View Full Version : Growling dog


Gilthranon
07-19-16, 05:03 PM
In short I grew up with dogs (prefer spiders, cats or octopi by personality) one named Roet I loved like a human. Eventually she died and after a short series of pets my mother bought Peggy from a shelter which apparently had been abused by male(s) and develop PTSD size of Mt. Blanc (our neighboring garden mountain) and its beyond frightened of males, any age.

It's such an absolute killjoy to have this nice caractered happy dog play with my mother, when she sees me the ears go back and growls, the body goes defensive and starts barking. Just like that. Around 5x a day. I'm very sensitive to loud noises so it's like slapping me in the face having to sit still waiting for the problem in the dog's head to calm and think of a solution.

I was playing piano very enthusiastically as I just found the final sound to 'The Devil/Lucifer Morningstar' and Peggy walks to me literally to growl at me. It's very frustrating because it's without any reason, so 'intentional' and out of line. A great dog, I love animals (I'm the last guy an animals needs to fight with, 200% love), but I had to hold the urge not to give a massive swam in anger for she was so out of place. And I know it's not her fault, but I just get this extra massive input to deal with.

Both my old folks and me are in the same situation having to handle it as an extra burden to always stand ready and jump up when the fireworks start and show patience even when impossible, give sweets. From now on, just suck it up and give dog sweets I guess... damn I wish she could just go back to the shelter but I guess that would ruin her life.

Luvmybully
07-19-16, 05:52 PM
Just keep ignoring her! Growling is her only way to talk to you. Hopefully one day she'll realize you aren't going to hurt her.

sarahsweets
07-19-16, 07:45 PM
Seriously? Cut the dog some slack. Being abused and having no way to express fear or pain or joy like we can, shes lucky shes even able to find peace with women.

psychopathetic
07-19-16, 08:06 PM
I understand that frustration and anger. It's like all you want to do is love the dog...but in return all she does is hates you. And yet all you do is show her love and patience, but still...all she does is hates you.
And it hurts. Of course it's upsetting and frustrating. You'd love a dog to hold and play with and pet...but all she does is show you aggression and anger.

I feel for you and can absolutely see why you'd be upset and angry over it.

I do hope you never end up hurting her in your anger though. I do think in time she'll slowly come to her own understanding that you're not a danger to her.

My grandparents had a small dog they adopted who was also abused by her previous owners. I moved in with them, and she was super scared of me. The second I'd enter the living room, she'd jump up and go hide behind the couch. Eventually it got to the point where I could enter the room, but she'd go jump up into my grandpa's lap so he'd protect her lol...then it got to a point after a few months where I could sit on the same couch with her, but not touch her. She would let me touch her sometimes when she was on my grandpa's lap at this point though.
By the end of the 1 1/2 years I lived with them...I'd enter the living room, and she'd immediately roll over on her back and demand a belly rub from me haha. She no longer had any fear of me and would let me hold her and everything.

It just took time and consistency. I had to prove over and over and over again that I wasn't going to hurt her.

I miss that dog :(.

I have a similar story with a cat. Cat couldn't stand me for months...but eventually me and that cat became best friends. lol it was cool too cause the cat hated everyone and wouldn't go near anyone...except for me. Just felt special to me :D.

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 04:55 AM
Brilliant advice guys. But I forgot to add the fact this is my parents' place. Not mine ? It's a rather large commitment for a place where you're only at couple of times a year.

In all respect sweets, if you'd be there, feel how I feel, cutting some slack is not what you can ask from me at that point. It's what you can think afterwards, like here. But I don't have a choice either way.

It's not a dog I love or anything. It's my mother's hobby I respect for that's part of showing my love. Get a goldfish next time, or just not from a shelter.

midnightstar
07-20-16, 05:25 AM
She'll come round to the idea that you won't hurt her (eventually), particularly if you ignore her and let her interact with you in her own time. Like my cat Ebony has a really strong phobia of police, even now she still hates seeing police even on the telly and my Ebony growls at them and glares at them until they've gone, if an animal's known trauma from a group of people they'll find it really hard to trust that group of people again (in the dog's case it's women, in Ebony's case it's coppers)

Little Missy
07-20-16, 05:56 AM
Frankly, I am shocked and appalled that you would even write such a thing.

