When one has ADD throughout their lifetime (as presumably all of us do here), a certain variety of behaviors arise to "cope" with it. A lot of these behaviors aren't good.

Assuming you've reached a point (and it's certainly not easy) where you've been able to overcome ADD - in whole or in part - through medication or maturity or whatever other method - it seems like it's worthwhile to identify and overcome a lot of these behaviors. So I ask for suggestions on doing so... and I'd like to encourage others to try and look at things they've done and see if they have learned behaviors that could be due for a change.

Some of them are easy to identify - for instance the tendency to refuse to do anything that will involve monotonous effort, because you've learned it will be a failure.

Others are more complicated. ADD people have a tendency towards all sorts of highly stimulating (which usually means dangerous) activities, from racing cars to cocaine to video games.

Still worse are social behaviors and self-doubt that develop over the years. As another thread has illustrated a lot of ADD people have social problems. For me, I always tried to compensate for this by acting like a clown. Many ADD people have self-esteem issues related to a lifetime of being lazy. It doesn't seem at all rare for ADD people to draw inward because the outside world just doesn't understand or care for them.

I do a lot of things that seem like ADD learned behaviors. For instance, when travelling, I get incredibly nervous. Some of this is normal, but why is it so bad for me Because as an ADD person, I have this incredible tendency to forget just about everything that I can possibly forget when going on trips. I also have an equally incredible tendency to be late to just about everything, and showing up at the airport an hour late doesn't work. Nervousness helps me get through it. But if I'm properly medicated and not having ADD symptoms, the nervousness is instead a big problem; taking all the fun out of a trip.

Not all of these behaviors are necessarily bad. A lot of them help you out when you're ADD. For instance, if you have a tendency to blurt out stupid things, acting like a clown keeps people from taking these comments too seriously. I always used to drive (preferably at speed on twisty roads) to clear my thoughts, and it was quite effective for this.

Some of them might even be good generally. For instance in school, I had a big problem with studying; never could do it. So instead I tried to be very involved during class, asking lots of questions. I used my natural intellect to solve problems that would otherwise be inaccessible without having studied. I even developed the ability (is this rare?) to remember the last few sentences spoken even when I was totally spacing out. Teachers used to always try to catch me with "What did I just say!", and I could always remember, even if I was in outer space at the time.

So the question is, then, what behaviors do you do that are "learned" ADD behaviors? Have you found yourself doing them less since you started medication/treatment? Do you have any tricks for overcoming them? I'd love to hear it.

My ADD 'trick' is to 'hold on' to something- a thought, an activity, an idea, a problem very very tightly so I don't lose it. I've come to recognize myself in the 'overfocus' ADD subtype from Dr. Amen's book. This trick has been good when i hold on to good things but has been very hard when I latch on to something not so good. I am just beginning to recognize this in myself and as I see myself do this I can try to redirect myself toward a good thing instead of a bad. I know too well I can't NOT do this (latch on to something). I always got so frustrated when people would tell me to just let it go. How? My brain has ingrained loops in which things just must circle around so instead of trying to rewire my whole brain I try to work with what I have and turn it into something positive.


This is a good thread- thanks for starting it.

I realized too that I must of made it thru school on a very good visual memory. My auditory memory is for the birds but I can remember what I see very well. I am learning to use this too and not to put myself in situations where I must rely on my poor auditory skills- ex. phone conversations with kids running thru the house or trying to interrupt me. I have no control over what I say in that kind of situation! :D I am paying for that today as I make food for 50 some people because I agreed when someone called me on the phone and asked me to do this. Live and learn!

When one has ADD throughout their lifetime (as presumably all of us do here), a certain variety of behaviors arise to "cope" with it. A lot of these behaviors aren't good.

Assuming you've reached a point (and it's certainly not easy) where you've been able to overcome ADD - in whole or in part - through medication or maturity or whatever other method - it seems like it's worthwhile to identify and overcome a lot of these behaviors. So I ask for suggestions on doing so... and I'd like to encourage others to try and look at things they've done and see if they have learned behaviors that could be due for a change.

