View Full Version : Is Truth wrong or right honesty is confusing me


Embalyn
06-28-16, 01:40 PM
OK, so as a huge part that has annoyed everyone about my adhd all my life is i am open honest and never shut up.

I don't know where the problem is like i understand when i don't shut up it can be annoying but i dont understand too many things about shame and logically i know people can only handle so much and yes they really don't need to know everything i think feel etc, But the biggest is why am i in trouble for the truth, this has confused me forever.

1. as a child your taught to tell the truth because its wrong to lie

2.as a child who learnt this i told my teacher and grandparents when they asked why i had no lunch because mum took her medicine and couldn't wake up (ok this is an extreme situation i gather doesnt happen often)

3. both parents then mad firmly and madlyy stating stop telling people what happens at home what goes on in this house stays in this house

4. fast forward say 10 years impulsive talking with mums sister mention childhood things im in trouble because i told no one (which is not true i did just usually got in trouble for talking to much)

5. i casually talk about my personal feelings opinions and values to who evers about im wrong because they don't need to know either they are ashamed on my behalf or embaressed about the conversation or completely against things i dont know

Thats just one example of many things that led to a 400 member family refering to me as the one you never tell secrects to because she can't keep a secrect (which is not true i can if specificallyy asked )but i dont understand why in the types of things that are secrects like gossip if its truth and not to be mean why is it wrong.

yes im awar ei have very little filter on my mouth and there a days where my mouth goes faster then hearing keeps up with i know when im passionate excited and just want to share im loud and talk to fast and give too much information and scare people off but this is why friendships never work i struggle in every social situation but why should i be ashamed of my truth because some one else is embarrased why are people ashamed of truths i can't even word this right sigh hate that to have a conversation i have to type it to strnagers over the net or take a seditive to slow down to their pace and only talk small chit chat and play social nicities and to save me writing another post any idea on why i feel awkard around other people if that are emotional that i respect and understand emotional pain etc but can't express comfort and feel sick around it and feel weak and angry when im devestated or if i dare shed a damn tear well god forbid im going to be so mad.

Fuzzy12
06-28-16, 02:56 PM
People are usually more ashamed of the truth than anything else.

I feel for you. It's not easy to know what is sensitive and what isn't and I agree that if someone wants you to keep a secret they should tell you so explicitly. But then they might believe that what they tell you is so obviously confidential that they shouldn't need to tell you so.

I don't know what to advice. Maybe the best is to try not to speak about other people at all if possible.

sarahsweets
06-28-16, 03:15 PM
Truth scares the sh*t out of people. Courage is being the person who isnt afraid to share it.

aeon
06-28-16, 04:39 PM
yes im awar ei have very little filter on my mouth and there a days where my mouth goes faster then hearing keeps up with i know when im passionate excited and just want to share im loud and talk to fast and give too much information and scare people off but this is why friendships never work

That very quality would make me want to have you as a friend forever, because it is so rare, so precious, and something I so admire.

In a world of people who filter and self-censor because they think it right, or because they want to deceive, you would be a shining example of...authenticity. :yes:


Namaste,
Ian

ginniebean
06-28-16, 04:49 PM
I got to say i have struggled with this most of my life. The only difference is i am introverted and quiet. As I've got older i've learned to ask myself if something might be potentially embarrassing to another. i don't wan't all my svrewups trumpted around town and others don't either. Often things aren't any of our business and sharing someone elses business is considered very rude.

I don't have it all worked out by any stretch. What I do know is good comes before truth. I can still screw this one up because good is a value that varies person to person. I'd say go with your gut but that's ****e advice. When in doubt say nothing about others business.

As to blabbering non stop it becomes a burden to others because you over share. The only one this will hurt is you. People will look for your weakness so they can exploit it and you will have handed it over to them. They will steal your opportunities or sabotage you until you learn to feed them no real info about you.

Im no genious about this but that is what Ive worked out

stef
06-28-16, 05:01 PM
also I'm very reserved so spontaneoasly saying things i shouldn't, rarely happens
but it has always bothered me.

i remeber when i was little, my mom was about to turn in the car and i said " that sign says do not enter"
and then my mom saiid DON'T TELL YOUR DAD ( that she almost got in an accident). so i never did but then well i saw, there are "Things You Dont Tell People."
i wish i could just say whatever was on my mind at any given moment.

i have to lie frequently for others at work (" tell him,I'm in a meeting all day") and i'm kind of expecting lightening to strike me down on the spot.

aeon
06-28-16, 05:48 PM
i have to lie frequently for others at work (" tell him,I'm in a meeting all day") and i'm kind of expecting lightening to strike me down on the spot.

Youíre doing nothing wrong - this is business after all - where deceit, in one form or another, makes the world go íround.

Letís just say that...you have a Masters in Divergent Realities. ;)


Cheers,
Ian

Embalyn
06-28-16, 09:06 PM
just a silly world where high valued traits as a concept only stay at the value while it stays a concept reality is apparently painful :)

WheresMyMind
07-21-16, 11:10 PM
What you describe sounds like an impulse control issue over the verbal working memory.

This is one of the four Executive Functions identified by Russell Barkley in his outstanding book "Taking Charge of Adult ADHD". A great deal of the first 1/3 of the book is about figuring ways to improve your impulse control.

I recommend the book. It's helped me quite a bit.

Also, I found my impulse control (but not my organization or lack of focus) improved with stimulant meds...even coffee works for me.

kilted_scotsman
07-22-16, 06:46 AM
This type of issue is where the ADHD and autistic spectrum combine.

The autistic mind can be very "literal" so that we assume that what people, particularly teachers, parents, peers etc, say is what they mean..... we miss the 80%+ of the other emotional & contextual information.

In psychotherapy there is an interesting concept of "content" and "process". The content is obvious.... what was said..... the "process" is the context, the subconscious stuff, the "why" of the content.... why now, why those words, why said to those people.....

Because the drivers of this "process" stuff is subconscious and often driven by concepts picked up almost by osmosis in early life it's particularly prone to illogicality, and it's what drives the absurdity of the human condition.

As autistics our understanding of "process" has to be learned in a different way... we don't do the osmosis very well.... we tend to need a logical framework to hang information on..... and if our caregivers, peergroups and teachers don't understand this we have increasing problems fitting in and understanding what's happening socially as we get older.

This is made more frustrating because we can "see" the differences between what is being said... the content, and what is being done... the process but have no idea why......

we can't ask people because for them it's "just the way life is", which is another way of saying, they don't want to know about "process".

Interestingly "process" is the meat of good psychotherapy groups...... it's pretty anxiety making for people, including NT's to go look at this stuff...... which is why nearly everyone avoids going there.