Fuzzy12
07-20-16, 06:03 AM
I have two rescue budgies. I've had both of them for over a year now and they are still not fully tame amd show very littleast affection for me. It's normal for rescue budgies to be suspicious and reticent. They are very difficult to tame.

I'd love for them to love me and want to play with me and seek my company (like some budgies do with their owners) but I doubt that's ever going to happen. Not with two of them and not unless I spend considerably more time with them and maybe not even then. And it does give me a pang sometimes when I read about how interactive other budgies are that have been raised from birth but then I'd never want to get a baby budgie from a breeder as I don't really approve of breeding birds into captivity.

It's ok..I just need to be content that they are happy with each other now and that at least they sit on my finger when I'm feeding them something they like so at least they aren't that scared of me anymore. There is nothing more that I can do really. You can't force love especially not from traumatised animals. The goal is really to give them as much of happiness and we'll being as you can without asking for anything in return.

Maybe if you were there more often you could take Peggy like psycho said but since that is not a possibility I guess you'll just have accept her reaction and be happy with the fact that you and your family have made a little dog's life happier.

:grouphug:

sarahsweets
07-20-16, 06:23 AM
I'm very sensitive to loud noises so it's like slapping me in the face having to sit still waiting for the problem in the dog's head to calm and think of a solution.

Think about how the dog must feel. And the dog isnt thinking of a problem or the solution, the dog is reacting.


It's very frustrating because it's without any reason, so 'intentional' and out of line.
Are you reading what you wrote? Intentional and out of line? Dogs do not do things with the intentions of being out of line like humans. The dog doesnt even know what being out of line is!

but I had to hold the urge not to give a massive swam in anger for she was so out of place. And I know it's not her fault, but I just get this extra massive input to deal with.
You should not have urges to strike animals. And you just said you know its not her fault, so stop reacting as if what she is doing is done deliberately or with malice.



Both my old folks and me are in the same situation having to handle it as an extra burden to always stand ready and jump up when the fireworks start and show patience even when impossible, give sweets.
Are you serious? of course an abused dog is going to freak out over fireworks!

From now on, just suck it up and give dog sweets I guess... damn I wish she could just go back to the shelter but I guess that would ruin her life.
Look, maybe dont understand shelters but many dogs from shelters were abandoned there for a reason, or rescued from horrible people. They will need extra patience, extra love and extra care. I hope your family thought about that before they decided to adopt.
Its not like a shirt that you need to return for being to small or too big. Its a living being.


Brilliant advice guys. But I forgot to add the fact this is my parents' place. Not mine ? It's a rather large commitment for a place where you're only at couple of times a year.
Do you mean you are only visiting there two times a year and you are complaining about the dog?

In all respect sweets, if you'd be there, feel how I feel, cutting some slack is not what you can ask from me at that point. It's what you can think afterwards, like here. But I don't have a choice either way.

I have been where you are working with abused animals and shelter animals. Unless the dog is vicious and biting people, it will require persistence and consistency for that dog to trust humans again. And maybe I am coming off in a knee jerk kind of way but this doesnt warrant after-the-fact thinking, I would say its something that should be thought of as the situation unfolds. And You're right, if your parents want the dog you're only choice is to earn her trust or not stay there.

It's not a dog I love or anything. It's my mother's hobby I respect for that's part of showing my love. Get a goldfish next time, or just not from a shelter.

What do you mean your mother's hobby? Rescuing animals? Having pets? You cant even compare fish to dogs, and she obviously wanted a pet with fur.
And despite what youve said about your difficulties with your parents in the past, its admirable to adopt a dog from a shelter. Theres millions of unwanted dogs. The puppy mills and breeders just churn out the cutie pies until people realize that they dont stay puppies forever and trade them off for a newer model.

Look, I am not trying to be mean, I know youre not a bad guy. But I get a little ruffled when it comes to animals. Part of training a dog is to train the humans it lives with.
_______
It's not a dog I love or anything. It's my mother's hobby I respect for that's part of showing my love. Get a goldfish next time, or just not from a shelter.
_______

Little Missy
07-20-16, 06:56 AM
Sometimes dogs, abused or not, just have an intense dislike of someone for reasons unknown.