Some of them are easy to identify - for instance the tendency to refuse to do anything that will involve monotonous effort, because you've learned it will be a failure.Not exactly true. I love to tackle anything I haven't been able to accomplish before such as my new at home job. Its completly boring and non -stimulating but I'm darn good at it and intend to stick with it. Its all in the challenge. :D

Others are more complicated. ADD people have a tendency towards all sorts of highly stimulating (which usually means dangerous) activities, from racing cars to cocaine to video games. I hate video games, all though I will admit to being addicted to solitaire, I do not race cars or do drugs though in the past I did experiment some especially with alcohol and prescribed pain killers. It just wasn't the life I wanted.

Still worse are social behaviors and self-doubt that develop over the years. As another thread has illustrated a lot of ADD people have social problems. For me, I always tried to compensate for this by acting like a clown. Many ADD people have self-esteem issues related to a lifetime of being lazy. It doesn't seem at all rare for ADD people to draw inward because the outside world just doesn't understand or care for them.This for me is true and untrue. While I do have a tendancy to shy away from people especially new people I force myself to speak to someone new everyday. I like to talk and figure if I want someone to talk to I had better take the initiative.

I do a lot of things that seem like ADD learned behaviors. For instance, when travelling, I get incredibly nervous. Some of this is normal, but why is it so bad for me Because as an ADD person, I have this incredible tendency to forget just about everything that I can possibly forget when going on trips. I also have an equally incredible tendency to be late to just about everything, and showing up at the airport an hour late doesn't work. Nervousness helps me get through it. But if I'm properly medicated and not having ADD symptoms, the nervousness is instead a big problem; taking all the fun out of a trip.This is why we go on unplanned, driving trips. We have a destination but can stop and go as we please with no certain agenda. lol

Not all of these behaviors are necessarily bad. A lot of them help you out when you're ADD. For instance, if you have a tendency to blurt out stupid things, acting like a clown keeps people from taking these comments too seriously. I always used to drive (preferably at speed on twisty roads) to clear my thoughts, and it was quite effective for this. If I drove to clear my thoughts there would be a lot of accidents behind me. I work with wood when I need to relax or to really think about something. At least then the only thing that could happen is I cut off a finger.

Some of them might even be good generally. For instance in school, I had a big problem with studying; never could do it. So instead I tried to be very involved during class, asking lots of questions. I used my natural intellect to solve problems that would otherwise be inaccessible without having studied. I even developed the ability (is this rare?) to remember the last few sentences spoken even when I was totally spacing out. Teachers used to always try to catch me with "What did I just say!", and I could always remember, even if I was in outer space at the time.I can relate to this example.

So the question is, then, what behaviors do you do that are "learned" ADD behaviors? Have you found yourself doing them less since you started medication/treatment? Do you have any tricks for overcoming them? I'd love to hear it.

I used to be obsessed with list making. I made lists everyday, edited them every morning and freaked if I didn't get my list completed; I mean total panic attack and would go days without sleeping trying to keep up with my unrealistic expectations of myself.

I learned to make lists of important things such as doctor appts., the kids sporting events, days I work outside the home, bills. But, the rest I just take it as it comes anymore and don't sweat the small stuff. If I don't get the cat pan cleaned today I have tommorrow. I sleep a lot more peacefully and its easier to fall asleep once i realized I did not have super human powers.

For sitting still I learned its impossible. There are no ifs ands or buts about it I can NOT sit still. So, I learned how to keep moving without disrupting others.

I simply learned to "let go"... the "bad behaviours" started to clear and the good ones started to become stronger.

Yeah, I forget stuff... so what? If it is important...I usually keep it to the forefront. Sounds are eveywhere... they can bug me..oh well..I just play music I like in my head. I act like a silly 10 year old at 38...at least I am having a good time :) I do not know what it is to "be a man"... seems like a silly quest to me. I cannot tell if girls like me...oh well since I really don't understand the concept of being a boyfriend...where would it get me anyway?

I don't care anymore at all what people think about me...I do care how they feel about themselves. I don't want to make them feel bad...so I do try to mitigate my ADD in that way :)

I am wierd, proud and self confident.

I am never going to be "not-ADD" so why fight it? It ends up being a powerful tool once you start using it.

JimboOmega,

I got to tell this is the best thread I've seen yet. I am 53. Married. But just recently diagnossed ADD. It's been suspected by the docs for almost a year. But just a few days ago, the shrink said, "you have it." At this moment in time I feel it is well managed.

