View Full Version : ADHD and Marraige


Lala86
07-03-16, 01:41 AM
Not sure if I should post this here or in the relationship thread, but I am struggling in my relationship. My husband and I don't have the best communication to begin with and my ADHD makes it really hard for me determine what's really going on.

I posted here, because I wanted to know what any of you ladies have found to be helpful with all of this.

Thanks!

Corina86
07-03-16, 11:59 AM
Not that I'm an expert on relationships, but in order for others to relate to your issues, you should be more specific about them. Why exactly don't you and your husband communicate properly? Are you having issues expressing yourself verbally, listening, do you get over-emotional during conversations, do you have anxiety about talking to him etc? Does he have any of those issues or others? What exactly do you want to communicate to him about and you're not succeeding? Are you medicated for ADHD? Does he understand your disorder?

sarahsweets
07-04-16, 03:49 AM
Not sure if I should post this here or in the relationship thread, but I am struggling in my relationship. My husband and I don't have the best communication to begin with and my ADHD makes it really hard for me determine what's really going on.

I posted here, because I wanted to know what any of you ladies have found to be helpful with all of this.

Thanks!
Hubby and I are both adhd. How I deal with him is different then how he deals with me.
I recognize that while I am quick to come to a conclusion and anytime something major happens I instantly want to fix it, he needs time and space to think about it first. If I want to have a major discussion, I try to give him a preview so he can think about things before we engage in the serious sh*t. He tends to get overwhelmed if I fire questions as him or lay out five different subjects and expect him to grasp each one.
He can get overly focused on things that seem silly to me and sometimes I snap and make a snide comment. Then I apologize and explain what I meant and try and remember that I do that too sometimes.

Most importantly I ask for and say what I need or want. I can have expectations about something if he has no idea what they are. I cant get mad at him for not reading my mind and knowing what I want.
If I need to talk I say it. If I need help I ask for it. If I am hurt I say something. If I do those things and he still isnt fulfilling them, I take a look at myself first. I make sure that I am reasonable and that I was clear.

Once I figure that out, then I have to have the serious discussions that involve a little bit of conflict or at least hurt feelings.

We teach people how to treat us. If your partner ignores your feelings, you need to make sure you shared them with him first.
If he is abusive, you need to remove yourself from the situation. If you put up with it, all the while squawking about how you dont like the way he treats youi but dont leave, then he will assume its ok to act like that.
We have to advocate for ourselves. Thats one of the first steps in communication.

Can you elaborate on what your struggles are?