View Full Version : Newbie with 2 adhd-innattentive type kids, 2 not. Sibling issues-need advice...


ladybugnw99
07-07-16, 11:25 PM
My 12 year old daughter was diagnosed about 18 months ago with Innattentive ADHD. I can't believe how different it presents in girls than boys. Now my 4 year old (boy) had been diagnosed with the same. They both have processing issues...my 4 yr old a lot of sensory stuff and my 12 year old actually has an auditory processing disorder.

My question is I have 2 other kids who are normal developmentally. When it's their turn to do a chore, they do it (with some eye rolling...). When it's time to go in the car they get their shoes and go. This goes for most anything. I am not stranger to the meltdowns, etc. I have tried to set up simple and easy systems for all the kids to have success but I find myself getting more and more frustrated esp with the 12 year old. It takes her 45 minutes to do a less than 5 min. chore and that's with several types of reminders and even rewards.

The summer is slowly killing me trying to keep the peace between them all and not have the two that aren't adhd feel like the ones that do have it get special treatment. How do you balance activities, chores, etc. with siblings who dont quite understand why their brother or sister can't remember to bring their shoes in the car (and thus no one can go to the ____) or that her sister doesn't finish her chores and Mom either helps or does them to because she just can focus?

We have tried medication and use it during the school year but are trying something different over the summer. Lots of exercise, nature time, and different diet.

sarahsweets
07-08-16, 03:34 AM
Is there any reason you dont use medication in the summer?

Gilthranon
07-08-16, 03:57 AM
How does one get diagnosed with processing disorder, or anything similar ?

Caco3girl
07-08-16, 09:09 AM
I have a 13 year old with inattentive ADHD and yes, it takes him a VERY long time to do his chores but he does get them done if he wants to be able to do ANYTHING else. I don't know you or your situation but have you considered the 12 year old is just playing you to get you to do their chores? Children with ADHD can still be as manipulative as children without ADHD.

When he asks to go outside to play I say no, you didn't finish the living room. He knows he is not to go outside or play video games until he gets that stuff done. As he has gotten older it has gotten better because he has it in his brain now that one of his friends WILL come to the door or he WILL want to go do something and he can't do it until he finishes his chore. I don't offer him rewards, you don't get a reward in my house for being a member of the family, I go to work, I earn the money and since he can't do that his contribution is his chore list. The only reward he gets is the freedom to do what he wants AFTER his chores are done. If that means his sister gets to go out and play because she DID do her chore, then so be it.

I get eye rolling, huffing, puffing, sighing, angry faces.....you name it, but by the end of the day I also get a clean living room. As for forgetting stuff I have encouraged the 7 year old to remind the 13 year old "Bubba, did you bring your book bag", "Bubba, did you remember your girlfriends present?"....8 times out of 10 he did not remember and is happy to be reminded, the other times he puts up with it because he knows he usually does forget.

Family should help family, they shouldn't try to distinguish themselves as normal or ADHD, everyone has a weakness and everyone has a strength, it's up to the family unit to figure out how to make up for weaknesses and use the different strengths to help the family as a whole.

MItterday
07-10-16, 05:02 PM
I can totally appreciate taking your children off meds during the summer to try other ways of behavior modification, but I would suggest working with your doctor and perhaps a nutritionist to give it a fair chance. Also, here is an article regarding ADHD and siblings (http://www.printfriendly.com/print/?source=homepage&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.everydayhealth.com%2Fadhd%2Fl iving-with%2Fhelp-adhd-siblings-get-along.aspx)which might be helpful.

sarahsweets
07-18-16, 04:20 AM
I can totally appreciate taking your children off meds during the summer to try other ways of behavior modification, but I would suggest working with your doctor and perhaps a nutritionist to give it a fair chance. Also, here is an article regarding ADHD and siblings (http://www.printfriendly.com/print/?source=homepage&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.everydayhealth.com%2Fadhd%2Fl iving-with%2Fhelp-adhd-siblings-get-along.aspx)which might be helpful.

I guess I dont see why both cant be worked on at the same time.