The single most effective thing that has worked for me is the diagnosses. I always felt that I was not living up to my true potential. What I didn't know was the reason. I have ADD. There is nothing wrong with my character. There is, however, something wrong with my brain. Am I making any sense?

There are other things that help and certainly habits got to break but I must go back to work now and leaving tommorrow on business. I'll try to add more next week.

Bob

This is a great question.

I have learned that I am not the person to lead fundraisers, civic activities, or any charitable organization that requires one to delegate. I have always had the organization
Problems and yet saying no is hard.... and I would often volunteer exuberantly not thinking of the consequences.

These sorts of activities often require in addition to delegation, collection of monies, mailings, writing grants, planning meetings, leading meetings, distribution of materials and purchases, and responsible commitment to follow the thing through.

Here are some examples of things I have learned to identify as eminent failures.

Brownie girl scout Leader.......cookies, cookies,cookies, camping trips,weekly meetings,
flying up ceremonies........did I mention that I have no girls?


Agreements to do mailers for fundraisers and keep up with the checks that do and don't come in,
as well as those that are returned unopened...then everything needs to be returned to the organization......not an activity I have ever been able to do correctly

School fundraiser mom.....sales of wrapping paper, popcorn, and candy, fruit, Christmas trees......I end up paying a lot out of pocket to cover the fact that I couldn't keep up with making sales..........closet full o wrapping paper.

Women's League activities....can't get calls out on time, can't get there on time, end up doing most of work alone, wait until the last minute to plan meetings and projects.

I have spent countless hours doing all nighters, re-doing and un-doing tasks, and all of this takes me away from cooking supper....not good for mother/son relationships

Long, long, list and not enough paper!

I have learned to recognize the sound of the telephone ring that.. "holds the voice that makes me feel obligated"...and excited about changing the world.... and that every responsibility is not my responsibility.

I have learned to volunteer and make my contributions count more efficiently from the ground floor and not agree to hold any position that requires the responsibilities I have mentioned.


I have learned that I can begin by saying no, and know the whole world does not hinge on me taking the biggest bite....because once you do you are obligated to chew and swallow and you can't spit it out without making a mess.

(that was profound !! ADD clever...comparing volunteering to the digestive process?!)


~gourmet~

Funny, I am in my glory when I am in charge, the bigger the job the better. I feel like my brain is on fire; inspiration, ideas and energy comes out of thin air, I can get people motivated to do about anything......It is when I am alone and only accountable to myself it all falls apart.....

chain took the words right out of my mouth.
(I am never going to be "not-ADD" so why fight it?)

At this point I'm comfortable with myself.
I know who I am.
I understand my weaknesses as an ADDer.
But I focus on using my strenghts.

Like Gourmet I've learned its all right to say No
I volunteer only for things I know I'll do well at.
I'm like VickiS better at being in charge and delegating.

I'm happy knowing that I am doing my best everyday.
And not worried about anyone elses idea of what that should be.
I don't worry about figuring out whats a learned ADD behavior in myself.
Because it is all apart of who I am by now.

There is, however, something wrong with my brain. Am I making any sense?
That makes sense to me... knowing that there is a reason is much of the way there... but (there goes my big but) there is absolutely nothing wrong with your brain and don't let anyone tell you there is. It is the way it is meant to be and it is a really good brain.
If course this is my strange unorthodox way of looking at it :)

Think of it this way... why should we view a dandelion any less of a flower than a rose? If you like roses... you are a rose. If you like yellow, be a dandelion.


"mother nature" does not mess around with "defectives and disorders"...there is a function in all things, even if we do not see it.

At 5 percent we are a very important part of this grand puzzle.

As an adhd mom, working fulltime, with an adhd son and an add husband, I don't have much spare time on my hands. As I have said before, I go to work just to be able to go to the bathroom alone. :)

I always have a pocket full of excuses as to why I am not able to help volunteer for things. I do not feel guilty in the least. Some people love to volunteer for things. That's great. The world needs volunteers. I am just not able to do that right now due to everything else that is going on in my add/adhd family. I am the drama mama. Never a dull moment.

Ever since caller id came out, I have only gotten "stuck" volunteering a few times and that was because my daughter recognized the phone number and thought it was her friend calling, when in fact, it was her friends mom calling to sucker me into something.

