View Full Version : Confused about ADHD guy's feelings


joemod
07-18-16, 10:14 PM
I've been seeing a guy with ADHD for about 5 months now. He has 2 jobs and is a full time student, so he is very busy. Because of this, we don't see each other very often, on average about once a week. When we're together, all his attention is on me, he never uses his phone, and I feel like we have great chemistry. He also initiates the majority of our dates.

However, when we are not together, I feel very neglected and ignored by him, he doesnt text me as much as he used to. Sometimes when he makes plans with me, he will text me the day of to cancel because he just realizes he has work.

He once went 2 weeks without texting me at all, and when he finally did, he apologized a lot and felt really bad, saying that he had a new school project that kept him up until 4 or 5am every night. At one point, he had canceled two dates in a row, so I just told him that if he didn't want to see me anymore, it's totally okay, but I want to know. He said that's not the case, he really likes me and want to keep seeing me, but that he's really busy with his schoolwork and work. He also recently went off medication.

This is my first experience with someone who has ADHD, and it's very confusing for me. He says he really likes me, but the lack of communication makes me feel sad and ignored. I've told him this. Is this typical ADHD behavior? Does he actually like me or should I forget about him?

TheFitFatty
07-19-16, 12:33 AM
LOL!! I'd say he likes you and he's very busy. I'd forget my own head if it wasn't attached to me in his circumstances. Cut him some slack.

Pilgrim
07-19-16, 01:04 AM
One thing for sure, if I want to get something completed, nothing else comes into my head. And if it's neglecting a relationship, I'm sorry. I just won't get it done.

Laserbeak
07-19-16, 01:21 AM
LOL!! I'd say he likes you and he's very busy. I'd forget my own head if it wasn't attached to me in his circumstances. Cut him some slack.

Agreed.

sarahsweets
07-19-16, 02:06 AM
LOL!! I'd say he likes you and he's very busy. I'd forget my own head if it wasn't attached to me in his circumstances. Cut him some slack.

I dont know if Id be so dismissive with the OP. Sure he has a lot going on but canceling the day of dates and not getting in contact for 2 weeks, whether or not its adhd related can be a real bummer relationship-wise. The OP has a right to be able to count on regular contact. It may be the adhd but there are plenty of adhd people who are able to maintain contact in their romantic dealings.

TheFitFatty
07-19-16, 02:21 AM
I dont know if Id be so dismissive with the OP. Sure he has a lot going on but canceling the day of dates and not getting in contact for 2 weeks, whether or not its adhd related can be a real bummer relationship-wise. The OP has a right to be able to count on regular contact. It may be the adhd but there are plenty of adhd people who are able to maintain contact in their romantic dealings.

Sorry! I read 2 weeks as 2 days!

2 weeks is ridiculous. I actually want to change my answer.
I wouldn't put up with that at all actually. If he's really that "busy" he has no business being in a relationship. Cut your losses and move on.

Fuzzy12
07-19-16, 07:02 AM
One thing for sure, if I want to get something completed, nothing else comes into my head. And if it's neglecting a relationship, I'm sorry. I just won't get it done.

That's me as well. If I have to finish something (and when I am working in something it usually means that there's an imminent deadline or I wouldn't be working on it) everything else has to take second place.

It is tough of course to be in a relationship with someone like that. Meds might help if he is willing to start them again. He might learn some behavioural strategies as well to help him organise his work better so it's not always done in a hurry at the cost of everything else. If not, you might need to decide if you can live like this or not.

One thing that helps me is knowing that if I need to contact someone regularly I cjs contact them without it turning into a big time drain. For example people that expect regular contact I might just send a text saying I'm fine but very busy let's talk later. If I need to call.someone who I know will want to talk for an hour or more j don't contact them at all.

Little Missy
07-19-16, 07:33 AM
Maybe if you made yourself as busy as the guy then you would not feel sad and ignored.

TLCisaQT
07-19-16, 07:55 AM
I would say he likes you and is expressing it based on his ability now and I would also say that it doesn't work for you, which is OK and may be a good sign now like someone said to perhaps "move on." I doubt it will change too much and you just started dating!!! You could ask for more contact and see if he can do it- but if he just went OFF meds- my personal opinion would be - accept you are different in that way and move on.