I have an 8 yr old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I have him on the lowest dose of concerta - obviously the school are saying this is not working and I should have it upted. I am a little dubious to this .. I just took him on vacation a week or so ago and I did not give him the meds the whole time he was there and he was fantastic, he was not impulsive, cheeky or rude to me or anyone else and had good control of himself - however it was not in an environment where he had to work or focus either... anyway 2 days back into school he has been suspended for the third time this year... now I am sure if these issues are ADHD related... or whether it is a lack of discipline.. I would like to hear feedback on how to deal with this situation.. an older child was saying some vulgar language to him and he repeated it back to him, so the principal had them in the office to help them think of other ways to resolve these issues - while they were writing there ideas down she took a phone call, my son was done his writing and decided to get up tell the secretary he was going back to class and buzz him when she is done on the phone - so this is what got him suspended, his defied the principal and left her office... anyway as you know nothing seems to bother kids with ADHD... how do I deal with a consequence and for how long .. this is the 3rd time this year he has been suspended.. I decided he could not go to cubs, judo or a birthday party he had this week, was grounded until the weekend, no toys until further notice and for the next 2 days of his suspension he is in bed straight after dinner.... does anyone else have any ideas that may be more effective.
Thank you.
N

I have an 8 yr old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I have him on the lowest dose of concerta - obviously the school are saying this is not working and I should have it upted. I am a little dubious to this .. I just took him on vacation a week or so ago and I did not give him the meds the whole time he was there and he was fantastic, he was not impulsive, cheeky or rude to me or anyone else and had good control of himself - however it was not in an environment where he had to work or focus either... anyway 2 days back into school he has been suspended for the third time this year... now I am sure if these issues are ADHD related... or whether it is a lack of discipline.. I would like to hear feedback on how to deal with this situation.. an older child was saying some vulgar language to him and he repeated it back to him, so the principal had them in the office to help them think of other ways to resolve these issues - while they were writing there ideas down she took a phone call, my son was done his writing and decided to get up tell the secretary he was going back to class and buzz him when she is done on the phone - so this is what got him suspended, his defied the principal and left her office... anyway as you know nothing seems to bother kids with ADHD... how do I deal with a consequence and for how long .. this is the 3rd time this year he has been suspended.. I decided he could not go to cubs, judo or a birthday party he had this week, was grounded until the weekend, no toys until further notice and for the next 2 days of his suspension he is in bed straight after dinner.... does anyone else have any ideas that may be more effective.
Thank you.
N

Hi Nocky,

WOW! You have a handful don't ya? I have two handfulls so I know how frustrated you are right now. We started young with our kids in preschool if they got in trouble at school, they got in trouble at home. For instance my son was suspended for a week due to fighting though we honestly agreed with his reason for fighting it was still going against school guidelines and he could have gone to a teacher for assistance. So, he ended up with a week of no activities, no toys, no tv, no stereo, no gameboy or x-box. Basically, he could sit in his room and think about what he did and how he could have handled the situation differently for a week. Keep in mind that my son is 12 and should know better by now.

I have found that my children generally act better at home then they do at school; because, at home they can move at will. When doing their homework or studying they can walk around their room as long as they get it done and fix any mistakes we find without a fight. So, your son has something else in common with my two, he doesn't like to sit still well neither do I as a matter of fact I find it almost impossible. :o

Our kids have found ways to keep their bodies moving without disruption to the class. For instance my son squeezes a rubber ball or rolls a pencil between his hands; my daughter crosses her legs and shakes her foot. The teachers did have some issues but after trying it their way they quickly decided the kids' way was far less disruptive. :rolleyes:

As for the vulgar language its something new in our home. Its popped up like an ugly pimple with no warning and refuses to go away. When their punished they simply change the word a little and then try to claim they aren't actually cussing. We've finally settled on a NO tolerance rule, they pay a dollar for every curse word into a bucket that their dad and I use to go out to dinner and a movie without them. We get a night out without kids and they had to pay for it...NO WAY are they going to pay for us to get to go out without them. SAdly, we've only gotten to go out once since we started the new plan of action, they learn quickly.

