View Full Version : Something is not right


Lucky-A
07-07-16, 08:12 AM
So, this will prpbably be a long and complicated post, but I am not doing well, and I can't continue this path. However I dont know what to do to change it.


I've been diagnosed for about a year now. Started with ritalin LA, and then swiched to concerta because of the instability issues with ritalin, and also because taking my second dose, when i was out and about, became a real problem to remember. However I did not feel like concerta was equally good, but the stability was great.


In the middle of trying out concerta I moved, and so I had to swich Psychaiatrist.


I told my new doctor about it, and said why I swiched and that I did not feel like concerta was working right. At the time I was studying, and concerta just made me keep on procrastinating as before, where ritalin actually removed that dreaded feeling of opening the book. When I do manage to not procrastinate, concerta is helping with the focus and all.


My doctor swiched me back to ritalin LA combined with the normal ritalin. So instead of 2 doses a day to remember I now had amilllion or so. Whatever, I told him I'd try but yeah, that did not go well. I was having like several crashes a day, so I quit after a week.


So further my doc said that he though I maybe just had the everyday reaction to the meds. Like I did not have adhd, but just got the effect that NT's do. And then he also asked what my plan was. My life plan. I do not have a life plan! I could not explain it in the office and somehow ended up freaking out crying and whatnot ( I blame it on the new LA-Normal combination, which I quit right then). So he said that I needed to come back to him for counseling, to just tidy up my brain. I did not argue that, as I was clearly having a breakdown, from a single simple question.


As I had gotten a temoprary permanent job as a teacher, I just swiched back to concerta, because that was all my doc could do. I know there are other meds, but he said no, and that all issues can't be cured with meds.


I know this, and I so agree, and also I honestly have questioned if I actually have ADHD. So I went to maybe 5 or 6 sessions, and it really did not do anything good. I mean, we talked, and I told him my plan. Because I do have a plan sort of. I mean I wan't to improve my grades. And work at the same time. And I had a job, and I was registered to classes.Why I freaked out the first time, instead of just telling him that I don't know. I don't really question my diagnose. Because in many aspects I do function better on meds.


So fast forward. I quit counseling, after my docs advice, even though I said that it was not helping. I went on with my plan, but the job completely took over. I was exhausted every day after work, and the last two months before the vacation I did nothing besides working and sleeping. At work I had lots of energy, and I loved it but I was dead inside afterwords.


Now working with small children is hard I know. Before I ever got diagnosed I worked in kindergartens, as a call in extra. And I frequently had to takes weeks of for restauration, and eventually quit in a spontaneous outburst of feeling overwhelmed.


I have never ever, had a job where I after a few months, absolutely hate being there, and dread going there every day, until i quit. But I stuck with this one. I loved it, but I know that it was very damaging, how it affected me.


Now I have a paid vacation, but after it is over, I need to find a new job. I know that my meds probably was the reason I managed to stick out this job, the last months. And knowing that it was near semester-end kept me going. A week more, and I would not have made it. I ached everywhere, and struggled with waking up every morning. In the after noon I just slept, and neither could or would do anything fun. Not be with friends, not even watching game of thrones.


I've had vacation for two weeks now, and finally feel better. My creativity has come back, and I again have huge aspirations for my future. I've taken up my self teaching of programing, and I want to create a blog. My previous plan of finishing school I understand i sensible, but also not very inspiering. I had to quit the classes, because it simply is too much for me, to study and work at the same time. And all I wan't to learn is programing now, and french. But I am so close to finishing my degree, and also I am terrified for my future. And I am so scared that thees, as all my previous aspirations, will die.


If I can't work, even in a job I love, without having a breakdown every few months, how can I ever succeed and be happy. I mean, how small of a working capacity do I have? Aren't I supposed to be able to have a life outside of work? What do I do now? I am so scared that I will end up broken for life. Unable to enjoy anything.


I know you guys have adhd, but if you read all this, i thank you so much, and ask you to please share your thoughts with me.

Lucky-A
07-07-16, 09:04 AM
I'm not sure if I put it here, or it was moved, but it was intended for the general adult adhd-talk forum, but now i can't put it there myself so moderators decide :)

Corina86
07-07-16, 09:55 AM
I could never handle both work and college. If you can afford not to work, don't. If not try to find a job that is easier for you. Maybe something part time. Also, the longer you work at a job, the easier it gets. It took me almost an year to get enough experience so I could stop feeling overwhelmed. Also, maybe you need to try another type of medication , like adderall, strattera or wellbutrin.

Goofycook
07-07-16, 11:43 AM
I have been at my job 13 years and I still get exhausted. There are days when I leave and can't do anything. It has been this way all my life. I was glad to fond out it was the ADD not me.

Like the other post said you can get an easier job but also think of this. It might bore you to tears. Im one of those people who cant do the same thing over and over. That's a trait of ADD.