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 07:10 AM
What is it with my art of writing down literally the wrong words, whenever something get's me at least three people misinterpret completely what I wrote. No seriously it often makes me lose my confidence in writing down a problem because I simply find the wrong combination of words for a scenario that's just different from how I apparently portray it. I'm honestly trying but failing.

Fireworks a metaphor for going insane. Goldfish a joke. Under high stress and loud noise and ADHD feeling an irrational urge to end the origin of stress isn't lack of empathy either. Because it is her hobby, it's a fact, and I'm writing it as sarcasm combined with observation. Describing how the dog makes me feel isn't neglecting my understanding of the dog, it just means I'm currently trying to deal with how it reacts on me.

For a guy who cares a lot I certainly get a lot of misunderstanding. By the way whenever, if ever, one may get the impression I'm lacking respect or mocking someone, from now on please remember I use a lot of dry humor and I'm not.

Thnx for the understanding and for the tips. And apologies for I hope you don't feel mocked by me :)

Anything else ?


PS it isn't bloody my dog, I do my respects to my mother, I'm here some weeks per year max, I like animals, I'm the wrong guy to become crazy with because my brain has hard times dealing with high stimulation and per consequence handling certain things but I accept my part of the responsibility. Also, mostly, for the last years I've been having too much sh*t to deal with and I need rest.

Little Missy
07-20-16, 07:12 AM
Be kind, you are an adult living in your parent's home after a tough spell with your illness. :)

midnightstar
07-20-16, 07:18 AM
I am not a dog expert but this is maybe worth a try:

Have you tried offering her a treat so she starts to associate you with recieving nice things? Obviously Peggy will need to learn your scent for this to work but dogs have a very good sense of smell so if she starts to associate you with getting a treat she'll learn you won't harm her and won't then growl at you (cause dogs don't bite the hand that feeds them)

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 07:24 AM
Be kind, you are an adult living in your parent's home after a tough spell with your illness. :)
No illness but I know what you mean. We live in harmony together. I do what I can to make their life as easy as possible. Thnx for the smiley I'm a bit upset

I am not a dog expert but this is maybe worth a try:

Have you tried offering her a treat so she starts to associate you with recieving nice things? Obviously Peggy will need to learn your scent for this to work but dogs have a very good sense of smell so if she starts to associate you with getting a treat she'll learn you won't harm her and won't then growl at you (cause dogs don't bite the hand that feeds them)
In the middle of it. When she get's upset I let her smell my finger. When she barks I give sweets.

I need a rest

Unmanagable
07-20-16, 07:46 AM
I don't own a dog, but it sounds like if she's being given treats every time she reacts out of fear, she's being taught to continue acting out of fear and won't likely learn any other methods of healthy interaction.

Or am I totally misinterpreting? If so, my apologies.

Although us humans feel giving food is a method of comfort (not understanding we're adding to the problem more often than not), when dealing with dogs, however, the food becomes a reinforcement of the behavior that happened before the treat was given.

Just a thought I had based on hanging out with a friend during one of her obedience classes. She trains dogs for a living.

Best of luck in learning to live peacefully with each other. There's no love like puppy love when it clicks and you're able to bond with them.

midnightstar
07-20-16, 08:07 AM
Letting her smell you when she gets upset is just teaching her to get upset when she smells your scent, if I understand anything about dog behaviour.

sarahsweets
07-20-16, 08:45 AM
Fireworks a metaphor for going insane.
Dogs really are afraid of fireworks and abused dogs even moreso. I dont see the sarcasm in that, sorry if I dont get it.
Goldfish a joke.
That I get now. What about saying she shouldnt have gotten a dog from the shelter?

Under high stress and loud noise and ADHD feeling an irrational urge to end the origin of stress isn't lack of empathy either.
Just so long as you say its irrational...I didnt get that from what you wrote.




I get what you are going through better now. I just wanted you to understand that the dog doesnt know you have stress or that you wont hurt her but she will pick up on your irritation/exasperation and that could make her wary of you.
Since you only stay there twice a year would it make sense for you to stay nearby like a motel or hostel or something? This way you can spend all the time you want with your mom and have an escape hatch to retreat to.

psychopathetic
07-20-16, 12:25 PM
I don't get people's strong negative responses to him over this.