Maybe, talk to your son about speaking to a teacher or someone older he trusts about how other kids are treating him. We had/have a lot of problems with bullying in our school right now. A lot of it teacher's ignore because its not physical but it can be just as damaging. Perhaps, if your son feels comfortable coming to you for help he will not feel so driven to repeat what is said or done to him. Its a hard call I know; been there, done that, still trying.

As for the suspension I would have fought that tooth and nail. Yes, she was on an important phone call the children should have shown her the proper respect by being quiet. AT the sametime children do deserve respect as well and she should have let them go back to class until later or told them she would only be a second and then she would get right back with them. Make sure you know your state laws, read your sons student handbook and highlight punishments, etc. My kids can be suspended for fighting, vulgar language, bullying, abuse of school property. But, no where does it say they can be suspended for going back to class. Your going to be your son's strongest advocate, its not always a fun or easy job but nobody is going to love him or look out for his best interest as well as you can/do.

Cherity

I may not have the answers your looking for but I did want you to know your not alone.

What kind of special education do they have in Canada?

I can understand fully what you are going through. My son was continually suspended from school at around that age and beyond. I was sick of sitting in the principals office & am sure I knew every line in the walls in that room.

Have you been to the principal to discuss the issues of you son? I know it is sometimes fruitless but at least you can say you have tried. The principal I was dealing with didnt believe in ADHD and I had no luck with her at all ....... Once the teachers had pushed my son so far they took the rest of the class into the library & locked him out ...... they wondered why he ended up on the roof of a two story building running around after he trashed the classroom.

All he wanted was respect & not to be bullied ..... the bully in this case was the assistant principals son .... so that made it harder.

I ended up getting my son into a special ed unit that only had 6 kids in the class ..... he was there for 1 term of the year and we moved house to far away for it to be practical for him to continue.

I now have him in a mainstream school with a very understanding teacher & principal and he is doing exceptionally well ....... we have even been able to reduce his meds.

He is included in sports activities & has even made friends and is allowed on school excursions .....something he never was at the last school ..........

I realise its hard & a change of school is not normally the best thing for our kids ..... but in my instance its been the best thing that has happened to us as a family.

I know this isnt an answer to your problem as such ... but do believe that we are here for you & do know what its like ..... I know at some stages I thought I was the only one going through this ...... wish I had have found this forum then :P

Just thinking here....lets look at unsupervised time and transistions. These are likely the times that he always gets in trouble. Plan for them ahead of time as best you can and the number of suspensions will probably go down. If the initial triggers for your son tends to be similiar in nature, look to eliminate the trigger as best you can by planning ahead.

My son averages 2 or 3 out of school suspensions each year. I used to not schedule my vacation time at work because I never knew when I'd be home spending that one on one time with my son. :)

My son has been suspended 3 times this school year. He squeaked by on several "almost" suspensions.

On the last incident, I was shocked when the principal wrote and told me how much she has seen my son grow in the past year and how he is taking responsibility for his actions. She realizes that he is trying.

His diagnosis is adhd/ocd/mood disorder/learning disabled. He's in 6th grade. He did good the first part of the school year from August through January. He had "issues" as we call them, but no suspensions.

He has a hard time ignoring someone that is calling him names or staring at him. It gets under his skin to the point that he must react. Whether it's calling them names back or whatever. He can't yet just walk away or let it roll off of him. He does not get in punching fights but recently he has gotten into several verbal altercations.

In February 2005 he got a 1 day out of school suspension and a 1 day in school suspension for fighting in the hallway "on the way back from lunch". (As Scuro mentioned, "unstructured time".) He was just messing around with a friend of his. They were jokenly punching each other but of course he gets caught and suspended. Zero tolerance for fighting.

In April 2005 he got a 2 day in school suspension for pushing/fighting with someone in the classroom after the kid kept calling my son names. The teacher at the time was a student aide who was not trained in dealing with special ed kids. (Besides unstructured time, we also don't do well with substitute teachers.)

Two weeks ago he got in trouble for pulling the cover off the fire alarm while on the way to lunch (unstructured time). Usually kids are immediately suspended but he got out of it because he had immediately told the teacher and principal that he did it and I had him write a handwritten apology note on why he should not have done that. (Plus they knew they gave him his medicines way too late due to the nurse not being in that day.)

