View Full Version : Need some insight on denial


Gilthranon
07-06-16, 10:02 AM
As we were talking with two old friends of my parents I noticed and recognized specific traits related to ADD that I exhibit in socially stimulating scenarios but in my mother.

And I have an issue. I openly speak about ADD and how it sometimes causes situations and I have had to fight and suffer to get up again, in order words I have a certain amount of respect for the struggle I've been through.

Now my parents, when I ask them or recognize symptoms, deny the chance (or just don't care about labels) having the deviation themselves. Fair enough one might argue right ?

Not quite to me. This is a sensitive subject. It's been sufficiently serious, been through so many situations (anger, rejected, depression, misunderstood, loneliness, treated separately, failed, judged, belittled and undervalued etc.) that if I know my parents have it and it's in the bloodline (my uncle is very likely ADHD) then to me part of showing respect to my unending fight is admitting they also have it.

Like sharing a burden. It's not just me having a problem, it runs in the family but I may have had more to go through. It feels like everyone is very ok talking about my special case and congratulating on success, but denying their connection or affiliation or even origin.

I could use advice as they don't care about labels, but I'd appreciate it doing it for me, not them. To respect my past Hell.

Unmanagable
07-06-16, 10:37 AM
My mom obviously struggles with similar issues as me, as did my dad when he was alive, but she'll never speak of it or openly admit she may also be "diagnosable" with any issues.

She also doesn't openly share verbal or physical affection of any sort, and even knowing how comforting it would be to others, she just isn't able or willing to dig deep enough to bring all of that up and out to deal with it.

It remains her choice, of course. She's lived that way her whole life and hasn't had to change it, and I frustrate her more than anything when/if I suggest changes of any sort.

I have had to work harder at adjusting my responses and improving my abilities to harness my emotions in the moment to be able to live with it in my heart. It hurts, and it's not easy.

sarahsweets
07-06-16, 11:13 AM
The thing is, you are not a doctor. As much as we can see traits like we have in other people, we are not them. We may not know or see impairments. There may not be any impairments which is what makes adhd disorder that requires treatment.

Maybe they dont like any labels for themselves, and really can you blame them? Its natural to be defensive when something is pointed out that you dont agree with.

They may not acknowledge your adhd because they cant see the impairments that you haven but it doesnt matter. You know what they are and how to treat them.

Fuzzy12
07-06-16, 03:59 PM
If they don't accept it I guess there's nothing you can do about it. I wouldn't push it. It's not fun when soneone tries to convince you that you've got a mental health problem when you don't believe you do.

I've tried telling my mom she might be bipolar or might have adhd as well but she totally denies it..both for her and for me. I've tried to take her to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis as well but after a certain point you just need to respect that they are autonomous adults and it's really up to them.

stef
07-06-16, 04:18 PM
I've always wondered what my dad would have thought (about adhd) he probably would have been immensely relieved.
my mom was quite open about her struggles with depression, actually.

Its not easy also with generations, i mean people talked less or admitted problems.

Tetrahedra
07-06-16, 08:13 PM
Its not easy also with generations, i mean people talked less or admitted problems.

I agree with this. Previous generations were raised with different attitudes about many things, psychiatry and mental health one of them. My parents don't have any desire to even acknowledge that I have ADHD, so I understand the struggle of getting parents to accept things like this. But they're stubborn, and I think this reason has a lot to do with it. Old dogs might be able to learn new tricks, but don't expect anything too phenomenal.

Gilthranon
07-07-16, 03:52 AM
Oh boy - sarah and fuzzy - you really misunderstood. They both acknowledge mine and me referring to it but not theirs. I know I'm not a doctor, but just on a human level like 'yeah hey we share the symptoms, I might even have it myself' level from them. Just... relaxing about it.

Fuzzy12
07-07-16, 04:18 AM
Oh boy - sarah and fuzzy - you really misunderstood. They both acknowledge mine and me referring to it but not theirs. I know I'm not a doctor, but just on a human level like 'yeah hey we share the symptoms, I might even have it myself' level from them. Just... relaxing about it.

I did understand that. I was just saying that if they don't want to deal or acknowledge their own issues there is nothing you can do and you just need to accept it.

Gilthranon
07-07-16, 05:31 AM
Hah yeah that's what I was looking for, a second opinion. Thnx buddy :)

sarahsweets
07-07-16, 07:43 AM
Oh boy - sarah and fuzzy - you really misunderstood. They both acknowledge mine and me referring to it but not theirs. I know I'm not a doctor, but just on a human level like 'yeah hey we share the symptoms, I might even have it myself' level from them. Just... relaxing about it.

I know that when I was first being treated for adhd, I started to notice what I thought were adhd symptoms in everyone. Its almost like I felt so much better I thought if other people just worked on their issues, they too could feel like me.
I wanted to have family and friends relate to me, because if they had one single symptom that I had, I wanted to believe it was adhd.

The thing is, seeing adhd traits in someone does not mean they are impaired enough to be diagnosed like we are.