View Full Version : how does accommodating emotional circumstances during the first few years of life..


mildadhd
07-01-16, 06:24 PM
In your opinion..

How does accommodating emotional circumstances during the first few years of life (give or take) influence early brain development of children who are born with a more emotionally hypersensitive temperament?








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Tetrahedra
07-01-16, 08:44 PM
You're going to have to help me out with this one. What would an example of these accommodations be?

mildadhd
07-02-16, 02:27 PM
Example.

1) The parent takes active responsibility for the relationship
Technique: Invite the child
Goal: Fostering the child's self-acceptance


The parents enthusiastically and genuinely invite the child into relationship.

They do not issue declarations of love; they demonstrate day by day that they want the child's company.

They think of things to do together, or they just "hang out" with the child, with an attitude of active attention.

When they are with the child, they are fully there, not just being dutiful, putting in time.

They have active energy that radiates toward the child.

They make sure they have space in their lives for the child.



Being wanted and enjoyed is the greatest gift the child can receive.

It is the basis of self-acceptance.

ADD children, without exception, harbour a deep insecurity about themselves.

It is essential to demonstrate to such a child that his very existence is appreciated.

The parent may put out this message verbally, but if she does not live the message by a commitment of time and energy, the child will receive mixed signals at best.

Whenever possible, the parent does the inviting.

That may be a chore.

A highly insecure child can be exhaustingly demanding of time and attention.

Understandably, the parent may long for respite, not more engagement.

The conundrum is that attention given at the request of the child is never satisfactory: it leaves an uncertainty that the parent is only responding to demands, not voluntarily giving himself, or herself, to the child.

The demands only escalate, without the emotional need underlying them ever being filled.

The solution is to seize the moment, to invite contact exactly when the child is not demanding it.

Or, if responding to the child's request, the parent can take the initiative, expressing more interest and enthusiasm than the child herself anticipates:"Oh, that's a great idea. I was wondering how we could spend time together! I'm so glad you thought of it".

This will take the child by surprise and make her feel that she is the one receiving the invitation.



Woo the children, as one would woo anyone with whom one wanted a relationship.


-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", chapter; "Wooing The Child", (1 of 5 principles), p 153-154.





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Lunacie
07-02-16, 03:25 PM
I think those suggestions would help any child feel more confident.

mildadhd
07-02-16, 06:41 PM
Yes, I agree.

These principles are powerful developmental factors for all children.

Especially children born with more emotionally hypersensitive temperaments.

(I will post all 5 principles by Dr. Mate, for all people interested.)

(Other emotional accommodations/principles people have found helpful on the topics, would also be very much appreciated)

What I am also wondering about in this thread is what if primary caregivers "solidify the parent-child attachment" with children born with more emotionally hypersensitive temperaments, during the natural first few critical years of emotional self regulation development, before ADHD is established?

The following principles help to restore and solidify the parent-child attachment.

The reversal of ADD patterns in a child begins with them.

They have been successfully employed by a number of parents I gave worked with, and I can personally attest to their efficacy as well.

Their value is not restricted to the ADD child; they are the fundamentals of working with any child, and particularly with any troubled child, ADD or not.

The long-term project of promoting healthy development in a child with attention deficit disorder becomes next to hopeless without a consistent attempt to apply these principles.


-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", p 153.

Lunacie
07-02-16, 07:10 PM
How does the parent know with the first child whether he or she has an emotionally hypersensitive temperament?

Even with the second grand-child we tried very hard not to compare her to her older sister who met all her development goals early.

mildadhd
07-02-16, 08:34 PM
How does the parent know with the first child whether he or she has an emotionally hypersensitive temperament?

Even with the second grand-child we tried very hard not to compare her to her older sister who met all her development goals early.

The recommended emotional accommodations are unconditional and "would help any child feel more confident."

Great question. (How does the parent know if the first child has a emotionall hypersensitive temperament?)

Awareness.

Let's explore the question more.

My mother recognized something different but was not aware of what a emotionally hypersensitive temperament was during my early years. (I would like to add a lot more to my response, in the future)

Let's ask the members when they first recognized their children's emotionally hypersensitive ADHD temperaments? (Even if they did not know exactly what)




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mildadhd
07-04-16, 12:41 AM
The long-term reversal of ADD patterns.

The following principles help to restore and solidify the parent-child attachment. The reversal of ADD patterns in a child begins with them..(-Dr. Mate)







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