Let's see....Things I HATE volunteering for:

Working at the Fish Fry during Lent. There are some die hard fish fry volunteers at our school. I think they wait the whole year for that time of year to work it. So let them. Why do I have to go there and smell that yucky fish smell for days later. I always end up doing the **** job like battering the fish or washing the pans. No more after May 31. My daughter is graduating from 8th grade and no more fish fries ever. (NO MORE WIRE HANGERS EVER!!!!)

Consession Stand Duty: I had to work the concession stand a few times. (Luckily neither of my kids do sports anymore.)

Chaperone: I had to work as a chaperone for a headbangers concert type thing. Oh my gosh. That was torture. Slam dancing and mosh pits at a catholic school. I couldn't believe it.

Halloween Party: I had to work at the last school Halloween party and help decorate the haunted hallway. It was hard work decorating our area and it was torture making the kids work it. They were hot in their costumes and masks and ended up leaving me and a few other parents standing there making scary noises behind haystacks. Plus we had to clean up afterwards and the parent whose idea it was to have "children of the corn" with hay and stalks everywhere wasn't even there to help set up or clean up. No fair.

I can tolerate working a kid booth at the carnival every couple of years but don't ask me to be a chairperson of a booth. Not my idea of fun. I don't even like going to the carnival much less working it.

My sister was always the Girl Scout Cookie Person for her daughters troop. Bad bad idea for an adhd person who has no financial resonsibility. I can't tell you how many years she'd end up having to borrow money to cover the big check she wrote for the troops order. She did it for so many years and every year was a nut case during it.

Why do people do that to themselves? What are they trying to prove? What are they trying to make up for?

Not me. Don't sign me up. Don't volunteer me. I will not answer. I will not show up. I do not like green eggs and ham, I am Sam I am.

Learned behaviors... I'm going to need this thread simply to figure out what learned behaviors I've acquired. They probably include...


Supression of the tendency to speak up, to counter the natural inclination to speak too freely and randomly, or be too argumentative.
Wandering off mentally when waiting around, so that ADD impatience doesn't have any visible manifestations when, say, waiting in line.
Impulsivity (additional?), in pursuing ideas that I soon could forget how to carry out. That includes making posts like this one. :o
Originally Posted by JimboOmega
I even developed the ability (is this rare?) to remember the last few sentences spoken even when I was totally spacing out. Yeah, it seems I'm kinda working on it myself. Usually, though, it only works well on things I was trying but failing to pay attention to.
Originally Posted by Chain
there is absolutely nothing wrong with your brain and don't let anyone tell you there is. It is the way it is meant to be and it is a really good brain. True. "Something wrong with" such a mind is clearly not the best wording.
If course this is my strange unorthodox way of looking at it :) Uncommon? Perhaps. Unorthodox? Hardly. God made the heavens and the earth and all that is in them, and made man in His own image, and said that it is good. That which you are given is a gift, no matter how unusual and nonconforming it may be. (Often there is beauty even in the uniqueness itself.)

Originally Posted by VickiS
Funny, I am in my glory when I am in charge, the bigger the job the better. I feel like my brain is on fire; inspiration, ideas and energy comes out of thin air, I can get people motivated to do about anything...... I believe this is in general true for those who trust in their own potential and succeed in taking advantage of the opportunity to delegate.

How to override some of the coping strategies that may have served us well "growing up" but as adults may be getting in the way of our personal growth?

Hi, Everyone,

This is my first post here. I am 33 years old, and have carried a diagnosis of ADD for about 3 years now. Despite treatment, I have really struggled with the issues mentioned above regarding learned behaviors. My procrastination from doing paperwork/bills, and against reading for work and returning phone calls is almost paralyzing. I tend to find a new hobby that I totally throw myself into, spending several hours each day reading about it, surfing the web to learn, actually doing the activity, and many times becoming an expert in the area. These tend to be activities which are "hands on" such as playing golf, gunsmithing, working on cars, restoring old houses, etc.

I know that the intellect is there, as I have had my shining moments, but CONSISTENCY is lacking. It is virtually impossible for me to string together an appreciable number of administrative type tasks, especially work related, for an extended period. This has caused significant work-related distress and a consistently downward spiral. Can anyone relate?