Am I missing something? Did he actually say somewhere I didn't see that he's in anyway harmed this dog?

I think he's just venting his frustrations...am I really the only one sympathetic with him on this? To understand that the dog's constant negative reaction to him hurts his feelings?

This thread has me a bit upset...the way a few of you have responded to him.

/sigh...

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 01:01 PM
Thnx psycho I had the exact same impression but don't always stand up for myself. I find sometimes some people were indeed quite cold. You guys know me since I'm 19. I'm sorry some people missed my explanations. I did say I would improve myself so let's respect that.

Sarah, I'm trying to say fireworks is my description for extreme behavior, not festivities, out of the middle of nowhere during a conversation barking until the point we can't stop him. It happened just now.

Without apparent reasons the dog explodes in 'fireworks' (barking aggressively) and I tell him couché which means lay down. She does so. I give her meat. And then she goes again. The next five minutes we can't talk for she is far too loud, we try everything and I feel my anger cropping up so we put her in the bench and she gets peaceful. Those moments her illness interferes with normal calming methods.
Now everything is fine again, dog happy, we happy, all out in the garden.

sarahsweets
07-20-16, 01:01 PM
Psycho-I had no idea he was being sarcastic. He said he resented the dog, that the dog intentionally was irritating him,felt intense anger at the dog, didnt seem to understand that an abused dog needs extra TLC etc.
Under those terms- I was upset- for the dog. He came back and said he was misinterpreted and that it was all sarcasm, and I wanted to acknowledge that now, I feel better about the whole situation.

I don't get people's strong negative responses to him over this.

Am I missing something? Did he actually say somewhere I didn't see that he's in anyway harmed this dog?

I think he's just venting his frustrations...am I really the only one sympathetic with him on this? To understand that the dog's constant negative reaction to him hurts his feelings?

This thread has me a bit upset...the way a few of you have responded to him.

/sigh...

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 01:28 PM
I'm a bit upset. please I'm Ocyan not 'he'. I never said anything about resenting nor that everything was sarcastic and I said I liked her (but not the PTSD) and animals in general. Please show a little comprehension for the situation. Do people understand the problem (which is being resolved) ?

you know what whatever now I'm done here I'll ask advice to other people

psychopathetic
07-20-16, 01:28 PM
Psycho-I had no idea he was being sarcastic. He said he resented the dog, that the dog intentionally was irritating him,felt intense anger at the dog, didnt seem to understand that an abused dog needs extra TLC etc.
Under those terms- I was upset- for the dog. He came back and said he was misinterpreted and that it was all sarcasm, and I wanted to acknowledge that now, I feel better about the whole situation.

That makes sense...I've struggled several times with the same (responding to Ocy very strongly because I took his posts/words literally).

I still think it's only natural for him to be upset though...and I think it's good when someone feels upset about something like this, to have a place they can vent about it.

I don't know...I feel he's done nothing wrong here. As long as he doesn't actually cross the line and threaten or hurt the dog...I think he's reacting like most humans would react...with hurt feelings. But what do I know? Maybe most people wouldn't react this way to a dog who constantly shows aggression and anger towards them?
I would though. I'd feel hurt and upset.

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 02:00 PM
If anyone needs to resolve an issue PM me. I'm a very nice guy

Well anyway I followed advice and it sort of works. But like I said, I help to improve the situation but I limit my involvement to a certain extend to ease the burden for my mother and keep the peace in the household as we're dealing with a special case and I can't handle everything. I have my sensitivities where I have to withdraw to respect my limits.

However please make sure to understand the situation before posting so we can focus on the problem. Thnx.

Gilthranon
07-20-16, 02:19 PM
Letting her smell you when she gets upset is just teaching her to get upset when she smells your scent, if I understand anything about dog behaviour.
You're right. Trying now to take some meat, command to lay down and if she does, very cautiously hand it over. She eats it gently out of my hand. Her character is lovely. Damn trauma !!!

sarahsweets
07-21-16, 02:54 AM
I wanted to let this thread cool and then re-visit it.
I feel like I need to explain a few things.

