspect and communicate and respect each other's. This is a beautiful thing and one that many others sadly haven't found in life. It is an amazing thing to have your partner be your partner and each work together and help,each other and try to be a better person for the other, not try to fix them. :yes::goodpost:

Free to Fly
06-26-16, 09:17 PM
Sounds like a unicorn, at least for me.

Embalyn
06-28-16, 01:05 PM
I have ADHD and my Partner he has Aspbergers so we have a really kind of weird set up. Issues like i Need noise and exictement and he needs quiet and low sensory inputs but i don't know how to explain that we just fit, like my downfalls fit inside his mind to be brought to logic and organized and his downfalls and mini crisis's are handled perfectly by my ability to run a million miles a second and restructure and create a safe secure situation out of a Incident, we both struggle with communication but really what relationship doesn't to a degree. I am overly flexible while he is rather rigid i just honestly cannot put into words how it works because so much of it does and does not all at the same time but makes each of our worlds balanced and spin even when we wreak mayhem on one another's worlds.

sarahsweets
06-28-16, 03:29 PM
I have adhd and bpII. Hubby has adhd and narcolepsy. All three kids have adhd and other things. The stars aligned when we got together and Ill save the sappy story for a pm because I am sure people are sick of it. His deficeits are my strengths and my deficeits are his strengths. I can usually listen to the kids talking about three different things, and find out who has to be where and when and get it all on the calender. He cant. He cant tune out noise chaos. He would probably make people take numbers like at the deli counter if he could. I can look at spot and know what will fit there- he has to measure every square inch. I told him I wanted to expand our patio area and he came up with the idea to pour concrete into molds to create a fancy look for cheap. I can make split second decisions with pretty good turnout- he has to weigh every fact and sleep on it. I am a deer in headlights in crowds. He grabs my hand and can guide the way.
He fills my meds, every little pill and vitamin into these well worth it split daily pill cases. If he doesnt do this, Im lost.
There's a zillion more and maybe we are different because we are both adhd, but I know Im lucky.

Fuzzy12
06-28-16, 04:38 PM
Your wife sounds brilliant and it's great that you really appreciate that. Like socal said I guess that's the relation we all strive for really, someone who enhances and supports our life.

Hubby and me used to have lots of problems before my diagnosis since he thought that my issues or rather my impaired functioning were due to a lack of caring for him and our life. Since my diagnosis things have improved massively and he is very supportive and understanding now.

TheFitFatty
06-29-16, 01:34 AM
Hubby and me used to have lots of problems before my diagnosis since he thought that my issues or rather my impaired functioning were due to a lack of caring for him and our life. Since my diagnosis things have improved massively and he is very supportive and understanding now.

My marriage is a lot like Fuzzy's. Much better now that he understands what causes my "issues". He is actually OCD as well, which we struggled with before his diagnosis. Certainly the theme in our marriage is supporting and helping one another, rather than throwing up our hands and walking away. :o

ToneTone
06-29-16, 10:51 PM
Great story! ... It confirms my sense that ADHDers need to not hide our ways of thinking but rather to be ourselves and look for people who are fine with our way of thinking.

Man, you scored big time in finding this person! ... You hit the lottery ... far better than even one of those mega-ball winnings. To have a partner who values your strengths and sees the best in you while helping you navigate through your weaknesses with good cheer. Dude, whose your God? Can you introduce me to your God and share with me the right kinds of prayers your God likes to hear.

Great story. Wonderful to share!

Tone

anonymouslyadd
06-30-16, 12:03 AM
Anyway I could go on and on but my question is: How many others have a marriage mate similar to mine, that doesn't try to change you but help you?
I think it's part of our nature to want to fix and bring homeostasis to where it seems lacking. You have a gem.