I use my sense of humor as a shield. If I can laugh at it, whatever "it" is, and make others laugh too, I can diffuse any negativity that may have resulted from whatever ditzy thing I did or said. Almost anything can be forgiven if you are sufficiently perky, upbeat, cheerful, positive, or enthusiastic. The flip side of this behavior is how much it takes out of me. I am a zombie by the time I get home, with no humor or enthusiasm left for my family.

Hi, Everyone,

This is my first post here. I am 33 years old, and have carried a diagnosis of ADD for about 3 years now. Despite treatment, I have really struggled with the issues mentioned above regarding learned behaviors. My procrastination from doing paperwork/bills, and against reading for work and returning phone calls is almost paralyzing. I tend to find a new hobby that I totally throw myself into, spending several hours each day reading about it, surfing the web to learn, actually doing the activity, and many times becoming an expert in the area. These tend to be activities which are "hands on" such as playing golf, gunsmithing, working on cars, restoring old houses, etc.

I know that the intellect is there, as I have had my shining moments, but CONSISTENCY is lacking. It is virtually impossible for me to string together an appreciable number of administrative type tasks, especially work related, for an extended period. This has caused significant work-related distress and a consistently downward spiral. Can anyone relate? Wow... I can totally identify with the hobby thing. I'll get totally into something, wasting countless hours reading about it online, on forums (like this one! hehe), etc. And then I'll all of a sudden stop being even remotely interested in it at all anymore and move on to something else...

I use my sense of humor as a shield. If I can laugh at it, whatever "it" is, and make others laugh too, I can diffuse any negativity that may have resulted from whatever ditzy thing I did or said. Almost anything can be forgiven if you are sufficiently perky, upbeat, cheerful, positive, or enthusiastic. The flip side of this behavior is how much it takes out of me. I am a zombie by the time I get home, with no humor or enthusiasm left for my family. Wow, I can identify with you too! I am very often a guy who people like to be around, since I'm very "fun" and "crazy" and "extroverted". Sometimes I won't hand in something for one of my classes but the teacher won't be too put off since she's always smiling and laughing at me in class. And then there are times when I come back from a social gathering and be just like you, no humor/enthusiasm.

This is actually harder to delineate nowadays, since in college the boundary between work/study and "home" is blurred and its a mixture all day long. But back when I was in high school I would be very much clownlike and fun, and by the time I'd get home my mom would always say that I was such a stressed out, angry guy...

I can also identify with the "clown" behavior, which is frequently misinterpreted. We tend to use this as a tool to lighten up the workplace, to make it a less drab, mundane place to be on a daily basis. Unfortunately, many of our wo-workers interpret this as loss of self control, and they ultimately make assumptions about our character. If you do any reading in the realm of power hierarchies in the workplace, humor certainly has its place, but those who are seen as clowns are often seen as lacking the seriousness or ability to do a given job. In fact they are frequently ridiculed, made to feel that they have some sort of self control problem. Everything that they do is judged in that light, and so the cycle of perceived incompetence, decreased reaffirmation, decreased self esteem and finally withdrawal perpetuates itself.

Learned How not to Lose things or at least find them quickly
As a child I would always lose things and get reprimanded for being "careless" & "unappreciative" when i actually felt awful.
Overcame this by:

1. Putting certain things always in the same place

2. Whenever I am holding something important, i actually make a mental note by saying aloud,ex: "Ok, i put my phone on this counter with the parent letter next to it"
so I can make a mental picture

3. I got really good at backtracking (where did I use it last) to find things

Seems simple, but now I am the one who finds everyone's lost items.

As far as other coping and learned behaviors-still working on those. Love to hear what others say.

I didn't realize I had ADD until I was 38. This was after 10 years of psychotherapy, where every symptom I mentioned was met with, 'ahh, must be mother issues' or 'hmmm, what is your inner child trying to tell you?' (hmm, we need an icon for 'banging head against wall' in here.)

Now that I realize that I can do more for myself by writing things down, keeping things in certain places so I can find them, and asking folks at work for extra help. I find this so much more productive than wracking my brain, wondering what deep-seated rage I must be harboring that makes me put 2 contact lenses in the same eye, for example. :D

One trick my feng-shui guy suggested to help with my total lack of concentration and that overwhelmed feeling: Cut back on visual stimulation! Naww, not that kind...