I did not know oxy, that when you said the word 'fireworks' that it was a word that meant something else. Just as you feel like you were misunderstood, I feel the same way. How was I supposed to know you didnt mean actual fireworks?

We all have passions that we feel strongly about. Just as you expected me and others to automatically know you were venting and being sarcastic, i expected people to know that I was just sticking up for something that I thought needed to be addressed.

I really thought all of the things you said were real. Its not fair that I am being demonized as some mean non-understanding person when its obvious that if you read what I wrote, you can tell that I thought something was one way- and it wasnt.

Now its my turn to say how hurt I am. I cant believe the way I am being thought of-based on the fact that my only intentions were to express how strongly I felt about animals and how I feel if they are mistreated.
You mentioned that the dog was abused- so I was thinking that we are dealing with an animal that would have a lot of behaviors that would need sensitivity.

When someone writes the things you wrote- and i dont know that what they are saying is all sarcastic-i dont think its crazy of me to say something about it.

And psycho- I thought you knew me better than that. Its so obvious that I was mistaken, yet now it seems like I am not allowed mistakes- everyone else is, but not me.
My mistakes are looked at as flaws, not errors.

Its so obvious that I had no idea he wasnt serious, yet I get jumped on like I am some intimidating , cold person.

If someone wrote what he did and was completely serious- can you see how my response would fit in?
Its interesting- I am allowed to have my feelings hurt- and I am supposed to apologize yet, other people have their feelings hurt and they get to feel those feelings and no one expects them to start explaining every last point they were trying to make.

i am sorry that I was not more sympathetic. I had no idea things werent serious.
Ive never had an issue with either one of you, but its clear my opinions are not valid so I will move out of the way..
xxxooo

midnightstar
07-21-16, 03:50 AM
sarah your opinions are valid, as are everyone's :grouphug:

psychopathetic
07-21-16, 06:01 AM
Ive never had an issue with either one of you, but its clear my opinions are not valid so I will move out of the way..
xxxooo

grrrr :(

First of all I feel bad that I've upset you. And I hope you NEVER move out of the way, because damn it...in my books you're awesome and always have been to me and I love your strong character I imagine you as.
Every time you've stepped in and left me a message of support, it's meant a lot to me coming from you, and you've really said some very kind things to me over the last couple of years. I don't know how encouraging you come across...but damn it, you've just been awesome to me in my times of need here.

I didn't know you were mistaken. Well...I did know you were mistaken about the fireworks thing. I immediately got what Ocy was saying when he said that when I first read his post.
I thought you were going off on him for being upset and frustrated and for feeling hurt. Who hasn't wished others ill out of anger? A guy at a coffee shop cuts in front of the line in front of you. You hope he spills his boiling hot coffee on himself and burns! Or the driver in front of you when you're running late...who's driving 20 miles under the speed limit. You wish you could slam your car into them!!!
We all get angry and sometimes in our anger we say things or wish things we don't really mean.
And that's what I thought Ocy was experiencing. But as far as I can tell...his angry wishes and thoughts towards the dog have not resulted in him actually harming the dog in anyway.

I felt like people were biting his head off for coming here and venting his anger...like he was in the wrong for being upset.
And maybe he is. I don't know.
But it's in my opinion that everyone gets angry, anger is normal and okay to experience from time to time, and that it's healthy to vent.

And maybe I'm a bad person because I can understand his hurt feelings? Am I wrong because I too would likely feel angry too if I had to live with a dog who did nothing but show me hatred and fear?
I think it's normal...but damn, I'm about as far from normal as it gets in this stupid world...so I could be way off base here as well.
I will admit that I've had issues with anger throughout my entire life...so I very well may be off on this.

Also, I wouldn't have stood up for Ocy had I thought he'd actually crossed the line with his anger and actually hurt or threatened the dog. But I didn't read anything that led me to believe he had.

I pretty much thought you and Lil Miss were going off on him just for coming and venting. I figured you both knew that he hadn't hurt the dog in anyway...but that you were angry with him for being angry.
And that really just rubbed me the wrong way, and so I said something.

I also didn't read your entire post where you quoted Ocy and replied to it bit by bit. I stopped at the part where you said something about the fireworks.

...