Lucky-A
07-07-16, 12:05 PM
I could never handle both work and college. If you can afford not to work, don't. If not try to find a job that is easier for you. Maybe something part time. Also, the longer you work at a job, the easier it gets. It took me almost an year to get enough experience so I could stop feeling overwhelmed. Also, maybe you need to try another type of medication , like adderall, strattera or wellbutrin.

I can't afford not to work. And I am looking for a new job, but there are no jobs available anywhere now. And also working a simple job like in a store or something will make me bored and depressed quite fast. I've done all this before. I've had simple jobs that I hated from day one. And quit those pretty fast. Then I've had simple jobs that I originally liked, but pretty fast started to hate. Those job's doesn't exhaust me though, but they do slowly guide me into a state of mind I hate. I don't get sad or angry, just apathetic And I hate it. I hate feeling nothing.

Now that I finally feel a little better (today is a little bad again) I get so scared of ending up back where I was. I am not on any anti-depressants, never has been. But I am now desperate to avoid reliving the past two months. And reacting like this, to a job I actually likes, kind of takes away all my hopes of a good life.

I'm so sorry for all the sapping and bad mood. Reading what I wrote earlier, I realize that maybe I need to get my head back to get shrunken some more. I hate this, why couldn't I just be normal, like all those NT's achieving and succeeding. How wonderful it would be, to be able to set a goal you wanted, and somehow keeping it around, until it was reached. I wonder what that feels like.

sarahsweets
07-07-16, 03:24 PM
My doctor swiched me back to ritalin LA combined with the normal ritalin. So instead of 2 doses a day to remember I now had amilllion or so. Whatever, I told him I'd try but yeah, that did not go well. I was having like several crashes a day, so I quit after a week.

One thing you may just have to accept is that you will need to take meds more than once a day. Thats just it. You will need to set timers and reminders but if you want all day coverage you might have to do this.

So further my doc said that he though I maybe just had the everyday reaction to the meds. Like I did not have adhd, but just got the effect that NT's do.
This makes no sense. There is no 'everyday' reaction to meds. How someone reacts to being medicated is no indicative of whether or not they have adhd.

So he said that I needed to come back to him for counseling, to just tidy up my brain. I did not argue that, as I was clearly having a breakdown, from a single simple question.

Here, psychiatrists dont do the counseling-therapists do. psyches are good with the med portion but not so good with the therapy part.


As I had gotten a temoprary permanent job as a teacher, I just swiched back to concerta, because that was all my doc could do. I know there are other meds, but he said no, and that all issues can't be cured with meds.

I dont understand his logic with keeping you on concerta and not trying any other medication. You are looking for treatment, not a cure right?


I think as long as you want to support yourself you should stick it out with this job, or another one that is tolerable because until you finish up your programing because you need money to live right?

I worked and finished school with a baby when I was 21. The only way I did that was because I had very understanding professors that did independent studies with me.

I wanted to drop out but I hung in there. Dont know why though because all I do now is raise my kids now.

mrh235
07-08-16, 12:57 AM
If you have issues with crashes and drop of ritalin and concerta is useless, you'd probably do well with amphetamine based ADHD meds. Vyvanse is really stable and doesn't have the awful dropoffs ritalin and concerta have for me, where I go from being able to focus to not at all in the span of a min

Corina86
07-08-16, 02:58 PM
I know you want a challenging interesting job, but you should keep focused on a single goal: studying to get a better career. Right now, you should find a job that allows you to keep studying without exausting yourself to death. You can read at your job if you're bored or listen to audiobooks. Also, as others said, why don't you talk to your psychiatrist to let you try other types of medication?

BustaIrish
08-17-16, 07:26 PM
This makes no sense. There is no 'everyday' reaction to meds. How someone reacts to being medicated is no indicative of whether or not they have adhd.

Sarah you seem Knowledgeable can you explain that please , its from a 2011 post you made,, sorry im a newbie / thank you

sarahsweets
08-18-16, 08:01 AM
Sarah you seem Knowledgeable can you explain that please , its from a 2011 post you made,, sorry im a newbie / thank you


This makes no sense. There is no 'everyday' reaction to meds. How someone reacts to being medicated is no indicative of whether or not they have adhd.
What I meant is yes, generally there are some similar things that happen to most people when they take meds but its still very individualized which is why people are on so many different medications and why there are so many to choose from.
As you know, students abuse these drugs as performance enhancers. If you base adhd on a positive reaction to the drugs (like better grades) then it would seem like everyone has adhd, because they are all having good results.
On the flip side- my daughter cant tolerate meds. We tried and she just cant. They didnt help her-but she has adhd and had an a different reaction to the meds. I wouldnt say she didnt have adhd because the meds didnt help her.

Make sense?