I live in a studio and used to have this huge bookshelf full of books, big ol' TV, couch, bed, coffee table, kitchen table, huge shelf full of kitchen applicances and dishes etc. etc. in one room! I've tucked the books away (keeping just 2 neat, small stacks by my bed), put covers on the appliances and other crap laying about, and got rid of some furniture. And got some gorgeous drapes.

Now my place looks like a nice hotel room. I always wondered why I could relax so much more on business trips--now I realize it's because there's less distracting stuff in the room. Works for me!

Hi, I'm a newbie, and I was just wandering around the forums and found this thread.

Some of the stuff I've had to learn (or unlearn):

1) Turning my mind off so I can really listen to what someone else is saying before I reply. A lot of time, I would already have a reply formulating in my head while someone was talking. It cuts down a lot on the blurting, but it did take a while to train myself to do it. Lots of internal reminding myself to just listen to the other person.

2) Lists, lists, lists. Even if I don't use them, it is helpful for me to have them because it's a concrete itemization of what's going on in my head at a given moment.

3) Writing stuff down myself. At doctor's offices and such, I now ask if I can write out the little reminder card myself. If they write it down for me, and then hand me the card with all the next appointment info on it, it will get tossed in my purse and lost until the end of time. If I write it myself, I will actually have a better chance of remembering it long enough to get it into my PDA.

4) Asking anyone who requests something of me that can't be done instantaneously to send me an email. Friends and co-workers especially. If they ask me a favor or to work on some project, my first response is always, "Can you send me an email so I don't forget?"

5) Taking a little bit of time everyday to do some tidying around the house. And yes, there are days when I just don't feel like it. But I force myself to do it, and I'm happy about the fact that I'm able to actually keep things tidy. They may not be stellarly tidy, but they are good enough for company to come over, and it didn't used to be that way.

6) Keeping a journal of thoughts, ideas, happenings, etc. It's a way to keep track of things that my brain no longer remembers. Usually, I type all the stuff up into a LiveJournal entry, but I also carry a notebook around with me as well.

Let's see, I'm sure there's more, but my brain just stopped.

Hi all,

I'm new to the forum and fairly new to the diagnosis. I've always know something wasn't right with me, but I'm just beginning to realize that my way of thinking and feeling is so much different than others. I figured everyone felt this way.

Anyway, that's not the point of this thread. It's funny that we are discussing undoing the behaviors we've all learned to use to survive!

As I read the suggestions, it strikes me that many require a willful change in thinking. If I could do that, I wouldn't have this. Maybe I'm not medicated appropriately, maybe I don't have ADD, maybe I'm just weaker minded. I'm not sure. All I can say is that only the concrete things work for me (lists, organizers, post-it notes). Anything that requires me to concentrate or remember to do something or think something specific, gets lost in the noise.

I have some behavior habits that are good, and some that I need to un-learn.

I have the typical ADD-er sense of time -- which is to say NO sense of time whatsoever. It's either right now or not now, and I honestly can never tell if minutes or hours have passed, especially if I'm in hyperfocus mode. So I am a compulsive watch checker. Last week, my watch broke and I was a complete mess until I got it replaced. I have to have my watch on AT ALL TIMES and I check it constantly.

I've always had problems with overscheduling myself and then wondering why I have no time to do things like eat or wash laundry. So I have to actually schedule my chores and plan a specific day of the week to take care of specific tasks (i.e., always do paperwork on Thursdays, always weed the vegetable garden on Friday, always put away laundry on Mondays) otherwise none of them would EVER get done. People are confused as to why a carefree, spontaneous person needs such a strict schedule, but that's the way it goes. If it isn't written in big letters on the calendar, I will completely forget about it.

I have a terrible time packing for trips -- I either bring almost nothing or everything including the kitchen sink. I need to come up with a traveling checklist so that I don't have ot sit there and think about all the possibilities and all the items I might possibly want to have with me.

One trick my feng-shui guy suggested to help with my total lack of concentration and that overwhelmed feeling: Cut back on visual stimulation! Naww, not that kind...