Last week (Friday the 13th), he was suspended for spitting on the hand rail going down the stairs and several kids put their hands in it. He and another boy (who is also adhd) received a 1 day out of school suspension because they do not mess around with body fluid issues. This occurred on the way to lunch also. (unstructured time)

If the special ed teacher thinks he's doing great. And the principal says he's doing good. I couldn't ask for much more. His grades are good (adjusted for special ed). He is finally tolerable at home and not as confrontational.

I always tell my son that I don't expect him to be perfect. If he was, he'd be God.

I have a 5(almost 6 year old) son and all of this sounds like him. It saddens me to think he might have to go through all of this. Why is it, people just seem to not care and don't want to take the actions you KNOW will help your child. My son too has problems with transitions and the whole social thing really throws him. I've requested an aid for him for next year(1st grade) as did his pediatric neurologist. And at the ARD meeting the first thing the vice principal said was "We can't afford a full time aid for your child next year". Right off the bat! I wanted to say, "if it was YOUR child you would have a full time aid". My son also has Aspergers so I just really feel for him. I had him in the PPCD program(preschool for children with special needs) last year until March where he was then transfered to Kindergarten. The Kindergarten teacher insists that he needs to go on to 1st grade or he'll be bored. I can see her point and so was okay with him going onto 1st grade. I'm so nervous about this. He seems so advanced in some areas and so under-advanced in others. I've had a couple kids over for playdates this summer and he just doesn't seem to click with them.
They're interests are so different. My child is so electronic driven. He loves computers, playstation etc. He'll play the legos, and batman for awhile with his friends because I tell him to, but then he'll lose interest quickly and is ready for the other child to go. He loves when his 8 year old brother has friends over however my 8 year old's friends get irritated with the "little brother" hanging around. I don't know what to do.

help me or shoot me!! my g/f's 9 year old boy has ADHD and is currently on 45 mg of adderall(was on 30 mg till yesterday)he's been on concerta and ritalin prior,while on conerta he was self destructive ,hes lying and stealing almost constantly,punishing him doesnt seem to help,he laughs at the belt,standing him in the corner doesnt work anymore,and timeout and grounding him from his gameboy advance and his bike is a joke to him.he gets plenty of attention and alotta friends and family care about him,but dont seem to want to help finding a solution.im debating on drill seargenting him like what had been done to me as a preteen,but im growed up now(28) and hate that it got done to me,,,i wasnt nearly even close to being out of control as this lad,someone help or at least give me &my g/f a 10-15 year supply of valium. thanks,,,REAL. P.S.,,ive posted this in about 5 forums now,theres a genius out there somewhere.

the lord sayeth love the children,i say i love them more when they're asleep,lolol:D

Sounds familiar. You are definitely not alone.

My son is 12, off the chart HYPER adhd, plus ocd, plus mood disorder plus has learning disabilities. Since he was 3, he has been on Ritalin, Dexedrine, Ritalin again, Metadate and now Adderall. He also takes Respirdal, Zoloft, and Clonidne. It has been a horrible 12 years of my life. Well, 10 years. The mood disorder and ocd are the worst symptoms. (I have a 14 year old daughter who shows signs of adhd but no way needs medication.)

Nothing has ever worked with him either. Since he was 3, he was kicked out of every daycare and preschool around. We tried the time outs, spanking, grounding, taking away toys, no privledges, no playing, no tv, no snacks, no red dyes, no caffine, no carnivals. We tried the reward system, the catching him being good system, the giving privledges as he earned them just for being pleasant, and the list goes on and on. NOTHING WORKED. SERIOUSLY. And he hated the drill sargent approach. It made him even more mad because we were constantly YELLING at him. His self esteem is and always has been below sea level and getting yelled at constantly definitely didn't help, atleast for him.

Since your user name is "whymelord", I am assuming that you believe in God, so I wil share the following.

My mom has told me constantly since he was 3 years old that "He was given to me for a reason."

He was not given to one of my sisters, who no way could handle him on a daily basis. He wasn't given to my one brother who makes his kids sit down each night and do study time and read daily. This is great for "so called normal" kids but would definitely not work for my son, even if you nailed his pants to the chair and glued a book in his hands. It just ain't happening.

