View Full Version : Which one you prefer , a different or a similar ?


Emy_93
07-09-16, 07:54 PM
Hi all
Let me ask you about something interesting
Which one you prefer as a friend / lover ?
The one with ADHD or a normal one ? and why ?

According to me I hope to get married to someone normal and so paaaaaatient to stand everything I do and help me to be organized
But I think that having a friend with ADHD is more suitable to understand and share ��
How about you ?

spunky84
07-10-16, 02:13 AM
I think there's positives and negatives to both, and it really depends on the individual (as some deal better than others on both sides).

I only recently remembered that an ex boyfriend has ADHD and was unmedicated. I was undiagnosed at that time. I had absolutely no idea about what all was involved in ADHD (or all that a could be). His symptoms were pretty severe, and it was a very toxic relationship. I'm not putting it all on him by any means because I contributed my own, especially being undiagnosed (and seeing a huge difference now on meds).

Some people, however, do awesome together if they have both. It depends on the severity, how they're coping with the symptoms, etc.

My husband doesn't have ADHD. We certainly have our fair share of problems. He's somewhat patient, but he has absolutely no understanding of it nor does he seem very willing to know more so that we can figure out what works for us.

I can't really say if I would prefer a partner with ADHD or without. Like I said, it just completely depends, so it's hard to say. In a perfect world I guess I just want someone, ADHD or not, that understands or that is willing to try to.

Roundmouth
07-10-16, 03:20 AM
None, I think... But having to chose, I get nothing out from trying to communicate on a somewhat deeper level with normal people. I think they're boring and totally in the hands of their own stupidity and occasional emotions.

stef
07-10-16, 03:26 AM
People very close to me dont have adhd, but i love having adhd friends because you can really say just about everything you are thinking without surprising the other person and getting "the look".

Fuzzy12
07-10-16, 04:04 AM
Someone without adhd or ideally without any disorders. They don't make life any easier, it hurts seeing someone you care for suffer and I can't imagine living with someone like me. I see some symptoms in my mom and they drive me absolutely crazy.

AddAnxiousMe
07-10-16, 08:59 AM
A couple with ADD wouldn't work. How can you have a decent argument when neither one is paying attention to what the other yells?:D

BellaVita
07-10-16, 11:40 AM
Someone with ADHD is my preference, but I'm biased. :D

If anything he's *more* patient and understanding because he can empathize and knows what it's like. (Also his inattentive ADHD makes him seem more patient when really he's off in la-la land :lol:) We're pretty understanding and forgiving if the other messes up due to the disorder. It's quite nice not to get shamed. (Which is what I've been used to most my life)

It's really great having someone so similar to me who understands me and loves me completely.

Hermus
07-10-16, 01:41 PM
In my case patience is an absolute must for a partner. If she isn't things would go wrong quickly. However, a partner doesn't need to have ADD. I could imagine that someone with ADD can reinforce my ADD characteristics. I think some people without are perfectly capable of understanding if you explain it properly.

However, I don't want a partner to help me get things organize or to organize things for me. My girlfriend doesn't have ADD and I recently sat her down for a talk. I told her that she should make life with an ADD person bearable for herself, so that she shouldn't try to fix the things that go wrong due to my ADD. I want her to let me solve things myself. For one, she has her own life and struggles to deal with and my ADD shouldn't be a burden to her. Moreover, people have a habit to try to fix things for me, which isn't positive for my self-esteem and can worsen my ADD-symptoms. So it wouldn't be right for the both of us if she would be fixing my problems.

Fuzzy12
07-10-16, 01:52 PM
I don't want anyone to fix my problems but neither do I need anyone to add on to my problems. :lol::scratch:

Unless we have finally found that mythical gift that adhd bestows on us: making us better partners (even if just for other adhders). ;)

I honestly doubt if someone with adhd would understand us better. Maybe in certain respects that we are similar but there are so many aspects in which individual adhders differ from each other. I can imagine some people thinking 'i don't have this issue that my partner claims is due to adhd so that's definitely not adhd'.

WheresMyMind
07-11-16, 12:43 PM
Hi all
Let me ask you about something interesting
Which one you prefer as a friend / lover ?
The one with ADHD or a normal one ? and why ?