I live in a studio and used to have this huge bookshelf full of books, big ol' TV, couch, bed, coffee table, kitchen table, huge shelf full of kitchen applicances and dishes etc. etc. in one room! I've tucked the books away (keeping just 2 neat, small stacks by my bed), put covers on the appliances and other crap laying about, and got rid of some furniture. And got some gorgeous drapes.

Now my place looks like a nice hotel room. I always wondered why I could relax so much more on business trips--now I realize it's because there's less distracting stuff in the room. Works for me!
This is TOTALLY me. One reason why my ADD got so much worse after having children is that there was so much kid junk (toys, highchairs, etc) taking over the house. Clutter is my worst enemy. If I keep things pretty spartan, I feel so much calmer. My kids bemoan the fact that I am constantly throwing stuff out, but it's either that or have a crazy mommy.

When one has ADD throughout their lifetime (as presumably all of us do here), a certain variety of behaviors arise to "cope" with it. A lot of these behaviors aren't good.Great thread. I was just recently diagnosed, and these days I've been spending a lot of time trying to tease apart those behaviors that are just 'me' from those that were developed to compensate for certain weaknesses.


Some of them are easy to identify - for instance the tendency to refuse to do anything that will involve monotonous effort, because you've learned it will be a failure.This is a big one, and honestly it hadn't occurred to me until I read this. There's this built-in assumption that if I try to start something monotonous, it will fail, so if I even consider trying it I immediately flash to a wave of despondence generated by all the times I failed at other monotonous tasks.

Still worse are social behaviors and self-doubt that develop over the years. As another thread has illustrated a lot of ADD people have social problems. For me, I always tried to compensate for this by acting like a clown. Many ADD people have self-esteem issues related to a lifetime of being lazy. It doesn't seem at all rare for ADD people to draw inward because the outside world just doesn't understand or care for them.This is a big one. The self esteem issues in general are imposing, and I think I'll be facing them for years to come. It's hard to identify them. I do the same, I'll joke about my own behavior before someone else has a chance, and I genuinely like making people laugh. But this clown is really crying on the inside <sniff> ;-) Seriously, it can be a drag after a while. I'm only now starting to realize how competent a person I can be.

I even developed the ability (is this rare?) to remember the last few sentences spoken even when I was totally spacing out. Teachers used to always try to catch me with "What did I just say!", and I could always remember, even if I was in outer space at the time.This sounds like an ADD superpower. I have it too. If I can remember the last thing that was said, I can track down the thing that preceded that, and so on, like a chain. This came in handy when I used to smoke a lot of pot ;-)

So the question is, then, what behaviors do you do that are "learned" ADD behaviors? Have you found yourself doing them less since you started medication/treatment? Do you have any tricks for overcoming them? I'd love to hear it.It's kinda hard to figure out what things are ADD and what things are just 'you'. For example, I do this thing sometimes where I'll be thinking about something, usually imagining a conversation I'm anticipating having with someone, preparing myself, and my lips will move in sync to what I'm imagining I'm saying. It only happens when I really get lost in my daydreams, but that's almost all the time when I'm not on meds. It's INCREDIBLY embarassing when I get caught. I'll come out of a daydream revery to find a friend of girlfriend looking at me quizzically, and immediately I know I've been caught, and they think I'm crazy.

The thing is, my Dad does it too. That seem to indicate it's either biological or learned behavior. if it's ADD, then he probably has it too (which wouldn't surprise me).

Does anyone else have this?

Another behavior that I saw described in Driven to Distraction is feeling really uncomfortable around drunk or unhinged people. Now generally speaking this is probably a good idea. But I get really creeped out somehow. It's weird. I can't deal with my friends when they're really drunk. I kind of hate that. I wish it didn't bother me so much.

One thing that in some ways is good, but not all the time, is the fact that I find it impossible to hold grudges. I forgive people quickly and easily, but honestly I know I'm probably not going to remember whatever it was that ****ed me off for long anyway, so I let it go. Now, this is something I like about myself. I'm a believer in forgiveness. But sometimes I can come off like a patsy, and in some situations it's actually good to hang onto a grudge. I end up having people around much longer than I should, I just never keep the anger long enough to sever ties.