He wasn't given to my other brother who is totally into the homeopathic route. We tried that when he was 3 prior to Ritalin. It worked for a short time but then we had to introduce conventional meds. My brother would have used up 9 years trying different holistic approaches to end up on medication anyway.

So, yes, he was given to me for a reason. I call my son "My ticket to heaven". Each year he gets older, I get one step closer to heaven. I am guaranteed a spot in heaven at this point, no matter what I do going forward. I KNOW THIS.

The first question I am going to ask is "By the way God, what was the reason that he was given to me?" And when God points to the right toward all the adhd kids that weren't properly diagnosed, that weren't properly medicated, that didn't have good loving parents to advocate for them, that ended up killing themselves or having gone to jail, then I will know "why he was given to me".

This is what gets me through each and every struggling day.

I constantly tell my son: "I don't expect him to be perfect. If he was perfect, he'd be God."

Hope this helps. I have to get ready for work. (I'm adhd also and if I stay on the forum past 7:45am, I'll be late for work and it's 7:48am.)

I'll send more later. In the meantime, call YOUR doctor and your g/f's doctor for a prescription. It's a long, stressfull road ahead of you both and your g/f's son needs both of you. Tell your doctors the situation and that you're both stressed to the max. I took Tranxene (cloracepate) and it was a life saver for several years (until I finally got medicated myself on March 18 and that helps my daily stress immensely. I take Adderall. My add husband self medicated his stress with pot until he started Adderall on June 2.)

Good luck. Hang in there.

whymelord,

I agree with what you said about the lord sayeth love the children, I say I love them more when they're asleep....

The motto in our house is "Never, ever, under any circumstance wake a sleeping adhd child".

I can't tell you how many times I have tippy toed around the house as to not wake my son when he was younger. I would avoid running the water in case it might wake him. I wouldn't flush the toilet. I wouldn't open a door. I would quickly answer the phone on the first ring.

It was peace on earth when he finally laid his blonde little head down to sleep.

My favorite thing to hear was when he yawned. Oh...it used to be music to my ears.

I just remembered one Thanksgiving when he was probley around 4 or 5. He was so crabby and unpredictable, even when medicated. We were not yet ready to eat dinner and he fell asleep on my sisters couch. You have never heard 20 plus adhd'er eat so quietly than that day. Nobody wanted him to wake up. I am laughing to myself right now cause it was so funny.

I have an 8 yr old boy who was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and I have him on the lowest dose of concerta - obviously the school are saying this is not working and I should have it upted. I am a little dubious to this .. I just took him on vacation a week or so ago and I did not give him the meds the whole time he was there and he was fantastic, he was not impulsive, cheeky or rude to me or anyone else and had good control of himself - however it was not in an environment where he had to work or focus either... anyway 2 days back into school he has been suspended for the third time this year... now I am sure if these issues are ADHD related... or whether it is a lack of discipline.. I would like to hear feedback on how to deal with this situation.. an older child was saying some vulgar language to him and he repeated it back to him, so the principal had them in the office to help them think of other ways to resolve these issues - while they were writing there ideas down she took a phone call, my son was done his writing and decided to get up tell the secretary he was going back to class and buzz him when she is done on the phone - so this is what got him suspended, his defied the principal and left her office... anyway as you know nothing seems to bother kids with ADHD... how do I deal with a consequence and for how long .. this is the 3rd time this year he has been suspended.. I decided he could not go to cubs, judo or a birthday party he had this week, was grounded until the weekend, no toys until further notice and for the next 2 days of his suspension he is in bed straight after dinner.... does anyone else have any ideas that may be more effective.
Thank you.
Ndon't punish him like that! That actually sounded pretty hilarious. He was finished writing, so he left. I do not get what the huge problem is. And cursing is no big deal either. Who's to judge the difference between a good word and "bad" word. It does not sound like he did much to deserve all of that! It sounds more like there is a problem with the school or the children at the school.

By the way, is he actually bullying anyone? Has he in anyway ever actually STARTED a confrontation? Let him be himself.