According to me I hope to get married to someone normal and so paaaaaatient to stand everything I do and help me to be organized
But I think that having a friend with ADHD is more suitable to understand and share ��
How about you ?

Whether a potential mate has ADHD or not is not on my top 5 list.

When I was first diagnosed, I found some solace in having friends with ADHD. But not for long. I realized soon enough that it manifests so much differently in all of us, that about the only thing I had in common with any of those friends is the name of the disorder...and, we weren't much help to each other!

I have some friends with ADHD...I find that the ones who I learn the most from are those who have figured out how to live best with it...mostly by detaching from a lot of "I wish I had" or "I wish I could" stuff. "My house is a mess. I have learned to love the mess."

I'm a serial monogamist - not by choice, it's just how it happened. I had two girlfriends with ADHD and in those relationships, I felt more "stuck" than with anybody else. I kind of think that I do better with someone whose abilities complement mine - between the two of us, we can do more than either of us alone.

Anybody can be understanding...although most people aren't. An understanding person can understand whatever you are. Some people struggle to get stuff done due to ADHD, others struggle due to childhood fears they haven't worked through. An understanding person doesn't care which it is.

But that's just me.

aeon
07-11-16, 01:11 PM
It comes down to the person.

Having ADHD, or not, or any other “thing” bioneuropsychiatric isn’t on the list of considerations, really.

Should they have such a “thing,” I would hope they are managing it, at least to the degree of success I am managing mine.

---

I once had a girlfriend who had ADHD, and this was shortly before I was diagnosed. I miss that relationship
for a number of reasons, but one was because she was so much fun...enough to leave me running ragged.
I’m not sure if that was on account of the ADHD, or because she was of the MBTI type ESFP, or both in combination.


Cheers,
Ian

sarahsweets
07-17-16, 06:01 AM
My husband and I both have adhd. I dont know if its just that we mesh well together or if we have different types of adhd but his strengths replace my weaknesses and vice versa.

julialouise
07-23-16, 02:11 PM
most of my closest friends have either ADHD or some other mental illness (or both!). I find other people to be incredibly boring, but i have no hard feelings. It's just that i'd rather spend my time with someone who thinks more about life than those who don't. I love having grand conversations with people, of course they don't have to happen ALL the time, but I am much more able to interact with people who are like me. It can get awkward when I talk to someone who is neurotypical, or they'll think i'm weird, whatever. however, i definitely do get irritated by friends when their less-desirable ADHD tendencies pop up, but it's not too bad. my adhd/mentally ill friends and i work out really well too because they understand that, even if a lot of time passes between our interactions, we're still friends and we can pick things up like we saw each other yesterday.

edit: Oh and!! I was an assistant teacher for a 2-week program called College 4 Kids at my school and i absolutely adored all the students, but i was much more drawn to the students who likely had ADHD. i may have even spotted ADHD-PI in a girl who will probably remain undiagnosed for a while. she reminded me of myself. even though the more hyperactive students were about to drive the teacher crazy, i was able to watch their behavior and give them what they needed at the appropriate time. for example, two students were in hyperactive mode and wanted to run around the studio, but all i had to do was give them a couple small balls of clay to mess with, sort of as a stress ball. it worked very well! but the teacher didn't really want the kids messing with any clay. oh well!

Goofycook
07-24-16, 12:50 AM
Most of my close friends have some type of eccentric behavior. My family seems to have this ADD gene and/or aspergers gene that appears to be passed on to members of each generation. I'm on the extreme end of ADD partly because of heredity and partly because of multiple brain injuries. So of course I'm attracted to other scattered brains or nt's who are extremely eccentric. I am sorry but other types bore me to tears.

Lloyd_
07-28-16, 12:36 AM
Hi all
Let me ask you about something interesting
Which one you prefer as a friend / lover ?
The one with ADHD or a normal one ? and why ?

According to me I hope to get married to someone normal and so paaaaaatient to stand everything I do and help me to be organized
But I think that having a friend with ADHD is more suitable to understand and share ��
How about you ?

I would choose the one with inattentive ADD, being around ADHD types only aggravates my neurosis.

At this point I'll be happy with a lover who doesn't get bored to tears being around me. :D