This is TOTALLY me. One reason why my ADD got so much worse after having children is that there was so much kid junk (toys, highchairs, etc) taking over the house. Clutter is my worst enemy. If I keep things pretty spartan, I feel so much calmer. My kids bemoan the fact that I am constantly throwing stuff out, but it's either that or have a crazy mommy.

YES - i totally hear you - i cant function in the midst of this clutter (60% or so of which is "kid junk"), and yet i cant seem to manage to sort and find places for it all. :(
i feel so good when i throw stuff away. i also have a new policy that no new plastic toys will be allowed in the house. so if the kids come home with 'em, they go right into the trash outside. saves me the trouble later. they usually dont even miss them. if only i could manage to keep all the pieces of stuff together, then i could donate them.

simplify and i sleep better.

1 huge one for me:
EXERCISE EXERCISE and EXERCISE some more. i set the routine and stick to it.

another one: storage bins. closets would work but im not very good at building.

now all i need is a paper solution.

I found that if I have an appointment for something, I make it first thing in the morning, or right after something else that has a set ending time. If there's space between, I freeze up - I don't get anything done because I'm afraid I'll get caught up in something and miss the appointment. 10:30 appointments are the absolute worst.

I also have tons of extra loud, long-ring kitchen timers. If I know in advance that I have a set amount of time, but also mustmustmust do something I might get caught up with and lose track of time, I set the timer(s) and carry them around the house with me.

One of the best things I just did was move to a single story house with no basement. If something gets halfway done, or I get scattered as I'm doing things, whatever got left undone or interrupted because of something else is right there for me to trip over later on, rather than hidden in the basement or attic or guest room or whatever. Moving also gave me the impetus to throw away tons and tons and tons of accumulated useless stuff. Unpacking onto new shelves forced me to organize (I had no idea I had almost 30 rolls of scotch tape refills, two dozen packages of pencils, at least 15 pairs of scissors. . .). As someone said above, simplify. Big green garbage bags are your friend.

I use my sense of humor as a shield. If I can laugh at it, whatever "it" is, and make others laugh too, I can diffuse any negativity that may have resulted from whatever ditzy thing I did or said. Almost anything can be forgiven if you are sufficiently perky, upbeat, cheerful, positive, or enthusiastic. The flip side of this behavior is how much it takes out of me. I am a zombie by the time I get home, with no humor or enthusiasm left for my family.
ProcrastN8R, I think you read my mind!

It's amazing how ADHD 'pitfalls' can be easily overlooked if you make a person laugh.

Some of the stuff I've had to learn (or unlearn):

1) Turning my mind off so I can really listen to what someone else is saying before I reply. A lot of time, I would already have a reply formulating in my head while someone was talking. It cuts down a lot on the blurting, but it did take a while to train myself to do it. Lots of internal reminding myself to just listen to the other person.

This took a lot of practice with me as well. I always found myself trying to finish some else's statement for them and I really had no idea what they were going to say because I wasn't listening in the first place. (So Not Good)

2) Lists, lists, lists. Even if I don't use them, it is helpful for me to have them because it's a concrete itemization of what's going on in my head at a given moment.

I don't use lists as much as I should at home but if I didn't have them at work I couldn't manage anything.

3) Writing stuff down myself. At doctor's offices and such, I now ask if I can write out the little reminder card myself. If they write it down for me, and then hand me the card with all the next appointment info on it, it will get tossed in my purse and lost until the end of time. If I write it myself, I will actually have a better chance of remembering it long enough to get it into my PDA.

This is actually one of the best tricks that I use. Because like you, if I don't write it down it's gone into lala land.

4) Asking anyone who requests something of me that can't be done instantaneously to send me an email. Friends and co-workers especially. If they ask me a favor or to work on some project, my first response is always, "Can you send me an email so I don't forget?"

This is funny. Just 5 min. ago someone asked me to do something for them on Sat. and the first words out of my mouth were "be sure to call me on Friday so I don't forget."

5) Taking a little bit of time everyday to do some tidying around the house. And yes, there are days when I just don't feel like it. But I force myself to do it, and I'm happy about the fact that I'm able to actually keep things tidy. They may not be stellarly tidy, but they are good enough for company to come over, and it didn't used to be that way.

This too is the only way I can keep my house clean. If I save it for the weekend, it won't get done.

You and I seem to have alot of the same "tricks of the trade".