I'm not sure that I feel bad for standing up for Ocy here. Maybe I should be, and maybe I'm a complete jack a**...but I just didn't get the harsh hostility he was getting and instead of just moving along, I had to go and open my mouth and saying something about it.

I didn't meant to 'demonize' you. I didn't mean to miss understand you either.
I'm just an idiot.

You're still awesome in my books and I feel bad that I've caused stress to you like this :(

I'm sorry.

psychopathetic
07-21-16, 06:12 AM
And psycho- I thought you knew me better than that. Its so obvious that I was mistaken, yet now it seems like I am not allowed mistakes- everyone else is, but not me.
My mistakes are looked at as flaws, not errors.
...
I am allowed to have my feelings hurt- and I am supposed to apologize yet, other people have their feelings hurt and they get to feel those feelings...

:(
This makes me so sad
:(

I really am sorry I make you feel this way. :(

For what it's worth...I really do think you're a beautiful person and have a ton of respect for you. And I do probably hold you to higher standards than I do for some others, and that is completely not fair to you...but it's because I've built you up in my mind as being such a strong woman. You are right. It's not fair of me to hold you to such high stands, and again...I'm sorry :(.

Nothing here has changed the ways I feel about you...I absolutely still think you're awesome and love you're whole "They don't like you? They can go f*** themselves!" bad a** attitude lol.

I need to remember that you too are human though. You can't be a superhero ALL the time.

(((Sweets)))

I feel sad right now and I'm afraid I've forever lost any sort of online friendship we could've had.

Little Missy
07-21-16, 06:17 AM
I love that her name is Peggy.

psychopathetic
07-21-16, 06:36 AM
(((((((Ocy)))))))

(((((((Sweets)))))))

(((((((Miss)))))))

Fuzzy12
07-21-16, 06:58 AM
((((((Psycho ))))))

I think it's nice that you stood up for ocy and I admire you and love that you do this whenever you feel that someone is being treated unfairly.

I'm sorry sarah got hurt (and ive got no opinion on the actual fairness of any of the comments made as I can sort of see both sides) but sometimes I think it's also important that we stand up to our friends and people we generally admire and are fond of. I like that there isn't that much of cronyism or cheering for your mates on this forum but that people stand up for anything and anyone as long as they believe it's the right thing to do. Even taking into account that mistakes, misunderstandings, misinterpretations, overreactions, etc do happen.

I honestly don't think that psycho standing up for ocy means that he thinks less of sarah or anyone else but just that he wanted to support ocy who he felt was being misunderstood, cornered, given a tough time and treated unfairly. I think it's really cool that he had the courage to do that...even when it concerned someone he's very fond of and looks up to.

Like star said, Sarah of course your voice is valid and I honestly don't think anyone thinks you are flawed..or more flawed than anyone else. I certainly don't and I definitely don't want you to stop posting what you think. Your voice isn't just valid but it's very much wanted and needed. I think it's cool as well that you stood up for Peggy who you thought needs an advocate. I guess similarly psycho thought that ocy needed an advocate and in this case I think maybe he did.

Anyway I hope everyone is good again. :grouphug:

psychopathetic
07-21-16, 07:08 AM
(((((((Fuzzy)))))))

Gilthranon
07-21-16, 07:32 AM
I have to seriously thank you Sarahsweets for your post on the previous page.
Yesterday my head got clouded and I felt extremely cornered and misunderstood. As always I have, had, and will keep having my respect and appreciation for you. You say we don't know eachother, nonetheless I always take time to read your posts. Also, you intimidate me a bit (you dare confronting I don't but admire that) I hope it's good to open up about that don't get angry :) sent you a PM. I want to make this alright between us. But it's ok if you don't :(

Psycho, dude ! Luvs

Fuzzwuzz - ah well c'mon it's you luvs

Furthermore, guys we all can get worked up, then apologize. And I think we're all just as amazing as before. When I go honest I go bulldozer and it becomes dramatic. Like a hammer. I need to use that elsewhere

Big hugs to everyone ok ? :grouphug:

Flory
09-13-16, 02:43 AM
Im triggered by this :(

sarahsweets
09-13-16, 02:45 AM
Im triggered by this :(

There should have been trigger warnings.

Flory
09-13-16, 02:54 AM
There should have been trigger warnings.

Yes as a unicorn , I agree.